Last Christmas... I lasted three days
December 1, 2017 12:14 PM Subscribe
It's December 1st! Whamageddon has begun.
The 1st Rule
The objective is to go as long as possible without hearing WHAM's Christmas classic; "Last Christmas".
The 1st Rule
The objective is to go as long as possible without hearing WHAM's Christmas classic; "Last Christmas".
Turns out that remixes and covers are OK, which is great.
posted by leotrotsky at 12:21 PM on December 1, 2017 [10 favorites]
posted by leotrotsky at 12:21 PM on December 1, 2017 [10 favorites]
I will listen to Wham on endless repeat if it means I never hear any godawful Mariah Carey songs.
posted by madajb at 12:21 PM on December 1, 2017 [13 favorites]
posted by madajb at 12:21 PM on December 1, 2017 [13 favorites]
Here are some handy tips to avoid Last Christmas.
posted by Pendragon at 12:21 PM on December 1, 2017 [34 favorites]
posted by Pendragon at 12:21 PM on December 1, 2017 [34 favorites]
Pendragon, I'm so happy to know I'm not the only dick who had the exact same idea.
posted by leotrotsky at 12:22 PM on December 1, 2017 [11 favorites]
posted by leotrotsky at 12:22 PM on December 1, 2017 [11 favorites]
A friend of mine was just talking about doing this same challenge only with "Little Drummer Boy."
posted by dnash at 12:23 PM on December 1, 2017 [6 favorites]
posted by dnash at 12:23 PM on December 1, 2017 [6 favorites]
If this had started two days earlier I'd already be out. But the clock starts now!
posted by matt_od at 12:23 PM on December 1, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by matt_od at 12:23 PM on December 1, 2017 [3 favorites]
leotrotski, I have no idea what you're talking about ..... *smirk*
posted by Pendragon at 12:24 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Pendragon at 12:24 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
I lost this morning.
John and Yoko's song first showed up at 12:39 on November 19th. I wasn't crazy about that, but it could have been worse. It could have been Paul's.
posted by Capt. Renault at 12:25 PM on December 1, 2017 [11 favorites]
John and Yoko's song first showed up at 12:39 on November 19th. I wasn't crazy about that, but it could have been worse. It could have been Paul's.
posted by Capt. Renault at 12:25 PM on December 1, 2017 [11 favorites]
I played it intentionally yesterday, BEFORE DECEMBER EVEN BEGAN.
I love this song and I do not care who knows.
posted by cooker girl at 12:25 PM on December 1, 2017 [43 favorites]
I love this song and I do not care who knows.
posted by cooker girl at 12:25 PM on December 1, 2017 [43 favorites]
Ok, so for some reason I assumed I knew this song. I think in my head I heard George Michael's part from Do They Know It's Christmas. So I figured "fuck it" and went to YouTube to hear the song, just because I'm a rebel like that, and... well... I have never knowingly heard this song in my life.
I grew up in the 1980s and I watched a ton of MTV. I never listened to top 40 radio so maybe that's why, but somehow I've avoided hearing this song until now.
Dammit, I could have won this.
Maybe the same thing but with Springsteen's Santa Clause is Coming to Town or The Waitresses Christmas Wrapping would be a bigger challenge for me.
posted by bondcliff at 12:25 PM on December 1, 2017 [3 favorites]
I grew up in the 1980s and I watched a ton of MTV. I never listened to top 40 radio so maybe that's why, but somehow I've avoided hearing this song until now.
Dammit, I could have won this.
Maybe the same thing but with Springsteen's Santa Clause is Coming to Town or The Waitresses Christmas Wrapping would be a bigger challenge for me.
posted by bondcliff at 12:25 PM on December 1, 2017 [3 favorites]
There is no way I'm clicking on Pendragon's link... I'm 90% sure without even looking it goes to Last Christmas. The other 10% is betting on a Goatse or lemon party video
posted by cirhosis at 12:26 PM on December 1, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by cirhosis at 12:26 PM on December 1, 2017 [5 favorites]
A friend of mine was just talking about doing this same challenge only with "Little Drummer Boy."
"Little Drummer Boy": commemorating the first time in history that someone uttered the words, "Oh, Jesus Christ- it's that fucking kid with his fucking drum."
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:26 PM on December 1, 2017 [24 favorites]
"Little Drummer Boy": commemorating the first time in history that someone uttered the words, "Oh, Jesus Christ- it's that fucking kid with his fucking drum."
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:26 PM on December 1, 2017 [24 favorites]
I think the only song I hear as much as Last Christmas is Santa Baby, usually the remix by Madonna that's so dreadful.
posted by 80 Cats in a Dog Suit at 12:28 PM on December 1, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by 80 Cats in a Dog Suit at 12:28 PM on December 1, 2017 [3 favorites]
Also, since we can all agree that Die Hard is, in fact, a Christmas movie, can we all agree that Last Christmas is a horrible Christmas song since it has nothing to do with Christmas other than mentioning it.
You could swap in "Last Arbor Day" and it wouldn't make any difference.
It would still suck but how many Arbor Day songs do you know?
posted by madajb at 12:30 PM on December 1, 2017 [8 favorites]
You could swap in "Last Arbor Day" and it wouldn't make any difference.
It would still suck but how many Arbor Day songs do you know?
posted by madajb at 12:30 PM on December 1, 2017 [8 favorites]
I still kinda like "Last Christmas," but every year I admit defeat the first time I hear the Hall & Oates version of "Jingle Bell Rock."
posted by lisa g at 12:33 PM on December 1, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by lisa g at 12:33 PM on December 1, 2017 [3 favorites]
The worst Christmas song, by a mile, is Paul McCartney's Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time.
SIIMMM!
LLLEEE!
HAAAA!
VIIIING!
God I hate that song.
posted by leotrotsky at 12:34 PM on December 1, 2017 [80 favorites]
SIIMMM!
LLLEEE!
HAAAA!
VIIIING!
God I hate that song.
posted by leotrotsky at 12:34 PM on December 1, 2017 [80 favorites]
Honestly, "Last Christmas" is bad, but it's far from the worst Christmas song in my book.
For me, the song I desperately try to avoid is "Wonderful Christmastime" by Paul McCartney. Well, allegedly by Paul McCartney. I'm convinced that song is the proof the real Paul died in that car crash in 1967 or so. There's no way the guy who wrote "Yesterday" also wrote that piece of trash.
posted by SansPoint at 12:34 PM on December 1, 2017 [30 favorites]
For me, the song I desperately try to avoid is "Wonderful Christmastime" by Paul McCartney. Well, allegedly by Paul McCartney. I'm convinced that song is the proof the real Paul died in that car crash in 1967 or so. There's no way the guy who wrote "Yesterday" also wrote that piece of trash.
posted by SansPoint at 12:34 PM on December 1, 2017 [30 favorites]
leotrotsky: Woah. Brainshare.
I swear, the patch on that fucking song is the sound of a Prophet-5 crying out in pain.
posted by SansPoint at 12:35 PM on December 1, 2017 [7 favorites]
I swear, the patch on that fucking song is the sound of a Prophet-5 crying out in pain.
posted by SansPoint at 12:35 PM on December 1, 2017 [7 favorites]
It only counts if you actually hear the song, right? So if I just wear noise-blocking headphones or listen to other music at an inadvisable volume whenever I leave the house, I can avoid being whammed?
posted by esoterrica at 12:47 PM on December 1, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by esoterrica at 12:47 PM on December 1, 2017 [2 favorites]
That shite Pogues xmas song. Fuck it to hell.
posted by Purposeful Grimace at 12:49 PM on December 1, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by Purposeful Grimace at 12:49 PM on December 1, 2017 [3 favorites]
Bah humbug to all of youse. I love Last Christmas and I get Hulk-level-angry when I hear any of the far inferior covers.
And I lose already because I purposefully played it this morning.
posted by kimberussell at 12:50 PM on December 1, 2017 [7 favorites]
And I lose already because I purposefully played it this morning.
posted by kimberussell at 12:50 PM on December 1, 2017 [7 favorites]
I must have tuned this song out for years and years because I cannot recall the last time I heard it. I'm sure it played in the background of my life at various shopping malls. And now I'm out of the game.
posted by Fizz at 12:50 PM on December 1, 2017
posted by Fizz at 12:50 PM on December 1, 2017
Point taken- if it's being played in hearing distance, yet I take all possible precautions to avoid actually HEARING it, then I'm OK, right?
posted by I_Love_Bananas at 12:50 PM on December 1, 2017
posted by I_Love_Bananas at 12:50 PM on December 1, 2017
*running around the mall singing LA LA LA LA LA with fingers jammed in my ears*
posted by I_Love_Bananas at 12:51 PM on December 1, 2017
posted by I_Love_Bananas at 12:51 PM on December 1, 2017
That shite Pogues xmas song.
It really is The Catcher In The Rye of Christmas songs.
posted by sandettie light vessel automatic at 12:51 PM on December 1, 2017 [5 favorites]
It really is The Catcher In The Rye of Christmas songs.
posted by sandettie light vessel automatic at 12:51 PM on December 1, 2017 [5 favorites]
What song? I don't hear any song...
posted by conscious matter at 12:52 PM on December 1, 2017
posted by conscious matter at 12:52 PM on December 1, 2017
Best christmas song ? Smith & Burrows - When The Thames Froze
posted by Pendragon at 12:53 PM on December 1, 2017
posted by Pendragon at 12:53 PM on December 1, 2017
Last Christmas is fine. Even Wonderful Christmas Time is merely bad. Do They Know It's Christmas is inexcusable.
And don't even get me started on Little Drummer Boy. It's a goddamn dirge that has no place at Christmas. It's neither jolly nor reverent. It's just a piece of shit. Fuck that song, fuck anybody who records it. You should know better. God this song makes me angry.
posted by uncleozzy at 1:00 PM on December 1, 2017 [5 favorites]
And don't even get me started on Little Drummer Boy. It's a goddamn dirge that has no place at Christmas. It's neither jolly nor reverent. It's just a piece of shit. Fuck that song, fuck anybody who records it. You should know better. God this song makes me angry.
posted by uncleozzy at 1:00 PM on December 1, 2017 [5 favorites]
kramer_slamming_money_on_counter.gif
I'm out.
posted by condour75 at 1:01 PM on December 1, 2017 [10 favorites]
I'm out.
posted by condour75 at 1:01 PM on December 1, 2017 [10 favorites]
That shite Pogues xmas song.
It really is The Catcher In The Rye of Christmas songs.
The video is also a cautionary tale about dental hygiene.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 1:02 PM on December 1, 2017 [3 favorites]
It really is The Catcher In The Rye of Christmas songs.
The video is also a cautionary tale about dental hygiene.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 1:02 PM on December 1, 2017 [3 favorites]
this same challenge only with "Little Drummer Boy."I lost this challenge two days ago, but in surprising fashion: I heard the version I grew up with thanks to my parents' handful of Christmas records. I would have expected it to have fallen into obscurity by now, and it's the only recording that carries enough nostalgic weight to outweigh my loathing of that song. I never would have expected to hear the Norman Luboff Choir in a big box store in 2017.
There's a special place in hell for modern pop singers who sing traditional Christmas carols as though they're trying to seduce someone. Sexy drummer boy is the worst.
posted by Funeral march of an old jawbone at 1:03 PM on December 1, 2017 [13 favorites]
Sexy drummer boy is the worst.
A rump a bum bum!
posted by The Great David S. Pumpkins at 1:06 PM on December 1, 2017 [19 favorites]
A rump a bum bum!
posted by The Great David S. Pumpkins at 1:06 PM on December 1, 2017 [19 favorites]
Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day, you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special.
That last line: surely it has to be the bitchiest line in all of pop music.
posted by Grangousier at 1:09 PM on December 1, 2017 [12 favorites]
But the very next day, you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special.
That last line: surely it has to be the bitchiest line in all of pop music.
posted by Grangousier at 1:09 PM on December 1, 2017 [12 favorites]
I also came in to mention Wonderful Christmastime.
And I have previously linked James Dean Bradfield's cover of Last Christmas, so just pretend I did that again because it's great.
posted by elsietheeel at 1:10 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
And I have previously linked James Dean Bradfield's cover of Last Christmas, so just pretend I did that again because it's great.
posted by elsietheeel at 1:10 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
HOT TAKE: I like "Last Christmas."
posted by Chrysostom at 1:10 PM on December 1, 2017 [9 favorites]
posted by Chrysostom at 1:10 PM on December 1, 2017 [9 favorites]
(Paradoxically, though, Vince Guaraldi's My Little Drum is one of my favorite tracks on the Charlie Brown Christmas soundtrack. Probably because it's instrumental.)
posted by Funeral march of an old jawbone at 1:11 PM on December 1, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by Funeral march of an old jawbone at 1:11 PM on December 1, 2017 [3 favorites]
It's a good thing this started today since I would have lost the night before Thanksgiving otherwise. Heard it on an xmas radio station that night on the way to meet friends for dinner. Idgaf...I like the song.
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 1:14 PM on December 1, 2017
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 1:14 PM on December 1, 2017
I see that some of you would have disapproved greatly of the CD I once mailed out at Christmas to a select few. Something like 17 versions of "Little Drummer Boy" (including the Jingle Cats) and one lone "Toad Away" by the Firesign Theater. (I had inner visions of someone playing it as background at a holiday do and waiting to see how long it took for people to catch on.)
posted by Death and Gravity at 1:15 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Death and Gravity at 1:15 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
I will listen to Wham on endless repeat if it means I never hear any godawful Mariah Carey songs.
On the other hand, the MP3-to-MIDI-to-MP3 version of All I Want For Christmas is You is, I think we can all agree, the best thing ever.
posted by Johnny Assay at 1:16 PM on December 1, 2017 [20 favorites]
On the other hand, the MP3-to-MIDI-to-MP3 version of All I Want For Christmas is You is, I think we can all agree, the best thing ever.
posted by Johnny Assay at 1:16 PM on December 1, 2017 [20 favorites]
HOT TAKE: I like "Last Christmas."
Yeah and until a few minutes ago, I didn't even know I wasn't supposed to like that Pogues song, which I find really touching in a weird way.
posted by penduluum at 1:16 PM on December 1, 2017 [3 favorites]
Yeah and until a few minutes ago, I didn't even know I wasn't supposed to like that Pogues song, which I find really touching in a weird way.
posted by penduluum at 1:16 PM on December 1, 2017 [3 favorites]
This is the best Christmas song ever.
Well, it's for holidays of all faiths. But not the other Christmas song for holidays of all faiths.
posted by SansPoint at 1:17 PM on December 1, 2017
Well, it's for holidays of all faiths. But not the other Christmas song for holidays of all faiths.
posted by SansPoint at 1:17 PM on December 1, 2017
(but Wonderful Christmastime sucks, that much is true)
posted by penduluum at 1:17 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by penduluum at 1:17 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
Okay, I've introduced my family to the concept, and I swear, if I go out, I'm taking them all down with me.
posted by Keith Talent at 1:18 PM on December 1, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by Keith Talent at 1:18 PM on December 1, 2017 [3 favorites]
That Mariah track is tolerable if you focus on the backup singer that does the "AND IIIIII....." part. He's pretty cool.
posted by JoeZydeco at 1:19 PM on December 1, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by JoeZydeco at 1:19 PM on December 1, 2017 [2 favorites]
My annual recommendation for Christmas songs that you won't hear anywhere, really: Christmas Wrapping by The Waitresses (extra points for the extended 12" version) and Frosty the Snowman by The Cocteau Twins (or Winter Wonderland from the same single).
posted by Grangousier at 1:23 PM on December 1, 2017 [13 favorites]
posted by Grangousier at 1:23 PM on December 1, 2017 [13 favorites]
I mean, first of all, "Christmas Wrapping" by The Waitresses is the best Christmas song.
And I love that Pogues song, but I prefer this version, with KT Tunstall.
Also, I can't hate "Last Christmas", because the little hanov3r child (now 7) knows it and has been caught on camera idly singing it whilst coloring.
posted by hanov3r at 1:24 PM on December 1, 2017 [14 favorites]
And I love that Pogues song, but I prefer this version, with KT Tunstall.
Also, I can't hate "Last Christmas", because the little hanov3r child (now 7) knows it and has been caught on camera idly singing it whilst coloring.
posted by hanov3r at 1:24 PM on December 1, 2017 [14 favorites]
There was a website that was collecting renditions of "Last Christmas". I forget where they stopped at before going defunct, but I swear the covers numbered in the hundreds.
posted by ZeusHumms at 1:26 PM on December 1, 2017
posted by ZeusHumms at 1:26 PM on December 1, 2017
And I love that Pogues song, but I prefer this version, with KT Tunstall.
This version is better.
posted by Pendragon at 1:28 PM on December 1, 2017 [9 favorites]
This version is better.
posted by Pendragon at 1:28 PM on December 1, 2017 [9 favorites]
"Last Christmas" is a break up song, right?
posted by ZeusHumms at 1:28 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by ZeusHumms at 1:28 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
Friendly reminder that Endless Jingling is still a thing.
posted by giraffe at 1:28 PM on December 1, 2017 [7 favorites]
posted by giraffe at 1:28 PM on December 1, 2017 [7 favorites]
a) thankfully, youtube tabs open with titles displayed before the music starts
b) don't open links from Pendragon
posted by hanov3r at 1:29 PM on December 1, 2017 [9 favorites]
b) don't open links from Pendragon
posted by hanov3r at 1:29 PM on December 1, 2017 [9 favorites]
That shite Pogues xmas song. Fuck it to hell.
I used to love it. Maybe the first ten thousand times. I blame the punk-new-wave-alt-indie world from which I emerged. A great mass of genre-sub-genres-whatever that seems to have only one actually heartfelt Christmas song (even if the heart feeling is rather rage induced).
If only we could just put Christ back into Christmas.
posted by philip-random at 1:30 PM on December 1, 2017 [2 favorites]
It's neither jolly nor reverent. It's just a piece of shit. Fuck that song, fuck anybody who records it.
Ringo's version of Little Drummer Boy is pretty good, because it's just a celebration of Ringo. And because Ringo extends peace and love throughout the year, and not just at Christmas, it's not really a Christmas song.
Ringo's Christmas album is pretty good. The version of the Beatles' Christmastime is Here Again, especially. No reason why that shouldn't get more airplay than it does. Certainly more than Paul's anyway.
Ringo's my favourite.
posted by Capt. Renault at 1:30 PM on December 1, 2017 [8 favorites]
Ringo's version of Little Drummer Boy is pretty good, because it's just a celebration of Ringo. And because Ringo extends peace and love throughout the year, and not just at Christmas, it's not really a Christmas song.
Ringo's Christmas album is pretty good. The version of the Beatles' Christmastime is Here Again, especially. No reason why that shouldn't get more airplay than it does. Certainly more than Paul's anyway.
Ringo's my favourite.
posted by Capt. Renault at 1:30 PM on December 1, 2017 [8 favorites]
I actually can't remember what "Last Christmas" sounds like. Now I'm in this bind where I don't know if I've heard it already but I can't look it up on YouTube to remind me what it is since then I'd lose the game.
posted by octothorpe at 1:31 PM on December 1, 2017
posted by octothorpe at 1:31 PM on December 1, 2017
The worst Christmas song, by a mile, is Paul McCartney's Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time.
This is true.
posted by octothorpe at 1:33 PM on December 1, 2017 [4 favorites]
This is true.
posted by octothorpe at 1:33 PM on December 1, 2017 [4 favorites]
I have never heard the song in question (even though I like pop music in general and Wham in particular), so I'm like a grandmaster of this game.
posted by signal at 1:34 PM on December 1, 2017
posted by signal at 1:34 PM on December 1, 2017
My sister and I have a yearly competition to see who can go the longest without hearing "Wonderful Christmastime" (last year I made it all the way to December 23rd...I was SO CLOSE). I would listen to "Last Christmas" all day before I'd voluntarily listen to "Wonderful Christmastime" once.
posted by The Card Cheat at 1:34 PM on December 1, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by The Card Cheat at 1:34 PM on December 1, 2017 [3 favorites]
Oh wow, where has 2017 gone. About this time last year I was promising myself I'd get in to (crappy low-skill) music production and make a whole album of lazy hard-house / bounce remixes of trad Christmas tunes and carols and call it "Ding Donk Merrily On High".
I never found the time. Oh well, maybe next year.
But for this season, I'm a game-traditionalist and the song to be avoided is canonically Fairytale Of New York.
posted by BuxtonTheRed at 1:37 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
I never found the time. Oh well, maybe next year.
But for this season, I'm a game-traditionalist and the song to be avoided is canonically Fairytale Of New York.
posted by BuxtonTheRed at 1:37 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
I'll just be over here listening to John Legend sing about Nutmeg.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 1:38 PM on December 1, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 1:38 PM on December 1, 2017 [4 favorites]
For non-terrible Christmas songs, along with the Nick Lowe album I always recommend, you could do worse than The Saw Doctors (also that video is a charming amateur film of Christmas in Tuam Ireland).
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:39 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:39 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
Well, MY Christmas tradition is loading up this page for every family get-together.
posted by jsnlxndrlv at 1:39 PM on December 1, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by jsnlxndrlv at 1:39 PM on December 1, 2017 [2 favorites]
In the 70s, of course (and the 70s was the golden age of the Christmas single), even Mike Oldfield had one. And Kate Bush. And Steeleye Span. And The Wombles. I can't remember, have we had the Greg Lake one? Bing Crosby and David Bowie (the same year he did Heroes, history fans)? Wizzard? The frankly bizarre and lugubrious Chris de Burgh one? Jona Lewie?
posted by Grangousier at 1:40 PM on December 1, 2017 [10 favorites]
posted by Grangousier at 1:40 PM on December 1, 2017 [10 favorites]
Great — I’m at work with no radio!
That should get me a good 8 hour head start!!!
Hearing the song inside your head doesn’t count, right?
posted by calgirl at 1:42 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
That should get me a good 8 hour head start!!!
Hearing the song inside your head doesn’t count, right?
posted by calgirl at 1:42 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
Also I am stunned that nobody has yet linked Cliff Richard - Mistletoe And Wine for its contribution to brutal Crimbofestive musicality. I'd be surprised if it got any traction beyond the UK, though...
posted by BuxtonTheRed at 1:44 PM on December 1, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by BuxtonTheRed at 1:44 PM on December 1, 2017 [3 favorites]
Darlene Love singing Christmas Baby Please Come Home) on Letterman is always #1 in my book. (Her final performance from 2014.) I'm actually OK with Wonderful Christmastime, Last Christmas, and All I Want for Christmas is You, but Do They Know It's Christmas makes me want to stick candy canes in my ears. And nobody but me and my siblings is into a Lucien Hétu Christmas, right?
But I'm sure that we all agree that when you think Christmas, you think Mark E. Smith and your granny on bongos. Newbies. Mystics. (via)
posted by maudlin at 1:46 PM on December 1, 2017 [5 favorites]
But I'm sure that we all agree that when you think Christmas, you think Mark E. Smith and your granny on bongos. Newbies. Mystics. (via)
posted by maudlin at 1:46 PM on December 1, 2017 [5 favorites]
Also I am stunned that nobody has yet linked Cliff Richard - Mistletoe And Wine
God! You'd think "Devil Woman" had never been written!
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 1:47 PM on December 1, 2017 [4 favorites]
God! You'd think "Devil Woman" had never been written!
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 1:47 PM on December 1, 2017 [4 favorites]
Okay but are you all forgetting that that song about the Italian Christmas donkey exists because I would die a happy woman if I never had to hear that again.
posted by Grandysaur at 1:48 PM on December 1, 2017 [6 favorites]
posted by Grandysaur at 1:48 PM on December 1, 2017 [6 favorites]
In the 70s, of course (and the 70s was the golden age of the Christmas single)
I love Give Love on Christmas Day. Heck that whole Jackson 5 Christmas album is fantastic.
posted by linux at 1:50 PM on December 1, 2017 [2 favorites]
I love Give Love on Christmas Day. Heck that whole Jackson 5 Christmas album is fantastic.
posted by linux at 1:50 PM on December 1, 2017 [2 favorites]
Dominick, the Italian Christmas Donkey?
I'll take that over this one any holiday season.
posted by hanov3r at 1:53 PM on December 1, 2017 [5 favorites]
I'll take that over this one any holiday season.
posted by hanov3r at 1:53 PM on December 1, 2017 [5 favorites]
I have a soft spot for this song because a few years ago my twin boys, when they were still adorable, sang this and I got it on video. It is now my forever-blackmail tool, because they are pre-teens and are far too cool to have ever done this. But it is unbelievably adorable and since I'm all pseudonym-y here, I might be able to get away with posting a de-identified version later.
posted by martin q blank at 1:53 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by martin q blank at 1:53 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
Also, the line from The Christmas Song "Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow" conjures up the most terrifying images. Babies. With glowing eyes.
posted by Grangousier at 1:53 PM on December 1, 2017 [7 favorites]
posted by Grangousier at 1:53 PM on December 1, 2017 [7 favorites]
> The worst Christmas song, by a mile, is Paul McCartney's Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time.
My only quibble with this statement is the modifier "Christmas."
posted by The Card Cheat at 1:57 PM on December 1, 2017 [8 favorites]
My only quibble with this statement is the modifier "Christmas."
posted by The Card Cheat at 1:57 PM on December 1, 2017 [8 favorites]
For something different this year, try a few mashups. This is not a RickRoll.
posted by Wild_Eep at 1:57 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Wild_Eep at 1:57 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
I am terrified of every link in this thread.
posted by Grandysaur at 1:59 PM on December 1, 2017 [9 favorites]
posted by Grandysaur at 1:59 PM on December 1, 2017 [9 favorites]
That shite Pogues xmas song. Fuck it to hell.
I'd prefer not to.
posted by chavenet at 2:07 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
I'd prefer not to.
posted by chavenet at 2:07 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
The cycle I go through every year with "All I Want for Christmas Is You."
Thanksgiving: "Oh, hey! Christmas music is on again, cool!"
Early December: "You know, this is a fantastic Christmas song... probably the only true Christmas classic anyone has written in at least a generation."
Second Week of December: "This is my jam! Maybe Mariah Carey isn't so bad. I normally hate her stuff, but she really does have pipes. She should do like a whole album of Phil Spector kinda stuff. That would be awesome."
December 15th: "Wow. This song is on A LOT. Is this because of Love Actually or something?"
December 20th: "So many songs and still this one. Again."
December 22nd: "I hate this song. I hate Mariah Carey. I hope everyone she cares about gets the flu at once."
Christmas Eve: "SWEET RELEASE OF DEATH, TAKE ME INTO YOUR LOVING ARMS."
posted by DirtyOldTown at 2:08 PM on December 1, 2017 [20 favorites]
Thanksgiving: "Oh, hey! Christmas music is on again, cool!"
Early December: "You know, this is a fantastic Christmas song... probably the only true Christmas classic anyone has written in at least a generation."
Second Week of December: "This is my jam! Maybe Mariah Carey isn't so bad. I normally hate her stuff, but she really does have pipes. She should do like a whole album of Phil Spector kinda stuff. That would be awesome."
December 15th: "Wow. This song is on A LOT. Is this because of Love Actually or something?"
December 20th: "So many songs and still this one. Again."
December 22nd: "I hate this song. I hate Mariah Carey. I hope everyone she cares about gets the flu at once."
Christmas Eve: "SWEET RELEASE OF DEATH, TAKE ME INTO YOUR LOVING ARMS."
posted by DirtyOldTown at 2:08 PM on December 1, 2017 [20 favorites]
I like "Wonderful Christmas Time." Terrible 80s Christmas songs are the best terrible Christmas songs. Fight me.
posted by prize bull octorok at 2:10 PM on December 1, 2017 [10 favorites]
posted by prize bull octorok at 2:10 PM on December 1, 2017 [10 favorites]
cntl-f "crudbump" - "NO RESULTS"
this discussion of holiday songs is invalid
posted by koeselitz at 2:10 PM on December 1, 2017
this discussion of holiday songs is invalid
posted by koeselitz at 2:10 PM on December 1, 2017
Apparently I lost this about a half hour ago, at Trader Hoe's, but I say it doesn't count if you honestly didn't notice it was playing. (My husband swears it was playing in the store when we left, but I didn't hear it, so... he's out, but I'm still in!)
posted by sarcasticah at 2:19 PM on December 1, 2017
posted by sarcasticah at 2:19 PM on December 1, 2017
Just for the record that Cocteau Twins Frosty the Snowman is an abomination and I love me some CT's.
Truly dreadful, I can't imagine what possessed them to release it.
posted by zeoslap at 2:26 PM on December 1, 2017 [3 favorites]
Truly dreadful, I can't imagine what possessed them to release it.
posted by zeoslap at 2:26 PM on December 1, 2017 [3 favorites]
I must be a grinch; I couldn't even make it to the end of this thread before deciding it was putting too much bad Christmas music in my head.
posted by shponglespore at 2:27 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by shponglespore at 2:27 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
That Cocteau Twins "Frosty" is just exactly as Cocteau-Twins-y as I expected it to be. #didnotdisappoint #wouldcocteautwinsagain
posted by hanov3r at 2:33 PM on December 1, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by hanov3r at 2:33 PM on December 1, 2017 [5 favorites]
Thanks to this post, I have had the song stuck in my head for the last two hours. You win again, Wham! You win again.
posted by 4ster at 2:39 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by 4ster at 2:39 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
uncle ozzy: And don't even get me started on Little Drummer Boy. It's a goddamn dirge that has no place at Christmas. It's neither jolly nor reverent. It's just a piece of shit. Fuck that song, fuck anybody who records it. You should know better. God this song makes me angry.
Does this make it better or worse?
Justin Bieber - Drummer Boy (Audio) ft. Busta Rhymes
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 2:41 PM on December 1, 2017 [5 favorites]
Does this make it better or worse?
Justin Bieber - Drummer Boy (Audio) ft. Busta Rhymes
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 2:41 PM on December 1, 2017 [5 favorites]
No, THIS is the most depressing Christmas song ever
(I give you my word that the link is not "Last Christmas," unless it's somehow in an ad that plays beforehand)
posted by randomkeystrike at 2:45 PM on December 1, 2017 [2 favorites]
(I give you my word that the link is not "Last Christmas," unless it's somehow in an ad that plays beforehand)
posted by randomkeystrike at 2:45 PM on December 1, 2017 [2 favorites]
I used to live on a street that's a staging area for all the city's downtown parades. Three years ago and stuck at home with the flu, the float outside my window played the following songs ON REPEAT at top volume that shook my windowframes for three and a half hours:
Last Christmas
Wonderful Christmastime
Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree
All I Want For Christmas Is You(ooooouuuuuu)
For three and a half hours. With a fever of 102.
If I hear any of those songs in a store, I walk out. I've saved a ton of money now.
posted by mochapickle at 2:46 PM on December 1, 2017 [18 favorites]
Last Christmas
Wonderful Christmastime
Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree
All I Want For Christmas Is You(ooooouuuuuu)
For three and a half hours. With a fever of 102.
If I hear any of those songs in a store, I walk out. I've saved a ton of money now.
posted by mochapickle at 2:46 PM on December 1, 2017 [18 favorites]
Fuck that song, fuck anybody who records it
Kenny Burrell makes the song pretty celebratory.
posted by eustacescrubb at 2:47 PM on December 1, 2017 [2 favorites]
Kenny Burrell makes the song pretty celebratory.
posted by eustacescrubb at 2:47 PM on December 1, 2017 [2 favorites]
I like the dancing in Bieber's Santa Claus is Coming to Town and both the harmonies and the dancing in Postmodern Jukebox's Last Christmas.
posted by clew at 2:57 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by clew at 2:57 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
I play this game, but with Feliz Navidad.
posted by parki at 3:00 PM on December 1, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by parki at 3:00 PM on December 1, 2017 [2 favorites]
In the 70s, of course (and the 70s was the golden age of the Christmas single),
Jethro Tull - Solstice Bells
posted by philip-random at 3:03 PM on December 1, 2017 [2 favorites]
Jethro Tull - Solstice Bells
posted by philip-random at 3:03 PM on December 1, 2017 [2 favorites]
Just for the record that Cocteau Twins Frosty the Snowman is an abomination
Y'see, I love it. It's simultaneously a Cocteau Twins record and Frosty the Snowman. I think Winter Wonderland is the better better record, but there's something immensely strange about Frosty, and also by taking a song like that and dropping it into Cocteauness gives me insights into Cocteauness. It was originally recorded for a magazine called Volume, which was CD-sized and about half an inch thick and I spent ages tracking a copy down. I don't think there's anything else of interest on there, or indeed in the magazine itself, which I'm sure is in a box somewhere.
posted by Grangousier at 3:03 PM on December 1, 2017
Y'see, I love it. It's simultaneously a Cocteau Twins record and Frosty the Snowman. I think Winter Wonderland is the better better record, but there's something immensely strange about Frosty, and also by taking a song like that and dropping it into Cocteauness gives me insights into Cocteauness. It was originally recorded for a magazine called Volume, which was CD-sized and about half an inch thick and I spent ages tracking a copy down. I don't think there's anything else of interest on there, or indeed in the magazine itself, which I'm sure is in a box somewhere.
posted by Grangousier at 3:03 PM on December 1, 2017
I really am not bothered by Last Christmas or Little Drummer Boy.
But this year, I will carry an air horn with me in public spaces at all times rather than have to suffer through the McCartney Holiday Abomination.
posted by Foosnark at 3:06 PM on December 1, 2017 [4 favorites]
But this year, I will carry an air horn with me in public spaces at all times rather than have to suffer through the McCartney Holiday Abomination.
posted by Foosnark at 3:06 PM on December 1, 2017 [4 favorites]
Bob Seger Little Drummer Boy is worst Little Drummer Boy.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 3:08 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Mister Moofoo at 3:08 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
I play this game every year with Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer (caveat: I live in greater rednecklandia and the local country stations play the damn thing rather a lot). Some years I win, some years I don't. So far so good this year, though.
posted by which_chick at 3:15 PM on December 1, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by which_chick at 3:15 PM on December 1, 2017 [2 favorites]
You could swap in "Last Arbor Day" and it wouldn't make any difference.
Time for a "Last $holiday" compilation project
posted by rhizome at 3:16 PM on December 1, 2017 [2 favorites]
Time for a "Last $holiday" compilation project
posted by rhizome at 3:16 PM on December 1, 2017 [2 favorites]
I think that people who think Wonderful Christmastime is a terrible song are just blinded by the one unchallenged ideology of modern life, which is hating on Paul McCartney. Anyway, as proof of what a well written song it actually is, here's a cover by Tom McRae in a completely different style.
As for holiday music sins by a former Beatle, I think not much tops the passive-aggressive opening line of Happy Xmas (War Is Over): “So this is Christmas and what have you done”
posted by Kattullus at 3:17 PM on December 1, 2017 [4 favorites]
As for holiday music sins by a former Beatle, I think not much tops the passive-aggressive opening line of Happy Xmas (War Is Over): “So this is Christmas and what have you done”
posted by Kattullus at 3:17 PM on December 1, 2017 [4 favorites]
Also, lol, Hanov3r, you almost got me.
posted by which_chick at 3:17 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by which_chick at 3:17 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
I just put on noise-canceling headphones and listen to Lovecraft-themed Christmas songs until the 26th. That usually keeps me safe, although there are side effects...
...in the Dutch language!
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:26 PM on December 1, 2017
...in the Dutch language!
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:26 PM on December 1, 2017
I think not much tops the passive-aggressive opening line of Happy Xmas (War Is Over)
To be fair, I don't think Lennon was being passive with that line.
posted by rhizome at 3:26 PM on December 1, 2017 [3 favorites]
To be fair, I don't think Lennon was being passive with that line.
posted by rhizome at 3:26 PM on December 1, 2017 [3 favorites]
Kattullus: Oh, no, I don't hate on Paul McCartney. In fact, I'm quite fond of a couple of his songs from around the same time period. "Coming Up" is a great pop song, and "Temporary Secretary" is a delightfully weird number from someone just getting into electronics.
But "Wonderful Christmastime" is hot garbage any way you slice it. It's bad Christmas music, it's bad electronic music, it's just plain _bad_.
posted by SansPoint at 3:35 PM on December 1, 2017 [2 favorites]
But "Wonderful Christmastime" is hot garbage any way you slice it. It's bad Christmas music, it's bad electronic music, it's just plain _bad_.
posted by SansPoint at 3:35 PM on December 1, 2017 [2 favorites]
I also note a complete lack of people harshing on "Father Christmas" by the Kinks, et. al. Y'all are good eggs.
posted by hanov3r at 3:37 PM on December 1, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by hanov3r at 3:37 PM on December 1, 2017 [4 favorites]
Okay but are you all forgetting that that song about the Italian Christmas donkey exists because I would die a happy woman if I never had to hear that again.
One Christmas my sister discovered Dominick the Italian Christmas Donkey and sang it, at top volume, for the entirety of Christmas Eve. I had never even heard of it before and I'm still baffled. Why is he Italian? Since when is a "Christmas donkey" a thing?
... WHY IS HE ITALIAN?!?!?!
Also, you can't hate on Little Drummer Boy because then you have to hate on that David Bowie/Bing Crosby cover, which is the sweetest thing and typically how I like to remember His Bowieness. It was playing in the mall the other day and I almost teared up.
posted by chainsofreedom at 3:38 PM on December 1, 2017 [11 favorites]
One Christmas my sister discovered Dominick the Italian Christmas Donkey and sang it, at top volume, for the entirety of Christmas Eve. I had never even heard of it before and I'm still baffled. Why is he Italian? Since when is a "Christmas donkey" a thing?
... WHY IS HE ITALIAN?!?!?!
Also, you can't hate on Little Drummer Boy because then you have to hate on that David Bowie/Bing Crosby cover, which is the sweetest thing and typically how I like to remember His Bowieness. It was playing in the mall the other day and I almost teared up.
posted by chainsofreedom at 3:38 PM on December 1, 2017 [11 favorites]
Also I am still winning Whamageddon so far.
posted by chainsofreedom at 3:39 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by chainsofreedom at 3:39 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
My nemesis is "Santa Baby"... I will literally plug my ears and run away from it.
posted by The otter lady at 3:44 PM on December 1, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by The otter lady at 3:44 PM on December 1, 2017 [5 favorites]
I have loved to torture my family with the best christmas song of all time, "Christmas Shoes," but apparently, after 20 years, it is no longer funny. Trouble is, I was never trying to be funny, but just trying to share the best christmas song of all time. Listen at your own risk, as it may suck you in too.
posted by dubwisened at 4:00 PM on December 1, 2017
posted by dubwisened at 4:00 PM on December 1, 2017
Ooof. I have to add this to my holiday obstacles?
I realize I'm an outlier here, but "Last Christmas" makes up something like 33% of Christmas songs I don't hate. Think I'm gonna have to opt out of this challenge.
posted by scaryblackdeath at 4:04 PM on December 1, 2017 [3 favorites]
I realize I'm an outlier here, but "Last Christmas" makes up something like 33% of Christmas songs I don't hate. Think I'm gonna have to opt out of this challenge.
posted by scaryblackdeath at 4:04 PM on December 1, 2017 [3 favorites]
Some Christmas song notes:
• I used to hate “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” with the fiery passion of a thousand suns. I don’t know why that one, but I’m going to guess the condescending lyrics and a melody that sounds like a schoolyard taunt. My dad loved Bruce Springsteen, and his cover dropped at the height of my hatred. It’s not my favorite, but I don’t mind Bruce’s version.
• Alexandra Erin had a flaming hot take on “Christmas Wrapping” as cultural appropriation. I normally like/agree with her, but I have never wanted to launch someone into the sun more than I did right then.
• If anyone wants to lose Whamaggeddon early, be advised that I have it in my busking set.
posted by pxe2000 at 4:08 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
• I used to hate “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” with the fiery passion of a thousand suns. I don’t know why that one, but I’m going to guess the condescending lyrics and a melody that sounds like a schoolyard taunt. My dad loved Bruce Springsteen, and his cover dropped at the height of my hatred. It’s not my favorite, but I don’t mind Bruce’s version.
• Alexandra Erin had a flaming hot take on “Christmas Wrapping” as cultural appropriation. I normally like/agree with her, but I have never wanted to launch someone into the sun more than I did right then.
• If anyone wants to lose Whamaggeddon early, be advised that I have it in my busking set.
posted by pxe2000 at 4:08 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
I already heard Mariah Carey today and watched Elf. I'm all in. (Shockingly because usually I try to ignore the holidays but it's been a stressful two months and I need a mental BREAK).
I'm a Wham fan from the beginning so I'm not even going to fight that one...
posted by bquarters at 4:12 PM on December 1, 2017
I'm a Wham fan from the beginning so I'm not even going to fight that one...
posted by bquarters at 4:12 PM on December 1, 2017
Alexandra Erin had a flaming hot take on “Christmas Wrapping” as cultural appropriation.
Seriously? For fuck's sake...
posted by Grangousier at 4:12 PM on December 1, 2017 [3 favorites]
Seriously? For fuck's sake...
posted by Grangousier at 4:12 PM on December 1, 2017 [3 favorites]
The Christmas thing that poops in my ears is in "Here Comes Santa Claus" where they sing this line:
Santa knows that we're God's children/That makes everything right
posted by DirtyOldTown at 4:17 PM on December 1, 2017 [2 favorites]
Santa knows that we're God's children/That makes everything right
posted by DirtyOldTown at 4:17 PM on December 1, 2017 [2 favorites]
As is my yearly tradition, I am come to remind you all that Tris McCall has already provided the definitive takes on all your Christmas music.
posted by prize bull octorok at 4:20 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by prize bull octorok at 4:20 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
I just came to announce that "We Three Kings" always makes me feel vaguely camel-sick.
There. I said it.
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 4:23 PM on December 1, 2017 [3 favorites]
There. I said it.
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 4:23 PM on December 1, 2017 [3 favorites]
I just gave in and listened to the first minute of "Last Christmas" on YouTube and I seriously don't remember ever hearing it before. It seems pretty innocuous but I didn't have much interested in listening to the whole thing.
The Xmas song that I hate with a passion is "Jingle Bell Rock". I've hated every version I've ever heard of that damn song.
posted by octothorpe at 4:25 PM on December 1, 2017 [2 favorites]
The Xmas song that I hate with a passion is "Jingle Bell Rock". I've hated every version I've ever heard of that damn song.
posted by octothorpe at 4:25 PM on December 1, 2017 [2 favorites]
I have a shameful, shameful fondness for the U2 cover of "Christmas (Baby, Please Come Home)" that robs me of the moral high ground to talk smack even about "Wonderful Christmastime."
posted by praemunire at 4:27 PM on December 1, 2017 [6 favorites]
posted by praemunire at 4:27 PM on December 1, 2017 [6 favorites]
The Little Drummer Boy Challenge is not to be taking lightly, people.
posted by ereshkigal45 at 4:35 PM on December 1, 2017 [6 favorites]
posted by ereshkigal45 at 4:35 PM on December 1, 2017 [6 favorites]
“Good King Wenceslaus” makes me want to become an anarchist.
I love the melody, and the phrasing, but by god, the sickening, treacly propaganda song about a monarch seeing one - ONE - of his subjects, a poor, freezing peasant trying desperately to survive the bitter cold on a feast night, and offering him a warm dinner...when you know the whole freaking kingdom must be full of freezing, starving peasants...and that this little mercy is supposed to make us sympathize with the king, rather than question why some people are kings blessed to live in luxury, and some people are peasants doomed to freeze and starve...
...well, it just gets my goat, is all.
posted by darkstar at 4:37 PM on December 1, 2017 [13 favorites]
I love the melody, and the phrasing, but by god, the sickening, treacly propaganda song about a monarch seeing one - ONE - of his subjects, a poor, freezing peasant trying desperately to survive the bitter cold on a feast night, and offering him a warm dinner...when you know the whole freaking kingdom must be full of freezing, starving peasants...and that this little mercy is supposed to make us sympathize with the king, rather than question why some people are kings blessed to live in luxury, and some people are peasants doomed to freeze and starve...
...well, it just gets my goat, is all.
posted by darkstar at 4:37 PM on December 1, 2017 [13 favorites]
On the other hand, the MP3-to-MIDI-to-MP3 version of All I Want For Christmas is You is, I think we can all agree, the best thing ever.
This is amazing. Don't skip over this link, folks.
It's like you got a robot maudlin-stage drunk but not blind stinking drunk, shot its dog, fired it and still made it perform one last time while an entire class of bratty kindergartners beat on it with sticks and then told it to play "much happier, or else!"
The results are really rather unsettling.
This may or may not be an extended metaphor for Christmas and/or Christmas music.
posted by loquacious at 4:38 PM on December 1, 2017 [7 favorites]
This is amazing. Don't skip over this link, folks.
It's like you got a robot maudlin-stage drunk but not blind stinking drunk, shot its dog, fired it and still made it perform one last time while an entire class of bratty kindergartners beat on it with sticks and then told it to play "much happier, or else!"
The results are really rather unsettling.
This may or may not be an extended metaphor for Christmas and/or Christmas music.
posted by loquacious at 4:38 PM on December 1, 2017 [7 favorites]
That fucking song about those fucking shoes is the fucking worst. I will take an eternity of Wonderful Christmastimes over that.
posted by emeiji at 5:04 PM on December 1, 2017 [9 favorites]
posted by emeiji at 5:04 PM on December 1, 2017 [9 favorites]
That fucking song about those fucking shoes is the fucking worst
Goddamn it I had somehow forgotten about it until just now. It is the worst. The very definition of glurge.
posted by uncleozzy at 5:19 PM on December 1, 2017 [2 favorites]
Goddamn it I had somehow forgotten about it until just now. It is the worst. The very definition of glurge.
posted by uncleozzy at 5:19 PM on December 1, 2017 [2 favorites]
The Xmas song that I hate with a passion is "Jingle Bell Rock". I've hated every version I've ever heard of that damn song.
Even Metafilter's Own version?
posted by chainsofreedom at 5:20 PM on December 1, 2017 [9 favorites]
Even Metafilter's Own version?
posted by chainsofreedom at 5:20 PM on December 1, 2017 [9 favorites]
I have no problem with "Last Christmas" except to note that the narrator is clearly having trouble recognizing self-destructive patterns in his or her own life and I would suggest that this Christmas maybe they give themselves the gift of self-care.
I also will forever love "Fairytale of New York" and I don't care if the current winds are blowing against it. And "Christmas in Hollis." Obviously.
The true worst Christmas song ever (which thankfully I never have to hear except for inevitably at Christmas Eve church service while the collection plates are passing around) is "Mary Did You Know." That shit can die in a fire and I hope it hurts. Bah humbug.
posted by Navelgazer at 5:20 PM on December 1, 2017 [5 favorites]
I also will forever love "Fairytale of New York" and I don't care if the current winds are blowing against it. And "Christmas in Hollis." Obviously.
The true worst Christmas song ever (which thankfully I never have to hear except for inevitably at Christmas Eve church service while the collection plates are passing around) is "Mary Did You Know." That shit can die in a fire and I hope it hurts. Bah humbug.
posted by Navelgazer at 5:20 PM on December 1, 2017 [5 favorites]
The Christmas song least likely to be played in a department store [NSFW]
The Christmas song that is sung before heatstroke takes over [Southern Hemisphere]
posted by Thella at 5:30 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
The Christmas song that is sung before heatstroke takes over [Southern Hemisphere]
posted by Thella at 5:30 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
"Wonderful Christmas Time" is an abomination. As is "Dominick the Italian Donkey".
I love "Fairytale of New York". Listening to Kirsty MacColl dismiss "I could have been someone" is a perfect antidote to all the treacly crap.
My jam this year is Hard Candy Christmas. Fits my mood.
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 5:36 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
I love "Fairytale of New York". Listening to Kirsty MacColl dismiss "I could have been someone" is a perfect antidote to all the treacly crap.
My jam this year is Hard Candy Christmas. Fits my mood.
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 5:36 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
+ to the Nth degree on the "Wonderful Christmastime" hate. OTOH, The Ventures Christmas album is a great antidote to horrible holiday music....
posted by Larry David Syndrome at 5:37 PM on December 1, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by Larry David Syndrome at 5:37 PM on December 1, 2017 [3 favorites]
The definitive version of Fairytale is, of course, this one.
posted by delfin at 5:40 PM on December 1, 2017
posted by delfin at 5:40 PM on December 1, 2017
While the Waitresses' Christmas Wrapping is my all-time favorite, my Christmas mood for this year is summed up by Cyndi Lauper and The Hives. [NSFW. Really.]
posted by MrVisible at 5:45 PM on December 1, 2017 [7 favorites]
posted by MrVisible at 5:45 PM on December 1, 2017 [7 favorites]
But "Wonderful Christmastime" is hot garbage any way you slice it. It's bad Christmas music, it's bad electronic music, it's just plain _bad_.
True, it's no Chompy Carrot.
A truly classic slab of 1970s glam rock. Pity that Ringo recorded it in 1982.
posted by acb at 5:52 PM on December 1, 2017
True, it's no Chompy Carrot.
A truly classic slab of 1970s glam rock. Pity that Ringo recorded it in 1982.
posted by acb at 5:52 PM on December 1, 2017
You've all conspired to trigger a Dance of the Fucking Sugar Plum Fairy ear worm just by implied references, you are all against me, dee di a di di gahhh goddamned appropriated hallmark elevator music, bah humbug.
posted by sammyo at 5:52 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by sammyo at 5:52 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
You know, I was actually trying to avoid this song because George Michael literally died LAST CHRISTMAS and I didn't wanna cry... but I heard it as I walked past a pizza shop tonight. Still love you, George!
In happier news, if you haven't yet given yourself over to Sia's new Christmas record, you must.
posted by xo at 6:08 PM on December 1, 2017 [6 favorites]
In happier news, if you haven't yet given yourself over to Sia's new Christmas record, you must.
posted by xo at 6:08 PM on December 1, 2017 [6 favorites]
I will not participate in anything avoiding "Last Christmas" but will do my best to avoid the fucking funeral dirge of "Little Drummer Boy." Otherwise known as, WHY DOESN'T THIS SONG HAVE ANY DAMN DRUMS IN IT?
posted by jenfullmoon at 6:17 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by jenfullmoon at 6:17 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
Oh, whoever posted the song about Santa being a cunt---that's genius.
posted by jenfullmoon at 6:18 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by jenfullmoon at 6:18 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
IT'S CHRISTMAS TIME IN HOLLIS QUEENS
posted by 4ster at 6:22 PM on December 1, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by 4ster at 6:22 PM on December 1, 2017 [4 favorites]
do my best to avoid the fucking funeral dirge of "Little Drummer Boy." Otherwise known as, WHY DOESN'T THIS SONG HAVE ANY DAMN DRUMS IN IT?
It does. IME, The Bowie/Crosby version is the only one I recall hearing that doesn't have snare pitter-patter in it.
posted by rhizome at 6:23 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
It does. IME, The Bowie/Crosby version is the only one I recall hearing that doesn't have snare pitter-patter in it.
posted by rhizome at 6:23 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
I had somehow managed to make it these thirty-odd years or whatever without ever hearing "Last Christmas", which is odd, since the eighties takes up a huge chunk of my musical headspace. On perusal, it sounds like a shabby ripoff of Manilow's "Can't Smile Without You." Responses to the other xmassonghate in this thread:
"Little Drummer Boy": commemorating the first time in history that someone uttered the words, "Oh, Jesus Christ- it's that fucking kid with his fucking drum."
Agreed. It's like someone tried to carolize "Bolero" but got bored halfway through, but kept going regardless, somehow. The claymation is likewise ghastly, unless you imagine that the LDB is marching to his own execution, which would be delightful.
The worst Christmas song, by a mile, is Paul McCartney's Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time
I'd actually give that honor to "The First Noel", which is very dirgey and has the worst lyrics ("They look-ed up"?). But this is basically a supermarket jingle and would be the worst song that Sir Paul has ever made, except for "Temporary Secretary", which I believe he made literally for the purposes of torture.
That shite Pogues xmas song.
It really is The Catcher In The Rye of Christmas songs.
That's a nice line. You should have saved it for a song that deserved it; "Fairytale of New York" is basically those two relatives of yours that show up and immediately bets are placed as to when they'll start to fight, how long, loud, and vitriolic it will get, and whether the apologies will somehow be worse than the fight itself. (Spoiler: yes.) If I quit my job at the end of the year, this is the song that I'll play at the holiday party, not so much burning the bridge as packing it with C4 and then nuking it from orbit.
Do They Know It's Christmas is inexcusable.
"Do They Know It's Christmas" is like a parody of a charity record. It's even a better parody than this SNL sketch, because the sketch song is a better song.
I mean, first of all, "Christmas Wrapping" by The Waitresses is the best Christmas song.
Absolutely.
Also, you can't hate on Little Drummer Boy because then you have to hate on that David Bowie/Bing Crosby cover yt , which is the sweetest thing and typically how I like to remember His Bowieness. It was playing in the mall the other day and I almost teared up.
It's really about "Peace on Earth", the song that Bowie is singing, and the parts where Bing joins him on it.
The Xmas song that I hate with a passion is "Jingle Bell Rock". I've hated every version I've ever heard of that damn song.
Allow me to introduce you to the musical stylings of Mr. Billy Idol.
posted by Halloween Jack at 6:24 PM on December 1, 2017 [2 favorites]
"Little Drummer Boy": commemorating the first time in history that someone uttered the words, "Oh, Jesus Christ- it's that fucking kid with his fucking drum."
Agreed. It's like someone tried to carolize "Bolero" but got bored halfway through, but kept going regardless, somehow. The claymation is likewise ghastly, unless you imagine that the LDB is marching to his own execution, which would be delightful.
The worst Christmas song, by a mile, is Paul McCartney's Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time
I'd actually give that honor to "The First Noel", which is very dirgey and has the worst lyrics ("They look-ed up"?). But this is basically a supermarket jingle and would be the worst song that Sir Paul has ever made, except for "Temporary Secretary", which I believe he made literally for the purposes of torture.
That shite Pogues xmas song.
It really is The Catcher In The Rye of Christmas songs.
That's a nice line. You should have saved it for a song that deserved it; "Fairytale of New York" is basically those two relatives of yours that show up and immediately bets are placed as to when they'll start to fight, how long, loud, and vitriolic it will get, and whether the apologies will somehow be worse than the fight itself. (Spoiler: yes.) If I quit my job at the end of the year, this is the song that I'll play at the holiday party, not so much burning the bridge as packing it with C4 and then nuking it from orbit.
Do They Know It's Christmas is inexcusable.
"Do They Know It's Christmas" is like a parody of a charity record. It's even a better parody than this SNL sketch, because the sketch song is a better song.
I mean, first of all, "Christmas Wrapping" by The Waitresses is the best Christmas song.
Absolutely.
Also, you can't hate on Little Drummer Boy because then you have to hate on that David Bowie/Bing Crosby cover yt , which is the sweetest thing and typically how I like to remember His Bowieness. It was playing in the mall the other day and I almost teared up.
It's really about "Peace on Earth", the song that Bowie is singing, and the parts where Bing joins him on it.
The Xmas song that I hate with a passion is "Jingle Bell Rock". I've hated every version I've ever heard of that damn song.
Allow me to introduce you to the musical stylings of Mr. Billy Idol.
posted by Halloween Jack at 6:24 PM on December 1, 2017 [2 favorites]
I do enjoy the holiday song White Wine in the Sun.
posted by 80 Cats in a Dog Suit at 6:34 PM on December 1, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by 80 Cats in a Dog Suit at 6:34 PM on December 1, 2017 [2 favorites]
The Xmas song that I hate with a passion is "Jingle Bell Rock". I've hated every version I've ever heard of that damn song
the Hall + Oates version actually gives that McCartney dreck a run for its vomit ...
posted by philip-random at 6:51 PM on December 1, 2017
the Hall + Oates version actually gives that McCartney dreck a run for its vomit ...
posted by philip-random at 6:51 PM on December 1, 2017
You are fools if you I'm clicking on any link in this thread. Or possibly at all for 25 days.
posted by greermahoney at 6:55 PM on December 1, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by greermahoney at 6:55 PM on December 1, 2017 [5 favorites]
That shoe song.
I'll never forget... around Christmas time, the year my mom's mom had cancer, we went up to her house. My dad and I were just visiting for the day - he had work, I had school - but my mom was gonna stay for a week or so. We were coming back down the highway over the mountain, having dropped her off, and there was a raging blizzard, and we were silent in the car and that shoe song was playing and at the same time we both just started laughing because it was the worst Christmas song of all time and we both simultaneously knew it.
It redefined the meaning of bad Christmas song.
The absolute worst.
posted by gloriouslyincandescent at 7:01 PM on December 1, 2017 [2 favorites]
I'll never forget... around Christmas time, the year my mom's mom had cancer, we went up to her house. My dad and I were just visiting for the day - he had work, I had school - but my mom was gonna stay for a week or so. We were coming back down the highway over the mountain, having dropped her off, and there was a raging blizzard, and we were silent in the car and that shoe song was playing and at the same time we both just started laughing because it was the worst Christmas song of all time and we both simultaneously knew it.
It redefined the meaning of bad Christmas song.
The absolute worst.
posted by gloriouslyincandescent at 7:01 PM on December 1, 2017 [2 favorites]
My jam this year is Hard Candy Christmas. Fits my mood.
For me, this year is going to be more of a Hard Liquor Christmas, so if you hear someone drunkenly shouting "Christmas In Hollis" at 2am, let me apologize in advance.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 7:02 PM on December 1, 2017 [3 favorites]
For me, this year is going to be more of a Hard Liquor Christmas, so if you hear someone drunkenly shouting "Christmas In Hollis" at 2am, let me apologize in advance.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 7:02 PM on December 1, 2017 [3 favorites]
IT'S CHRISTMAS TIME IN HOLLIS QUEENS
MOM'S COOKING CHICKEN AND COLLARD GREENS
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 7:05 PM on December 1, 2017 [6 favorites]
MOM'S COOKING CHICKEN AND COLLARD GREENS
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 7:05 PM on December 1, 2017 [6 favorites]
Okay, Wonderful Christmastime haters, please give the cover by Stockard Channing, Martin Sheen, and John Spencer (all from The West Wing) a try. I cannot listen without cry-laughing; from the poorly-cropped Ken Burns-style visual, to the insipid banter at the beginning, to Martin Sheen sounding like he's yelling his part from another room, it is a complete and total train wreck.
posted by zebra at 7:12 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by zebra at 7:12 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
I shamelessly love George Michael, and listened to Last Christmas (and, like, five more Wham! songs) on purpose because of this thread.
I mostly hate everything about Christmas, but there's no denying the appeal of Fruitcake!
posted by bethnull at 7:17 PM on December 1, 2017 [2 favorites]
I mostly hate everything about Christmas, but there's no denying the appeal of Fruitcake!
posted by bethnull at 7:17 PM on December 1, 2017 [2 favorites]
Bing Crosby, David Bowie: Most Uncomfortable Drummer Boy Ever.
Barumpapumpum.
posted by jenkinsEar at 7:38 PM on December 1, 2017
Barumpapumpum.
posted by jenkinsEar at 7:38 PM on December 1, 2017
Ok I give up, what the hell is the shoe song that everybody is on about?
posted by rabbitrabbit at 7:58 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by rabbitrabbit at 7:58 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
I listened to Last Christmas three times in a row in my car tonight. SUCK IT. (I also listened to Where Did Your Heart Go and Freedom. Thanks self, for having a Wham! playlist on your ipod.)
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 8:11 PM on December 1, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 8:11 PM on December 1, 2017 [2 favorites]
Hey which_chick, back in 1985 an Iowa DJ succumbed to madness, locked himself in the studio, and played "Grandma Got Run Over" over and over again for close to two hours before being forcibly removed. Every Noel, I like to hear that song (once) and meditate on the entire episode and its deeper meaning. The DJ's name was Jack Daniels but I find that John Jameson gives me more perspective on this deeply troubling incident.
posted by CCBC at 8:28 PM on December 1, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by CCBC at 8:28 PM on December 1, 2017 [3 favorites]
Grangousier: " Frosty the Snowman yt by The Cocteau Twins"
This was on a Christmas CD that I think my ex-wife got as a freebie from Pier 1 Imports.
posted by Chrysostom at 9:05 PM on December 1, 2017
This was on a Christmas CD that I think my ex-wife got as a freebie from Pier 1 Imports.
posted by Chrysostom at 9:05 PM on December 1, 2017
I'm used to playing the "Little Drummer Boy" game between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Sometimes you win, sometimes someone drives by blasting it out their open car windows the day after Thanksgiving. To be honest, I'm not actually sure if I could pick "Last Christmas" out of a song lineup—I'll have to wait until after Christmas to follow Pendragon's link and find out for sure.
My favorite for unusual Christmas songs is Jingle All the Way by Béla Fleck and the Flecktones. Funky bluegrass/jazz versions: "The Twelve Days of Christmas" with each day in a different key and time signature, "Jingle Bells" translated into Tuvan with traditional throat singing. Enough twists to keep things fresh, while still being Christmasy (and Hanukkah-y) enough to satisfy.
posted by JiBB at 9:15 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
My favorite for unusual Christmas songs is Jingle All the Way by Béla Fleck and the Flecktones. Funky bluegrass/jazz versions: "The Twelve Days of Christmas" with each day in a different key and time signature, "Jingle Bells" translated into Tuvan with traditional throat singing. Enough twists to keep things fresh, while still being Christmasy (and Hanukkah-y) enough to satisfy.
posted by JiBB at 9:15 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
Why doesn't "Run With The Fox" ever get any love?
posted by The otter lady at 9:20 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by The otter lady at 9:20 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
If we're doing imaginary songs, let's not forget "Bow down before the power of Santa" from Invader Zim's "Most Horrible X-Mas Ever."
posted by praemunire at 9:37 PM on December 1, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by praemunire at 9:37 PM on December 1, 2017 [3 favorites]
On the x-rated side, there's The Yobs, with their 12 days of Christmas, starting with a vibrator with a battery, if one's into that kind of thing. Easily found but not easily understood.
posted by goofyfoot at 9:37 PM on December 1, 2017
posted by goofyfoot at 9:37 PM on December 1, 2017
I introduced my kids to the Bob & Doug 12 Days of Christmas, and they were highly amused.
posted by Chrysostom at 9:45 PM on December 1, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by Chrysostom at 9:45 PM on December 1, 2017 [4 favorites]
The Xmas song that I hate with a passion is "Jingle Bell Rock". I've hated every version I've ever heard of that damn song.
I never used to mind that song, until the Christmas Eve when my then-boyfriend and I went to an Italian restaurant near where he lived that had a motion-activated dancing Santa near the entrance that played "Jingle Bell Rock." We were seated right near that entrance, and it was a very busy night, so we got to hear "Jingle Bell Rock" over and over and over and over and OVER again. After that night, I never wanted to hear the song again!
posted by SisterHavana at 10:47 PM on December 1, 2017
I never used to mind that song, until the Christmas Eve when my then-boyfriend and I went to an Italian restaurant near where he lived that had a motion-activated dancing Santa near the entrance that played "Jingle Bell Rock." We were seated right near that entrance, and it was a very busy night, so we got to hear "Jingle Bell Rock" over and over and over and over and OVER again. After that night, I never wanted to hear the song again!
posted by SisterHavana at 10:47 PM on December 1, 2017
Also, I love "Last Christmas," but only the Wham! version.
posted by SisterHavana at 10:48 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by SisterHavana at 10:48 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
I haven't heard it yet but I'm sharing this at every possible opportunity. Why is it so funny?
posted by Trivia Newton John at 12:08 AM on December 2, 2017
posted by Trivia Newton John at 12:08 AM on December 2, 2017
Bob Seger Little Drummer Boy yt is worst Little Drummer Boy.
which I guess means Boney M is the best
posted by philip-random at 12:26 AM on December 2, 2017 [1 favorite]
which I guess means Boney M is the best
posted by philip-random at 12:26 AM on December 2, 2017 [1 favorite]
I have never knowingly heard this song in my life.
Dammit, I could have won this.
I don't think I could name a WHAM! song and as it was a challenge I opted to find the lyrics. Read them. And nope, can't say I remember hearing it. So don't feel bad - others can keep the torch aloft!
BUT
With things like a "Sladocalypse" is there a whole set of things to avoid? I just assumed I was unhip because I can't see my hips due to the onions I tie on my belt, which is in style as some of you know.
posted by rough ashlar at 1:14 AM on December 2, 2017
Dammit, I could have won this.
I don't think I could name a WHAM! song and as it was a challenge I opted to find the lyrics. Read them. And nope, can't say I remember hearing it. So don't feel bad - others can keep the torch aloft!
BUT
With things like a "Sladocalypse" is there a whole set of things to avoid? I just assumed I was unhip because I can't see my hips due to the onions I tie on my belt, which is in style as some of you know.
posted by rough ashlar at 1:14 AM on December 2, 2017
This stupid Fall Out Boy song is the only Christmas song I like and I don't care who knows it.
posted by 1adam12 at 2:59 AM on December 2, 2017
posted by 1adam12 at 2:59 AM on December 2, 2017
this year I want snow
bucketloadsof snow
finally some snow
posted by farlukar at 3:42 AM on December 2, 2017
bucketloadsof snow
finally some snow
posted by farlukar at 3:42 AM on December 2, 2017
I can't stand Chris Rea's Driving Home for Christmas, especially, you know, when we're driving to our family for Christmas and it comes up on the radio.
So we cleanse our palates with the best Christmas album ever, by Low, appropriately just called Christmas (no modifier needed). That usually gets us in the right frame of mind.
And thanks to whoever linked the MST3K song! Because I have managed to avoid all your traps in this silly game I'll be darned if I'm going to click any more links, but thanks again! That is sooooo going on my FB page come 24 December.
posted by fregoli at 3:50 AM on December 2, 2017
So we cleanse our palates with the best Christmas album ever, by Low, appropriately just called Christmas (no modifier needed). That usually gets us in the right frame of mind.
And thanks to whoever linked the MST3K song! Because I have managed to avoid all your traps in this silly game I'll be darned if I'm going to click any more links, but thanks again! That is sooooo going on my FB page come 24 December.
posted by fregoli at 3:50 AM on December 2, 2017
philip-random: which I guess means Boney M yt is the best
I’ve long thought Boney M’s failure to release an album entitled “Night Flight to Christmas” was a missed opportunity.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 6:58 AM on December 2, 2017 [2 favorites]
I’ve long thought Boney M’s failure to release an album entitled “Night Flight to Christmas” was a missed opportunity.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 6:58 AM on December 2, 2017 [2 favorites]
I lost this challenge before the month began.
posted by Nancy_LockIsLit_Palmer at 8:38 AM on December 2, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by Nancy_LockIsLit_Palmer at 8:38 AM on December 2, 2017 [2 favorites]
Verve Remixed FTW What A Wonderful World (The Orb Remix) is quite good, but The Christmas Song (Sonny J Remix) is my favorite.
posted by Monkey0nCrack at 10:46 AM on December 2, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Monkey0nCrack at 10:46 AM on December 2, 2017 [1 favorite]
I lost this challenge before the month began.
posted by Nancy_LockIsLit_Palmer at 11:38 AM on December 2 [1 favorite +] [!]
Yeah, I lost it in July!
posted by 4ster at 12:55 PM on December 2, 2017
posted by Nancy_LockIsLit_Palmer at 11:38 AM on December 2 [1 favorite +] [!]
Yeah, I lost it in July!
posted by 4ster at 12:55 PM on December 2, 2017
The worst Christmas song, by a mile, is Paul McCartney's Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time.
Yes. It is a song perhaps unique in the annals of music as a piece that guarantees the exact fucking mathematical opposite of its title.
Also, I lost the Little Drummer Boy challenge about four days ago. It wasn't even December yet. Ffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuudge.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 2:33 PM on December 2, 2017 [2 favorites]
Yes. It is a song perhaps unique in the annals of music as a piece that guarantees the exact fucking mathematical opposite of its title.
Also, I lost the Little Drummer Boy challenge about four days ago. It wasn't even December yet. Ffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuudge.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 2:33 PM on December 2, 2017 [2 favorites]
I only know "Christmas Shoes" from the Patton Oswalt takedown. (NSFW)
(The baby going "Meh" at about 1:14 has totally become our shorthand for people being mad)
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 2:51 PM on December 2, 2017 [3 favorites]
(The baby going "Meh" at about 1:14 has totally become our shorthand for people being mad)
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 2:51 PM on December 2, 2017 [3 favorites]
Gd it. I got a reprieve last night when I realized what I was hearing was a cover. Then I got hit today. I lasted less than 39 hours.
posted by greermahoney at 3:00 PM on December 2, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by greermahoney at 3:00 PM on December 2, 2017 [1 favorite]
From hearing about this I have Last Christmas stuck in my head. Does that count?
Re: Little Drummer Boy. The last thing a new mom wants is someone to show up and wake up the baby with drumming. Especially when she just got him back to sleep after that guy showed up with myrrh.
Re: donkey-related Christmas songs: Dominic the Italian Christmas Donkey is okay, but Mi Burrito Sabanero is better.
posted by madcaptenor at 3:12 PM on December 2, 2017 [1 favorite]
Re: Little Drummer Boy. The last thing a new mom wants is someone to show up and wake up the baby with drumming. Especially when she just got him back to sleep after that guy showed up with myrrh.
Re: donkey-related Christmas songs: Dominic the Italian Christmas Donkey is okay, but Mi Burrito Sabanero is better.
posted by madcaptenor at 3:12 PM on December 2, 2017 [1 favorite]
I always loathed "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year (especially the Andy Williams debacle). because first of all, it ISN'T, and also because its too pretentiously, faux- cheery for its own good. Reminds me of terrible northeastern snowstorms. Yeccch.
posted by Seekerofsplendor at 5:15 PM on December 2, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Seekerofsplendor at 5:15 PM on December 2, 2017 [1 favorite]
Upgraded piratical version on Twitter by stevevsninjas:
Last isthmus I gave you my chart
the very next day
you sank to your grave
This year
a ghost ship appears
you turned into something spectral
So if it does get stuck in your head, I recommend overwriting it with these lyrics.
Somehow, I went most of my life without ever hearing or noticing the Wham! song. Then we started watching a Japanese TV show that was slotted next to a drama about airline staff, which used a J-pop version of "Last Christmas" as their theme. It was years after that before I realized that wasn't the original. It just seems like a natural fit!
This year, I heard the song five or so days before Thanksgiving, fml.
posted by wintersweet at 5:50 PM on December 2, 2017 [6 favorites]
Last isthmus I gave you my chart
the very next day
you sank to your grave
This year
a ghost ship appears
you turned into something spectral
So if it does get stuck in your head, I recommend overwriting it with these lyrics.
Somehow, I went most of my life without ever hearing or noticing the Wham! song. Then we started watching a Japanese TV show that was slotted next to a drama about airline staff, which used a J-pop version of "Last Christmas" as their theme. It was years after that before I realized that wasn't the original. It just seems like a natural fit!
This year, I heard the song five or so days before Thanksgiving, fml.
posted by wintersweet at 5:50 PM on December 2, 2017 [6 favorites]
This year.
The semi-frontier.
I'll give it to someone special (special).
posted by I'm always feeling, Blue at 6:44 PM on December 2, 2017
The semi-frontier.
I'll give it to someone special (special).
posted by I'm always feeling, Blue at 6:44 PM on December 2, 2017
Christmas Shoes is the absolute worst Christmas song ever recorded, just hilariously bad. Once in a taxi the driver left it on for its entire duration and I was ready for him to be tried for a war crime.
I kind of like the green and black Amstrad/"Look Around You" campy vibe of Simply Having but it is barely ever played in the USA that I can remember, so perhaps that is the secret to enjoying it.
posted by en forme de poire at 10:57 AM on December 3, 2017 [1 favorite]
I kind of like the green and black Amstrad/"Look Around You" campy vibe of Simply Having but it is barely ever played in the USA that I can remember, so perhaps that is the secret to enjoying it.
posted by en forme de poire at 10:57 AM on December 3, 2017 [1 favorite]
Oh Mefites, how I love you all. I unabashedly adore "Last Christmas," always have, ever since the first time I heard it, something like >25 years ago. I have loved it so long that I can admit that I purposely went out in the late-90's to buy the "cassingle" of Last Christmas so I could play it on endless repeat - I am not making this up.
But having a yearly competition starting December 1st where you "lose" by hearing the song?! I love this with all my heart.
And on a random Tuesday morning this week, as I ran into a Korean grocery store looking to buy Korean fried chicken for lunch, I heard "Last Christmas" for the first time this season, initially feeling happy as in, "Oh yes, this is the song I enjoy," and then internally laughing as I realized that "Hey! I just got eliminated from the Whamageddon game!"
And the only other Christmas song I enjoy is Mariah Carey's "All I Want for Christmas is You," and I apologize, but those two pop songs are the only songs that brighten my day as I drag my tension-wracked body from one resentful holiday errand to another in snarled traffic and frayed tempers.
Happy Holidays, and don't forget to drink egg nog!
posted by honey badger at 5:02 AM on December 10, 2017 [2 favorites]
But having a yearly competition starting December 1st where you "lose" by hearing the song?! I love this with all my heart.
And on a random Tuesday morning this week, as I ran into a Korean grocery store looking to buy Korean fried chicken for lunch, I heard "Last Christmas" for the first time this season, initially feeling happy as in, "Oh yes, this is the song I enjoy," and then internally laughing as I realized that "Hey! I just got eliminated from the Whamageddon game!"
And the only other Christmas song I enjoy is Mariah Carey's "All I Want for Christmas is You," and I apologize, but those two pop songs are the only songs that brighten my day as I drag my tension-wracked body from one resentful holiday errand to another in snarled traffic and frayed tempers.
Happy Holidays, and don't forget to drink egg nog!
posted by honey badger at 5:02 AM on December 10, 2017 [2 favorites]
Welp, I lasted until 3 PM on December 10, when I walked into my local liquor store for some holiday beverages and heard a female-sung cover. Better luck next year!
posted by ejs at 4:23 PM on December 10, 2017
posted by ejs at 4:23 PM on December 10, 2017
One of the local xmas radio stations played Last Christmas, followed by Do They Know It's Christmas, followed by Christmas Wrapping when I was out earlier. IT WAS FUCKING GLORIOUS.
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 4:28 PM on December 10, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 4:28 PM on December 10, 2017 [1 favorite]
I got Wham!med in the supermarket last night on a beer run. Dangit!
posted by chainsofreedom at 9:26 AM on December 11, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by chainsofreedom at 9:26 AM on December 11, 2017 [1 favorite]
In 2012, a Hamburg radio DJ barricaded himself in the broadcast booth and played "Last Christmas" 14 times in succession. Ohrwurmtastisch!
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 10:07 AM on December 11, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 10:07 AM on December 11, 2017 [2 favorites]
I'll give you one guess what I just heard wafting in from a coworker's office. Whamhalla, I am coming!
posted by Uncle Ira at 1:43 PM on December 11, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by Uncle Ira at 1:43 PM on December 11, 2017 [3 favorites]
I'm still in, but a lot of my friends have fallen bravely and have ridden to Whamhalla on the wings of feathered 80s hair.
posted by Kitteh at 9:55 AM on December 12, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Kitteh at 9:55 AM on December 12, 2017 [1 favorite]
When Chanukah Comes To Town
it's a tokenistic cultural compromise
that depresses me with a sigh
but the little ones seem to like it
so I guess that that is why
I'm ambivalent about Chanukah
(and so on)
posted by philip-random at 4:10 PM on December 12, 2017 [1 favorite]
I lost the Wham! game like ten or fifteen minutes ago.
It was playing in the lobby whilst I made my rounds.
It completely blindsided me bc I was listening to gy!be on my phone.
One exclamation-point-containing band upended by another.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 11:40 PM on December 12, 2017 [3 favorites]
It was playing in the lobby whilst I made my rounds.
It completely blindsided me bc I was listening to gy!be on my phone.
One exclamation-point-containing band upended by another.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 11:40 PM on December 12, 2017 [3 favorites]
I was at my office Christmas party last night. Heard a cover of “Last Christmas,” but not the real deal. I’m safe. Also I didn’t hear “Wonderful Christmastime.”
I have to go out Christmas shopping this weekend. That’s what’s gonna get me.
posted by SansPoint at 4:41 AM on December 14, 2017
I have to go out Christmas shopping this weekend. That’s what’s gonna get me.
posted by SansPoint at 4:41 AM on December 14, 2017
You guys are doing great if you've avoided the song this long. Even if I'm not wham!ming myself with my ipod, I'm still hearing it every time I'm at the grocery.
The song that needs to fuck right off and die is the version of All I Want for Christmas is You with Justin Bieber. I'm okay with that song but that particular version is fucking horrible and makes me want to jam hot pokers through my earballs.
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 6:21 AM on December 14, 2017
The song that needs to fuck right off and die is the version of All I Want for Christmas is You with Justin Bieber. I'm okay with that song but that particular version is fucking horrible and makes me want to jam hot pokers through my earballs.
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 6:21 AM on December 14, 2017
I'm still safe! However I have heard "Wonderful Christmastime" too many times to count.
posted by esoterrica at 11:26 AM on December 21, 2017
posted by esoterrica at 11:26 AM on December 21, 2017
Sure enough, Saturday's Christmas shopping knocked me out of Whamageddon.
Still no "Wonderful Christmastime," though. esoterrica, you might be my "Wonderful Christmastime"-sink. Thank you for your service.
posted by SansPoint at 11:36 AM on December 21, 2017 [1 favorite]
Still no "Wonderful Christmastime," though. esoterrica, you might be my "Wonderful Christmastime"-sink. Thank you for your service.
posted by SansPoint at 11:36 AM on December 21, 2017 [1 favorite]
I’m still in, but only because I’ve been in India since December 12. However since I’m coming back to the US after Christmas I might make it. They *do* play a surprising amount of Christmas music in stores in India though. They were even playing over the loudspeakers at the outdoor market I was at last night. It’s a bit surreal to be in 80 degree weather surrounded by palm and banyan trees with auto rickshaws and tiny cars and bicycles, big ancient colourful busses, trams, and thousands of motorcycles buzzing everywhere and hear a piped-in smooth jazz rendition of “Winter Wonderland,” a song about the one kind of transportation that wouldn’t work in a place where it never snows.
posted by eustacescrubb at 7:15 PM on December 21, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by eustacescrubb at 7:15 PM on December 21, 2017 [1 favorite]
If I was into the Whamageddon I would have lost, but I love Last Christmas so fuck that. I am just happy that I haven't heard the damn drummer boy yet this season!
(Did I jinx?)
posted by jenfullmoon at 11:09 PM on December 21, 2017 [1 favorite]
(Did I jinx?)
posted by jenfullmoon at 11:09 PM on December 21, 2017 [1 favorite]
Still hanging in as of Dec 22. They say you don't hear the one that gets you, but that couldn't be true in this case - could it?
I attribute my success to only listening to music from my own GM-free iPod collection and staying out of stores by shopping online. My most nervous moment was standing around at the local Christmas parade and watching the local radio stations roll by.
Good luck to you all.
posted by randomkeystrike at 8:41 AM on December 22, 2017
I attribute my success to only listening to music from my own GM-free iPod collection and staying out of stores by shopping online. My most nervous moment was standing around at the local Christmas parade and watching the local radio stations roll by.
Good luck to you all.
posted by randomkeystrike at 8:41 AM on December 22, 2017
They got me yesterday at the supermarket.
The place where I shop most they only have music in the vegetable and the wine department, so I have been racing through those. But yesterday I was at a music all the time all over the place store, and that was it.
posted by mumimor at 1:45 PM on December 23, 2017 [1 favorite]
The place where I shop most they only have music in the vegetable and the wine department, so I have been racing through those. But yesterday I was at a music all the time all over the place store, and that was it.
posted by mumimor at 1:45 PM on December 23, 2017 [1 favorite]
Still hanging in there on Christmas Eve in the afternoon, although I do have to go to the store for wrapping paper, so let's see what happens.
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 10:23 AM on December 24, 2017
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 10:23 AM on December 24, 2017
My 7-year-old just asked to hear Last Christmas so that just happened. I actually kind of like that song. We snapped green beans and sang along, and his 7-year-old interpretation was “I guess he or she isn’t getting them a present this year” and my point is I’m really glad I lost.
posted by rabbitrabbit at 5:36 PM on December 24, 2017 [6 favorites]
posted by rabbitrabbit at 5:36 PM on December 24, 2017 [6 favorites]
And I made it to Christmas without hearing “Wonderful Christmastime”. But I didn’t make it through Christmas without hearing it. Oh, well.
posted by SansPoint at 8:48 AM on December 25, 2017
posted by SansPoint at 8:48 AM on December 25, 2017
METAFILTER: Oh, Jesus Christ- it's that fucking kid with his fucking drum running around the mall singing LA LA LA LA LA with fingers jammed in my ears, it's neither jolly nor reverent, it's just a piece of shit, there's a special place in hell for modern pop singers who sing traditional Christmas carols as though they're trying to seduce someone, I will literally plug my ears and run away from it, the absolute worst, a song perhaps unique in the annals of music as a piece that guarantees the exact fucking mathematical opposite of its title ... as I drag my tension-wracked body from one resentful holiday errand to another in snarled traffic and frayed tempers.
Merry Christmas to all ...
posted by philip-random at 11:29 AM on December 25, 2017
Merry Christmas to all ...
posted by philip-random at 11:29 AM on December 25, 2017
What are the rules to avoiding Wham? Do you just have to make it through Christmas day? Because I think I'm going to make it this year. In fact, I've heard almost zero sappy Christmas music at all except for the brief run through the grocery store on Friday, and it's been utterly glorious.
posted by loquacious at 11:41 AM on December 25, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by loquacious at 11:41 AM on December 25, 2017 [1 favorite]
It's now 45 minutes to midnight on Christmas Day in Iceland and about to retire for the night. Somehow I’ve not heard Last Christmas yet. Last time I was here for the holidays, a mere two years ago, I feel like it was inescapable. I haven’t even tried not to hear it, listening to plenty of pop radio, going into many stores with unprotected ears. Somehow I’ve escaped. Either its potency has waned or I’m like a lucky survivor of a Medieval plague.
posted by Kattullus at 3:18 PM on December 25, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by Kattullus at 3:18 PM on December 25, 2017 [2 favorites]
Another survivor here. Usually it's been gas stations that would get me but not this year!
posted by Hairy Lobster at 12:42 PM on December 26, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Hairy Lobster at 12:42 PM on December 26, 2017 [1 favorite]
And, I made it! Okay, I did hear a couple of the covers, but I have not been WHAM!ed.
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 8:20 PM on December 26, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 8:20 PM on December 26, 2017 [1 favorite]
Made it!
posted by eustacescrubb at 8:07 AM on December 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by eustacescrubb at 8:07 AM on December 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
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posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:18 PM on December 1, 2017 [5 favorites]