MetaFilter Cannot Even Save You From MetaFilter
April 30, 2018 2:11 AM Subscribe
Things That Cannot Save You is a semi-Lovecraftian "catalog of your doom", a collection of images and screengrabs of things the curator wishes to point out will provide no protection from Cthulhu or other horrors of the Great Old Ones. Among the 'things' are Delicious Snack Cookies with Creamy Filling, DVD and Book Sets, Drugs of Inferior Quality, Micky Dolenz (although he is clearly very groovy), These Cats, The Family Circus, Hair Rental, the Atheist Agenda, Floating Pie Head Lady, Star Trek Next Generation memes, Candelabra Hats, Colored Pills and Capsules, A Sassy Mug, Oscar Mayer All Meat Wieners with Mild Barbecue Sauce Packed in Brine and Amphibious Cars... and those are just from the first week of the last two years. So, dive in and have fun, just don't expect to be saved.
Mixed in with the other items are found images of a rather humorously monstrous nature, including Meeting Cthulhu Online, Zalgo Garfield, Yo Dawg Fthagn, Necronomicon for Children and One of the Many Forms of Nyarlahotep.
Bonus Link That Cannot Save You: A more recent rebuttal to the previously-MeFi'ed Screenshots of Despair is the tumblr Screenshots of UnDespair.
Mixed in with the other items are found images of a rather humorously monstrous nature, including Meeting Cthulhu Online, Zalgo Garfield, Yo Dawg Fthagn, Necronomicon for Children and One of the Many Forms of Nyarlahotep.
Bonus Link That Cannot Save You: A more recent rebuttal to the previously-MeFi'ed Screenshots of Despair is the tumblr Screenshots of UnDespair.
I expect to see that jean-bag chair on the new Trading Spaces to ensure nightmares for homeowners.
posted by theora55 at 3:43 AM on April 30, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by theora55 at 3:43 AM on April 30, 2018 [5 favorites]
Can someone please photoshop that chair into literally everything?
It's like Cthulhu and the face-hugger from Alien had a baby and it decided to become a tacky piece of pseudo-furniture.
posted by I_Love_Bananas at 4:13 AM on April 30, 2018 [6 favorites]
It's like Cthulhu and the face-hugger from Alien had a baby and it decided to become a tacky piece of pseudo-furniture.
posted by I_Love_Bananas at 4:13 AM on April 30, 2018 [6 favorites]
That jean-bag chair is from Hell's Ikea.
posted by ardgedee at 4:52 AM on April 30, 2018 [9 favorites]
posted by ardgedee at 4:52 AM on April 30, 2018 [9 favorites]
YOU WILL NOT BE SAVED BY THE HOLY GHOST.
YOU WILL NOT BE SAVED BY THE GOD PLUTONIUM.
posted by Artw at 6:13 AM on April 30, 2018 [2 favorites]
YOU WILL NOT BE SAVED BY THE GOD PLUTONIUM.
posted by Artw at 6:13 AM on April 30, 2018 [2 favorites]
Surely The Internet® On a Disk can save me?
This is fun framing for this collection.
posted by evilmomlady at 6:58 AM on April 30, 2018 [1 favorite]
This is fun framing for this collection.
posted by evilmomlady at 6:58 AM on April 30, 2018 [1 favorite]
I am truly fascinated by that jeanbag chair. That is a not at all small amount of work, someone really put thought and time into that. I mean *obviously* it cannot save you, someone's mind went to a very dark place to make it to begin with.
posted by solotoro at 7:14 AM on April 30, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by solotoro at 7:14 AM on April 30, 2018 [2 favorites]
That candelabra hat! Scalp burns and clumps of candle wax in your hair, good times! Jaysus.
(I'm riding out my final 1.5 weeks at this job, and I desperately want that sassy coffee mug, preferably to drink booze out of)
posted by Fig at 7:19 AM on April 30, 2018 [1 favorite]
(I'm riding out my final 1.5 weeks at this job, and I desperately want that sassy coffee mug, preferably to drink booze out of)
posted by Fig at 7:19 AM on April 30, 2018 [1 favorite]
The only thing that would make that jeanbag chair better would be if there were soft-sculpture feet sticking out of the ends.
posted by emjaybee at 7:32 AM on April 30, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by emjaybee at 7:32 AM on April 30, 2018 [1 favorite]
I enjoyed this, particularly because I learned that apparently Cthulhu had a kindly brother who was responsible for binding him and sinking R'lyeh in the first place. That was clearly not first-gen mythos, although I am surprised it was not August Derleth's idea.
posted by Countess Elena at 7:46 AM on April 30, 2018
posted by Countess Elena at 7:46 AM on April 30, 2018
Ahh, Brian Lumley. He’s not the best.
That bit in the Cthonians story with the oil rig that starts pumping blood out of whatever it dug into is metal as hell though.
posted by Artw at 7:56 AM on April 30, 2018
That bit in the Cthonians story with the oil rig that starts pumping blood out of whatever it dug into is metal as hell though.
posted by Artw at 7:56 AM on April 30, 2018
[this is good]
posted by Busithoth at 8:03 AM on April 30, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by Busithoth at 8:03 AM on April 30, 2018 [2 favorites]
It should be a jeanbag jair and this gross oversight distresses me almost as much as the jair itself.
posted by poffin boffin at 8:07 AM on April 30, 2018 [6 favorites]
posted by poffin boffin at 8:07 AM on April 30, 2018 [6 favorites]
FROM HELL'S IKEA I STAB AT THEE
posted by I_Love_Bananas at 12:23 PM on April 30, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by I_Love_Bananas at 12:23 PM on April 30, 2018 [5 favorites]
Nothing can save you.
posted by aspersioncast at 2:00 PM on April 30, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by aspersioncast at 2:00 PM on April 30, 2018 [1 favorite]
I LIVE I LIVE I LIVE I LIVE I LIVE I LIVE I LIVE I LIVE I LIVE I LIVE I LIVE I LIVE I LIVE I LIVE I LIVE I LIVE I LIVE I LIVE
posted by Artw at 2:02 PM on April 30, 2018
posted by Artw at 2:02 PM on April 30, 2018
Dammit I miss when all of the Internet was made up of shit like this
posted by gusandrews at 7:34 PM on April 30, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by gusandrews at 7:34 PM on April 30, 2018 [5 favorites]
In fact, you will not be saved.
posted by hototogisu at 7:50 PM on April 30, 2018
posted by hototogisu at 7:50 PM on April 30, 2018
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posted by I_Love_Bananas at 2:27 AM on April 30, 2018 [3 favorites]