Who has created this abomination against God, [hu]man and patisserie?

June 19, 2018 11:05 AM

The donug, which should be a "sweet, deep-fried dough stuffed with chicken", is actually "chicken, in a ring shape, coated in cornflakes and panko crumbs, plus a secret blend of flour and spices, deep-fried"
posted by Emmy Rae (95 comments total)

Is this like a fancy version of a White Castle chicken ring?
posted by paper chromatographologist at 11:11 AM on June 19, 2018 [13 favorites]

Do not want.
posted by charlesminus at 11:11 AM on June 19, 2018 [4 favorites]

"should be" is doing a lot of lifting there, Emmy Rae.
posted by Etrigan at 11:13 AM on June 19, 2018 [14 favorites]

I actually kinda want to try this. But

If you choose the curry one, you get mozzarella, too.

That... doesn’t make sense at all. It would make more sense to offer marinara sauce and that one comes with mozzarella. Like a weird chicken parmagiana.

Who. Was. It? A Scotsman called Crag Carrick.

This makes complete sense.
posted by like_neon at 11:14 AM on June 19, 2018 [5 favorites]

I'd eat it.

I might not eat it again, but I'd eat it at least once.
posted by SansPoint at 11:15 AM on June 19, 2018 [11 favorites]

"should be" is doing a lot of lifting there, Emmy Rae.

The linguists among us are free to attempt to change my mind. I am a nug lover but I feel the name is a misrepresentation.
posted by Emmy Rae at 11:16 AM on June 19, 2018 [2 favorites]

Finally, a reason to visit Melbourne
posted by AnhydrousLove at 11:17 AM on June 19, 2018

Luther Burger: [laughing] Good! Your hate has made you powerful. Now, fulfill your destiny and take beef patty's place at my side, Donug.
posted by FJT at 11:17 AM on June 19, 2018 [8 favorites]

I don't know. I may just be super hungry right now, but this sounds kinda good? To be fair, I tend to enjoy chicken in all of its various deep-fried forms.
posted by odd ghost at 11:20 AM on June 19, 2018 [1 favorite]

"should be" is doing a lot of lifting there, Emmy Rae.

The linguists among us are free to attempt to change my mind.

I'm not talking about linguistically. I'm talking about the moral (and, to an extent, theological) implications of advocating the existence of a "sweet, deep-fried dough stuffed with chicken".
posted by Etrigan at 11:21 AM on June 19, 2018 [8 favorites]

The original sin was the nugget. Everything else is commentary.
posted by gwint at 11:23 AM on June 19, 2018 [7 favorites]

This is the future that liberals want.
posted by nikaspark at 11:23 AM on June 19, 2018 [13 favorites]

"Cheese" is a pretty common add-on at curry restaurants in Japan, so the mozzarella doesn't seem odd to me. I guess to achieve true authenticity, this fancy chicken nugget should have those tiny, finger-like sausages floating in the curry sauce, perhaps some potatoes and carrots as well.
posted by betweenthebars at 11:24 AM on June 19, 2018 [3 favorites]

I'm talking about the moral (and, to an extent, theological) implications of advocating the existence of a "sweet, deep-fried dough stuffed with chicken".

My friend, I've been eating at the Minnesota State Fair for 20 years. Your scare tactics will have no effect on me.
posted by Emmy Rae at 11:26 AM on June 19, 2018 [24 favorites]

Yeah I mean to be honest if I were to order this it’s the curry mozzarella I would order because if I’m gonna go into the heart of darkness I may as well get really fucked up.
posted by like_neon at 11:26 AM on June 19, 2018 [5 favorites]

I want both versions.
posted by like_neon at 11:28 AM on June 19, 2018

i'm upset that i can't tell if i'm starving or disgusted.
posted by poffin boffin at 11:31 AM on June 19, 2018 [6 favorites]

Would eat so hard. Although I was hoping the sauce was sweet -- maybe maple? Or just honey. There's no finer nugget sauce than honey.

Is this like a fancy version of a White Castle chicken ring?

Whenever I think about chicken rings I sing, "If you're hungry you should add some chicken rings to it" to the tune of "Single Ladies," which might by funny only to me.
posted by uncleozzy at 11:31 AM on June 19, 2018 [12 favorites]

I won't pretend I wouldn't be willing to try it, but it strikes me as a fowl creation.
posted by Making You Bored For Science at 11:32 AM on June 19, 2018 [5 favorites]

Q: WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE TORUS

A: HE NEVER DID, HE CAN'T, HE ROAMS ENDLESSLY, HELP, HELP THE CHICKEN, HE IS DAMNED TO A GODLESS TOPOLOGY
posted by cortex at 11:34 AM on June 19, 2018 [60 favorites]

for our first thought exercise let us examine which parts of the chicken naturally grow in a ring shape
posted by poffin boffin at 11:38 AM on June 19, 2018 [29 favorites]

counterpoint: frie chiken good
posted by poffin boffin at 11:38 AM on June 19, 2018 [2 favorites]

I thought it was just gonna be an ugly doughnut.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 11:47 AM on June 19, 2018 [3 favorites]

Why would you ruin a perfectly good donut?
posted by Sphinx at 11:48 AM on June 19, 2018

ain't no thing but a chicken ring
posted by zamboni at 11:49 AM on June 19, 2018 [14 favorites]

I mean, clam cakes (from Rhode Island) are basically savory fried donuts with clam chunks in it, and they're goddamn delicious. Why bother with this sad substitute?
posted by tocts at 11:49 AM on June 19, 2018

This is the future that liberals want.

Speaking as a liberal: Yup! It's chicken in panko deep fried. What exactly is the problem here? Yummy. I'd skip the sauces.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 11:53 AM on June 19, 2018 [2 favorites]

I would make all sorts of moral pronouncements about my teenagers' taste as I served these "just once in a while, and only as a treat" but I would steal like a third of them for myself.
posted by wenestvedt at 11:54 AM on June 19, 2018

This isn't as interesting as I was hoping. There's nothing donut about this, except the shape. To be fair, that chicken is probably more real and more delicious than anything White Castle or Burger King ever shaped.
posted by hydra77 at 11:55 AM on June 19, 2018 [1 favorite]

I mean, clam cakes (from Rhode Island) are basically savory fried donuts with clam chunks in it, and they're goddamn delicious.

*squints* Who the hell puts actual clams in their clam cakes? There's a couple of those tiny, dark brown bits per cake, but I don't think they're actually made from once-living clams. I thought they were, like, hard fragments of that Caramel Color that Coke uses. The guy in the Mickey G's food truck always discourages my questions...

(But YES: delicious!)
posted by wenestvedt at 11:56 AM on June 19, 2018 [1 favorite]

I need to immortalize forever the fact that I am a horrible girlfriend, because without thinking I sent this to my partner, who has been sick for the past three days, and their immediate response upon seeing the thumbnail and title and not even opening the article was, "[brook horse] i already feel nauseous"
posted by brook horse at 11:57 AM on June 19, 2018 [7 favorites]

"Cheese" is a pretty common add-on at curry restaurants in Japan, so the mozzarella doesn't seem odd to me.

To be fair, they clearly say it's a "cheesy" sauce. So it's probably safe to assume that it contains no actual cheese. Cheez, perhaps.
posted by Mchelly at 12:06 PM on June 19, 2018

I make chicken breaded in crushed cornflakes, baked in the oven, and then topped with a light curry sauce. Kids love it. Don't see the problem here, except maybe the deep frying.
posted by JoeZydeco at 12:06 PM on June 19, 2018 [3 favorites]

cheeseish
posted by poffin boffin at 12:06 PM on June 19, 2018

The Twin Abominations, Donug and Doyeb!
posted by GenjiandProust at 12:09 PM on June 19, 2018 [1 favorite]

Poultry in a sweet flaky crust? Sounds like pastilla to me! Or if you prefer, bastilla. Anthony Bourdain tries it.
posted by TedW at 12:10 PM on June 19, 2018 [1 favorite]

Bad writing, but still made me want one.
posted by cjorgensen at 12:12 PM on June 19, 2018

So it’s fried chicken, but in a circle? Am I missing something to be enthused and/or outraged by?

The name’s awful, though. Nuggets and nugs (not to mention nuggs) are very different things.
posted by Sys Rq at 12:23 PM on June 19, 2018

Yo, Donug, I'm really happy for you, I'ma let you finish, but the real abomination is the WAFFOGATO in the sidebar of that Grauniad article, the WAFFOGATO.

(It probably eats ok, it's the word that grates.)
posted by chavenet at 12:23 PM on June 19, 2018

As a connoisseur of White Castle chicken rings, I would eat this in a heartbeat.
posted by deezil at 12:24 PM on June 19, 2018 [1 favorite]

Chicken bastilla is chicken in a sweet flaky pastry, and is one of the highlights of Moroccan food, Etrigan.
posted by tavella at 12:38 PM on June 19, 2018 [1 favorite]

I like Emmy Rae's description best: a play on chicken and waffles with the chicken brined in buttermilk and herbs and then surround with a sweet dough and deep fried. The only possible dipping sauces would be either bacon/maple syrup or honey with chili sauce. Of course, I cannot eat any of the above items except plain chicken. But in my head, this tastes delicious and old, pre-diabetes me would make that immediately!
posted by agatha_magatha at 12:43 PM on June 19, 2018 [1 favorite]

I would eat this in a heartbeat, probably while muttering under my breath about how the portmanteau has become a substitute for wit.
posted by Dr. Twist at 12:50 PM on June 19, 2018 [4 favorites]

I'm not even going to read about the waffogato and just assume that it's waffles made by cats. Which it is. In my happy place.
posted by Quindar Beep at 12:52 PM on June 19, 2018 [13 favorites]

Ah I think after a long read on the gray about deep socio-moral mefi issues, a gag-food post that does not sound expecially gross, wonderful, need an easy non-controversial read, then...

As a connoisseur of White Castle chicken rings,

...wait what? is that a joke or an actual thing? No, really??
posted by sammyo at 12:53 PM on June 19, 2018 [1 favorite]

While paneer != mozzarella, curry with a fresh cheese is not unheard of.
posted by Celsius1414 at 12:58 PM on June 19, 2018 [1 favorite]

the real abomination is the WAFFOGATO in the sidebar

To save you the click: "the waffogato – a combination of waffle-shaped ice-cream with maple syrup espresso."

Nothing to do with cats getting wedged in waffle irons.
posted by Iris Gambol at 1:04 PM on June 19, 2018 [5 favorites]

...wait what? is that a joke or an actual thing? No, really??

Imagine a really low-quality chicken nugget. Now imagine it ring-shaped. Now imagine it served from behind a window of bulletproof glass.
posted by uncleozzy at 1:10 PM on June 19, 2018 [6 favorites]

This doesn't seem that odd, it's just fried chicken. The hole, like for a donut, is to ensure even cooking. It doesn't look so amazingly appealing that I tried to eat my screen, but it seems fine.
posted by GuyZero at 1:29 PM on June 19, 2018

I'm most surprised that your link doesn't go to today's list of new foods coming to the Minnesota State Fair, but it's presumably just a matter of time.
posted by Flannery Culp at 1:30 PM on June 19, 2018 [3 favorites]

Flannery Culp, I am deeply ashamed. That would have made a much better post.

Here it is!

#3: BBQ Split. Seems like a very sensible way to serve BBQ
posted by Emmy Rae at 1:35 PM on June 19, 2018 [5 favorites]

I'm not even going to read about the waffogato and just assume that it's waffles made by cats. Which it is. In my happy place.

I thought cats only made biscuits.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 1:42 PM on June 19, 2018 [1 favorite]

No shame here! There are plenty of ridiculous foodstuffs to go around, and I'd take a donug over several of the fair items.
posted by Flannery Culp at 1:46 PM on June 19, 2018

My wife and I were discussing chicken permutations over the weekend and have come to the conclusion that chicken nuggets are sausage. Once we came upon that realization, it was as if it had always been and there could be no other interpretation.
posted by backseatpilot at 1:48 PM on June 19, 2018 [3 favorites]

well, they're breaded sausage. so maybe tiny sausage rolls?
posted by GuyZero at 1:53 PM on June 19, 2018 [1 favorite]

Or maybe they're like corn dogs, which are also breaded sausages.

chicken... dogs?
posted by GuyZero at 1:53 PM on June 19, 2018 [3 favorites]

What exactly is the problem here?

There is no problem :-) I want one too!
posted by nikaspark at 1:58 PM on June 19, 2018 [2 favorites]

...the conclusion that chicken nuggets are sausage.

Oh man, this just led me to a - tantalizing? horrifying? - mashup food concept: The chicken scotch egg! I feel like we're on the cusp of something big here. It just needs an annoying name..
posted by Berreggnog at 2:11 PM on June 19, 2018

Oh wait scotch nug
posted by Berreggnog at 2:13 PM on June 19, 2018 [10 favorites]

Mother and child reunion
posted by Daily Alice at 2:15 PM on June 19, 2018 [5 favorites]

No one's gonna say it? Fine, I'll say it.

Metafilter: I feel relief is probably premature.
posted by solotoro at 2:18 PM on June 19, 2018 [2 favorites]

have come to the conclusion that chicken nuggets are sausage.

*frysquint.jpg*
posted by soundguy99 at 2:18 PM on June 19, 2018

It just needs an annoying name

Come on Eggnug was not the first thing that came to mind?
posted by nikaspark at 2:23 PM on June 19, 2018 [10 favorites]

Really, why aren't more people using ground up chicken in lieu of bread as encasement for other foodstuffs?

There was an episode of Top Chef when they were all making fried chicken. Brooke tried grinding up the chicken skins as part of her breading. I think she didn't cook her chicken properly so she didn't do very well and I feel we can't fully evaluate this method without a do-over.
posted by Emmy Rae at 2:26 PM on June 19, 2018 [1 favorite]

Nothing to do with cats getting wedged in waffle irons.

they are not IN the waffle irons they are OPERATING them safely while wearing protective equipment and after completing an OSHA-certified training course
posted by poffin boffin at 2:27 PM on June 19, 2018 [12 favorites]

Ain't no big thing
Ordering the chicken ring
Ain't no big thing
To order the donug
posted by moonmilk at 3:04 PM on June 19, 2018 [3 favorites]

Does the nugget/sausage relationship shed any light on the hot dog/sandwich question?

*hides in walk-in cooler*
posted by The Underpants Monster at 3:08 PM on June 19, 2018 [1 favorite]

the chicken ring is a sealed and crustless sandwich
posted by poffin boffin at 3:12 PM on June 19, 2018 [5 favorites]

The chicken ring has four corners thus creating 96 simultaneous herbs and spices in one rotation.
posted by moonmilk at 3:16 PM on June 19, 2018 [8 favorites]

A chicken croquette in a ring shape instead of a cone shape does not strike me as being one of the seven signs of the apocalypse. Serving it with curry sauce and cheese instead of chicken gravy is the only real crime, here.
posted by Slap*Happy at 6:37 PM on June 19, 2018

So basically this is a big breaded deep-fried mock chicken anus?
posted by Hairy Lobster at 7:03 PM on June 19, 2018

Needs more pineapple ring.
posted by flabdablet at 7:05 PM on June 19, 2018

So basically this is a big breaded deep-fried mock chicken anus?

DO NOT MOCK THE BIG CHICKEN ANUS
posted by wenestvedt at 8:20 PM on June 19, 2018

Yeah I’m pretty sure this is a plot by Big Chicken Anus(TM) to corrupt our youths
posted by Doleful Creature at 9:36 PM on June 19, 2018 [2 favorites]

for our first thought exercise let us examine which parts of the chicken naturally grow in a ring shape

Guess what?

Chicken Butt!
posted by srboisvert at 10:01 PM on June 19, 2018 [5 favorites]

It's a cloaca people.
posted by GuyZero at 10:04 PM on June 19, 2018 [6 favorites]

A chicken croquette in a ring shape instead of a cone shape does not strike me as being one of the seven signs of the apocalypse.

It's sign #0.

'Cause it's shaped like a... Oh, never mind.

"Chicken anus? Is it mild?"

"More than mild. You're soaking in it!"

"Ewww!"
posted by The Underpants Monster at 1:29 AM on June 20, 2018

they are not IN the waffle irons they are OPERATING them safely while wearing protective equipment and after completing an OSHA-certified training course

Also they have tiny chef hats.
posted by Quindar Beep at 6:25 AM on June 20, 2018 [4 favorites]

YES AND TINY OVEN MITTS ON THEIR LIL FEETIES
posted by poffin boffin at 7:49 AM on June 20, 2018 [5 favorites]

alright guys, that's enough of this chickenary!
posted by I-Write-Essays at 8:04 AM on June 20, 2018 [1 favorite]

This is like the one food category where the vegan version is guaranteed to be delicious (assuming we forego the fake paneer). No anus, just breading and frying.
posted by carbide at 8:24 AM on June 20, 2018

A vegan version could be made out of some sort of mock-anus.
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:27 AM on June 20, 2018

Calamari, say?
posted by carbide at 8:32 AM on June 20, 2018

Wheynus™.
posted by cortex at 9:12 AM on June 20, 2018 [7 favorites]

Whey isn't vegan. Perhaps Soaca™?
posted by flabdablet at 5:06 AM on June 21, 2018 [1 favorite]

QuornHole™
posted by moonmilk at 5:13 AM on June 21, 2018 [7 favorites]

Wheynus™
Soaca™
QuornHole™

I now regret creating this post. I should have heeded my own warning in the title.
posted by Emmy Rae at 6:51 AM on June 21, 2018 [2 favorites]

Might have been a bit of a Bungle™.
posted by flabdablet at 9:04 AM on June 21, 2018

Arsmaranth™
posted by Sys Rq at 11:04 AM on June 21, 2018

I can't believe it's not butt!™
posted by flabdablet at 11:55 AM on June 21, 2018 [5 favorites]

It's finger-lickin',
You may think it's chicken
Butt it's not.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 12:57 PM on June 21, 2018 [2 favorites]

"Memories of Chicken Anus"
posted by Doleful Creature at 8:40 PM on June 21, 2018

"Memories of Chicken Anus"

Pure chick-anery.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 10:15 PM on June 21, 2018 [1 favorite]

You guys are ruining Donug Day for me.
posted by like_neon at 2:37 AM on June 22, 2018 [2 favorites]

Sorry. Didn't mean to carry on Likin' A-Hole™.

oh dear it appears I totally did... I'm a donug, o-de-o
posted by flabdablet at 10:38 AM on June 22, 2018