Gulls enjoy crapping on us

April 1, 2018 4:04 PM

Bird poop People with brown hair are particularly at risk of being targeted...
posted by gryphonlover (25 comments total)

whats the date today?
posted by Lanark at 4:12 PM on April 1, 2018 [7 favorites]

LMAO!
posted by Calzephyr at 4:19 PM on April 1, 2018 [1 favorite]

True story: birds' cloacas release when they take off for flight, so I sometimes make a point of observing our local pelicans that sit on the street light poles along the waterfront in my neighbourhood (particularly when there are a lot of tourists on the narrow path, blocking my way, who invariably notice what I'm so focused on and they cluster round the bottom of the pole, pointing and going "oooh" - sometimes the noise irritates the pelicans and they take flight. Yes, I am horrible. No, none of my targets have taken a direct hit - yet).

The other nice thing about my local pelicans is that they have found a local thermal, caused possibly by an intersection of three roads and a carpark. They ride those thermals like they are pretending to be the far more elegant sea eagles. It's like a happier version of this story (animation but is sad).
posted by b33j at 5:21 PM on April 1, 2018 [7 favorites]

so what they're really saying is people are gullible
posted by pyramid termite at 5:49 PM on April 1, 2018 [18 favorites]

posted by gryphonlover

Epony...lookstthesizeofthat!
posted by GenjiandProust at 6:05 PM on April 1, 2018 [1 favorite]

Gulls are fine, Terns - those evil little poop demons will dive bomb and literally draw blood.
posted by sammyo at 6:26 PM on April 1, 2018

While we are on the subject: A fun book my son got for my grandson in LaJolla:

Sam Seagull's Quite Pooply: A story about a very poopy seagull from San Diego Hardcover – March 1, 2015
by Frank McKenna (Author)
posted by mermayd at 6:35 PM on April 1, 2018 [2 favorites]

Terns - those evil little poop demons will dive bomb and literally draw blood.

The solution to that is throwing rocks at them - leave no tern unstoned.
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:46 PM on April 1, 2018 [41 favorites]

An SCTV take on a Leonard Cohen song comes immediately to mind.
posted by juiceCake at 7:28 PM on April 1, 2018 [1 favorite]

I recently took a picture of a one-legged seagull in Redondo Beach. They seemed otherwise healthy and content, and I told them I wished I could hear their story!
posted by Celsius1414 at 8:33 PM on April 1, 2018 [1 favorite]

Getting a sea gull poop on the head when you
are bald is a horrid feeling, I know.
posted by quazichimp at 9:07 PM on April 1, 2018 [1 favorite]

Why can't he buy a hat? Canada has some excellent hats.

Now I've vividly remembered the time a startled pigeon took off suddenly, reached face height, and pooped directly into my mid-"Woah!" mouth, like a pigeon Luke Skywalker hitting the Death Star's exhaust port.
posted by BinaryApe at 12:40 AM on April 2, 2018 [5 favorites]

A seagull attempted to poop-bomb me as I was riding my bike on the highway one summer day. His bombsight wasn't up to the task, but wasn't far off.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 1:13 AM on April 2, 2018

"birds' cloacas release when they take off for flight"

Some people's, too.
posted by Prince Lazy I at 1:37 AM on April 2, 2018 [5 favorites]

I would really like there to be a serious publication called "Fecal News."
posted by chavenet at 2:50 AM on April 2, 2018 [1 favorite]

"All the poos that's fit to print."
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:23 AM on April 2, 2018 [2 favorites]

birds' cloacas release when they take off for flight

And because of this fact, I've always been under the impression that birds really don't aim, per se. So can they actually aim or not?
posted by aspersioncast at 2:20 PM on April 2, 2018 [1 favorite]

Q: What is that white part in bird poop?
A: That is also bird poop.
posted by es_de_bah at 7:09 PM on April 2, 2018 [3 favorites]

I hate April 1
posted by aspersioncast at 7:16 AM on April 3, 2018 [1 favorite]

I just KNEW it ...
posted by milnews.ca at 9:44 AM on April 3, 2018

"Fecal News."

Surely "Fecal Digest" would be more appropriate?
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:52 AM on April 3, 2018 [3 favorites]

Greg_Ace, you never disappoint!
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 11:55 AM on April 3, 2018

The Guano Gazette is (was?) a publication of the Annapolis Grotto of the National Speleological Society.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 12:26 PM on April 3, 2018

I've been shat on exactly once in my life. It was the end of my mediocre third year in undergrad, I still hadn't found a summer job, and I'd just been dumped by my girlfriend. I was wheeling my shitty, broken suitcase to a friend's place, trying to figure out where I could live and how I would pay for it, when there was a caw from the tree above me and a warm wet splat on top of my head.

I couldn't believe the timing. I still can't. Sometimes God is a bad sitcom writer.
posted by ZaphodB at 12:44 PM on April 3, 2018 [1 favorite]

Q: What is that white part in bird poop?
A: That is also bird poop.

Actually the white part is the bird equivalent of urine. There is some interesting science here with how animals eliminate excess nitrogen and their water supply. Birds and reptiles typically excrete uric acid, which has four nitrogen atoms per molecule and is not very soluble in water, so can be eliminated as a pasty precipitate with 10 ml of water used per gram of nitrogen. Most land animals eliminate excess nitrogen via the urea compound, which has two nitrogens per molecule and uses about 50 ml of water to eliminate 1 gram of nitrogen. Aquatic invertebrates tend excrete ammonia which has one nitrogen and requires lots of water but hey, they live in water.
posted by exogenous at 8:14 AM on April 6, 2018 [1 favorite]