This platform stuff is getting out of hand
December 29, 2016 8:27 AM Subscribe
Or stop all this highly impractical airborne nonsense which will never have wide appliication and spend the dough on something else.
posted by GallonOfAlan at 8:30 AM on December 29, 2016 [5 favorites]
posted by GallonOfAlan at 8:30 AM on December 29, 2016 [5 favorites]
Ah, big deal. Now if Blimpie delivered by blimp, that'd be something.
posted by jonmc at 8:31 AM on December 29, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by jonmc at 8:31 AM on December 29, 2016 [3 favorites]
Look up in the sky there's uh dirigible there
The drazy hoops whir
You can see them just as they were
All the people stir
'n the girls knees trembles
'n run 'n wave their hands
'n run their hands over the blimp the blimp
Daughter don't yuh dare
Oh momma who cares
It's the blimp it's the blimp
posted by SansPoint at 8:32 AM on December 29, 2016 [5 favorites]
The drazy hoops whir
You can see them just as they were
All the people stir
'n the girls knees trembles
'n run 'n wave their hands
'n run their hands over the blimp the blimp
Daughter don't yuh dare
Oh momma who cares
It's the blimp it's the blimp
posted by SansPoint at 8:32 AM on December 29, 2016 [5 favorites]
Oh sure, it starts with sky warehouses but next thing you know we'll have sky pirates and be full on living in TaleSpin.
posted by selenized at 8:37 AM on December 29, 2016 [24 favorites]
posted by selenized at 8:37 AM on December 29, 2016 [24 favorites]
Hey there, Blimpy Boy
Floating through the sky so fancy-free
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 8:39 AM on December 29, 2016 [12 favorites]
Floating through the sky so fancy-free
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 8:39 AM on December 29, 2016 [12 favorites]
Oh sure, it starts with sky warehouses but next thing you know we'll have sky pirates and be full on living in TaleSpin.
My thoughts precisely.
What kind of defenses would be needed for these blimps? A sufficiently enterprising crew of air pirates could easily knock one over and steal the cargo, since I assume that our local/state police aren't exactly equipped to deal with flying burglars. Would the blimps have armed guards onboard, or aerial escorts, or even deployable fighter drones? Heck, even just some rudimentary countermeasures against somebody shooting one down over a field and looting it from the ground.
posted by Strange Interlude at 8:41 AM on December 29, 2016 [6 favorites]
My thoughts precisely.
What kind of defenses would be needed for these blimps? A sufficiently enterprising crew of air pirates could easily knock one over and steal the cargo, since I assume that our local/state police aren't exactly equipped to deal with flying burglars. Would the blimps have armed guards onboard, or aerial escorts, or even deployable fighter drones? Heck, even just some rudimentary countermeasures against somebody shooting one down over a field and looting it from the ground.
posted by Strange Interlude at 8:41 AM on December 29, 2016 [6 favorites]
As God as my witness, I thought turkeys that box of Kindles could fly
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:43 AM on December 29, 2016 [32 favorites]
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:43 AM on December 29, 2016 [32 favorites]
Defenses might be less important when you realize that it would only be filled with high-volume items like paper towels and diapers.
(What a brave future I look forward to, when I will call down diapers from the sky!)
posted by paper chromatographologist at 8:45 AM on December 29, 2016 [8 favorites]
(What a brave future I look forward to, when I will call down diapers from the sky!)
posted by paper chromatographologist at 8:45 AM on December 29, 2016 [8 favorites]
My favorite Twitter exchange on this subject:
Austen Allred @AustenAllred
It's real. Amazon just patented a floating warehouse that spits out drones
Thom Townsend @thomtownsend
@AustenAllred it's not real. It's a patent.
Business articles based on single patents are nearly as bad as breathless science articles based on single studies. A patent is simply a tool for Amazon to use to sue other companies who might someday possibly infringe on a single claim in the patent. It does not mean Amazon has built a drone spewing blimp, or has any plans to in the future.
posted by Existential Dread at 8:45 AM on December 29, 2016 [17 favorites]
Austen Allred @AustenAllred
It's real. Amazon just patented a floating warehouse that spits out drones
Thom Townsend @thomtownsend
@AustenAllred it's not real. It's a patent.
Business articles based on single patents are nearly as bad as breathless science articles based on single studies. A patent is simply a tool for Amazon to use to sue other companies who might someday possibly infringe on a single claim in the patent. It does not mean Amazon has built a drone spewing blimp, or has any plans to in the future.
posted by Existential Dread at 8:45 AM on December 29, 2016 [17 favorites]
full on living in TaleSpin.
Talespin is the best case scenario. I fear it's more likely these warehouses will be like Bioshock Infinite, except be defended by robotic President Trumps!
posted by FJT at 8:48 AM on December 29, 2016 [1 favorite]
Talespin is the best case scenario. I fear it's more likely these warehouses will be like Bioshock Infinite, except be defended by robotic President Trumps!
posted by FJT at 8:48 AM on December 29, 2016 [1 favorite]
(What a brave future I look forward to, when I will call down diapers from the sky!)
Diaper them from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:48 AM on December 29, 2016 [15 favorites]
Diaper them from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:48 AM on December 29, 2016 [15 favorites]
After a few generations with basic income and automated everything we will become a global civilization based on a cargo cult where we perform elaborate rituals to the sky gods floating above us and dispatching their angelic drones with the gifts from above.
posted by humanfont at 8:49 AM on December 29, 2016 [26 favorites]
posted by humanfont at 8:49 AM on December 29, 2016 [26 favorites]
And occasionally guns from the mouth of a floating stone head.
posted by paper chromatographologist at 8:51 AM on December 29, 2016 [25 favorites]
posted by paper chromatographologist at 8:51 AM on December 29, 2016 [25 favorites]
Listen. Strange women flying in blimps distributing swords is no basis for a system of commerce.
posted by komara at 8:52 AM on December 29, 2016 [20 favorites]
posted by komara at 8:52 AM on December 29, 2016 [20 favorites]
Business articles based on single patents are nearly as bad as breathless science articles based on single studies. A patent is simply a tool for Amazon to use to sue other companies who might someday possibly infringe on a single claim in the patent. It does not mean Amazon has built a drone spewing blimp, or has any plans to in the future.
I imagine you also enjoy walking into children's parties and explaining that Santa Claus isn't real.
You are officially no fun.
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:55 AM on December 29, 2016 [15 favorites]
I imagine you also enjoy walking into children's parties and explaining that Santa Claus isn't real.
You are officially no fun.
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:55 AM on December 29, 2016 [15 favorites]
mother said i was foolish to dream of being a quadrocopter pirate at the tender age of eleven
what will mother say, now that i have delivered to her a dirigible filled with paper towels and duracell batteries (size: AAA)?
posted by Tevin at 8:56 AM on December 29, 2016 [20 favorites]
what will mother say, now that i have delivered to her a dirigible filled with paper towels and duracell batteries (size: AAA)?
posted by Tevin at 8:56 AM on December 29, 2016 [20 favorites]
Well they do have to compete with the Storks from cornerstone.com.....
posted by inflatablekiwi at 8:56 AM on December 29, 2016
posted by inflatablekiwi at 8:56 AM on December 29, 2016
Defenses might be less important when you realize that it would only be filled with high-volume items like paper towels and diapers.
Okay, revised plan: We run our air-pirate ring as a Robin Hood operation, stealing paper products from the rich and giving to the poor, one shipment of strong, absorbent dry goods at a time. Don't the Koch brothers own most of the paper towel/napkin/TP business in North America?
posted by Strange Interlude at 8:57 AM on December 29, 2016 [11 favorites]
Okay, revised plan: We run our air-pirate ring as a Robin Hood operation, stealing paper products from the rich and giving to the poor, one shipment of strong, absorbent dry goods at a time. Don't the Koch brothers own most of the paper towel/napkin/TP business in North America?
posted by Strange Interlude at 8:57 AM on December 29, 2016 [11 favorites]
Precision guided munitions are one thing I thought would never have a peaceful application. I'm not actually sure this is a peaceful idea though.
posted by mattamatic at 8:57 AM on December 29, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by mattamatic at 8:57 AM on December 29, 2016 [1 favorite]
Moving thousands of pounds of steel across long strips of ecosystem-disrupting wasteland using highly-combustible petroleum fuels: Practical. Floaty blimp storage? NO FUCKING WAY
they'll probably be blowing a lot of fuel on station-keeping or otherwise fighting prevailing winds unless they tether themselves to the ground.
posted by indubitable at 8:57 AM on December 29, 2016 [2 favorites]
they'll probably be blowing a lot of fuel on station-keeping or otherwise fighting prevailing winds unless they tether themselves to the ground.
posted by indubitable at 8:57 AM on December 29, 2016 [2 favorites]
Loopins, that's what i want. Not paper towels!
posted by storybored at 8:58 AM on December 29, 2016
posted by storybored at 8:58 AM on December 29, 2016
ok so trebuchets then?
posted by prize bull octorok at 8:59 AM on December 29, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by prize bull octorok at 8:59 AM on December 29, 2016 [1 favorite]
You are officially no fun.
I know. It's my job to evaluate the value of spending five or six figures to file for patent protection, and that means killing people's dreams of wealth and fame on the regular.
posted by Existential Dread at 8:59 AM on December 29, 2016 [25 favorites]
I know. It's my job to evaluate the value of spending five or six figures to file for patent protection, and that means killing people's dreams of wealth and fame on the regular.
posted by Existential Dread at 8:59 AM on December 29, 2016 [25 favorites]
Oh sure, it starts with sky warehouses but next thing you know we'll have sky pirates and be full on living in TaleSpin.
Throw in a few sad robots, and I'm on board.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 9:01 AM on December 29, 2016 [1 favorite]
Throw in a few sad robots, and I'm on board.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 9:01 AM on December 29, 2016 [1 favorite]
Would the blimps have armed guards onboard, or aerial escorts, or even deployable fighter drones
NEW CAREER.
posted by corb at 9:01 AM on December 29, 2016 [3 favorites]
NEW CAREER.
posted by corb at 9:01 AM on December 29, 2016 [3 favorites]
Precision guided munitions are one thing I thought would never have a peaceful application. I'm not actually sure this is a peaceful idea though.
What's not peaceful about a way to Amazon Prime a whole neighborhood with Uzis?
posted by storybored at 9:02 AM on December 29, 2016
What's not peaceful about a way to Amazon Prime a whole neighborhood with Uzis?
posted by storybored at 9:02 AM on December 29, 2016
Talespin is the best case scenario. I fear it's more likely these warehouses will be like Bioshock Infinite, except be defended by robotic President Trumps!
But why not go all the way back to the source?
posted by lagomorphius at 9:04 AM on December 29, 2016 [2 favorites]
But why not go all the way back to the source?
posted by lagomorphius at 9:04 AM on December 29, 2016 [2 favorites]
they'll probably be blowing a lot of fuel on station-keeping or otherwise fighting prevailing winds unless they tether themselves to the ground.
Coming Next: a patent for steam-powered harpoon-anchors!
posted by GenjiandProust at 9:04 AM on December 29, 2016
Coming Next: a patent for steam-powered harpoon-anchors!
posted by GenjiandProust at 9:04 AM on December 29, 2016
What problem does this solve?
Sure, as the article reports, gravity can help with transporting the goods down to the ground, but you still had to consume much more than the potential energy getting them and their delivery vehicles up to the blimp in the first place. At 45,000 feet, that's a lot of energy.
posted by justkevin at 9:04 AM on December 29, 2016 [1 favorite]
Sure, as the article reports, gravity can help with transporting the goods down to the ground, but you still had to consume much more than the potential energy getting them and their delivery vehicles up to the blimp in the first place. At 45,000 feet, that's a lot of energy.
posted by justkevin at 9:04 AM on December 29, 2016 [1 favorite]
Uh wait, I had something for this...
It's a rigid airship!
posted by A Robot Ninja at 9:06 AM on December 29, 2016 [2 favorites]
It's a rigid airship!
posted by A Robot Ninja at 9:06 AM on December 29, 2016 [2 favorites]
Sure, as the article reports, gravity can help with transporting the goods down to the ground, but you still had to consume much more than the potential energy getting them and their delivery vehicles up to the blimp in the first place. At 45,000 feet, that's a lot of energy.
New and exciting ways to waste our strategic helium reserves! Sorry scientists, we need that helium to lift cheap consumer goods into the stratosphere.
posted by Existential Dread at 9:06 AM on December 29, 2016 [6 favorites]
New and exciting ways to waste our strategic helium reserves! Sorry scientists, we need that helium to lift cheap consumer goods into the stratosphere.
posted by Existential Dread at 9:06 AM on December 29, 2016 [6 favorites]
speaking of peaceful applications of military technology, does Amazon sell anything that could survive a mortar launch?
posted by indubitable at 9:06 AM on December 29, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by indubitable at 9:06 AM on December 29, 2016 [3 favorites]
Bezos has said before that he views business-method patents like this as stupid but also a cheap defense against competitors. Despite the "working to create" phrasing in the story, there's no indication this is anything more than locking up a pie-in-the-sky idea as a preventative measure.
posted by Western Infidels at 9:07 AM on December 29, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by Western Infidels at 9:07 AM on December 29, 2016 [3 favorites]
This sounds like a rejected idea for a Roger Waters concept album.
posted by Atom Eyes at 9:07 AM on December 29, 2016
posted by Atom Eyes at 9:07 AM on December 29, 2016
> What problem does this solve?
it solves the problem of the sky not being heavy laden with bounty that I can plunder with the aide of my rowdy band of chivalrous Sky priates
posted by Tevin at 9:08 AM on December 29, 2016 [21 favorites]
it solves the problem of the sky not being heavy laden with bounty that I can plunder with the aide of my rowdy band of chivalrous Sky priates
posted by Tevin at 9:08 AM on December 29, 2016 [21 favorites]
storybored: What's not peaceful about a way to Amazon Prime a whole neighborhood with Uzis?
Did I miss a patent drawing where the blimps looked like this?
posted by SansPoint at 9:09 AM on December 29, 2016 [3 favorites]
Did I miss a patent drawing where the blimps looked like this?
posted by SansPoint at 9:09 AM on December 29, 2016 [3 favorites]
wut?
posted by dirigibleman at 9:19 AM on December 29, 2016 [4 favorites]
posted by dirigibleman at 9:19 AM on December 29, 2016 [4 favorites]
Shoot down the blimp and presents will rain from the sky...
posted by jim in austin at 9:20 AM on December 29, 2016
posted by jim in austin at 9:20 AM on December 29, 2016
New and exciting ways to waste our strategic helium reserves!
Hydrogen. Bezos is a bright guy, and understands that hydrogen, which burns cleanly as it escapes upwards, is not the same threat to public safety that giant metal tubes full of kerosene hurtling over residential neighborhoods and densely populated city centers are, which is jet travel in a nutshell.
posted by Slap*Happy at 9:22 AM on December 29, 2016 [3 favorites]
Hydrogen. Bezos is a bright guy, and understands that hydrogen, which burns cleanly as it escapes upwards, is not the same threat to public safety that giant metal tubes full of kerosene hurtling over residential neighborhoods and densely populated city centers are, which is jet travel in a nutshell.
posted by Slap*Happy at 9:22 AM on December 29, 2016 [3 favorites]
I think it's a wonderful idea, and they can offset costs by selling ad-space on the side of these dirigibles for the Off-World Colonies.
posted by tclark at 9:24 AM on December 29, 2016 [11 favorites]
posted by tclark at 9:24 AM on December 29, 2016 [11 favorites]
But why not go all the way back to the source?
Because no talking bears?
posted by Dr. Twist at 9:28 AM on December 29, 2016 [5 favorites]
Because no talking bears?
posted by Dr. Twist at 9:28 AM on December 29, 2016 [5 favorites]
stop all this highly impractical airborne nonsense
The next phase of getting old is seeing the fundamentals of the world, the ones you thought were rock solid assumptions, start to crumble. Blimps are stupid, airplanes burning the muck squeezings of ancient seas are the only way to go. But wait, maybe... Who knows if that's going to work or not, but crazy things will happen.
Yelling at clouds (artificial or no) is a sign of future shock, and of age.
I kind of think this one's a dog though. Helium is non-renewable and super expensive now, leaving either hot air or hydrogen as lift gases. And UAV regs are about to get a lot more serious (and so expensive) now that we've had a bit of experience with privacy issues and even a possible plane strike.
posted by bonehead at 9:43 AM on December 29, 2016 [1 favorite]
The next phase of getting old is seeing the fundamentals of the world, the ones you thought were rock solid assumptions, start to crumble. Blimps are stupid, airplanes burning the muck squeezings of ancient seas are the only way to go. But wait, maybe... Who knows if that's going to work or not, but crazy things will happen.
Yelling at clouds (artificial or no) is a sign of future shock, and of age.
I kind of think this one's a dog though. Helium is non-renewable and super expensive now, leaving either hot air or hydrogen as lift gases. And UAV regs are about to get a lot more serious (and so expensive) now that we've had a bit of experience with privacy issues and even a possible plane strike.
posted by bonehead at 9:43 AM on December 29, 2016 [1 favorite]
This idea kind of zooms straight past stupid and all the way into delightful.
posted by poe at 9:44 AM on December 29, 2016 [9 favorites]
posted by poe at 9:44 AM on December 29, 2016 [9 favorites]
Yelling at clouds (artificial or no) is a sign of future shock, and of age.
when I am old I shall yell at clouds, and they will drop me a package of Depends
posted by prize bull octorok at 9:46 AM on December 29, 2016 [25 favorites]
when I am old I shall yell at clouds, and they will drop me a package of Depends
posted by prize bull octorok at 9:46 AM on December 29, 2016 [25 favorites]
I will call down diapers from the sky!
Wasn't that one of the great plagues of Egypt?
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:47 AM on December 29, 2016 [7 favorites]
Wasn't that one of the great plagues of Egypt?
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:47 AM on December 29, 2016 [7 favorites]
in other news, Amazon releases yet another insane press release in order to show investors how much excitement it can drum in its customer base even if they're just literally throwing magents with sci-fi tropes at a refrigerator and writing a press release for the one smattering that is the most grammatically sound
posted by runt at 9:59 AM on December 29, 2016 [4 favorites]
posted by runt at 9:59 AM on December 29, 2016 [4 favorites]
As Trump is to tweets, Amazon is to patents
posted by benzenedream at 10:03 AM on December 29, 2016 [4 favorites]
posted by benzenedream at 10:03 AM on December 29, 2016 [4 favorites]
Amazon jumps ahead by one bodylength in the race to bring about the end of civilization via accidentally becoming Skynet.
posted by ZeusHumms at 10:06 AM on December 29, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by ZeusHumms at 10:06 AM on December 29, 2016 [2 favorites]
Well, at least Bezos is paying homage to a rich tradition, in which you CANNOT have a bleak libertarian dystopia without giant fucking blimps nattering about.
posted by Mayor West at 10:08 AM on December 29, 2016 [16 favorites]
posted by Mayor West at 10:08 AM on December 29, 2016 [16 favorites]
I, for one, welcome our new opportunity to make "I, for one, welcome our..." jokes.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 10:09 AM on December 29, 2016 [7 favorites]
posted by DirtyOldTown at 10:09 AM on December 29, 2016 [7 favorites]
So I guess that the 5-minute shipping Amazon Rocket didn't work after all.
posted by elgilito at 10:11 AM on December 29, 2016
posted by elgilito at 10:11 AM on December 29, 2016
My first order would be for 1,000 c.f. of helium
posted by hal9k at 10:13 AM on December 29, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by hal9k at 10:13 AM on December 29, 2016 [3 favorites]
First Jeff Bezos sets these up as floating warehouses, then they turn out to be loaded with bombs, then suddenly it's all "You have 72 hours to surrender, or I lay waste to your cities."
This plan doesn't sound super-villainous at all! No sirree...
posted by Slinga at 10:17 AM on December 29, 2016 [2 favorites]
This plan doesn't sound super-villainous at all! No sirree...
posted by Slinga at 10:17 AM on December 29, 2016 [2 favorites]
This idea kind of zooms straight past stupid and all the way into delightful.
Well, it putters slowly by stupid...
posted by Etrigan at 10:17 AM on December 29, 2016 [3 favorites]
Well, it putters slowly by stupid...
posted by Etrigan at 10:17 AM on December 29, 2016 [3 favorites]
Defenses might be less important when you realize that it would only be filled with high-volume items like paper towels and diapers.
But that still means one downed blimp could crash a city's Tide economy!
posted by jason_steakums at 10:18 AM on December 29, 2016 [2 favorites]
But that still means one downed blimp could crash a city's Tide economy!
posted by jason_steakums at 10:18 AM on December 29, 2016 [2 favorites]
Presented below is a short scene from my near future.
"Sir, we have a situation in the receiving bay over."
"What kind of situation over?"
"There's ... a guy in a bear costume-"
[muffled in the distance] "My otherkin is Baloo!"
"-guy in a bear costume and like ... a little dog with a fox mask?"
[more disgruntled and closer now] "Don't talk about Kit that way!"
[heavy sigh] "Anyway they said they're here for the -"
"Wait, is the bear guy wearing a bomber jacket - is the dog on a skateboard with wings glued onto it? Over"
[pregnant pause]
"Wow, yeah - captain how did you-"
"Just - tell them we don't have the Wooby Wings and mention something about needing to get back to Cape Suzette over and out."
posted by Tevin at 10:27 AM on December 29, 2016
"Sir, we have a situation in the receiving bay over."
"What kind of situation over?"
"There's ... a guy in a bear costume-"
[muffled in the distance] "My otherkin is Baloo!"
"-guy in a bear costume and like ... a little dog with a fox mask?"
[more disgruntled and closer now] "Don't talk about Kit that way!"
[heavy sigh] "Anyway they said they're here for the -"
"Wait, is the bear guy wearing a bomber jacket - is the dog on a skateboard with wings glued onto it? Over"
[pregnant pause]
"Wow, yeah - captain how did you-"
"Just - tell them we don't have the Wooby Wings and mention something about needing to get back to Cape Suzette over and out."
posted by Tevin at 10:27 AM on December 29, 2016
How is this even patentable? Isn't there prior art up the wazoo with regard to airships serving as launch stations for smaller vehicles?
Like, are you able to just take any sci-fi concept and decide you're going to patent it "just in case" someone else decides that it might be realistic?
posted by explosion at 10:28 AM on December 29, 2016 [2 favorites]
Like, are you able to just take any sci-fi concept and decide you're going to patent it "just in case" someone else decides that it might be realistic?
posted by explosion at 10:28 AM on December 29, 2016 [2 favorites]
Ooh, has anyone patented undersea dome cities yet!?
posted by saulgoodman at 10:31 AM on December 29, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by saulgoodman at 10:31 AM on December 29, 2016 [2 favorites]
First Jeff Bezos sets these up as floating warehouses, then they turn out to be loaded with bombs, then suddenly it's all "You have 72 hours to surrender, or I lay waste to your cities."
Make that 48 hours. I don't pay for Prime to wait an extra day, you know.
posted by dr_dank at 10:31 AM on December 29, 2016 [29 favorites]
Make that 48 hours. I don't pay for Prime to wait an extra day, you know.
posted by dr_dank at 10:31 AM on December 29, 2016 [29 favorites]
First Jeff Bezos sets these up as floating warehouses, then they turn out to be loaded with bombs, then suddenly it's all "You have 72 hours to surrender, or I lay waste to your cities."
But he uses Amazon Delivery Services, so Jeff gets hundreds of messages from his crowd-sourced drivers that they attempted delivery of all the bombs a couple times, and now they've all been returned to the warehouse.
Not to mention, why are we worried about warehouse blimps when Jeff has another company that's basically building ICBMs?
posted by lagomorphius at 10:42 AM on December 29, 2016 [1 favorite]
But he uses Amazon Delivery Services, so Jeff gets hundreds of messages from his crowd-sourced drivers that they attempted delivery of all the bombs a couple times, and now they've all been returned to the warehouse.
Not to mention, why are we worried about warehouse blimps when Jeff has another company that's basically building ICBMs?
posted by lagomorphius at 10:42 AM on December 29, 2016 [1 favorite]
brb trademarking "blimpfrastructure"
posted by jason_steakums at 10:43 AM on December 29, 2016 [21 favorites]
posted by jason_steakums at 10:43 AM on December 29, 2016 [21 favorites]
I was not expecting the Gernsback Continuum to make a bid for supremacy this late in the game. I thought the cyberpunk dystopia had pretty much crushed that future.
posted by egypturnash at 10:47 AM on December 29, 2016 [6 favorites]
posted by egypturnash at 10:47 AM on December 29, 2016 [6 favorites]
Like, are you able to just take any sci-fi concept and decide you're going to patent it "just in case" someone else decides that it might be realistic?
Technically no. IANA patent attorney, but I work with some. You need to have what's called "enablement," which basically means your description of the technology has to be sufficient that someone of skill in the art would be able to recreate what you've done. Basically, it means you don't necessarily have to have built the thing, but you need to convince the patent examiner that you've described it sufficiently that someone could build the thing based on your written description.
Patent examiners are not all-knowing, however, and may miss some prior art that would block issuance. It's possible this patent could be overturned by in partes review.
It's probable there is prior art in this space, which could explain the narrowness of the claims. I noted that the first independent claim of the patent is "a computer implemented method," so it's essentially the system to control the blimp and UAVs, not the blimp/UAV hardware itself. The second independent claim is "A system for delivering an ordered item to a user," with the system including the blimp/UAVs/computer system. This patent appears to be narrowly aimed at package delivery, not the general concept of an aircraft that releases smaller aircraft.
posted by Existential Dread at 11:15 AM on December 29, 2016 [2 favorites]
Technically no. IANA patent attorney, but I work with some. You need to have what's called "enablement," which basically means your description of the technology has to be sufficient that someone of skill in the art would be able to recreate what you've done. Basically, it means you don't necessarily have to have built the thing, but you need to convince the patent examiner that you've described it sufficiently that someone could build the thing based on your written description.
Patent examiners are not all-knowing, however, and may miss some prior art that would block issuance. It's possible this patent could be overturned by in partes review.
It's probable there is prior art in this space, which could explain the narrowness of the claims. I noted that the first independent claim of the patent is "a computer implemented method," so it's essentially the system to control the blimp and UAVs, not the blimp/UAV hardware itself. The second independent claim is "A system for delivering an ordered item to a user," with the system including the blimp/UAVs/computer system. This patent appears to be narrowly aimed at package delivery, not the general concept of an aircraft that releases smaller aircraft.
posted by Existential Dread at 11:15 AM on December 29, 2016 [2 favorites]
What I'm imagining is basically the Hydra plot from Winter Soldier, except instead of killing anyone who could become a threat, it's a an aerial platform TP the houses of everyone who ever made fun of Jeff Bezos in high school.
posted by ckape at 11:32 AM on December 29, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by ckape at 11:32 AM on December 29, 2016 [2 favorites]
Oh I see now. Crimson Skies is the eventual outcome for the new administration.
posted by Apocryphon at 12:05 PM on December 29, 2016
posted by Apocryphon at 12:05 PM on December 29, 2016
Precision guided munitions are one thing I thought would never have a peaceful application.
Where the heck have you been?
posted by Naberius at 12:12 PM on December 29, 2016 [2 favorites]
Where the heck have you been?
posted by Naberius at 12:12 PM on December 29, 2016 [2 favorites]
Oh, the humanity huge manatee delivery!
posted by wenestvedt at 12:29 PM on December 29, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by wenestvedt at 12:29 PM on December 29, 2016 [3 favorites]
PRIOR ART?
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6854741-retribution-falls
posted by wenestvedt at 12:30 PM on December 29, 2016 [2 favorites]
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6854741-retribution-falls
posted by wenestvedt at 12:30 PM on December 29, 2016 [2 favorites]
What problem does this solve?
Property tax.
posted by srboisvert at 1:02 PM on December 29, 2016 [6 favorites]
Property tax.
posted by srboisvert at 1:02 PM on December 29, 2016 [6 favorites]
Or stop all this highly impractical airborne nonsense which will never have wide appliication and spend the dough on something else.
It's all a ruse to conceal spying on the public. Echo inside, drones outside.
: )
posted by Beholder at 1:36 PM on December 29, 2016
It's all a ruse to conceal spying on the public. Echo inside, drones outside.
: )
posted by Beholder at 1:36 PM on December 29, 2016
Saw the heaven fill with commerce, argosies of magic sails, Pilots of the purple twilight, dropping down with costly balesPrior high art.
posted by clew at 1:55 PM on December 29, 2016 [3 favorites]
> value of spending five or six figures to file for patent protection
There's the monetary cost that goes to the governments for the patent itself, as well as salary for everyone involved, not to mention overhead personnel - HR, PMs, accountants, facilities, etc. There's also the opportunity cost for everyone involved, and their morale - the patent itself seems like it would be whimsical and fun, but there's actual boring paperwork involved, which makes this transcend fun afternoon activity with friends, and puts it in the realm of "ungh, why am I even working here".
While Amazon might not have a clear plan to market for blimp warehouses, I wouldn't call spending all those resources on it "doing nothing", either.
My no-fun point, though, is that land-based Amazon warehouses are not invisible super well Fort Knox level secure facilities, yet we don't hear about them getting attacked every other day, so I'm not sure why being in the sky causes sky pirates appear. My pick is for this future to resemble Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. Maybe in 5-10 technological advancement, this will not seem ridiculous.
Not so patents pan out, of course. There's a patent on nuclear powered airplanes, taken out during nuclear power's infancy. Add far as I know, that has yet to be created outside of science fiction.
posted by fragmede at 2:12 PM on December 29, 2016
There's the monetary cost that goes to the governments for the patent itself, as well as salary for everyone involved, not to mention overhead personnel - HR, PMs, accountants, facilities, etc. There's also the opportunity cost for everyone involved, and their morale - the patent itself seems like it would be whimsical and fun, but there's actual boring paperwork involved, which makes this transcend fun afternoon activity with friends, and puts it in the realm of "ungh, why am I even working here".
While Amazon might not have a clear plan to market for blimp warehouses, I wouldn't call spending all those resources on it "doing nothing", either.
My no-fun point, though, is that land-based Amazon warehouses are not invisible super well Fort Knox level secure facilities, yet we don't hear about them getting attacked every other day, so I'm not sure why being in the sky causes sky pirates appear. My pick is for this future to resemble Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. Maybe in 5-10 technological advancement, this will not seem ridiculous.
Not so patents pan out, of course. There's a patent on nuclear powered airplanes, taken out during nuclear power's infancy. Add far as I know, that has yet to be created outside of science fiction.
posted by fragmede at 2:12 PM on December 29, 2016
What problem does this solve?
It's a plausibly deniable kinetic-energy weapons platform.(See also: Brilliant Pebbles.) With the warehouses being 45,000 feet above ground, it'd take a special effort not to make the payloads into a kinetic-energy weapon. Also, with air traffic passing below, such a system could impose a no-fly zone on the area beneath it, for added leverage.
Not that Amazon would necessarily do such a thing, but the knowledge that they could might take the edge off any governments pressing them too hard on tax structures or workers' rights or similar.
posted by acb at 2:56 PM on December 29, 2016 [1 favorite]
It's a plausibly deniable kinetic-energy weapons platform.(See also: Brilliant Pebbles.) With the warehouses being 45,000 feet above ground, it'd take a special effort not to make the payloads into a kinetic-energy weapon. Also, with air traffic passing below, such a system could impose a no-fly zone on the area beneath it, for added leverage.
Not that Amazon would necessarily do such a thing, but the knowledge that they could might take the edge off any governments pressing them too hard on tax structures or workers' rights or similar.
posted by acb at 2:56 PM on December 29, 2016 [1 favorite]
They'd have to get the FAA to allow it in US airspace in the first place, of course. I would imagine the leverage the FAA could exert over their permits would overcome any leverage they would try to gain from dropping USB hard drives or Squatty Potties as precision munitions.
posted by Existential Dread at 3:01 PM on December 29, 2016
posted by Existential Dread at 3:01 PM on December 29, 2016
I can guarantee you that management regularly rounds up the nerds and sticks them in a room to come up with ideas, no matter how wacky, to hand to the parent lawyers.
posted by Joe Chip at 5:08 PM on December 29, 2016
posted by Joe Chip at 5:08 PM on December 29, 2016
Shoot down the blimp and presents will rain from the sky...
Look! In the sky! A flying piñata!
posted by key_of_z at 5:13 PM on December 29, 2016 [4 favorites]
Look! In the sky! A flying piñata!
posted by key_of_z at 5:13 PM on December 29, 2016 [4 favorites]
There's something Ourobourosy here...
Warehouses in the sky. That will be protected by drones. And where do drone pilots work out of? Shipping containers. Stored in warehouses...
posted by quinndexter at 10:04 PM on December 29, 2016 [1 favorite]
Warehouses in the sky. That will be protected by drones. And where do drone pilots work out of? Shipping containers. Stored in warehouses...
posted by quinndexter at 10:04 PM on December 29, 2016 [1 favorite]
There is nothing about this idea of a giant floating warehouse, from dropping packages down like cartoon cardboard boxes with parachutes to commuting to work on a blimp ascending through clouds daily, that I do not find delightful to imagine.
posted by sldownard at 11:59 PM on December 29, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by sldownard at 11:59 PM on December 29, 2016 [2 favorites]
Take LIVE tuna fish, and FEED 'em mayonnaise!
posted by bongo_x at 1:11 AM on December 30, 2016 [4 favorites]
posted by bongo_x at 1:11 AM on December 30, 2016 [4 favorites]
I'm normally a law-abiding guy, but if I'm ever to toss all my principles overboard, it's because being a sky-pirate is just too damn alluring!
posted by Harald74 at 1:43 AM on December 30, 2016
posted by Harald74 at 1:43 AM on December 30, 2016
Metafilter: This idea kind of zooms straight past stupid and all the way into delightful.
posted by Faintdreams at 3:05 AM on December 30, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by Faintdreams at 3:05 AM on December 30, 2016 [1 favorite]
Discussions about specific patents are not very meaningful without looking at the patent claims. This is claim 1:
1. A computer implemented method, comprising: under control of one or more computing systems configured with executable instructions; receiving an order for an item from a user located in a metropolitan area, wherein the item is maintained in an inventory of an aerial fulfillment center ("AFC") that is airborne at an altitude; instructing an unmanned aerial vehicle ("UAV") located in the AFC to engage the item; instructing the UAV to depart the AFC; and instructing the UAV to navigate to a delivery location within the metropolitan area and disengage the item at the delivery location.
Interestingly, the user needs to be located in a "metropolitan area." So, I guess, no delivery drones from Amazon for rural folks.
posted by sour cream at 7:24 AM on December 30, 2016
1. A computer implemented method, comprising: under control of one or more computing systems configured with executable instructions; receiving an order for an item from a user located in a metropolitan area, wherein the item is maintained in an inventory of an aerial fulfillment center ("AFC") that is airborne at an altitude; instructing an unmanned aerial vehicle ("UAV") located in the AFC to engage the item; instructing the UAV to depart the AFC; and instructing the UAV to navigate to a delivery location within the metropolitan area and disengage the item at the delivery location.
Interestingly, the user needs to be located in a "metropolitan area." So, I guess, no delivery drones from Amazon for rural folks.
posted by sour cream at 7:24 AM on December 30, 2016
There's a patent on nuclear powered airplanes, taken out during nuclear power's infancy. Add far as I know, that has yet to be created outside of science fiction.
Well, the US Air Force foodled around with the idea for a while ...
posted by oheso at 12:51 AM on December 31, 2016
Well, the US Air Force foodled around with the idea for a while ...
posted by oheso at 12:51 AM on December 31, 2016
So did the Russians. It's kind of sobering that the only thing that prevented nuclear power plants flying over head was the development of the ICBM.
posted by Mitheral at 10:43 AM on December 31, 2016
posted by Mitheral at 10:43 AM on December 31, 2016
So did the Russians. It's kind of sobering that the only thing that prevented nuclear power plants flying over head was the development of the ICBM.
Potemkin Village. The Russians raced to the biggest, baddest nukes, and the most capable rockets... the Americans got to the most effective nukes and the most effective rockets, by way of government contracts to private industry.
One of them got to the moon first.
The USA could actually build Project Pluto, if it wanted to. It decided not to. Oh, wait, we're talking about the Convair NB-36H. We still didn't wanna, while knowing full well we could.
At some point in the next four years, Russia is going to try to retake Latvia and Lithuania and Gotland to seal the deal.
Once Russia goes up against tiny Sweden, with BOFORS AB and SAAB AB - I mean, SAAB has pilotless 5G fighters for crying out loud. BOFORS has missiles and lasers and railguns and artillery it sells to other first world countries, which Russia is not.
Guess how that will go?
posted by Slap*Happy at 8:44 PM on December 31, 2016
Potemkin Village. The Russians raced to the biggest, baddest nukes, and the most capable rockets... the Americans got to the most effective nukes and the most effective rockets, by way of government contracts to private industry.
One of them got to the moon first.
The USA could actually build Project Pluto, if it wanted to. It decided not to. Oh, wait, we're talking about the Convair NB-36H. We still didn't wanna, while knowing full well we could.
At some point in the next four years, Russia is going to try to retake Latvia and Lithuania and Gotland to seal the deal.
Once Russia goes up against tiny Sweden, with BOFORS AB and SAAB AB - I mean, SAAB has pilotless 5G fighters for crying out loud. BOFORS has missiles and lasers and railguns and artillery it sells to other first world countries, which Russia is not.
Guess how that will go?
posted by Slap*Happy at 8:44 PM on December 31, 2016
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posted by griphus at 8:29 AM on December 29, 2016 [7 favorites]