"No one is going to assume the big football player is gay."
June 20, 2017 4:29 PM Subscribe
Former tackle for the New England Patriots and the Kansas City Chiefs Ryan O'Callaghan, who grew up believing there was absolutely no way he could live as an openly gay man, came out today in a feature article by OutSports. (tw: in-depth discussion of suicide)
OutSports has also published a list of the 11 known gay players in the NFL to date.
LGBTQ individuals who are struggling with suicidal thoughts can find help with The Trevor Project. Also, the MeFi Wiki hosts a page on mental health resources: ThereIsHelp.
OutSports has also published a list of the 11 known gay players in the NFL to date.
LGBTQ individuals who are struggling with suicidal thoughts can find help with The Trevor Project. Also, the MeFi Wiki hosts a page on mental health resources: ThereIsHelp.
Bless
posted by New England Cultist at 5:13 PM on June 20, 2017
posted by New England Cultist at 5:13 PM on June 20, 2017
O’Callaghan can’t recall a single time during his six NFL seasons that he heard someone use a gay slur. Instead, he says, subtle pressure came from the constant talk in the locker room about women.
That locker room environment is surely full of sexual braggadocio. It's terrible he had to hide who he was. But I am glad to know the locker rooms of NFL teams aren't fully of homophobic slurs anymore.
posted by thecjm at 5:13 PM on June 20, 2017 [8 favorites]
That locker room environment is surely full of sexual braggadocio. It's terrible he had to hide who he was. But I am glad to know the locker rooms of NFL teams aren't fully of homophobic slurs anymore.
posted by thecjm at 5:13 PM on June 20, 2017 [8 favorites]
It's 2017...I really wish that people would let people get on people-ing without being hateful assholes about people people-ing.
Too many people get hurt, man. Hugs to the people who need or want them.
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 5:52 PM on June 20, 2017 [7 favorites]
Too many people get hurt, man. Hugs to the people who need or want them.
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 5:52 PM on June 20, 2017 [7 favorites]
Mod note: sorry for the staggered deletions folks, feel free to post again but be careful about the suicide talk?
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 5:57 PM on June 20, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 5:57 PM on June 20, 2017 [1 favorite]
I know Dave Kopay irl, and this guy might want to reach out to him.
posted by Ideefixe at 6:26 PM on June 20, 2017
posted by Ideefixe at 6:26 PM on June 20, 2017
Seems like this story should be bigger. Did a Ctrl-F for his name on espn.com and it's not coming up.
posted by skepticallypleased at 6:32 PM on June 20, 2017
posted by skepticallypleased at 6:32 PM on June 20, 2017
Nothing on its search either. http://www.espn.com/search/results?q=Ryan%20O%27Callaghan#gsc.tab=0&gsc.q=Ryan%20O%27Callaghan&gsc.page=1
Oh well, perhaps that it's not big news is a sign of acceptance?
posted by skepticallypleased at 6:34 PM on June 20, 2017 [1 favorite]
Oh well, perhaps that it's not big news is a sign of acceptance?
posted by skepticallypleased at 6:34 PM on June 20, 2017 [1 favorite]
I saw it on google news before here, but yeah, don't imagine it'll be well received in all venues.
posted by sammyo at 6:37 PM on June 20, 2017
posted by sammyo at 6:37 PM on June 20, 2017
Yay, Ryan!!!!! It takes so much courage to come out, I can't even imagine doing it on a national stage. But it's the kind of gesture that saves lives, both literally (as discussed) and figuratively in that it lights a path for so many other people to live openly. Representation matters.
People here and elsewhere are alluding to a red state/blue state divide, but you know, sometimes people surprise you. When I came out, some of the people I expected to be the coolest and most supportive... were not. A lot of people who think they're good allies are really more into objectifying gay folks. Other people really surprised me in a good way. It's eye-opening.
(PSA - if someone comes out to you, in my humble opinion, the best way to respond is simply: "congratulations!!" or "I'm so happy for you.")
posted by Emily's Fist at 7:59 PM on June 20, 2017 [8 favorites]
People here and elsewhere are alluding to a red state/blue state divide, but you know, sometimes people surprise you. When I came out, some of the people I expected to be the coolest and most supportive... were not. A lot of people who think they're good allies are really more into objectifying gay folks. Other people really surprised me in a good way. It's eye-opening.
(PSA - if someone comes out to you, in my humble opinion, the best way to respond is simply: "congratulations!!" or "I'm so happy for you.")
posted by Emily's Fist at 7:59 PM on June 20, 2017 [8 favorites]
Seems like this story should be bigger. Did a Ctrl-F for his name on espn.com and it's not coming up.
FWIW, I saw the story because of UC Berkeley's Facebook feed and the front page of SF Gate/Chronicle. So it seems to be making a splash in some areas.
posted by Sockin'inthefreeworld at 8:15 PM on June 20, 2017
FWIW, I saw the story because of UC Berkeley's Facebook feed and the front page of SF Gate/Chronicle. So it seems to be making a splash in some areas.
posted by Sockin'inthefreeworld at 8:15 PM on June 20, 2017
For anyone not familiar with Redding, California, it's in the large red state part of California. It's the far northern tip of the Central Valley, where it borders hunting/fishing territory.
>Seems like this story should be bigger. Did a Ctrl-F for his name on espn.com and it's not coming up.
Outsports.com is part of the SB Nation network of sports websites, a major competitor to ESPN. (Full disclosure: I write for NinersNation, another SB Nation site.)
There's probably some combination of letting Outsports have their due, since they did all the legwork here, and competitiveness. If ESPN ran a story, it would be a short one with a pointer to their rival. If pressed, the ESPN editor probably would say something like "It's a feature story, not news, what are we going to report about it? The guy retired six years ago."
posted by msalt at 8:16 PM on June 20, 2017 [3 favorites]
>Seems like this story should be bigger. Did a Ctrl-F for his name on espn.com and it's not coming up.
Outsports.com is part of the SB Nation network of sports websites, a major competitor to ESPN. (Full disclosure: I write for NinersNation, another SB Nation site.)
There's probably some combination of letting Outsports have their due, since they did all the legwork here, and competitiveness. If ESPN ran a story, it would be a short one with a pointer to their rival. If pressed, the ESPN editor probably would say something like "It's a feature story, not news, what are we going to report about it? The guy retired six years ago."
posted by msalt at 8:16 PM on June 20, 2017 [3 favorites]
So random aside, SB Nation affiliated properties are quickly becoming my sole source of professionally produced sports media. And I'm okay with that, that article of "here's all we know about gay athletes in the NFL" is on one hand kinda lazy filler to a much better feature but on the other hand exactly perfect for being the internet resource for when you're a young kid googling to see if there are people like you out there. I learned a lot I didn't know from this post, thanks!
posted by midmarch snowman at 9:58 PM on June 20, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by midmarch snowman at 9:58 PM on June 20, 2017 [4 favorites]
On the other hand, Peter King (Sports Illustrated, MMQB) is probably America's most eminent sportswriter, and he just repped this article on Twitter.
Early in his career, for the Patriots, he personally made the best draft pick in NFL history (Tom Brady in the 6th round, in 2000). He was later promoted to General Manager in Kansas City, which was kind of a disaster, and he was known there for being pretty gruff and intimidating, which sheds some light on O'Callahan's apprehension before coming out. And about a year after that, another player came to the team facility, thanked Pioli personally for taking a chance on him, then went into the parking lot and shot himself in the head. Last year, he helped his new team (the Falcons) get to the Super Bowl.
posted by msalt at 10:12 PM on June 20, 2017 [9 favorites]
Peter KingVerified account @SI_PeterKingBy the way, the General Manager that O'Callahan come out to -- Scott Pioli -- has a pretty intense background himself that's discussed in this feature.
Great job, @CydZeigler, on this story of former OT Ryan O’Callahan coming out as gay, w/an assist to @scottpioli51.
Early in his career, for the Patriots, he personally made the best draft pick in NFL history (Tom Brady in the 6th round, in 2000). He was later promoted to General Manager in Kansas City, which was kind of a disaster, and he was known there for being pretty gruff and intimidating, which sheds some light on O'Callahan's apprehension before coming out. And about a year after that, another player came to the team facility, thanked Pioli personally for taking a chance on him, then went into the parking lot and shot himself in the head. Last year, he helped his new team (the Falcons) get to the Super Bowl.
posted by msalt at 10:12 PM on June 20, 2017 [9 favorites]
Pioli sounds like a mensch.
"I’m gay," O’Callaghan said.
His private announcement was met with immediate support from the GM. Then:
"So what’s the problem you wanted to talk me about?" Pioli asked.
posted by chavenet at 4:11 AM on June 21, 2017 [25 favorites]
"I’m gay," O’Callaghan said.
His private announcement was met with immediate support from the GM. Then:
"So what’s the problem you wanted to talk me about?" Pioli asked.
posted by chavenet at 4:11 AM on June 21, 2017 [25 favorites]
I went to high school in Redding at the same time as O'Callaghan (although we attended different schools), and there were zero out kids in my graduating class of about 450. I dare say there may have been no out kids in my whole school for the four years I was there. It was all underground. High school graduation was like the milestone that every kid was waiting for - my best friend came out to me like a week after graduation.
I remember just a lot of pain in high school. A surprising number of students died from self-destructive behaviors if not outright suicide - getting hit by trains, drunk driving, reckless driving. For smart kids like me and my friends, college was what we looked forward to as a chance to escape the stifling pressure of high school. It makes me sad to think of the kids who didn't see a way to escape, or even guys like O'Callaghan where escaping their situation was not enough.
posted by muddgirl at 7:26 AM on June 21, 2017 [10 favorites]
I remember just a lot of pain in high school. A surprising number of students died from self-destructive behaviors if not outright suicide - getting hit by trains, drunk driving, reckless driving. For smart kids like me and my friends, college was what we looked forward to as a chance to escape the stifling pressure of high school. It makes me sad to think of the kids who didn't see a way to escape, or even guys like O'Callaghan where escaping their situation was not enough.
posted by muddgirl at 7:26 AM on June 21, 2017 [10 favorites]
The guy played out of his mind in the regular season game vs. the Giants in '07, against a savage D-Line. He was one of those guys you knew had a lot of potential, but he was screwed out of a decent career by hard-luck injuries early into it.
Also, Pioli's reply to O’Callaghan's confession is about one of the most bad-ass, tough guy responses I've ever heard. The right thing to say at exactly the right time, and the strength of character to say it without a second thought.
posted by Slap*Happy at 7:43 AM on June 21, 2017 [7 favorites]
Also, Pioli's reply to O’Callaghan's confession is about one of the most bad-ass, tough guy responses I've ever heard. The right thing to say at exactly the right time, and the strength of character to say it without a second thought.
posted by Slap*Happy at 7:43 AM on June 21, 2017 [7 favorites]
Good for him.
posted by disclaimer at 7:45 AM on June 21, 2017
posted by disclaimer at 7:45 AM on June 21, 2017
I read this of all places yesterday on Reddit's /r/nfl. Pleased to report that despite Reddit's "hive of s&v" reputation, the comments were overwhelmingly positive and empathetic to O'Callaghan.
(Also, thank god he found enough support to get himself through the other side)
posted by drewbage1847 at 8:16 AM on June 21, 2017 [1 favorite]
(Also, thank god he found enough support to get himself through the other side)
posted by drewbage1847 at 8:16 AM on June 21, 2017 [1 favorite]
Glad that O'Callaghan made it through and peace be on him. Also, dude, how fucking shameful in this time and place that this can still happen. How fucking shameful. And that O'Callaghan basically got to internalize all that shit, put it on himself, deal with it in private. Most environments still need to get their fucking shit together.
posted by nixon's meatloaf at 8:59 AM on June 21, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by nixon's meatloaf at 8:59 AM on June 21, 2017 [1 favorite]
Despite my own severe isolation as a gay teen it's somehow still such a shock that it's so easy for someone in their 20s to just... not ever encounter other lgbt folks except perhaps in passing. The idea of having the isolation of my 14 year old self continue for another ten plus years is so terrifying I can barely countenance it. The strength to survive that is incredible. I hope he goes on to have a happy life.
posted by bile and syntax at 9:23 AM on June 21, 2017 [8 favorites]
posted by bile and syntax at 9:23 AM on June 21, 2017 [8 favorites]
It doesn't sound like O'Callahan is entirely solid even now, and that's actually something I liked a lot about this story. America loves a simple drug rehab story -- "all better now!" -- because, I think, it fits in with the Christian "born again" trope and our general binary dualism. Even coming out stories can take on that mantle.
But it isn't really that easy, as Carrie Fisher just demonstrated, because pain and emotional damage stays with you and addiction is a desperate craving that doesn't just go away. I admire the writer's determination not to fall into that easy trap.
posted by msalt at 9:31 AM on June 21, 2017 [8 favorites]
But it isn't really that easy, as Carrie Fisher just demonstrated, because pain and emotional damage stays with you and addiction is a desperate craving that doesn't just go away. I admire the writer's determination not to fall into that easy trap.
posted by msalt at 9:31 AM on June 21, 2017 [8 favorites]
Heartwarming article for Pride Month!
posted by honey badger at 10:20 AM on June 21, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by honey badger at 10:20 AM on June 21, 2017 [1 favorite]
I read this of all places yesterday on Reddit's /r/nfl. Pleased to report that despite Reddit's "hive of s&v" reputation, the comments were overwhelmingly positive and empathetic to O'Callaghan.Sport specific subreddits have generally been very positive experiences for me. /r/cfb was actually talking about "hey... it seems like a disproportionate number of Baylor players have sexual assault accusations... sometimes multiple accusations... " several months before it was reported on anywhere else... and a couple of self posts have bordered on actual journalism. (Metafilters own) Jesse Thorn complains about /r/baseball but a lot of the team subreddits are pretty vibrant and diverse communities and /r/hockey was pretty hospitable to the 10,000 new members who joined during the playoffs from the Predators bandwagon.
posted by midmarch snowman at 7:22 PM on June 21, 2017 [1 favorite]
The gossip is that there are far more semi-out NFL players than anyone would expect. That is, they bring their partners to team functions, their families and friends know, they'll show up at gay bars. They're just not out to national media, and their teammates and the managers and team employees around them protect them from that exposure. Sure, reporters who regularly cover the team figure it out, but they also know not to push because it could not only cut off access to the team, but cut off access to other teams as well depending on the leylines of loyalty and friendship.
Years ago there were rumors a few of these semi-out players were going to go public together as a unified front. But those plans fell apart, partly because they were afraid of getting the same treatment as Michael Sam.
posted by Anonymous at 10:00 PM on June 21, 2017
Years ago there were rumors a few of these semi-out players were going to go public together as a unified front. But those plans fell apart, partly because they were afraid of getting the same treatment as Michael Sam.
posted by Anonymous at 10:00 PM on June 21, 2017
Sport specific subreddits have generally been very positive experiences for me.
/r/49ers and Niners Twitter are quite good, as is the website I write for (NinersNation). But, you know, San Francisco duh.
To be honest, I think social media has actually set back the coming out process, because the press is not going to go all "HOMO" but you know that a bunch of people on Twitter, Reddit, and god forbid newspaper comments and 4Chan would jump at the chance. Democratization of media is definitely not all good.
posted by msalt at 1:14 AM on June 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
/r/49ers and Niners Twitter are quite good, as is the website I write for (NinersNation). But, you know, San Francisco duh.
To be honest, I think social media has actually set back the coming out process, because the press is not going to go all "HOMO" but you know that a bunch of people on Twitter, Reddit, and god forbid newspaper comments and 4Chan would jump at the chance. Democratization of media is definitely not all good.
posted by msalt at 1:14 AM on June 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
/r/EvilLeagueofEvil is a great general interest NFL sub where it's encouraged to appreciate the dynastic great teams other fans hate (and the Bears). Everyone acts like a preening Bond villain and compliments other league members on the success of their Evil teams. The place went bonkers with joy when the Pats stole the Superbowl. It's great.
posted by Slap*Happy at 8:12 AM on June 22, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by Slap*Happy at 8:12 AM on June 22, 2017 [3 favorites]
To be honest, I think social media has actually set back the coming out process, because the press is not going to go all "HOMO" but you know that a bunch of people on Twitter, Reddit, and god forbid newspaper comments and 4Chan would jump at the chance.
Exactly. It's one thing to come out as an active player if you can maintain some control of the narrative. But you can only manage that in the era of social media if you're backed by a concerted Russia-style propaganda blitz, and who's going to spend that kind of money?
posted by Anonymous at 11:17 AM on June 22, 2017
Exactly. It's one thing to come out as an active player if you can maintain some control of the narrative. But you can only manage that in the era of social media if you're backed by a concerted Russia-style propaganda blitz, and who's going to spend that kind of money?
posted by Anonymous at 11:17 AM on June 22, 2017
« Older Georgia on My Mind: All Bets are Ossoff | In the Bering Sea, the orcas are winning Newer »
This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
posted by AFABulous at 4:49 PM on June 20, 2017 [12 favorites]