Oh Johnny Planesvalker

November 22, 2017 1:49 PM

The #GoogleTranslatesMTG hashtag highlights Magic: The Gathering (previously) cards that have been run through Google Translate many times before finally arriving back in English. @RosewattaStone is working to post a new one every day. You may prefer to have Desert Bus read the cards out loud to you... well, try to read them, anyway.

Some highlights:

Thank You (picturing soldiers dying to a rain of arrows)
Here Screaming ("After World War II, this area is the faucet on the map.")
Dalits Bay ("And I will bring evil upon man, and destruction.")
hermeson ("I'll lose my house.")
Afghanistan

The RosewattaStone folks have a few more details on their website. Readers may be reminded of RoboRosewater (previously). Meanwhile and fittingly, the next real MTG set is revealing previews right now, and it's an Un-set, the first in thirteen years.

posted by one for the books (8 comments total)

I don't know any of the original cards, but still hilarious. Hold Hands: Enjoy your life

Reminds me of this reddit post with Heathstone cards created by a neural network. My favorite is Blood Manos
posted by Hume at 3:14 PM on November 22, 2017 [1 favorite]

Some personal faves:

Crewivating Crew: "There are people who cannot get along"

Lungs: "To prevent all institutions and legs from being damaged by players."

This Weekends are Awesome: "Extreme heat, light, and sexual immorality"

Endless Violence: "You lose the game, and your opponent cannot win."
posted by nubs at 3:48 PM on November 22, 2017 [3 favorites]

"If you decide, there is a Starbucks."- Kitesail Just Stands
posted by dannyboybell at 4:01 PM on November 22, 2017

Nearly a decade ago on the internet: Translations from the Italian via Babelfish, by Matthew White of The Great Big Book of Horrible Things and oh look he's got a new book as well
posted by Apocryphon at 4:56 PM on November 22, 2017

Shocked and dismayed to not see some of my favorite Rosewattas posted yet:

Of Course Hazoret - Your hand is attacked by a dog or electric Hazoret or more cards.

St. Style Bitches - Works best if you imagine a well-placed comma.

Longtusk Sex - gets better the farther down the card you read.
posted by cyrusdogstar at 10:19 PM on November 22, 2017 [4 favorites]

Speaking of MtG fun, there was a hashtag on Japanese Twitter about a month ago that was basically “MtG cards you can add ‘Harry Potter and the’ to and it sounds right” that was a lot of fun.
posted by DoctorFedora at 5:06 AM on November 23, 2017 [2 favorites]

Even after translation, this is a very truthful version of armageddon: hermeson
posted by a dangerous ruin at 11:25 PM on November 25, 2017

Loosely related: Google Translate sings Mary Poppins from Malinda Kathleen Reese featuring Brian Hull. Many others in that vein on Malinda's channel.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 11:14 AM on November 26, 2017