Vile Valentines

February 13, 2018 10:05 PM

Aloha, mutants! It’s that time of year once again when couples are forced to spend lots of money on each other while the single folk get to laugh manically whilst eating alone in their dark, empty studio apartments. (More of a laugh-cry, really.) In either case, Valentine’s Day is clearly a holiday for losers. To help make the day a little more bearable, I’ve whipped up some free valentines [here and here] for you to share, email, print out, burn, and curse.
posted by Johnny Wallflower (6 comments total)

Where were these when I was a 13 year old Monster Kid I ask? Wonderful stuff indeed!
posted by Phlegmco(tm) at 6:14 AM on February 14, 2018

"My hills only have eyes for you."
posted by aspersioncast at 6:38 AM on February 14, 2018

Roses are for vases
Lotion's for the skin
You will be my Valentine
Or it gets the hose again
posted by Capt. Renault at 7:22 AM on February 14, 2018 [3 favorites]

It even includes Killer Clowns from outer space. Holy Shit!
posted by Greasy Eyed Gristle Man at 7:43 AM on February 14, 2018

I am giving these to my family tonight.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 12:17 PM on February 14, 2018

They weren't impressed.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 5:55 PM on February 14, 2018 [2 favorites]