THE TOAST IS BACK FOR ONE DAY

July 26, 2017 7:57 AM

THE TOAST IS BACK FOR ONE DAY. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. So far: Link Roundup, and Harvard Magazine Personal Advertisements’ Many Synonyms For “Rich” or “Thin”.
posted by Shmuel510 (59 comments total)

I was just about to post this! YAY!!
posted by Emmy Rae at 7:57 AM on July 26, 2017

WAY TO GO THERE!
posted by chavenet at 8:03 AM on July 26, 2017

AND MORE MOVIE YELLING THE HUNT FOR RED OCTOBER
posted by The Whelk at 8:09 AM on July 26, 2017 [12 favorites]

Me: NEW TOAST CONTENT ,🌈⭐️🔥
Also Me: Per See does not have a loaner jacket no one does it's not 1941
posted by The Whelk at 8:12 AM on July 26, 2017 [2 favorites]

Oh, man, fun fact about those Harvard Magazine personal ads: nearly all of them are ghostwritten by one woman. They really are delightful in the way that the Weekly World News was delightful.

(The linked Toast article is also delightful, but in an entirely different way.)
posted by uncleozzy at 8:13 AM on July 26, 2017 [14 favorites]

The Whelk: "AND MORE MOVIE YELLING THE HUNT FOR RED OCTOBER"

ambient Baldwin splashback is a phrase with a future!
posted by chavenet at 8:13 AM on July 26, 2017 [2 favorites]

I am not friends with Mallory Ortberg but everything I know about her as a very big fan makes it SHOCKING to me that she hadn't previously seen The Hunt for Red October (except that I forget she's 12 years younger than me)
posted by MCMikeNamara at 8:21 AM on July 26, 2017

I had almost forgotten how beautiful Sansa is. WHAT A GOOD DOG.

Also I've missed the Toast, and I'm so happy the team is having fun doing this together.
posted by mixedmetaphors at 8:22 AM on July 26, 2017 [3 favorites]

God, I needed this today.

Too bad the comments are disabled. It's not quite the same Toast without the commentariat.
posted by Iridic at 8:26 AM on July 26, 2017 [3 favorites]

“You: have been recently aghast”
"yacht-adjacent"
posted by Emmy Rae at 8:26 AM on July 26, 2017 [3 favorites]

OH MY GOD THANK YOU I SO NEEDED THIS *openly weeping*
posted by Space Kitty at 8:29 AM on July 26, 2017 [3 favorites]

PLEASE GOD DO ONE DIRTBAG JUST ONE PLEASE
posted by mittens at 8:29 AM on July 26, 2017 [10 favorites]

Can someone explain who the Toast is and why they were gone and why they're back and why I am so confused about why this is happening?
posted by Evilspork at 8:34 AM on July 26, 2017 [4 favorites]

The Toast was a glorious website that shuttered last year due to funding issues. Cries of dismay were heard round the world. For today only it is posting new content and people who loved the Toast when it was operating are now very happy for that new content because the Toast was quite singular and has proven impossible to replace since.

Also, one of the operators has the best dog in the world and her name is Sansa and there were frequent pictures of her (from puppyhood!) while the Toast was operating and I HAVE SO MISSED SANSA UPDATES
posted by E. Whitehall at 8:39 AM on July 26, 2017 [19 favorites]

Worth it to re-find this gem!
posted by I_Love_Bananas at 8:42 AM on July 26, 2017

I am not friends with Mallory Ortberg but everything I know about her as a very big fan makes it SHOCKING to me that she hadn't previously seen The Hunt for Red October

Personally, I was aghast (a feeling to which I am no stranger).
posted by straight at 8:46 AM on July 26, 2017 [11 favorites]

Tim Curry is in The Hunt for Red October? As an earnest Soviet?

The Toast, how I have missed you.
posted by threetwentytwo at 9:18 AM on July 26, 2017 [2 favorites]

Can someone explain who the Toast is and why they were gone and why they're back and why I am so confused about why this is happening?

Here you go.
posted by jacquilynne at 9:18 AM on July 26, 2017

So, do you capitalise the "The" in "The Toast"?

I do because otherwise to my mind it looks like a hipster cafe that charges a fiver for toast.
posted by threetwentytwo at 9:23 AM on July 26, 2017 [1 favorite]

YAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSS. I have strong opinions about Red October and I am feeling very validated right now.
posted by Wretch729 at 9:25 AM on July 26, 2017 [2 favorites]

You may have heard about this, but the election turned out very badly.

* laugh cries *

I follow Nicole and Mallory on Instagram and I knew Mallory have been staying at Nicole's house and that Nikki, the other Nicole, visited too. I've been enjoying their posts immensely but I DIDN'T KNOW THEY WERE GOING TO BRING IT BACK FOR ONE DAY AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
posted by numaner at 9:45 AM on July 26, 2017 [1 favorite]

I was living in Chicago when Hunt for Red October came out and I remember seeing it at the biggest screen in town and it was glorious. Amazing toupee action on Connery and peak Alec Baldwin hotness. Those were the days.
posted by mogget at 9:47 AM on July 26, 2017 [1 favorite]

I worked in an audio/video store back in the day and Hunt for Red October was one of the few laser discs we had. Lines from that movie became a thing for a couple of us, especially "Give me a ping Vasily", "I would have liked to have seen Montana", and of course, "you'll receive the order of Lenin for this".

I look forward to reading the rest of these posts but man, the Red October one just hits me to the core.
posted by Ber at 10:10 AM on July 26, 2017 [2 favorites]

threetwentytwo: "Tim Curry is in The Hunt for Red October? As an earnest Soviet?"

As they mentioned, EVERYONE is in Hunt for Red October.

I watched it recently with my kids, for the first time since it came out. It really does hold up very well.
posted by Chrysostom at 10:17 AM on July 26, 2017 [2 favorites]

threetwentytwo where do you live that's so cheap that hipsters only charge $5 for toast? No really, I NEED TO KNOW!
posted by evilDoug at 10:31 AM on July 26, 2017

One ping only, Vasili.
posted by briank at 10:38 AM on July 26, 2017 [2 favorites]

“You: Have never been inside of a Tommy Bahamas”

I qualify!

(not quite sure just what for tho')
posted by sammyo at 10:43 AM on July 26, 2017

I literally ran out of the grocery store when Mallory's TinyLetter alerted me to this happening! I raced home flexing my comment fingers and while I am super happy to see new content, it's excruciating to not be able to participate.

So it is here I will have to rave on about Rick Ducommun's stellar turn in Hunt for Red October.
posted by apparently at 10:46 AM on July 26, 2017

Per See does not have a loaner jacket no one does it's not 1941

I haven't been in New York for decades, so I have no idea what's going on there, but some restaurants in Chicago still have standards.
posted by tully_monster at 10:46 AM on July 26, 2017 [2 favorites]

I have a 2002 photo of my spouse in a Le Cirque 2000 loaner jacket.
posted by apparently at 10:48 AM on July 26, 2017 [1 favorite]

Per Se required a jacket long after 1941. I don't know if they have a loaner jacket, but as late as 2010, they had information on their website saying a jacket is required and prohibiting running shoes. It's not there now, but I don't know if that reflects a change in policy or just a change in the website copy.

Here's an interesting article from 2013 about the RISE in loaner jacket use in some very high end NY restaurants.
posted by jacquilynne at 10:58 AM on July 26, 2017 [2 favorites]

"Next time, Jack, write a goddamn memo" is something I've said to myself on more than one occasion.
posted by Cash4Lead at 11:01 AM on July 26, 2017 [1 favorite]

I think clicking on these brought up Mallory Ortberg's upcoming book, and I am so grateful! Pre-ordered!
posted by gladly at 11:12 AM on July 26, 2017 [2 favorites]

It is so comforting to be home at The Toast again. On days when I am grumpy about men in academia, I re-read women listening to men in Western art history. On other days when I am grumpy about everything, I read Hillary Clinton's farewell to The Toast.

Proudly take credit for your ideas. Have confidence in the value of your contributions. And if the space you’re in doesn’t have room for your voice, don’t be afraid to carve out a space of your own.

I miss that space, but it's so nice to have it back for a little while.
posted by ChuraChura at 11:25 AM on July 26, 2017 [8 favorites]

THE TOAST IS BACK FOR ONE DAY.

" It reminds me of the heady days of Sputnik and Yuri Gagarin when the world trembled at the sound of our Letters from Chris Kimball. Well, they will tremble again — at the sound of our silence."
posted by leotrotsky at 11:27 AM on July 26, 2017 [5 favorites]

I can't believe we're not doing an entire FPP about anti-CAPSLOCK dude inventing a whole new circle of mansplaining hell.

"Oh, yeah, I put a macro in your keyboard to delete Oxford commas if you accidentally use one. You're welcome."
posted by straight at 11:29 AM on July 26, 2017 [2 favorites]

Man, I totally read the capslocklocker as female, perhaps simply because I live with a woman who would absolutely do this.
posted by ominous_paws at 11:37 AM on July 26, 2017

Ahhhhhhh!!!!! This is the best day ever! Now to parse out consumption of new content so that I can savor it all day...

God I missed The Toast.
posted by stellaluna at 12:05 PM on July 26, 2017

Phew. I was worried they were going to be down on The Hunt for Red October. That would not be ok, not at all.

(Although, fun/awful fact: the only women in the movie deliver their lines before the opening credits finish, and are never seen again. Can you tell it is Tom Clancy's first book? A piece of Naval Institute Press military fan fic?)

((Anyway I .. might have .. some Scott Glenn moments to go rewatch))
posted by ead at 12:14 PM on July 26, 2017

Me: NEW TOAST CONTENT ,🌈⭐️🔥
Also Me: Per See does not have a loaner jacket no one does it's not 1941

Shush, you. You would never need a loaner jacket.
posted by Samizdata at 12:22 PM on July 26, 2017 [1 favorite]

> So, do you capitalise the "The" in "The Toast"? I do because otherwise to my mind it looks like a hipster cafe that charges a fiver for toast.

It's not The Toast, it's just Toast and it's pretty good, you should try it when you're in Durham.
posted by ardgedee at 12:25 PM on July 26, 2017 [1 favorite]

Mallory's Didion/Wintour skits are solid fucking gold.
posted by Iridic at 12:30 PM on July 26, 2017 [4 favorites]

Mallory's Didion/Wintour skits are solid fucking gold.

"You look like an attractive scarab beetle."
posted by leotrotsky at 12:39 PM on July 26, 2017

apparently, I thought I was the only Rick Ducommun fan left!

Still miss the days of Rock 'N' America.
posted by hanov3r at 2:46 PM on July 26, 2017 [1 favorite]

in the last episode of Twin Peaks, the confused and blank-minded husk of Agent Dale Cooper got taken to dinner by some nice gentlemen who kept pouring drinks and demanding A TOAST! A TOAST! and each time he would look around for where the Toast was, very confused because even poor confused Agent Cooper knows the Toast is no more. but the nice criminal men would thrust a drink into his hand and tell him THAT was the toast, even though it was clearly not. but he could not explain himself because he is not altogether himself again yet. if you don't watch the show, that is what it is about, mostly.

and now look, there is Toast after all. that is because art has a message and everything is coming together. don't ever think this wasn't part of the plan.
posted by queenofbithynia at 3:26 PM on July 26, 2017 [3 favorites]

Iridic: "Mallory's Didion/Wintour skits are solid fucking gold."

They're exactly in the same sweet spot for me as Very Mary Kate and Drew Droege as Chloe Sevigny (oh hey, here's a comment I made from way back in 2010 about exactly those two). I have exactly the right amount of awareness about Didion and Wintour to find this hilarious -- too little and I wouldn't have any idea what she's doing, too much and the illusion falls apart.
posted by mhum at 6:33 PM on July 26, 2017

“You: Could easily hike to the elevation above sea level, in feet, that corresponds to your checking account’s daily limit.”

This is:
(1) coastal elitism in the most literal sense - I live 1000 feet above sea level, because that's where Atlanta is.
(2) backwards. If my checking account's daily limit is higher shouldn't I have to not hike as high?
posted by madcaptenor at 7:20 PM on July 26, 2017

Also, in today's America haven't we all been recently aghast?
posted by madcaptenor at 7:21 PM on July 26, 2017

Sacramento!
posted by Pronoiac at 9:56 PM on July 26, 2017

Just wanting to say that I love love love Mallory, of course I do, I rawther prefer her to other internet content. Somehow, I have no idea but I got on her email thing, the Shatner Chatner, and it has been, if not the finest thing in my life, well, fabulous.
posted by newdaddy at 11:35 PM on July 26, 2017 [2 favorites]

I have felt the exact same way about Tim Curry in Red October forever.

I miss The Toast.
posted by whuppy at 3:59 AM on July 27, 2017 [1 favorite]

My sister and I feel v strongly that Mallory would be our friend if only she knew us! We have a grand scheme to somehow invite her to tea.

(Pasadena!)
posted by n. moon at 6:12 AM on July 27, 2017 [1 favorite]

Per See does not have a loaner jacket no one does it's not 1941

I had Sunday brunch at a fancy place in New Orleans in 2012 with my best friend, Matt. Even though I was wearing a (slightly sweaty) white dress shirt with my own damn grandpa's 1940s-era bowtie, I was loaned a jacket to wear.

Reader, it was nicer than any jacket I have ever owned, and I almost did a runner in it.
posted by wenestvedt at 6:31 AM on July 27, 2017 [3 favorites]

Also, I spotted Poffin Boffin back on MeFi yesterday for the first time in a while, so what with this news, I'm just waiting for the concomitant jet flyovers and dessert buffets and constant sunshine to kick in.
posted by wenestvedt at 6:35 AM on July 27, 2017 [1 favorite]

Evilspork: Can someone explain who the Toast is ...?

Here, this should be of no use whatsoever: The Imaginary World of Mr Toast
posted by wenestvedt at 6:38 AM on July 27, 2017

I just started rereading The Hunt for Red October because of this thread. The name of the political officer that Captain Ramius kills at the beginning: Putin.
posted by nestor_makhno at 1:53 PM on July 27, 2017 [5 favorites]

Is this where I tell everyone I sent a squee email to Mallory about the Shatner Chatner and she answered me? #LifeGoals
posted by Space Kitty at 4:39 PM on July 28, 2017

FYI: Nicole Cliffe is back on Twitter (and a delight, as you'd expect). If you were following her before, you should be following her again now. Mallory does not appear to be back on despite using The Toast's twitter to promise/threaten a comeback; searching around suggests that there might be some issue with getting her original account back.
posted by mhum at 4:34 PM on July 31, 2017 [1 favorite]

Is this where I tell everyone I sent a squee email to Mallory about the Shatner Chatner and she answered me? #LifeGoals

she likes my dumb comments on her photos on instagram!
posted by numaner at 2:00 PM on August 1, 2017 [1 favorite]