Cokers vs. Goshworth is a Barn-Burner
November 8, 2017 9:51 AM Subscribe
We've had Robo-Rosewater. We've had Robo-Romance (of the Harlequin variety). Most recently, we've even had Robo-Slashdot. But only now have we reached the glory days of what AI can bring us, with the Recurrently Generated English Football League.
Oh dammit all! It should go here. Please hope me!
posted by Navelgazer at 9:57 AM on November 8, 2017
posted by Navelgazer at 9:57 AM on November 8, 2017
Flackburn Welm 'til I die!
Come on you Hatboxes!
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 10:09 AM on November 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
Come on you Hatboxes!
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 10:09 AM on November 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
I'd rather be a Spersder than a Clood
I'd rather be a Spersder than a Clood
I'd rather be a Spersder
I'd rather be a Spersder
I'd rather be a Spersder than a Clood!
FUCK THE CLOOD!
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 10:18 AM on November 8, 2017 [8 favorites]
I'd rather be a Spersder than a Clood
I'd rather be a Spersder
I'd rather be a Spersder
I'd rather be a Spersder than a Clood!
FUCK THE CLOOD!
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 10:18 AM on November 8, 2017 [8 favorites]
Sorry, nothing will ever beat the generated recipes with ingredients like "baconfroots" and "½ cup with no noodles" and instructions like "Fold water. Roll into small cubes."
posted by kersplunk at 10:20 AM on November 8, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by kersplunk at 10:20 AM on November 8, 2017 [3 favorites]
This sounds amazing.
It’s the international break and there’s little actual interesting football to watch, so over the next few days and weeks, we’re going to have some fun with this. Inspired by the machine learning club names, nine of us have adopted a Recurrently Generated Premier League (RGPL) club. We’ve fleshed out the clubs’ locations and histories. We somehow convinced a SB Nation graphic designer to create club crests, colors, and even kits.
We’ll be debuting these clubs in the coming days, starting tomorrow.
We’ll also be running our completely fictional computer generated clubs with completely fictional computer generated players through a custom database in Football Manager 17, to find out which club is the best recurrently generated club in the UK. For science.
Come On You Dogs
posted by Rock Steady at 10:35 AM on November 8, 2017 [4 favorites]
It’s the international break and there’s little actual interesting football to watch, so over the next few days and weeks, we’re going to have some fun with this. Inspired by the machine learning club names, nine of us have adopted a Recurrently Generated Premier League (RGPL) club. We’ve fleshed out the clubs’ locations and histories. We somehow convinced a SB Nation graphic designer to create club crests, colors, and even kits.
We’ll be debuting these clubs in the coming days, starting tomorrow.
We’ll also be running our completely fictional computer generated clubs with completely fictional computer generated players through a custom database in Football Manager 17, to find out which club is the best recurrently generated club in the UK. For science.
Come On You Dogs
posted by Rock Steady at 10:35 AM on November 8, 2017 [4 favorites]
Falmoughbasgagliell & Tuwrove Fore
Pronounced, I assume, "fumgull and toover".
posted by Rock Steady at 10:37 AM on November 8, 2017 [10 favorites]
Pronounced, I assume, "fumgull and toover".
posted by Rock Steady at 10:37 AM on November 8, 2017 [10 favorites]
Well of course Clitlowe Town is in the same division as Cockport Town.
(this is good internet)
posted by the painkiller at 10:49 AM on November 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
(this is good internet)
posted by the painkiller at 10:49 AM on November 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
Feh. I'll never forgive Falmoughbasgagliell & Tuwrove Fore for transferring Hoofed Snarch to Kickstonians before the FA Cup.
posted by Quindar Beep at 11:06 AM on November 8, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by Quindar Beep at 11:06 AM on November 8, 2017 [5 favorites]
Can someone please explain how this is any different than non recurrently generated English Football League? Because from way over here it looks exactly the same.
posted by loquacious at 11:14 AM on November 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by loquacious at 11:14 AM on November 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
There's considerably less foreign investment, for one thing.
posted by ardgedee at 11:19 AM on November 8, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by ardgedee at 11:19 AM on November 8, 2017 [5 favorites]
I like how the paint name examples given could also easily be team names.
posted by poffin boffin at 11:25 AM on November 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by poffin boffin at 11:25 AM on November 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
Loonsmead
Surely this is a real place.
posted by GenjiandProust at 11:29 AM on November 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
Surely this is a real place.
posted by GenjiandProust at 11:29 AM on November 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
Loonsmead
Surely this is a real place.
Yes, it's just up the M5 past Fantowe, Pantswich, and Glachgham Wells.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 11:59 AM on November 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
Surely this is a real place.
Yes, it's just up the M5 past Fantowe, Pantswich, and Glachgham Wells.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 11:59 AM on November 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
My god, it's a treasure-trove of user names. Dadshoot Peading??
The little tag of a caption to the table was: Computers are great, man, and it made me wonder: what if you set a team of writers at the same task? How would the results compare? Is this a uniquely 'computery' list? I guess there are three possibilities:
1. Humans have habits in the way we think that prevent us from exploring the entire space of possible names, thus, there are some hilarious FC names that we would never think of. But the computer is free of those constraints, can range over all the possibilities, and finds hilarious names that we never would.
2. Humans, being self-aware, can break free of those habits (that's probably what the best humorists do), and so are more free to explore the possibilities than a computer, which at heart is still using a relatively simple algorithm.
3. There's some kind of amazing parity between the way humans might explore the space of possible names and the way the computer (well, this recurrent neural network anyway) does it, that results in the computer-generated names being both plausible and also aesthetically really satisfying.
I want it to be 3, because that's the future, right there.
posted by dbx at 12:40 PM on November 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
The little tag of a caption to the table was: Computers are great, man, and it made me wonder: what if you set a team of writers at the same task? How would the results compare? Is this a uniquely 'computery' list? I guess there are three possibilities:
1. Humans have habits in the way we think that prevent us from exploring the entire space of possible names, thus, there are some hilarious FC names that we would never think of. But the computer is free of those constraints, can range over all the possibilities, and finds hilarious names that we never would.
2. Humans, being self-aware, can break free of those habits (that's probably what the best humorists do), and so are more free to explore the possibilities than a computer, which at heart is still using a relatively simple algorithm.
3. There's some kind of amazing parity between the way humans might explore the space of possible names and the way the computer (well, this recurrent neural network anyway) does it, that results in the computer-generated names being both plausible and also aesthetically really satisfying.
I want it to be 3, because that's the future, right there.
posted by dbx at 12:40 PM on November 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
I think it's a mix of 1 and 3, with a dash of 2. The neural network is just manipulating symbols and inventing things that fit patterns it discovers. Those "habits" we have that prevent us exploring the entire space are ones like "being able to attach meaning to words", and there's no way to get around that. The computer doesn't care what words mean, it just cares what letters tend to go near what other ones (to vastly oversimplify the complicated math that's going on under the hood).
On the other hand, this list is curated by a bunch of humans. I can practically guarantee you that there were dozens or hundreds of names that fell flat or just weren't funny, and those won't show up in an article like this, so that's where 3 comes in. The computer provides a look into parts of the space humans wouldn't necessarily touch, and the humans look at those and separate the hilarious ones out from the loads of meh names.
posted by wanderingmind at 2:21 PM on November 8, 2017
On the other hand, this list is curated by a bunch of humans. I can practically guarantee you that there were dozens or hundreds of names that fell flat or just weren't funny, and those won't show up in an article like this, so that's where 3 comes in. The computer provides a look into parts of the space humans wouldn't necessarily touch, and the humans look at those and separate the hilarious ones out from the loads of meh names.
posted by wanderingmind at 2:21 PM on November 8, 2017
I think I'll probably always think of Aston Villa as "Wodgy Villa" from now on. At least this iteration of the club.
posted by Kattullus at 3:24 PM on November 8, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by Kattullus at 3:24 PM on November 8, 2017 [3 favorites]
Honestly, I think this is the cleverest thing Spurs supporters have ever done.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 4:49 PM on November 8, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 4:49 PM on November 8, 2017 [3 favorites]
I don't care what team you support...
Hearing Daddy's Car being sung by 20,000 Peepstone Patife supporters, in the cold, driving rain... Hearing the words resonate across the pitch at Wedgunapp and echo from the terraces of The Satiblansmeak End...
It touches you.
posted by glonous keming at 6:38 PM on November 8, 2017 [4 favorites]
Hearing Daddy's Car being sung by 20,000 Peepstone Patife supporters, in the cold, driving rain... Hearing the words resonate across the pitch at Wedgunapp and echo from the terraces of The Satiblansmeak End...
It touches you.
posted by glonous keming at 6:38 PM on November 8, 2017 [4 favorites]
Shit Briftle Clupston
You're just a shit Briftle Clupston
Shit Briftle Cluuupston
You're just a shit Briftle Clupston!
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 7:11 PM on November 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
You're just a shit Briftle Clupston
Shit Briftle Cluuupston
You're just a shit Briftle Clupston!
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 7:11 PM on November 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
Which teams do Rog and Dave-o back?
posted by wenestvedt at 8:10 PM on November 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by wenestvedt at 8:10 PM on November 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
Which teams do Rog and Dave-o back?
Don't you mean Ranch and Dabo?
posted by Ranucci at 8:24 PM on November 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
Don't you mean Ranch and Dabo?
posted by Ranucci at 8:24 PM on November 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
“Where were you when Bodland Fabrdeworth Inyers Alusinby Town were sh*t?”
posted by Rock Steady at 2:39 AM on November 9, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Rock Steady at 2:39 AM on November 9, 2017 [1 favorite]
I like to imagine that Cheston & Sports is generally just called "Sports" by its supporters, so we could have the following exchange:
AMERICAN: Do you like sports?
BRITON: Yes, they are my favorite team.
A: Who is your favorite team?
B: Sports.
A: Sports is your favorite team?
B: Yes.
posted by Rock Steady at 7:31 AM on November 9, 2017 [4 favorites]
AMERICAN: Do you like sports?
BRITON: Yes, they are my favorite team.
A: Who is your favorite team?
B: Sports.
A: Sports is your favorite team?
B: Yes.
posted by Rock Steady at 7:31 AM on November 9, 2017 [4 favorites]
With a base of local support in Canary Wharf
posted by Navelgazer at 12:42 PM on November 9, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Navelgazer at 12:42 PM on November 9, 2017 [1 favorite]
Someone needs to make a speech synthesizer that reproduces the voice of the late great Len Martin to read these out.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 2:59 PM on November 9, 2017
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 2:59 PM on November 9, 2017
Pat Wendy, ponytailed fiftysomething Oklahoman, veteran, chronic wanderer, soccer philosopher, a humble dreamer among dreamers, and manager of Sunfield & Deatic Football Club.
posted by Rock Steady at 5:47 AM on November 10, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Rock Steady at 5:47 AM on November 10, 2017 [1 favorite]
Ixborough Borough Town
I'm imagining some sort of long-lasting hyperlocal naming dispute that's resulted in several nearby towns having very similar names, with the distinctions being nearly impenetrable to an outsider. Like if you went to visit this team's hometown, and the locals tell you that you have indeed come to Ixborough Town, but this is not the same place as Ixborough Borough Town (which is actually on the other side of the river Ix), and neither of these are the same place as Ixborough, and all three of these are distinct from Old Ixborough, which is not the same place as Ixborough Old Town. That name just screams "there's a history here, and it'll be a pain to understand".
posted by Tau Wedel at 8:29 AM on November 10, 2017 [5 favorites]
I'm imagining some sort of long-lasting hyperlocal naming dispute that's resulted in several nearby towns having very similar names, with the distinctions being nearly impenetrable to an outsider. Like if you went to visit this team's hometown, and the locals tell you that you have indeed come to Ixborough Town, but this is not the same place as Ixborough Borough Town (which is actually on the other side of the river Ix), and neither of these are the same place as Ixborough, and all three of these are distinct from Old Ixborough, which is not the same place as Ixborough Old Town. That name just screams "there's a history here, and it'll be a pain to understand".
posted by Tau Wedel at 8:29 AM on November 10, 2017 [5 favorites]
We are Clood. Respect the Preat Tree.
posted by Navelgazer at 10:20 AM on November 10, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by Navelgazer at 10:20 AM on November 10, 2017 [2 favorites]
Who says the English League doesn't have room for a German team?
posted by Navelgazer at 2:44 PM on November 11, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Navelgazer at 2:44 PM on November 11, 2017 [1 favorite]
By virtue of not being cricket team or a discreet abortion, the Lords and Ladies funding Amlesonians were blissfully unaware of what they were paying for.
posted by Navelgazer at 10:56 AM on November 13, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Navelgazer at 10:56 AM on November 13, 2017 [1 favorite]
Your favorite Club is probably already a part of Wodgy Villa.
posted by Navelgazer at 10:57 AM on November 13, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Navelgazer at 10:57 AM on November 13, 2017 [1 favorite]
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posted by Rock Steady at 9:55 AM on November 8, 2017