yo, can you help me out
July 30, 2017 5:35 AM Subscribe
In which author Sam Sykes asks author Chuck Wendig for some advice concerning "some kind of crazed serial killer roaming the [summer camp] grounds." Take your choice of the same content on Storify, Imgur, or Twitter.
Some good news
posted by wotsac at 8:08 AM on July 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by wotsac at 8:08 AM on July 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
"a wooden mask whose empty eyes drink in the light and whose jagged grin suggests it was carved, forced upon it when it didn't laugh"
posted by doctornemo at 8:17 AM on July 30, 2017
posted by doctornemo at 8:17 AM on July 30, 2017
Ok, so now in the format of an AskMe thread please...
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 8:33 AM on July 30, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 8:33 AM on July 30, 2017 [4 favorites]
Ok, so now in the format of an AskMe thread please...
[A few comments deleted. OP, AskMe is not really a space for back and forth discussion. If you need to add more information to help answerers, it's fine to add a clarifying comment or two, but generally the idea is to leave the question and let folks answer, not open a dialog.]
posted by solotoro at 10:28 AM on July 30, 2017 [21 favorites]
[A few comments deleted. OP, AskMe is not really a space for back and forth discussion. If you need to add more information to help answerers, it's fine to add a clarifying comment or two, but generally the idea is to leave the question and let folks answer, not open a dialog.]
posted by solotoro at 10:28 AM on July 30, 2017 [21 favorites]
"so maybe you and the mask just share a hobby
that's nice"
is where I lost it. This is a work of art.
posted by Flannery Culp at 11:53 AM on July 30, 2017 [7 favorites]
that's nice"
is where I lost it. This is a work of art.
posted by Flannery Culp at 11:53 AM on July 30, 2017 [7 favorites]
OP, speaking of someone currently putting Deep Heating Rub on my joints to try and shake another bout of rigor mortis*, don't listen to the other enablers in this thread. You want to remove that mask now, before the lamp falls off the table. The silence of eternity is preferable to increasingly shitty extensions to your franchise!
* They say "if [it] lasts more than four hours, see a doctor" for YOU KNOW...but it is not covered by my insurance, it's a pre-existing condition, like every time I come back from the dead, everything resets. I guess that's a new question, I'll get my own thread.
posted by maxwelton at 12:57 PM on July 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
* They say "if [it] lasts more than four hours, see a doctor" for YOU KNOW...but it is not covered by my insurance, it's a pre-existing condition, like every time I come back from the dead, everything resets. I guess that's a new question, I'll get my own thread.
posted by maxwelton at 12:57 PM on July 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
are you holding a weapon? probably a sharp one?
hang on, let me check
is a machete a weapon
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 1:24 PM on July 30, 2017
hang on, let me check
is a machete a weapon
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 1:24 PM on July 30, 2017
AskMetafilter -
I found a creepy mask on a corpse in the forest. The voices whisper and gibber to me. Should I wear it?
posted by Samizdata at 1:26 PM on July 30, 2017 [5 favorites]
I found a creepy mask on a corpse in the forest. The voices whisper and gibber to me. Should I wear it?
posted by Samizdata at 1:26 PM on July 30, 2017 [5 favorites]
The FDA has comprehensive guidelines for mask wearing, but I usually perform my pre-work week rituals in a batch on Sundays. Ideally you're not supposed to leave any found masks of unknown supra or para natural provenance out overnight, and by the time they're gibbering telepathically at you they're past what the guidelines say are the safe zone - but honestly you need to leave any post ritual mask out a little to settle down before putting it away, anyway. I've used masks that have been left overnight on many occasions with no permanent side effects, so I'd say go for it, especially if it was left under a talismanic shroud. If it was left in a pentagram, though, I'd toss it. Just not worth the risk of permanent possession.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 1:38 PM on July 30, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by Jon Mitchell at 1:38 PM on July 30, 2017 [3 favorites]
Not to take away from the fun or anything but we're all clear that this was a promo piece, right?
posted by jojo and the benjamins at 2:26 PM on July 30, 2017
posted by jojo and the benjamins at 2:26 PM on July 30, 2017
Unless it is a summer camp, I would like to purchase whatever it is these tweets are promoting.
posted by stet at 2:41 PM on July 30, 2017 [6 favorites]
posted by stet at 2:41 PM on July 30, 2017 [6 favorites]
jojo: no, we're not clear on that at all: most likely it was just Sam and Chuck doing it for the lulz.
By the way, can anyone give me some tips on the best way to dismember a corpse (or three)?
posted by cstross at 2:58 PM on July 30, 2017 [7 favorites]
By the way, can anyone give me some tips on the best way to dismember a corpse (or three)?
posted by cstross at 2:58 PM on July 30, 2017 [7 favorites]
The FDA has comprehensive guidelines for mask wearing, but I usually perform my pre-work week rituals in a batch on Sundays. Ideally you're not supposed to leave any found masks of unknown supra or para natural provenance out overnight, and by the time they're gibbering telepathically at you they're past what the guidelines say are the safe zone - but honestly you need to leave any post ritual mask out a little to settle down before putting it away, anyway. I've used masks that have been left overnight on many occasions with no permanent side effects, so I'd say go for it, especially if it was left under a talismanic shroud. If it was left in a pentagram, though, I'd toss it. Just not worth the risk of permanent possession.
I think you are just a shill for Big Paranormal Control! I slipped the mask on for a second and nothing bad happened.
Also, is this something I would have to have a soul to understand?
posted by Samizdata at 3:02 PM on July 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
Not to take away from the fun or anything but we're all clear that this was a promo piece, right?
Considering that Chuck and Sam are friends, it seems far more likely that Sam saw Chuck's Friday Flash Fiction Challenge prompt and decided to respond.
Not everything is a calculated money-grubbing exercise. And if part of a thing includes "Chuck Wendig riffing entertainingly on Twitter" the odds of it being calculatedly money-grubbing are even lower.
posted by Lexica at 3:21 PM on July 30, 2017 [2 favorites]
Considering that Chuck and Sam are friends, it seems far more likely that Sam saw Chuck's Friday Flash Fiction Challenge prompt and decided to respond.
Not everything is a calculated money-grubbing exercise. And if part of a thing includes "Chuck Wendig riffing entertainingly on Twitter" the odds of it being calculatedly money-grubbing are even lower.
posted by Lexica at 3:21 PM on July 30, 2017 [2 favorites]
The Flash Fiction Challenge prompt was in response to the twitter exchange, not the other way around. But I still don't think this was anything other than two friends having fun on twitter, to the delight of many.
posted by Roommate at 3:39 PM on July 30, 2017
posted by Roommate at 3:39 PM on July 30, 2017
Sometimes writers just like to be silly on Twitter. Although we certainly don't HATE it when people like us enough on Twitter to buy our books - we have to eat and pay bills - and to an extent a writer's life on Twitter IS all promo all the time...sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
Anyway it was hilarious all around.
posted by angeline at 4:03 PM on July 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
Anyway it was hilarious all around.
posted by angeline at 4:03 PM on July 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
Not to take away from the fun or anything but we're all clear that this was a promo piece, right?
How crass of a couple of writers to write something entertaining for free just to get people to give them money for other things they write.
posted by Etrigan at 4:14 PM on July 30, 2017 [17 favorites]
How crass of a couple of writers to write something entertaining for free just to get people to give them money for other things they write.
posted by Etrigan at 4:14 PM on July 30, 2017 [17 favorites]
Also? Hey, it was nice to spend a few minutes giggling like a hyena at something on Twitter instead of wondering if THIS Tweet was the one that's gonna get us nuked.
posted by angeline at 4:26 PM on July 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by angeline at 4:26 PM on July 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
By the way, can anyone give me some tips on the best way to dismember a corpse (or three)?
Apparently, the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together.
And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead.
You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes.
That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".
posted by greenhornet at 8:18 PM on July 30, 2017 [3 favorites]
Apparently, the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together.
And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead.
You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes.
That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".
posted by greenhornet at 8:18 PM on July 30, 2017 [3 favorites]
Man but he didn't even care about the creepy groundskeeper everyone pointed the finger at when the murders started. I don't want to say this guy is a jerk, but honestly that's pretty self-centered.
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 9:54 PM on July 30, 2017
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 9:54 PM on July 30, 2017
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posted by Pope Guilty at 6:31 AM on July 30, 2017 [3 favorites]