Salami Blessing v. Corky Boozé

March 29, 2018 7:13 AM

Presenting the 2018 Name of the Year Bracket! 2017 saw Boats Botes crowned by the public, while the NOTY High Committee separately selected the (far-superior) Kobe Buffalomeat. Will Reality Winner take this year's top prize, or will Jimbob Ghostkeeper prevail? Voting starts soon.

The Name of the Year contest is an NCAA-style bracket that pits the best (worst?) names that filtered into public consciousness in the previous year against each other. Run as a blog since 2012 and existing as a piece of paper tacked to a dorm door for many years before that, contest organizers claim that "all names included here are, to the best of our knowledge, real" -- and that "no malice is intended."

Personal favorites among previous NOTY winners include:
2016 Pope McCorkle III
2015 Amanda Miranda Panda
2014 Shamus Beaglehole
2013 Leo Moses Spornstarr
2011 Taco B.M. Monster (NOTY High Committee and The People)
2008 Destiny Frankenstein (NOTY High Committee)
2007 Vanilla Dong (NOTY High Committee and The People)
2000 Nimrod Weiselfish

Previously, previously, previously, previously, previously

posted by alleycat01 (54 comments total)

About time! I've been waiting for this year's bracket.
posted by dlugoczaj at 7:21 AM on March 29, 2018

How is Reality Winner not even in the first bracket?
posted by loquacious at 7:25 AM on March 29, 2018 [1 favorite]

The top 10 list overall is great.

"1. Kobe Buffalomeat 229 (6)
2. Sultan McDoom 156 (3)
3. Aphrodite Bodycomb 120 (3)
4. Marmaduke Trebilcock 112 (1)
5. Chardonnay Pantastico 107
6. Fortunate Sithole 97
7. Jeffrosenberg Tan 81 (1)
8. Andy Brandy Casagrande IV 80
9. Quindarious Monday 70
10.Faraj Fartass 61"

Quindarious is my personal favourite. Weird, magical, but still close enough to the real kind of non-sense sounds that make up names.
posted by GoblinHoney at 7:25 AM on March 29, 2018 [2 favorites]

Congratulations, everyone! In a way, you're all winners. And in another, more accurate way, Chardonnay Beaver is the winner.
posted by Capt. Renault at 7:27 AM on March 29, 2018 [2 favorites]

Genuine Potts & Candida Seasock.

C'mon, you know most of these names were just cribbed out of unpublished Pynchon novels, right?
posted by Chrischris at 7:33 AM on March 29, 2018 [5 favorites]

If you enjoy this kind of thing (and who doesn't?), try sticking around to watch the credits after a blockbuster movie. My son and I have done this for years, chortling over the myriad combinations of syllables that can make up a person's name. Most times it ends up being more entertaining than the extra scene tacked on to keep us in our seats in the first place.
posted by OHenryPacey at 7:35 AM on March 29, 2018 [3 favorites]

SOOOOOOOOO many good ones this year, its hard to choose. At the moment, I am leaning toward Tuna Altuna as my personal favorite versus Covadonga del Busto Naval in the semi-final. On the other side of the brackets, I like Delicious Peters vs. Hallelujah Lulie.
posted by briank at 7:36 AM on March 29, 2018 [1 favorite]

I have a co-worker who is way into sportsball of all types, and regularly teases the rest of us good-naturedly about our lack of interest (he got so into the World Cup last summer that he randomly assigned the Controller and I allegiances to other teams so he could comment upon whether "our team" did well against his, and we just shrugged).

I am going to try to enlist him into following this as a sass-back.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:42 AM on March 29, 2018 [3 favorites]

I can't see how anyone but Dr. Narwhals Mating is going to win this year. It's impossible.
posted by dlugoczaj at 7:45 AM on March 29, 2018 [16 favorites]

I'm surprised Blossom Albuquerque is seeded so high in the Fruithandler bracket - strong in the first half of the year, they tailed off as 2017 wore on - but great to see the committee recognise the talents of Quindarious Gooch (strong all-round and always quick to recognise their support crew) and Rev Hobbit Forrest who just keeps on keeping on.

But can anyone hope to challenge Dr Narwhals Mating (as dlugoczaj pointed out just as I posted)? A strong favourite and a surprise feature to many who thought he'd been a NOTY walkover winner in years gone by.
posted by giraffeneckbattle at 7:45 AM on March 29, 2018 [1 favorite]

try sticking around to watch the credits after a blockbuster movie. My son and I have done this for years, chortling over the myriad combinations of syllables that can make up a person's name.

My husband and I couldn't stop cracking up after seeing "Harry Vein" during a similar credits-scroll session because we are 12 year old boys apparently
posted by alleycat01 at 7:53 AM on March 29, 2018

try sticking around to watch the credits

Absolutely. I do remember seeing a "Rusty Mahmood" in the credits for "The Office" for years, and I could NEVER see it as anything other than "Rusty Manhood," which I just thought was fabulous.
posted by dlugoczaj at 7:56 AM on March 29, 2018 [1 favorite]

♪ It's the most wonderful time of the year ♫

I have a pretty boring name, so I'm kind of jealous of all women and men with unusual names. I can't help wondering what my life would have been like if I'd grown up as Narwhals Mating. I'd probably be involved in all kinds of amusing and sexy hijinx by now ... and I'd probably also be a doctor. Curse my parents for their lack of imagination!
posted by soundofsuburbia at 7:57 AM on March 29, 2018 [4 favorites]

I can't see how anyone but Dr. Narwhals Mating is going to win this year. It's impossible.

That was certainly my first thought. But then I came across dark horse 10-seed Gandalf Hernandez and for some reason I just can't stop laughing. So...
posted by The Bellman at 8:05 AM on March 29, 2018 [6 favorites]

Makenlove Petit-Fard is a number one seed for a reason! I want all of these people to marry one another and hyphenate their glorious names.
posted by gladly at 8:35 AM on March 29, 2018 [3 favorites]

Sportsball fan co-worker is down with this. He is on team Gandalf Hernandez right now, with Early Charlemagne coming in a very close second.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:51 AM on March 29, 2018 [3 favorites]

Personal favorites among previous NOTY winners include:

Dr. Loki Skylizard was robbed.

The Chrotchtangle Regional is where it's at for 2018. Dr. Narwhals Mating, Mahogany Loggins, Genuine Potts, Gandalf Hernandez... these are all champion material.
posted by Foosnark at 8:53 AM on March 29, 2018

Perhaps. In my view none of them come close to the multi-level subversiveness of Howard Howard Howard Howard Howard Howard Howard Howard, a delightful Australian ratbag of whom search engines apparently remain unaware.
posted by flabdablet at 9:02 AM on March 29, 2018 [4 favorites]

Mahogany Loggins just kind of rolls of the tongue, doesn't it?

I have no idea why, but I think Devoid Couch is going to go far in this bracket.
posted by Elly Vortex at 9:16 AM on March 29, 2018 [1 favorite]

The likely second round matchup between Chardonnay Beaver and Lola Honeybone is intriguing.
posted by Homeboy Trouble at 9:18 AM on March 29, 2018 [1 favorite]

I really think Jimbob Ghostkeeper is the dark horse in all this. So down home, so unassuming; then he hits you with his status as an otherworldly gatekeeper.

I know I made the post and that NOTY says they verify names to the best of their ability, but ... Narwhals Mating. Can that really, really be a name??
posted by alleycat01 at 9:27 AM on March 29, 2018 [2 favorites]

I, too, have a very plain and distressingly common name. There's a Trumper on Facebook with my name who lives in my town. I get tagged by mistake when people want to tag him all the time. The other day, a friend of mine was tangling with him and tagged me, saying "come get your boy!" He's not my boy. As far as I know, we're not related, and I'm not bothering to find out.

I wonder how my life would have been different if my name had been Narwhal Mating. Would I have a PhD? Or is Dr. Mating a medical doctor? We cannot know. But I can vote for his glorious name, the greatest of the year.
posted by vibrotronica at 9:30 AM on March 29, 2018

> Narwhals Mating. Can that really, really be a name??

There is enough evidence to convince me (1, 2, 3, 4).
posted by giraffeneckbattle at 9:30 AM on March 29, 2018 [1 favorite]

As the son of Jim and Jane Smith, I can appreciate this.
posted by gottabefunky at 9:30 AM on March 29, 2018

How is London Breed not in there? I asked several Bay Area friends if "London Breed" was an IPA, a premium brand of dogfood, a skinhead punk band, or the current Mayor of San Francisco. Not one person got it right. (Oh, she's not the Mayor these days, but she's President of the SF Board of Supervisors.)
posted by w0mbat at 9:32 AM on March 29, 2018

And oh, Taco BM Monster. A timeless champion. Such elegance. We shall not see his like again.
posted by vibrotronica at 9:33 AM on March 29, 2018 [1 favorite]

> Narwhals Mating. Can that really, really be a name??
>>There is enough evidence to convince me (1, 2, 3, 4).

Whelp I guess that was a case of LMGTFY. Sorry!
posted by alleycat01 at 9:34 AM on March 29, 2018

Years ago I worked with a man named Hung Long. Nice guy. Cut part of a finger off with a deli slicer.

I only mention this because I mention this as often as possible.
posted by SonInLawOfSam at 9:36 AM on March 29, 2018 [15 favorites]

I do remember seeing a "Rusty Mahmood" in the credits for "The Office" for years

Never forget that Night Court was created by Reinhold Weege.

Sure, in the 80s he'd definitely be a high seed, maybe even a favorite to make the Final Four. Nowadays, the competition is so tough that he'd be lucky to squeak into the NIT.
posted by mhum at 9:41 AM on March 29, 2018

Years ago I worked with a man named Hung Long.

I've worked with both Randy Rotter and Tiger Dong. The last one now goes by "Dong Tiger" which if anything is worse.
posted by w0mbat at 9:46 AM on March 29, 2018 [2 favorites]

> Narwhals Mating. Can that really, really be a name??

There is enough evidence to convince me (1, 2, 3, 4).

Not gonna lie, I'm disappointed he's not a cetologist.
posted by Homeboy Trouble at 10:05 AM on March 29, 2018 [1 favorite]

Wait, these are actually names? Some of them make the Key & Peele East/West Bowl sketch seem tame.
posted by noneuclidean at 10:10 AM on March 29, 2018 [3 favorites]

Or a sexacetologist, which I think would mean there's six of him.
posted by Quindar Beep at 10:49 AM on March 29, 2018

I don't think it's a winner, but Dragonwagon's Ceejhay French-Love has enthralled me so much I want to change the spelling of my user name to ceejhaytee.

I 'm rooting for Quindarious Gooch to take it all.
posted by ceejaytee at 10:58 AM on March 29, 2018 [1 favorite]

There is enough evidence to convince me (1, 2, 3, 4).

Did Dr. Narwhals Mating change his name to that? Evidence:
Full Name: Narwhals Mating
Former Name: Raymond Rex Spisak

Is it less special if he picked it himself?
posted by gladly at 11:05 AM on March 29, 2018 [2 favorites]

How is London Breed not in there? 
Not that this is necessarily the case with London, but I think that the folks that do Name of the Year will remove/not add a name if requested by the name's owner. So there are more delightful names out there, some with owners who do not wish to be in the spotlight. That makes me feel better about enjoying this so much.
posted by Elly Vortex at 11:24 AM on March 29, 2018 [2 favorites]

I am enchanted with the simple elegance of Mike Diaper. Every time I even think about the name I laugh. You can take your fancy Dr. Megha Pandas and your Darthvader Williamsons.

Mike. Diaper.

It's good for America.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:33 AM on March 29, 2018 [5 favorites]

My recommendation got a name into the brackets a few years ago (Manmeet Colon). I have just remembered that years ago my father sold his truck to a guy whose name was Raynor Schein. I think I need to send another email.
posted by dlugoczaj at 11:48 AM on March 29, 2018 [3 favorites]

I one met a Dorcas Titcum. Not even a contender on this bracket.
posted by q*ben at 12:18 PM on March 29, 2018

I have just remembered that years ago my father sold his truck to a guy whose name was Raynor Schein.

I had to think about that one for a second....
posted by Paul Slade at 12:28 PM on March 29, 2018

Bulltron regional was tough for me. I mean like real tough. Lotta hot contenders in there, but nothing can top Miracle Crimes. MC is going all the way. If Miracle Crimes wins I will straight up go to the mall and get their name embroidered on a ball cap and wear it proudly.

[I feel like Chrotchtangle regional seeds 1 and 16 are pandering to the Reddit audience on accounta their love of both narwhals and bacon. I seriously hope the winner there gets knocked out in the second round. I'm just saying it now: if either of those come out NOTY it's because some Redditors are spamming votes.]
posted by komara at 1:25 PM on March 29, 2018

I wonder if Christine Plentyhoops is related to Winona Plenty Hoops. It's a good name.
posted by Rufous-headed Towhee heehee at 3:12 PM on March 29, 2018 [1 favorite]

Gandalf Hernandez is criminally underseeded. Time to visit my bookie.
posted by invitapriore at 4:34 PM on March 29, 2018

We shop quite frequently at Hung Long Market in White Center, WA.
posted by matildaben at 5:44 PM on March 29, 2018

I am now deeply saddened by the loss of Winona Many Hoops. She sounds like an amazing lady.
posted by gusandrews at 7:58 PM on March 29, 2018 [1 favorite]

I gotta go with Miracle Crimes, Candida Seasock, Makenlove Petit-Fard and Dr. Taekwondo Byrd in the final four.
posted by me3dia at 8:31 PM on March 29, 2018

I work at a job that has me coming across names of people from all walks of life, age, tax bracket, etc. Hundreds a week. The current best one on my roster is Extrafine Bell. In the past there was a Peansy Largent and Waymond Billups, and many many more I can't remember
posted by FirstMateKate at 9:08 AM on March 30, 2018

For people I've encountered in my real life, my current favorites (for coolness of name, not silliness) are:

Singleton Thibodeaux-Yost, an employee in my former graduate department,

Tiberius Jimbo, supporting personnel on a grant I was administering.

Bonus names: I currently have a student with the first name of Zetarius, which I love, and the PI on that grant was referred to in a letter as "Seymour (Sy) Sohmer," which just rolls off the tongue.
posted by Four Ds at 9:57 AM on March 30, 2018

I can't be the only person who really wants to share stories of Unusual Names They Have Known, but who can't because I don't want the people to Google themselves and find this page and have their feelings hurt.
posted by The corpse in the library at 10:26 AM on March 31, 2018 [5 favorites]

Agreed with the corpse above - I grew up across the street from a lovely person with the most bizarre combination of first and last name and I am biting my tongue.
posted by Elly Vortex at 5:41 AM on April 3, 2018 [1 favorite]

The corpse in the library: You are not. I find out all kinds of ridiculous names, but I can't say them because of the Internet.
posted by jenfullmoon at 6:23 AM on April 3, 2018 [1 favorite]

This has become a thing in my office. We are all sad to see that it looks like Early Charlemagne was eliminated in the first round, but are holding out hope for Gandalf Hernandez.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:51 AM on April 9, 2018

I feel compelled to do a self-check-in to announce that JIMBOB GHOSTKEEPER and NARWHALS MATING are the finalists as of today! Go vote!!

In other news it looks like I had a fleeting moment of prescience and apparently squandered it on NOTY winners instead of choosing lotto numbers bc that’s how I roll
posted by alleycat01 at 6:37 PM on April 26, 2018

Hang on, does the winner get to name the new royal baby?
posted by peppermind at 6:46 PM on April 26, 2018 [1 favorite]