"Not today, asshole!"

February 24, 2018 8:30 AM

When birds steal food, they usually get away with it, but now the kids are fighting back.
posted by Johnny Wallflower (28 comments total)

That toddler frightens me.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 8:59 AM on February 24, 2018 [3 favorites]

That kid obviously rules, but if she'd tried that move on a goose or a swan they would have wrecked her.
posted by The Card Cheat at 9:01 AM on February 24, 2018 [5 favorites]

I'm pretty sure the toddler was actually stealing food meant for the bird. I feel avians are being libelled here.
posted by tavella at 9:10 AM on February 24, 2018 [23 favorites]

I'm pretty sure I've met that seagull featured in the video at 1:15. He took an entire sandwich directly out of my beach companion's hand. He then stole a family's family-size bag of Cool Ranch Doritos. Zero fucks were given by that bird.
posted by halation at 9:14 AM on February 24, 2018 [1 favorite]

Haha! Birds are such theives. I went to a McDonald's after school once and, it being a nice day, we decided to eat outside. Aaand...suddenly there's just sparrows everywhere. So we're like, what, they must want something, right? So we toss them a french fry. Yes! Correct, human! Number one answer! Except, any bird who aquired a fry would be obliged to fly away (up to the roof) with it, to avoid competition. Now, sparrows are small. So, they'd often get the fry by the end, making them all unbalanced, flying in just the craziest, loopiest spirals...with a bunch of other birds chasing them, also flying in wacky loops trying to keep up. It was the funniest thing ever. I think I ate like 3 french fries...the birds got the rest.
posted by sexyrobot at 9:19 AM on February 24, 2018 [8 favorites]

Our local gulls can be pretty brazen. I remember one dive-bombing the tray of fries in my wife's hand as we walked away from the chip truck. The idea was apparently to spill them so that they become fair game. That gull got a swift backhand...
posted by Artful Codger at 9:21 AM on February 24, 2018

Seagulls are dicks.
posted by Pendragon at 9:36 AM on February 24, 2018

I'm both impressed and horrified at the nerve of that kid.

Don't pull that shit on crows, though.
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:43 AM on February 24, 2018 [2 favorites]

I like the seagull at 0:40 in the video who sort of nonchalantly walks into that convenience store:

"Yes- pay no attention, I am just a regular human person going about my normal day-to-day business...YES! Doritos! OK, be cool man, be cool..."


Seagulls are dicks.

OK, Gen X parents- I don't care how long you worked in that video store, or how much you love classic films, if you name your kid "Tippi" these sorts of things are going to keep happening!
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 10:01 AM on February 24, 2018 [7 favorites]

Do not even get me started on the seagull I saw on the pier who killed and disemboweld a freaking pigeon.
posted by Room 641-A at 10:05 AM on February 24, 2018 [2 favorites]

One of my minor regrets in life is that the time I saw a guy walking in front of Toronto City Hall stumble, drop a cardboard tray holding like six plates of fries on the ground and immediately get engulfed in a seagull tornado pre-dated the smartphone era and is therefore lost to history.
posted by The Card Cheat at 10:19 AM on February 24, 2018 [23 favorites]

Just to echo Pendragon, seagulls really are dicks.
posted by sldownard at 10:53 AM on February 24, 2018 [1 favorite]

Ah, to be able to fly into people's houses and eat their food off the counter. That's not actually anything I really want to be able to do, but that seagull clearly gives no fucks. None of them do.

And aww, that first cat is like, "Meow! I want to eat my food but a bunch of scary chickens are pecking at it! Are you seeing this? Meow!" The second cat is more direct, but a perfectly timed level-up sound plays as part of the background music right as the chicken hops down to another platform...

That little girl, though! She's fearless! I wonder what she'll end up doing in life.
posted by limeonaire at 11:16 AM on February 24, 2018 [1 favorite]

A few years ago a pet shop had a fire in Bakersfield. The conure parrots escaped and have adapted to live here. Their palate is expanding. Last year I saw a big 18 inch long parrot, eating the red berries of Mojave pyracantha, lots of that available. A few days ago there were five of these in the yard, eating grapefruits, they completely gut them. So pretty with bright red beaks, some adaptation. Anyway they will get in trouble for citrus poaching, maybe.
posted by Oyéah at 11:29 AM on February 24, 2018 [2 favorites]

I read that as "conjure parrots" and thought we were in for some avian voodoo.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 11:31 AM on February 24, 2018 [3 favorites]

I love cheeky birds who steal food, and especially the ones who take a few moments to strut around in triumph, or flick their tail feathers contemptuously at you before flying away with their prize.
posted by jamjam at 11:33 AM on February 24, 2018 [1 favorite]

I could go for a whole bunch more videos of chickens bothering cats.
posted by Akhu at 11:34 AM on February 24, 2018 [5 favorites]

That little girl, though! She's fearless! I wonder what she'll end up doing in life.

Not just fearless, but amazing ambi-dexterity and reflexes. That quick snag with the left hand is awesome. Has some athletic potential.
posted by JackFlash at 11:36 AM on February 24, 2018 [2 favorites]

To be fair, birds’ ancestors kept our ancestors down for 150 million years. Maybe this is their effort at a comeback....
posted by GenjiandProust at 11:44 AM on February 24, 2018 [1 favorite]

My favorite sight here in NYC is pigeons eating fried chicken off the sidewalk. I could literally watch that all day and not stop laughing. Yes, there might be something wrong with me. :/
posted by sexyrobot at 11:50 AM on February 24, 2018 [1 favorite]

That little girl, though! She's fearless! I wonder what she'll end up doing in life.


I wonder.
posted by Splunge at 11:51 AM on February 24, 2018 [1 favorite]

LEGEND
posted by Going To Maine at 11:53 AM on February 24, 2018

I once met a seagull who taught me to speak a couple of different dialects of gull.

As to be expected, they don't have much to say. Throughout the day it's mainly just "food?", "mine!" and "fuck you!" and that's about it.

But at sunset, when they all take to the sky and go wheeling around and making all that racket? "I'm an asshooole! I'm an assssshole!"

They know it and love it.

And yes, seagulls do try to intentionally hit you with their shit. They make a game out of it with points based scoring system. There's regional competitions and everything, with specialty areas with specific targets like "kid with an ice cream cone - hit the cone or make them drop it" or "bald person without a hat".
posted by loquacious at 11:55 AM on February 24, 2018 [11 favorites]

I also wonder what this little boy will be when he grows up.
posted by limeonaire at 12:09 PM on February 24, 2018 [9 favorites]

I don't often guffaw. But that? That made me guffaw.
posted by dendritejungle at 2:41 PM on February 24, 2018

If it helps any, I once saw a seagull and a crow vying for the same bit of food at a marina. The seagull never stood a chance against the crow's cunning and intellect.
posted by A. Davey at 5:32 PM on February 24, 2018

I also wonder what this little boy will be when he grows up.

Ozzie Osbourne?
posted by Itaxpica at 12:44 AM on February 25, 2018 [4 favorites]

That little girl, though! She's fearless! I wonder what she'll end up doing in life.
She's gonna be a surgeon. Look how gently she holds the bird's head and how deftly she plucks the tiny morsel of food from its beak.
posted by Don Pepino at 5:12 AM on February 25, 2018 [1 favorite]