High-def, close-up, like you're RIGHT THERE with the nachos

February 25, 2017 5:41 PM

Are you bored staring at a blank wall all day? Stupid landlord won't let you hang pictures? Has life hidden your stud finder? It's okay, you don't need them anyway! Fall asleep beneath the disappointed gaze of this blue-eyed grey kitten. There's no way you *won't* lose weight with this fresh, hot pizza in a box placed strategically above your television. Nachos not for you? Enjoy your refined-palate lifestyle surrounded with locally-grown laughter and Pinterest-worthy paella decals . Still hungry? Not lactose intolerant? Jazz up your Wednesday dinner routine and impress your date with omnipresent cow's milk cheeses. And if that's not enough, you ungrateful monster, ruin your brain with this cloud of programming languages that may actually be used to create The Cloud OMG what is even real anymore.
posted by Munching Langolier (46 comments total)

What the? I can't even...
posted by blue_beetle at 5:52 PM on February 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

these are the visions left behind in closed malls everywhere
the wall version of clip art frozen in time, forgotten
remember the persistence of vision with entire walls covered with one image, repeated and finally, awkwardly mutilated to fit the space it will occupy until sometime of discovery either via resurrection or graffiti-ed over by local archaeologists
posted by reedcourtneyj at 6:04 PM on February 25, 2017 [4 favorites]

this generations version of the velvet painting and the black light poster
posted by reedcourtneyj at 6:06 PM on February 25, 2017

Ok.
posted by sandettie light vessel automatic at 6:09 PM on February 25, 2017 [18 favorites]

Ok.

Frequently purchased with Nicholas Cage Pillowcase!

We've had a good run, civilization...
posted by eeek at 6:13 PM on February 25, 2017 [15 favorites]

I'm going to get this one and put it up above my toilet.
posted by mr. digits at 6:14 PM on February 25, 2017 [2 favorites]

What eeek said.
posted by stevil at 6:14 PM on February 25, 2017

Surely this would make a great gift.
posted by stevil at 6:15 PM on February 25, 2017 [7 favorites]

Senior Woman With Asthma Inhaler is the pinnacle of wall decal achievement.
posted by atropos at 6:16 PM on February 25, 2017 [9 favorites]

Not sure how I lived without a wall decal of an elderly woman with an inhaler. I think you buried the lede here a little.

PS: does anybody remember a few years ago there was a robot t-shirt site on the blue with very specific slogans like "Don't mess with Macedonian carpet installers"? I just remember laughing for an entire afternoon at work.
posted by Homeboy Trouble at 6:16 PM on February 25, 2017 [11 favorites]

Also frequently bought with that Nic Cage dreamtime headrester (and another in that vein)
posted by stevil at 6:16 PM on February 25, 2017

Oh yes, the t-shirt madlibs site, which I also laughed and laughed over!

Unintentionally brilliant
posted by Ideal Impulse at 6:25 PM on February 25, 2017 [12 favorites]

Is this the new thread?
posted by a complicated history at 6:34 PM on February 25, 2017 [19 favorites]

a wall decal of an elderly woman with an inhaler.

Frequently bought together
posted by honestcoyote at 6:35 PM on February 25, 2017 [5 favorites]

$27.98 for a sticker of a cat?
posted by falsedmitri at 6:38 PM on February 25, 2017

I thought this was somehow gonna be a Sims post...
posted by Hermione Granger at 6:41 PM on February 25, 2017 [2 favorites]

This reminded me of Sims too. Strange.
posted by The otter lady at 6:54 PM on February 25, 2017

HOLY CRAP. My coworker broke her back and is stuck lying flat on her back for the next few weeks.

NOW I KNOW WHAT TO GET HER.
posted by steady-state strawberry at 6:57 PM on February 25, 2017 [13 favorites]

Is this the product of an algorithm and a stock photo site subscription?
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 7:06 PM on February 25, 2017 [6 favorites]

I mean, I'm already fearful of our coming algorithmic dystopia but I hadn't considered the decor implications.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 7:07 PM on February 25, 2017 [20 favorites]

It's not weird and funny(?) and wtf

It is assuredly WTF.
posted by sandettie light vessel automatic at 7:10 PM on February 25, 2017 [4 favorites]

If not WTAF.
posted by sandettie light vessel automatic at 7:10 PM on February 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

Personally, I'd prefer the Leslie Knope email word cloud on my wall.
posted by littlesq at 7:26 PM on February 25, 2017 [5 favorites]

Looking at Wallmonkeys' main page, it told me one of its best sellers (and least expensive, on sale under $10) is the RAILROAD CROSSING sign (12 inch, larger versions are more).
posted by oneswellfoop at 7:28 PM on February 25, 2017

Something for everyone, from ballerinas to bulldozers to baby dragons. Worth noting that the 12-inch stickers are mostly under $10, 24-inch range from $25 to $33.

Some of the descriptions are quite specific: Digitally Restored Vector Portrait of General Lewis Chesty Puller. There is "eclectic" but these Wallmonkeys are almost abusing the term.
posted by oneswellfoop at 7:38 PM on February 25, 2017 [2 favorites]

Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether they could, they didn't stop to think if they should.
posted by blue_beetle at 7:43 PM on February 25, 2017 [14 favorites]

I was all set to get the pizza one, but I don't want to spend all day trying to pick the olives off a wall decal.
posted by BigHeartedGuy at 8:15 PM on February 25, 2017 [7 favorites]

The gynecologist has decorative fluorescent light covers. I rather liked the palm leaves. The nurse did say that the one with the puppies tended to creep the women out when they had their feet in the stirrups, as it looks like yet another being watching the exam....
Amazon link
posted by 101cats at 8:44 PM on February 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

There are these weird Facebook algorithm t-shirts that keep popping up in my feed. They cover what they can glean from your profile I guess, so in mine they say something like Proud to be a Nasty Woman From South Carolina Born in May! which is so creepily random I thought that probably they didn't really exist but were some kind of elaborate phishing scheme. Today, though, I was at the save the ACA rally downtown and lo, there was a lady in a shirt that said Don't Mess With a North Carolina Persistent Woman Born in January so, in conclusion, there's a random matching designer algorithm out there for everyone. And I wonder which decals are going to start showing up on my sidebars now.
posted by mygothlaundry at 8:58 PM on February 25, 2017 [10 favorites]

Onefellswoop: "Clothing, Shoes & Jewelry›Women›Clothing›Skirts›Casual"

... I don't know if the robot that decided a photo of Chesty Puller would be a good peel and stick wall decal is the same robot that thought it was a casual woman's skirt, of if that was a different robot.

A friend of mine observed more than a decade ago, that if he could have sent a description of his day to day life back in time to before his birth, it could be published as avant-garde sci-fi. Since he said it, it has never stopped getting more true.
posted by Grimgrin at 9:14 PM on February 25, 2017 [5 favorites]

If we're doing Weird Amazon, the reviews of this very small mobile phone are... interesting.
posted by TheophileEscargot at 10:20 PM on February 25, 2017 [3 favorites]

Are we Wallmonkeys? Or are we Kittens? My signs are vital. My nose is cold.
posted by DaddyNewt at 12:08 AM on February 26, 2017

I was going to write about how perfect this was for my long train ride home after a sleepless night of revelry but then I discovered accelerationism and started listening to vaporwave.

Now I enjoy everything and nothing.
posted by LMGM at 3:44 AM on February 26, 2017 [2 favorites]

Someone in our main office discovered these a while back ... and now Elderly Woman with Asthma Inhaler (who has been decided to be named "Kristal") graces the wall of one of the conference rooms, along with Nicolas Cage in pillow form on the bench in the corner. I'm glad others are discovering the absurdity of Wallmonkeys.
posted by jferg at 5:35 AM on February 26, 2017 [7 favorites]

I dated a woman once who had those Audrey Hepburn eye decals up in her dorm room wall. I had hoped she'd lose her deposit for defacing the wall, but now I see that they were removable all along.

That sucks.
posted by Juso No Thankyou at 5:50 AM on February 26, 2017 [1 favorite]

So the idea is that Wallmonkeys' bot generates a bunch of wall decal ideas and displays them on Amazon where they wait until a buyer comes along and orders one, and then the decal machine goes to work.

There still seems to be too much human agency involved in this. Someone had to conceive the business plan and get the wheels turning. And someone has to decide to click "Add to Cart" to begin the transfer of monies process.

I'm no bot maker, but it seems like it would be trivial to build a bot that generates similar business plans. Building one that approves the plan might be trickier, but really, all it would need is a model of successful businesses to run each new idea against (market potential data, cost of goods, budgets, expected return, etc).

It's harder to erase the agency on the other end, although maybe a buy bot that's been instructed in your preferences. "Buy bot, the wall in the den needs... something. Check with money bot how much you can spend."
posted by notyou at 7:52 AM on February 26, 2017

Can we get a post on the grey, say, in two month's time, so those of us who went and bought one after this can fess up?
posted by Juso No Thankyou at 7:57 AM on February 26, 2017 [1 favorite]

this generations version of the velvet painting and the black light poster
Hold on now! I had a cypress hill poster that was both!

(unfortunately, i just had the black light bulbs that didn't work and never shelled out for a real one)
posted by lkc at 10:32 AM on February 26, 2017 [2 favorites]

you: A Happy Gay Couple Having Fun Peel and Stick Wall Decals
me: I AM GAY & BELLIGERENT
posted by wreckingball at 11:58 AM on February 26, 2017 [2 favorites]

The price point is an issue. Otherwise, covering an entire wall in 2’ x 2’ grey kittens would be marvelous.
posted by Going To Maine at 12:17 PM on February 26, 2017

Like, I’d be able to turn my front hallway into a geocities page.
posted by Going To Maine at 12:18 PM on February 26, 2017 [7 favorites]

You were so preoccupied with whether or not you could, you didn’t stop to think if you should.
posted by honestcoyote at 4:11 PM on February 26, 2017 [2 favorites]

"sperm in testes of a rat"

"Randon Asian boy"

Wtf?

What data set is the (presumably) bot drawing from ??
posted by Faintdreams at 4:14 PM on February 26, 2017 [1 favorite]

Frequently purchased with Nicholas Cage Pillowcase!

We've had a good run, civilization...
posted by eeek at 9:13 PM on February 25

... and I just found the birthday gift of all birthday gifts for my Mother In Law... Thank you internet!
posted by Nanukthedog at 5:23 AM on February 27, 2017

You can have your Nicolas Cage pillowcases. I'll take Macho Man Randy Savage about to put a drop on Kenny Loggins Jesus on my pillows.
posted by anthom at 6:16 AM on February 27, 2017 [1 favorite]

You missed the best part! You can "custom" your pillowcase with that seller, using your own photos. Though you probably can't better that sample image, now can you?
posted by Juso No Thankyou at 7:02 AM on February 27, 2017