Giving telemarketers a taste of their own medicine.

May 23, 2002 10:47 AM

Giving telemarketers a taste of their own medicine. It seems too good to be true, but Tom Mabe is managing to make money by messing with their minds. His tormenting even extends to the web. His page is currently the top result on a Google for telemarketers, which is likely a thorn in their side. He's thought up some great responses to use when for some strange reason you just can't hang up the phone. Besides saying you're dead, what have you said to get rid of them?
posted by jaden (62 comments total)

His recording "Phone Sex" is a shocker. Download it.
posted by dydecker at 10:54 AM on May 23, 2002

when they ask for me, i just say something like "oh, could you hang on for a second? i need to take something off the stove." then i place the phone down and let them hang as long as they want until they give up. i figure that making them waste their own time is the best defense.
posted by zoopraxiscope at 11:06 AM on May 23, 2002

Things I've done - When I have a second modem line I always keep a phone on it, the only people that call it are telemarketers.
Always answer the phone using a fake accent. Switch accents randomly during the conversation.
Whenever someone asks if "so-n-so" is home, always reply "Yes I am".
Newspaper solicitor: break down crying and explain you can't read.
Carpet Cleaners: Apologise for your destitute position and that you have dirt floors. wait for reaction.
Long distance solicitors: "I'm borrowing my friend's phone, I don't have a phone." even though you answered at your own house.
Windshield repair: Sorrowfully explain that your car was just stolen. Slowly move from sorrow to anger, to rage. Keep going until they hang up.
This one works for any telemarketer: "Have you seen my dog?" repeat until they hang up or lose it.
posted by Dillenger69 at 11:17 AM on May 23, 2002

I just tell them to please take me off of their solicitation list and hang up. unless you want to continue to get annoying calls, you have to ask to get taken out of their database. Leaving them hang may make you feel like you are wasting their time, but, they give up automatically after a certain amount of seconds of dead air and move on to the next auto dialed number. Some states (like Texas) has a no call list that you can get on an that telemarkets have to observe. I have an acquaintance who has made a nice little living going after phone solicitors who have called back after they were told to remove the number from the calling list. The fines can be quite steep in some states.
posted by amphigory at 11:20 AM on May 23, 2002

Ask for their home number, tell them you will ring them back at a more convenient time.
posted by Fat Buddha at 11:21 AM on May 23, 2002

I'm on the do-not-call list in New York. It's a total godsend. Too bad they don't have one for email!
posted by mkultra at 11:23 AM on May 23, 2002

::: waits for the "don't pick on the poor telemarketers, it's not their fault" defense :::
posted by rushmc at 11:27 AM on May 23, 2002

When they butcher my last name as they almost always do, I say "There's no one here by that name. Oh and could you please take Mr/Mrs (correct pronunciation) off your list." I hang up while they're stammering a reply.
posted by onhazier at 11:28 AM on May 23, 2002

What has worked like a charm for me is to get rid of my land line completely. Telemarketers aren't allowed to solicit cell phone customers, and this is a rule they apparently adhere to, as I have never received a telemarketing call on my cell phone. Not a practical approach if you need dial-up or DSL internet access, but I've found that the cable modem / cell phone combo is a more-than-adequate replacement for a phone line.
posted by mr_roboto at 11:33 AM on May 23, 2002

The telemarketing calls I get all have a pause and a click before anyone speaks. There's usually plenty of time to hang up before they even start talking.
posted by plaino at 11:37 AM on May 23, 2002

My father-in-law speaks several languages so it's always amusing when telemarketers call their house. Answering the phone in Arabic seems to be a good way to get them to give up pretty quickly.
posted by moosedogtoo at 11:41 AM on May 23, 2002

I never get telemarketing calls because I simply don't answer the phone. I have the ringer turned off and I let all calls go to the answering machine. Friends and family know that if they speak up and say hello, I'll pick up. It's worked beautifully.
posted by Tempus67 at 11:43 AM on May 23, 2002

I've run across a few telemarketing jerks over the years. I also worked in market research and, very briefly, telemarketing when I needed any sort of job to get through university. It ain't glam (well, the door to door beer taste tests were pretty damn cool and usually very well received), so I've always been inclined to treat anyone calling me with a sales pitch with efficient politeness, usually disconnecting in less than 10 seconds.

If you really don't want to be hassled, asking to be placed on the "Do Not Call" list works very well. We've received 0 telemarketing calls over the past two months.
posted by maudlin at 11:45 AM on May 23, 2002

Caller ID - we just don't pick up anyone who's number is blocked or unknown
posted by jalexei at 11:46 AM on May 23, 2002

I just went to sign up on the Telephone Preferences Service Opt Out list. The problem is that you have to pay $5 to do it online. It's free to mail it in. What a bunch of bastards. You're fucked if you do & you're fucked if you don't.
posted by password at 11:49 AM on May 23, 2002

No no-- that's not why God gave us the gift of Caller ID! Everytime I see "Unavailable" pop up, it's fun time. When I'm out of ideas, I rely on telling them I'm very interested in their credit card. Is it ok that I'm about to be incarcerated (or extradited, if you have a foreign accent for it)?

I'll admit to spending 15 minutes on the phone with a young Southern woman trying to sell me long distance. I kindly explained (in my best Russian accent), that I was in the mob and the New Hampshire phone number she dialed was actually being bounced to me in Moscow. Taking it all in stride, she told me about the black market cell phones her friends had. She was a lot of fun and more than a little dim:

"Did you have a good New Year's?"
"Nyet. We did not have the New Year's. We are not on same calendar."
"Oh, how does that work? I'm very interested"
"We are on Julian Calendar . . . so you would say to yourself, oh it is Fleurnesday. I have appointment at vomitorium today."
"Oh. Really?"

Evening calls get a simple, "Oi! Make it quick luv. Got to meet me mates down the boozer. I intend to be tits up by sundown."
posted by yerfatma at 11:54 AM on May 23, 2002

Obligatory defense of telemarketers, skip if you don't care.

Abusing telemarketers is pointless and stupid. For one thing, it's really easy to say "No thank you, I'm not interested," and hang up. For another, as someone pointed out above, you can ask them to take you off their list - this has worked beautifully for me, I hardly ever get calls from telemarketers anymore. And finally, what good does it do to abuse a stranger? Yes, telemarketing is intrusive, but most telemarketers hate what they do and wouldn't do it unless they had to; it's a choice between telemarketing and something worse, like flipping burgers or collecting unemployment.
posted by RylandDotNet at 12:02 PM on May 23, 2002

whenever an army or navy or other such organization recruiter calls up, I tell them matter-of-factly that I'm a total homo. oddly enough, it doesn't always work!
posted by mcsweetie at 12:05 PM on May 23, 2002

Depends on how much fun I feel like having. If I'm very bored, I can keep them on the phone for twenty minutes by just interrupting a lot and asking completely irrelavant questions. I always do my best not to be a jerk about it (karma, you know), but instead let them have a little fun with their awful job. Quickest I ever got off the phone: As soon as the guy introduced himself, I said, "hey, is there some way I could just bail out of this right now?" He said, "sure, your choice." I thanked him and hung up.
posted by Gilbert at 12:06 PM on May 23, 2002

I usually begin benign and complacent and follow their pitch... and then start screaming that the phone has been wiretapped and THEY are listening in. The more references I can squeeze in about black helicopters, the better.
posted by sigma7 at 12:08 PM on May 23, 2002

I did some work soliciting money for a non-profit over the phone. A lot of people didn't seem to realize that while we wanted their money, what we (the callers) really really wanted was a decision, and fast. It was all computerized, and the only way to get them out of the system (so we wouldn't call them back the next day, and the next..) was to either click "yes" they will give us money or "no" they refused to give. If someone said something along the lines of "He's not home" or "I'm busy right now, you're interrupting my son's birthday party" or hung up before I got a chance to ask them, I would click "unavailable" and we could keep on calling and calling until we got an answer. Needless to say, I talked to a lot of beligerent people that summer, but my biggest frustration was people's reluctance to just say "NO!" When you cut the "unavailable right now" crap and just say "No, Thank you" and hang up, you're saving yourself and the caller a lot of time and frustration, and chances are the calls will stop.
posted by bonheur at 12:09 PM on May 23, 2002

Growing up, my buddy and I had lots of wonderful hysterics when it came to dealing with telemarketers. He used to go over to our washing machine and start beating on it while screaming, as I'd yell and curse at him about something completely unrelated.

We slightly curtailed our antics after the first time a telemarketer called us back unimpressed. This was pre-caller-id adoption, and my friend simply said, "yeah, I'm interested... [click]." The telemarketer called back and named his mother and father, as well as his sister and address, and asked what it would be like if something bad happened to his mom. We were early teenagers at the time and got kinda spooked.
posted by Hankins at 12:09 PM on May 23, 2002

RylandDotNet: Here's the thing. Nine times out of ten, you can't just hang up with these people. If you try to (politely) decline, they rush in the silence with the rest of their pitch. So then I hang up, usually. I'm not blaming them -- this is the way their job works. I hate, hate, hate the system, tho. (Full disclosure: Worked as a telemarketer soliciting donations for the American Cancer Society one summer. I've also worked at a car dealership, and I'm now a journalist. So all I need is to become a lawyer, and I've hit the grand slam of loathed jobs in the USA.)
posted by krewson at 12:15 PM on May 23, 2002

We get a lot of calls from mortgage brokers pushing home equity or second mortgages. We've found that if you tell them "I'm in the business" (my wife's runs a mortgage banking outfit) they hang up faster than you can set the receiver down.
posted by groundhog at 12:20 PM on May 23, 2002

I'm gonna die someday, and I'm sure it will come with some advance warning. I'm guessing that I will savor every minute of my life that I saved by telling telemarketers to fuck off, and hanging up on them.
posted by websavvy at 12:25 PM on May 23, 2002

I have this incredibly cheapass piece-of-junk telephone here on my desk. When I'm in a smartass mood, instead of hanging up, I hold the phone handset about an inch above the cradle. This generates a high-pitched whining feedback guaranteed to make the listener's ears bleed. I hear either puzzlement, disbelief, or anguished screams, followed in each case by the "click" of the telemarker hanging up on me, so I know I can hang up too.

FWIW, I worked as a telemarketer once, for not quite the entire shift the first night I was there, and after trying to sell TV Guide subscriptions to every unemployed household in Louisiana, I got a clue and left. My (suddenly ex-) boss jeered, "I knew you were a flake!" I hear he was able to walk again eventually.
posted by alumshubby at 12:26 PM on May 23, 2002

it's a choice between telemarketing and something worse, like flipping burgers

Obviously you and I define "worse" quite differently. "Flipping burgers" may be a low-paying, low status job, but it is non-intrusive: people come to YOU to buy your product (opt-in). Taking advantage of an open system to harrass other people in their homes is far worse, I would say, and if one is willing to stoop so low, he deserves whatever verbal retribution he may get.
posted by rushmc at 12:44 PM on May 23, 2002

I worked for a telemarketing co one summer about 10 years ago, where we would sell a different product every few weeks - one week, an educational baby toy, the next, death and dismembership insurance. It was a horrible job and for years afterward i was very empathetic to telemarketers, telling them how i knew how sucky their job was and wishing them the best of luck finding another one, and assuring them there was simply no way I was going to buy anything from them, ever.

I don't think playing games is a bad idea though - it would have been kinda fun to get a smart ass. That was one of the most depressing things about telemarketing - the fact that anyone considered buying what i was selling was bizarre; the percentage of people who picked up who were "mrs. Man's name last name" was also really bizarre to me (I hadn't expected anyone to accept my asking for "mrs." anyone and had instinctively asked for Ms. X a few times, only to be corrected by the callee). Anyway, jokes would have at least reminded me there were some creative people out there, which would have probably lifted my spirits...
posted by mdn at 12:53 PM on May 23, 2002

"Here's the thing. Nine times out of ten, you can't just hang up with these people."

Actually, ten times out of ten, I can and do just hang up on those people.

I will boldly, blatantly overspeak them, with "I am not interested. Goodbye." And then simply hang up. No fuss, no muss.

Most telemarketers are paid on a per-success basis. By reducing the amount of my time they waste, I increase their chances of getting paid. It's a win-win situation.

I see no need to (a) listen to them; (b) be overly rude to them; (c) waste time. Short and sweet does the trick.

(Well, short, sweet, and digging up Canada's opt-out 1-800 number and getting myself removed from the lists. I get a telemarketing call perhaps once a month, these days, and always from Big Brothers. No one else.)
posted by five fresh fish at 1:02 PM on May 23, 2002

Negative, Krewson-you'll have to put in some time at the IRS before you can make that boast.
posted by quercus at 1:10 PM on May 23, 2002

"I don't believe in telemarketers."
posted by ParisParamus at 1:10 PM on May 23, 2002

You've got a list put me on it. (click)
posted by onegoodmove at 1:13 PM on May 23, 2002

Of course Do-Not-Call lists are a great idea. Even telemarketers love them because they know not to waste their time with the people on the list!

The honest truth, however, is that nobody likes telemarketers. Nobody. The only way to really stop telemarketing as a selling technique is to make it unprofitable. That means as many of us as possible taking up the time of the guy on the other end without buying anything (He will get his $7/hr whether you buy anything or not. And if he's commission only, maybe you can persuade him to get a real job). Eventually the companies that hire telemarketers will do some math and discover it isn't working.

All that being said, the best thing my Dad ever did to a telemarketer is let him go on about aluminum siding and finally saying "Great! I'd love to have you give me an estimate! Yes, the address is 301 Anystreet, Apartment 204..." *click* (Telemarketer hangs up)
posted by ilsa at 1:33 PM on May 23, 2002

i used to sell newspaper subscriptions over the phone. this was the last call i made before i walked out:

c: "hi, i'm calling from the hingham hornblower..."
dirk gently: "oh yeah, i've heard of you."
c: "we've got a great special going on. [sales pitch] would you like to subscribe?"
dg: [pause] "can i eat your pussy?"
c: "WHAT?!"
dg: "i'm sorry, that's a bit out of my price range."
c: "uh, sure. have a good night, mr gently."

this was effective and got me the hell out of that job, but is not pleasant. don't try this at home.
posted by pxe2000 at 1:46 PM on May 23, 2002

mr_roboto: Telemarketers aren't allowed to solicit cell phone customers...

I thought that too, but not all of them adhere to it. I don't have a home phone, so when companies ask for my home phone number, I have to try to guess as to whether they really need it or if they're just going to sell it. I still get 4-5 telemarketing calls a month. Every time they call I ask them to put me on the don't call list, but it hasn't helped much.
posted by jaden at 2:06 PM on May 23, 2002

This attitude of "I used to do this too so now I sympathize with these people" baffles me. If you used to club baby seals, steal children's candy, or murder little old ladies, would you now, having seen the light and given up the practice, look upon those still doing it with fondness and approval?

I, too, did a (very short) stint as a toner bandit, and it was bad then, it's bad now, and if someone calls me trying to con me into buying toner, I'm going to give them hell, not pat them on the back and tell them they're all right.
posted by rushmc at 2:10 PM on May 23, 2002

Lately I've been asking them to call back. Seriously, I do. I say I'm not the person they want to talk with, and when they call back I say I'm not here and to call back. Often I name a time when I won't be home. Eventually they find me again, and I ask them again to call back when I won't be home. Even more eventually they give up, and I get a cheap, lonely laugh out of their wasted time. Ahh life.
posted by holycola at 3:33 PM on May 23, 2002

Why hang up when you can make money off of them? My hubby is now working from home and he relishes getting telemarketer calls. If they don't put you on the do not call list when asked to do so, and you keep good records of who you've talked to, from what company, and when, you can often secure a settlement for violations of federal law. See Diana May's website for hints and tricks.
posted by IPLawyer at 3:35 PM on May 23, 2002

Apparently someone else has used this ploy (see above), but my girlfriend thought it was hysterical when the L.A. Times called and I broke down crying, telling them that I didn't know how to read.
posted by GatorDavid at 4:00 PM on May 23, 2002

Mattingley said last year the telemarketing industry contributed $661 billion to the U.S. economy in sales, taxes and jobs.

That is such Britney Spears!
posted by mrhappy at 4:45 PM on May 23, 2002

Again, a tangential suggestion: mail all those ads sent with your credit card statement back to the company in their postpaid envelope.

In 99% of cases, isn't it pretty stupid to by something from a telemarketer? Apparently not.

There was an article on the front page of the NYT today about Tivo leading to the demise of commerical television. Basically, technology will eliminate the viability of advertising/marketing. And then what?
posted by ParisParamus at 4:57 PM on May 23, 2002

There was an article on the front page of the NYT today about Tivo leading to the demise of commerical television. Basically, technology will eliminate the viability of advertising/marketing.

The Law of Unintended Consequences. Reminds me of the report I heard a couple days ago on Morning Edition which stated that the death of locally-produced children's television programming was caused in part by mother's pressuring the government to implement rules disallowing the program hosts from mentioning local sponsors by name or other indication on air, which caused most of them to pull their support. Omnia mutantur, nos et mutamur in illis.
posted by rushmc at 5:26 PM on May 23, 2002

Weirdly, the one time I did bother responding to a sales pitch and actually went through with buying the product was quite a successful and productive experience. (We refi'd the house and paid off some bills, saving ourselves nearly $500 a month while repairing our screwed-up credit rating.) But still, once I find out what they're pitching, it's overwhelmingly frequently adios, muchachos.
posted by alumshubby at 7:30 PM on May 23, 2002

"Basically, technology will eliminate the viability of advertising/marketing. And then what?"

This is very naive. Advertising isn't going away anytime soon. Most people prefer cheaper content in exchange for some advertising. Even TiVo has started running special ads in their directory (BestBuy) because they need it to make money and keep the networks playing along (rather than suing them, like they did to SonicBlue over Replay).

The Internet is getting more intrusive advertising each day, as companies try to break through the clutter to get the word out about their products and services.

You may see advertising shift away from its current forms (interstitial TV ads, magazine ads), but there will still be a need for companies to market products and media companies to subsidize the costs of content such as Friends and CNN. Even premium content, such as in-theater movies, is accompanied by ads now, when they weren't before.

Last time I checked, I didn't see a lot of people offering to pony up even more $ for all the entertainment they have been getting for free. If you want ads to go away, that's exactly what you are going to have to do.
posted by hitsman at 8:24 PM on May 23, 2002

Too bad they don't have [a do-not-call list] for e-mail!

mkultra: They do. It's called the e-MSI or something like that. Go to the Direct Marketing Association's website at the-dma.org and you can sign up online. For free. I did this last night so I'll find out in about two months if it works.

Obligatory "tell MY story" part of the MeFi post:

I used to work as a reservationist for Holiday Inn Worldwide -- dial 1-800-HOLIDAY east of the Mississippi, and you got me. We got lots of crazy calls, but my absolute FAVORITE was the elderly lady who didn't like the rates I was quoting her. After none of the discounts I offered were low enough for her taste, she freaked out big-time and started crying into the phone "Why do you keep calling me at dinnertime?" It was hard for me to explainthat she'd called ME, since I wasn't even capable of dialing out...
posted by Vidiot at 10:34 PM on May 23, 2002

Here's a better link for the DMA's E-Mail Preference Service.
posted by Vidiot at 10:45 PM on May 23, 2002

Basically, technology will eliminate the viability of advertising/marketing. And then what?

Basically, heaven. Freedom of choice to buy is a pathetic freedom to have, specially when competition between brands offer so little to the costumer.
posted by samelborp at 12:08 AM on May 24, 2002

If you used to club baby seals, steal children's candy, or murder little old ladies, would you now, having seen the light and given up the practice, look upon those still doing it with fondness and approval?

It only goes to show how completely irrationally people view telemarketing that anyone would go so far into the realm of the hyperbolic to villify it.

"I'm not interested and I want to be placed on your do not call list immediately, please."

It's simple, it's humane, it doesn't hurt you, it doesn't hurt the person -- that's person, you know, human being, probably working on an education or trying to help feed/clothe/raise a family without a career track job to pay the bills -- on the other end. Moreover, it gets another company off of your telephonic back.

Every single time we get another telemarketing thread, we have to go through this again. It's getting old. Very old.
posted by Dreama at 1:35 AM on May 24, 2002

rushmc.
i can understand your disdain of telemarketers. But telemarketing is hardly equivalent to clubbing baby seals and alot of people get by on it while finding other jobs.
'
Just be thankful they are not forced by necessity to club peoples heads to eat.

Just say no thank you and ask to be taken of their list. This is the most effective way to never be bothered again, If you are opposed to the practice of telemarketing overall just tell the TM that you have to ask your wife if you can buy the product or service and leave the phone off the hook. This:
1) Increases the time the person is on the phone making it less lucrative for the TM company.
2) Gives the person doing the TM a break.
posted by yertledaturtle at 1:43 AM on May 24, 2002

i worked for a tele-relay service for 2 years. this is a service mandated by law (in the usa) and provided to the deaf/hard of hearing/visually impaired folks. pretty much a deaf person would call me and i'd dial the number they wanted to call. then i'd speak what they typed and type what was spoken in response.

it was infinitely frustrating to have the person on the receiving end of a tty to voice call assume i was a telemarketer and say "not interested" or "no thanks" and then immediately hang up. usually took 3 or 4 re-dials for those folks to catch on. some never did. stories circulate in the training rooms of a call to a baskin robbins where the service was explained, to which the ice cream vendor replied, deaf people don't eat ice cream.

on the other end of things, when i was much younger i once spent a full 2 hours talking to a long-distance telemarketer. she had some pretty serious issues with her current boyfriend that we worked through together. also, now if i get a call from a long distance company requesting i switch to their service, i simply inform the caller of my executive/vice presidential position at their largest competitor.
posted by carsonb at 3:25 AM on May 24, 2002

It only goes to show how completely irrationally people view telemarketing that anyone would go so far into the realm of the hyperbolic to villify it.

It only goes to show how brainwashed some people are into thinking that they have no right to privacy in their own home and that being pleasant and accommodating to strangers trying to take advantage of them is more important than standing up for themselves and defending their piece of mind. If you enjoy talking to random strangers calling you at home to separate you from some of your money, that's fine, no problem. But it seems rather illogical to me, and I shall continue to maintain my right to object and to do all that I can to eliminate such unwanted encounters.

And, once again, I have NO sympathy for someone taking advantage of me in this way. They choose to put themselves in this position, no one holds a gun to their head.
posted by rushmc at 4:57 AM on May 24, 2002

"Basically, technology will eliminate the viability of advertising/marketing. And then what?"

Sadly, that question has been answered already - and its not heaven. I saw a bit on one of those entertainment programs talking about the TIVO situation, and what networks (who, after all, get their Revenue, and therefore paychecks) are going to do about it. The answer appears to be commercials right there in the center of the show. Like back in the fifties.

The "Charmed" girls will take some time to talk about not feeling fresh, and how a good douche like brand X would go down good during this tense moment. The ER break room would be a smorgasboard of tasty products waiting to be discussed. One of the Enterprise crew would suddenly become a antique car expert, and have a love affair with early 21st century Fords.

Sorry folks - according to the folks at E, or Entertainment Tonight, or whichever, thats the way it would go, if it goes. Perhaps someone else can find a web-link to the same strategy; I have no idea what you'd search for.
posted by Perigee at 6:50 AM on May 24, 2002

...If you are opposed to the practice of telemarketing overall just tell the TM that you have to ask your wife if you can buy the product or service and leave the phone off the hook. This:
1) Increases the time the person is on the phone making it less lucrative for the TM company.
2) Gives the person doing the TM a break.

Wait, we are supposed to do this if we are *opposed* to the practice of telemarketing? The two points you gave are to encourage: 1) the telemarketing company, and 2) the telemarketing caller. Hmm.
posted by aki at 7:08 AM on May 24, 2002

I have telemarketed. I have sold accidental death and dismemberment insurance to JC Penny cardholders. I have scheduled high pressure sales demonstrations for security systems. I sold plots in a memorial park. I conducted telephone surveys. It sounds like a lot, but all told, I didn't work at any of those jobs for more than a two months each, so my total intrusive phone job time is less than a year.

But I am somewhat sympathetic to telemarketers and have found the, "I'm not interested and please remove my name from your calling list and the calling lists of your affiliates" approach to be very effective.

Except for the call I received last night from my bank to whom I already give an exorbitant amount of money in the form of various fees. I am planning to open a savings account so listened very briefly to see if the caller was offering a swell deal on a product I already intended to buy but soon found the offered service to be not only not what I was in the market for, but entirely unrelated to banking.

Me: "Thank you, but I'm not interested. Please remove me from your calling list and the calling lists of your affiliates."

TM: "Why?"

Me: "Please take me off your list."

TM: "Have you even bothered to listen to what I offering?"

Me: "Let me speak with your supervisor."

TM: "Why?"

This went on and on, until I got a supervisor, got off the list, got everybody's name, and wrote a nice nasty letter to my bank, naming names. I've got some sympathy for telemarkers, but no tolerance for assholes.
posted by jennyb at 7:54 AM on May 24, 2002

The two points you gave are to encourage: 1) the telemarketing company, and 2) the telemarketing caller.

Yeah, because, you know, making someone's sucky job suck just a little bit less is eeeeeeevil.
posted by kindall at 8:00 AM on May 24, 2002

It only goes to show how brainwashed some people are into thinking that they have no right to privacy in their own home and that being pleasant and accommodating to strangers trying to take advantage of them is more important than standing up for themselves and defending their piece of mind.

You know, interestingly, when I wish to have undisturbed privacy in my home, I don't answer the phone. But futhermore, neither I nor anyone else has said that one must deal with telemarketers in a pleasant and accomodating fashion.

I have repeatedly, heartily advocated but one thing -- calmly but forcefully interrupting the pitch with a demand -- also calmly stated, for obvious reasons -- to be placed on the no call list. But apparently I'm brainwashed because I advocate treating fellow human beings with a modicum of decency, and making my wishes known without acting like a bitch. I'm brainwashed because I think it better to be proactive toward ending the intrusion of telemarketing while keeping in mind that the person on the other end of the line had no idea of my level of interest in their product or services when they called me. I'm brainwashed because I'd rather spend three minutes actually doing something constructive instead of screwing over -- to no positive end for anyone involved -- some schlub who took what is clearly one of the worst jobs in this society.

And, once again, I have NO sympathy for someone taking advantage of me in this way. They choose to put themselves in this position, no one holds a gun to their head.

No one held a gun to your head to answer the phone, either, rushmc. There are many means by which one can avoid telemarketers, you're a smart person, I don't need to enumerate them for you. You need never interact with a phone solicitor again if you do not wish -- so what makes more sense, to do so in a manner which serves to help you without treating anyone poorly, or to act like a craven, meanspirited jackass?
posted by Dreama at 8:29 AM on May 24, 2002

rush (esp): I think one of the reasons we find telemarketers so frustrating is that the sound of a phone ringing has come to emotionally mean either something important or something pleasant and enjoyable, and when it's a telemarketer, it's neither, and we're disappointed. When I worked as a telemarketer, I was 18 and lived in a dorm, so had my social life all around me. Phone calls were commonly for someone else and the idea of privacy was pretty much gibberish to me (actually I still don't really "get" privacy - people have asked how I can put such personal stuff on my website and the answer is that it simply never occurred to me that there would be a reason not to). So those negatives of telemarketing were not a problem to me then; I worked as a telefunder a little later for a non-profit, with no moral confliction.

The selling people stuff part of telemarketing is what seems dirty to me, especially when you work for a telemarketing company, where you might get a different script every week and where you never even see the product. But I was broke and mostly skill-less and it was an available job. Sure, no one held a gun to my head, but I hadn't learned to live off pure Prana yet (yes, joke). My parents weren't supporting me (I took a loan out to live in the dorm) & as soon as I found a better job, I quit. At least I never supported the fat addiction of obese americans to ground up mammals, though, eh?
posted by mdn at 10:42 AM on May 24, 2002

Power, dreama. Kudos to you.
posted by five fresh fish at 12:32 PM on May 24, 2002

No one held a gun to your head to answer the phone, either, rushmc.

And I don't. Not ever. I have machines to do that for me and to separate the calls that I want from those I do not. So I don't know why you assume that I am advocating acting like a "craven, meanspirited jackass." What I am arguing is that telemarketing is an abuse of the open telecommunications system, and that my expectation not to be frivolously interrupted, annoyed, and harrassed within my own home trumps someone else's desire to make money by playing the numbers and calling enough random people to make enough sales to make it profitable. That's taking advantage of the kindness of strangers, in my book.

while keeping in mind that the person on the other end of the line had no idea of my level of interest in their product or services when they called me

If you need it, you will go looking for it. Unsolicited...er...solicitations are never welcome most people, and the products being pushed are very rarely. Telemarketing is a con job, to sell someone something they don't need (if they needed it, they'd have known it and shopped for it). If you are one of the very few individuals who does not feel this way, then by all means, I am not adverse to the creation of an opt-in marketing list that you can sign onto, allowing you to receive dozens of calls each and every day for all manner of crap...er, products.
posted by rushmc at 1:44 PM on May 24, 2002

but I hadn't learned to live off pure Prana yet

Okay, I'll bite...what's Prana? I did a search but came up empty.
posted by rushmc at 1:47 PM on May 24, 2002

empty? maybe I spelled it wrong... It's the word yogis use to refer to "life energy", and is what breatharians claim to live off of.
posted by mdn at 3:57 PM on May 24, 2002

Until my fiancee started working from home two days a week, our answering machine contained the following message:

"Hi, you've reached xxx-xxxx. If you're a telemarketer, DIE!!!!! Otherwise, leave a message at the tone, and we'll get back to you when we can." BEEP!

My favorite was the time I caught a telemarketer with it. Must not have been a big operation, because the kid actually had to listen to the message rather than letting a computer hang up. I could hear him as he put down the phone and told his cow-orkers that this guy just told him to die. He seemed a bit offended.

We don't get many calls any more.

Actually, I put that down to the DMA's Telephone Preference Service, which I think was linked above. It seems to work. We can go weeks now without a telemarketing call.

The thing I like best about Tom Mabe's approach at the convention is that it gets to the people actually responsible for the scummy practice of telemarketing, not the poor slobs who actually do the dirty work.

Another approach I've heard of it to record the disconnect tones that the phone company uses at the beginning of your answering machine message (typically three ascending tones; there are audio files of the sound available on the web). Any computer calling will automatically mark the number as disconnected, but your friends will almost certainly stick around long enough to hear your message.
posted by geneablogy at 7:44 PM on May 24, 2002