"I find it impossible to be just a little bit outrageous.”

March 4, 2018 10:52 AM

Cynthia Heimel, columnist who brought humor to hanky-panky, dies at 70 (Washington Post) "Cynthia Heimel, a humor columnist whose biting, ribald commentary on sex, romance and late-century womanhood were collected in books including “Sex Tips for Girls” and “Get Your Tongue out of My Mouth, I’m Kissing You Good-Bye,” died Feb. 25 at an assisted-living community in Los Angeles. She was 70. The cause was complications from dementia, said her son Brodie Ransom. Ms. Heimel had been diagnosed about a year ago."

Other obits:

• A look back at the trailblazing Village Voice columnist whose extraordinary life had several volumes' worth of events, people, and locations “You told me you wanted me because I was ‘outrageous,’ but then you complain that I am too outrageous. I find it impossible to be just a little bit outrageous.”
• American feminist columnist whose wit won her comparisons with Dorothy Parker "Comparing her to Dorothy Parker, the New York Times culture critic Stephen Holden once wrote that Heimel was “an urban romantic with a scathing X-ray vision that penetrates her most deeply cherished fantasies”.
• RIP Cynthia Heimel, OG Carrie Bradshaw "Heimel told girls that vibrators were their friends and that you don't have to screw him because he picked up the check. She told them how to put on lingerie — you won't learn that panties go on top of garter belts from Victoria's Secret. She did it all with an immense sense of laughter and absurdity. She was like Dr. Ruth, unchained."
• Remembering Sex And Relationship Columnist Cynthia Heimel "Nervy in my writing. Watch me in real life."
• Respect For Cynthia Heimel “I was a huge fan of Cynthia’s back in the day. A sassy-sexy Dorothy Parker-level columnist and author, at least in my estimation. An excellent writer, quite the wit, didn’t miss a trick. She was very highly renowned in the late Carter, Reagan, Poppy and Clinton eras. Things started to downshift after she lost her monthly column for Playboy in ’00.”
• Cynthia Heimel, Irreverent Writer About Sex, Dies at 70 “She gets funnier, meaner and possibly even smarter, every time around.”

Interviews:

• Cynthia Heimel explains her love for dogs"They're a shopping substitute."
• Cynthia's bio of herself: "Cynthia Heimel was born on the edge of Philadelphia, her back window looked out at four gas stations, a bowling alley and a Hojo's, her house fronted on a beautiful suburban tree-lined street. Naturally she is weird."
• Cynthia Heimel on dreams:  "There is another phrase- "Follow your bliss." If you take this phrase away from its smarmy little connotations it’s a fine little phrase. It means keep sniffing in the right direction, keep on keeping on. It doesn’t imply the insane magic of the dread "dream" word. Work slow and steady, win your race. Follow your dream, ruin your life."
• Cynthia Heimel made her name by giving girls hilarious tips about blow jobs. Now she says she can’t escape her own rep."They wanted me to be outrageous and wild and all that, and what they meant was funny. I wrote 10 tips for them and only five got on the air -- because they weren't as dirty as the other five:"
• This Wacky World According To Cynthia Heimel “People read my stuff and like themselves better,” she said, “and that's so gratifying to me.”
• Cynthia Heimel Has Lots To Say Even After 20 Years Of Writing "I've always been part of the lunatic fringe, but I don't want to be an actual lunatic."
• She hated "Sex and the City: The Movie." “For God’s sake, how dare you make me watch that."

Writings:

• Text of a monologue from "A Girl's Guide to Chaos." "But what if it turns out that his favorite movie is His Girl Friday, with Slap Shot a close second?  Then I could fall in love.  Then I'll really be terrified."
• When In Doubt, Act Like Myrna Loy."Darling," I said, "you are an inconsiderate brat.  I absolutely refuse to be left alone and terrified on any more dark mountainsides.  Next time the climbing lust overtakes you, warn me first so that I can take in a nice, warm movie instead of sitting around like a fool on wet rocks, you abysmal warthog."
• Review of "A Girl's Guide to Chaos." And photos of the show.
• Cynthia Heimel quotes
• Cynthia Heimel books

posted by jenfullmoon (31 comments total)

Oh dammit. I remember finding and reading her stuff when I was in my late teens.
posted by dilettante at 11:02 AM on March 4, 2018

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posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 11:08 AM on March 4, 2018

Oh damn. I read her stuff all the time in the 80's. She was the best.
posted by freakazoid at 11:12 AM on March 4, 2018 [3 favorites]

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posted by karen in austin at 11:54 AM on March 4, 2018

Thanks for such an in-depth remembrance! I remember crying with laughter reading Sex Tips for Girls while riding home on the bus one night way back when. Cynthia Heimel was great.
posted by the return of the thin white sock at 11:59 AM on March 4, 2018

Thanks for posting this, I'd missed it. It didn't make it into any of my newsfeeds, which is a shame in itself. I admit I probably haven't thought about her since I got rid of her books a long time ago, but I read them enough that I could finish some of the quotes in those articles.
posted by still_wears_a_hat at 12:00 PM on March 4, 2018

RIP Dr. Sex Tips! I was given Sex Tips For Girls as a birthday gift lo these many, many years ago, and I loved it so much I wound up getting a couple other Heimel books when they came out. I'm sad to hear of her passing, though happy to know she didn't suffer through dementia for years.
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 12:11 PM on March 4, 2018

Cynthia was a friend once, and she was awesome in real life as you assume she was. We had a bit of a falling out eventually, so I didn't see her or hear from her for the last few years of her life, and I was shocked and saddened to hear of her dementia diagnosis (which, looking back on it, probably contributed to the falling out, and I regret not knowing it at the time). The world is a sadder place without her. RIP.
posted by holborne at 12:28 PM on March 4, 2018 [19 favorites]

St Peter: Eh, ooh. Yeah... well... ah... look, you know what? What the fuck, go on in.
posted by Segundus at 12:48 PM on March 4, 2018 [1 favorite]

Dammit! Dammit dammit dammit. Well. What an awesome lady. Thanks for all the laughter.
posted by knitcrazybooknut at 1:02 PM on March 4, 2018

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I have a well read paperback copy of 'Get Your Tongue Out Of My Mouth, I'm Kissing You Goodbye'

It was my sass bible in my early teens.

She was a remarkable writer. Reading her, I always felt like I was just chatting to my older wiser friend.
posted by Faintdreams at 1:40 PM on March 4, 2018

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posted by GrammarMoses at 2:01 PM on March 4, 2018

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posted by valkane at 2:23 PM on March 4, 2018

So who's our grande dame now? Anka Rakadovich?
posted by Guy Smiley at 2:31 PM on March 4, 2018

Um no.
posted by holborne at 2:32 PM on March 4, 2018

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posted by camyram at 3:04 PM on March 4, 2018

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posted by Lynsey at 3:07 PM on March 4, 2018

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posted by Secret Sparrow at 3:10 PM on March 4, 2018

I remember reading an article she wrote that I've not been able to find since then. She talked about how she decided to see what it was like to be a guy, so she got some testosterone patches. She put on three! She said she was just incredibly horny, and that colors were brighter.
posted by Xoc at 3:43 PM on March 4, 2018 [1 favorite]

Used to read her stuff regularly in the Village Voice back in the 1980s, but hadn't thought about her for a long time. It's especially sad that someone with her sharp wit & facility for language ended up with dementia.

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posted by Nat "King" Cole Porter Wagoner at 5:39 PM on March 4, 2018

I have all her books. They were a godsend after my divorce 17 years ago


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posted by infini at 12:30 AM on March 5, 2018

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posted by filtergik at 3:46 AM on March 5, 2018

I always thought “If You Can’t Live Without Me, Why Aren’t You Dead Yet?!” was an amazing book title.
posted by tomcooke at 5:33 AM on March 5, 2018 [2 favorites]

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posted by dlugoczaj at 6:44 AM on March 5, 2018

I too read her stuff regularly in the Voice in the 1980s, and I'm very sorry not only that she's gone but that she suffered from dementia. Thanks for the post—I was afraid MeFi wouldn't know who she was.

> I always thought “If You Can’t Live Without Me, Why Aren’t You Dead Yet?!” was an amazing book title.

All her book titles were pretty great.
posted by languagehat at 6:48 AM on March 5, 2018 [1 favorite]

I've known this column for nearly 20 years and always loved it. I love old dogs and this is exactly the reason why.
posted by dlugoczaj at 6:55 AM on March 5, 2018 [1 favorite]

Is it appropriate for a father to give his daughter a copy of Sex Tips For Girls, and if so at what age? (Hers, not mine.)
posted by Hogshead at 8:52 AM on March 5, 2018

It's not really an advice book; it's humor, and it's not aimed at teens, but at adult women. Might be a bit dated, as humor from the eighties (hence the 'girls' for adult women).

I read it as a teen when it came out -- I was fifteen or so, maybe? And loved it, but it was raunchier than anything I would have been comfortable getting from my dad. It was raunchier than anything I was comfortable knowing that my dad was aware I had read. Come to think, it'd probably still fit in that category, but my dad is pretty uptight.

Overall, no. Steer her toward Scarleteen or something. (But it is a great book -- I'd buy it yourself and read it for the feminism and the laughs.)
posted by LizardBreath at 9:36 AM on March 5, 2018 [1 favorite]

Oh hell yeah, totally concur with LizardBreath; that is not a book you want to give your teenage daughter. If my dad had given me that book, I would have been mortified beyond belief, and he wasn't uptight at all.

OTOH, if you want to buy it and then leave it visible on your bookshelf after you read it -- well, that's different.
posted by holborne at 10:38 AM on March 5, 2018

I read it in my early 20s, several times. Might buy a copy and give it to my sister to give to my daughter. I imagine my sister would benefit from reading it too.
posted by Hogshead at 3:16 PM on March 5, 2018

A tribute by Julie Klausner.
posted by jenfullmoon at 6:17 PM on March 6, 2018 [1 favorite]