Love is love...

August 14, 2018 8:15 PM

i do not have a boyfriend so I made one out of boxes of wine. i took my boyfriend i made out of boxes of wine to his first #pride and he loved it. BIG ANNOUNCEMENT my boyfriend i made out of boxes of wine and i are moving in 2gether. my boyfriend i made out of boxes of wine took me to the garden and surprised me...guys i said YES!!!

A love story from Mike Schneider of BLKSMTHdesign, told via twitter.

Other adventures with the boyfriend made out of boxes of wine:
my #boyfriend i made out of boxes of #wine and i decided to become social media #influencers this week
staying fit 2gether is so important to me and my boyfriend i made out of boxes of wine
omg my boyfriend i made out of boxes of wine surprised me with a trip to nyc i am so happy
something is wrong between me and my boyfriend i made out of boxes of wine please respect r privacy at this time

posted by His thoughts were red thoughts (39 comments total)

love is love is THAT'S HOW YOU GET ANTS
posted by Iris Gambol at 8:26 PM on August 14, 2018 [31 favorites]

How great that so many other people were there to share their love at the engagement ^_^
posted by J.K. Seazer at 8:38 PM on August 14, 2018 [2 favorites]

Cf. This Guy Took Engagement Photos With a Burrito
posted by Beardman at 8:45 PM on August 14, 2018

i'm crying
posted by slogger at 8:45 PM on August 14, 2018

The site I work for interviewed him! https://hornet.com/stories/michael-james-schneider-box-wine-boyfriend/
posted by Rev. Syung Myung Me at 8:46 PM on August 14, 2018 [2 favorites]

Hipster Galatea.
posted by micketymoc at 8:51 PM on August 14, 2018 [13 favorites]

The site I work for interviewed him! https://hornet.com/stories/michael-james-schneider-box-wine-boyfriend/

“His name is Franz,” Schneider told Metro. “He’s not German, he’s from all over, a blend if you will.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 8:52 PM on August 14, 2018 [21 favorites]

This relationship is literally one million times more interesting, more endearing, and more loving than that of Kim and Kanye. Literally.

They survived a trip to Ikea together!
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 9:05 PM on August 14, 2018 [10 favorites]

“His name is Franz,” Schneider told Metro. “He’s not German, he’s from all over, a blend if you will.

Partial credit awarded, but I prefer the variant of this joke that was a local running gag for years. The highlight of the art season in my quirky small Alaska town every year is our Wearable Art Show. Ultimately she retired this particular shtick, but one of the artists, for years, would go in the persona of a euro-hipster model named Franzia, each year in a completely different outfit made from materials salvaged from Franzia-brand wine boxes. (They were usually quite elaborate but the best year was the year that her costume was little more than a huge Franzia box over the upper body and tights and roller skates on her lower body, and she skated down the runway.. unfortunately the costume's high center of gravity caught up with her at the end of the runway and unexpected momentum caused her to do a perfect stage dive into a roaring crowd; luckily nobody got hurt and it was appropriately in character and so it actually produced cheers and an ovation from the crowd..)

Anyway, Franzia is retired (to the best of my knowledge) but if you're ever going to be in Ketchikan during February well, you're probably gonna be out of luck because tickets sell out a month in advance, but try to drop in if you can -- it's weird and wonderful and there's no telling what will happen.
posted by Nerd of the North at 9:19 PM on August 14, 2018 [26 favorites]

His expressions are really what sell the gag. I'm dying
posted by panhopticon at 9:24 PM on August 14, 2018 [5 favorites]

I think it should be said how inspiring it is to see a person and a boyfriend made out of boxes of wine so proudly living their lives out in the open. As a child, I once expressed my curiosity about boxes of wine to my parents only to be shamed and yelled at: “You must never give in to your urges to touch or taste that wine!” Even now, I wonder if I might actually have been born “that way.”

At this point, I’ve settled down with a dependable bottle of bourbon and we’re happy. He’s really become my life partner but my conservative family will never accept him or invite him to Christmas dinner. In 49 states he still wouldn’t be allowed by my side on my hospital deathbed. But this man and his boyfriend made out of boxes of wine seems like a real step forward and I really hope they work out their issues and maybe even some day have a small flight of wines of their own.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 9:55 PM on August 14, 2018 [52 favorites]

For a wine box boyfriend, a trip to Ikea can lead to a real inferiority complex. So many longer limbed, blond and smugly minimalist competitors our there. And drinks made from fucking lingonberries. Sheesh.
posted by rongorongo at 10:59 PM on August 14, 2018 [5 favorites]

If certain relatives of mine (they no longer talk to me since they no longer have to, they always thought I was a weirdo who couldn't catch a man and they are right) still had to talk to me, I'd do something like this and send it out for the holidays.

Then again, this being me, I'd probably do something more like this.
posted by jenfullmoon at 11:04 PM on August 14, 2018 [13 favorites]

this is a better and more moving and beautiful and real love story than 99% of hetero hollywood romcoms
posted by poffin boffin at 12:11 AM on August 15, 2018 [8 favorites]

this is a better and more moving and beautiful and real love story than 99% of hetero hollywood romcoms

The boyfriend made of boxes of wine is for sure a less wooden actor than most people in Hollywood romcoms.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 12:33 AM on August 15, 2018 [1 favorite]

Eponysterical
posted by Start with Dessert at 2:19 AM on August 15, 2018 [2 favorites]

Bota box...good taste in wine. I am so lonely like it so much I can go through a box within a week.
posted by MikeKD at 2:37 AM on August 15, 2018 [3 favorites]

Brokebox Mountain.
Gone with the Wine.
Wine Box Lining playbook.
Notting Swill.
Pretty Winein.
You've Got Malbec
Pretty in Rosé.
posted by srboisvert at 3:38 AM on August 15, 2018 [10 favorites]

Favorite comment on Twitter: Meant to be. Everything happens for a Riesling.
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:28 AM on August 15, 2018 [28 favorites]

Winebledon
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 4:31 AM on August 15, 2018

Something something boyfriend made out of boxes of wine’s family is from the coast something something tanninlaws
posted by lazaruslong at 5:14 AM on August 15, 2018 [5 favorites]

Brokebox Mountain.
Gone with the Wine.
Wine Box Lining playbook.
Notting Swill.
Pretty Winein.
You've Got Malbec
Pretty in Rosé.

You can replace the cast of any movie with boyfriends made out of boxes of wine, but you keep one of the human actors. What movie and which human do you keep?
posted by solotoro at 5:23 AM on August 15, 2018 [3 favorites]

When Harry met Boxie
posted by infini at 5:50 AM on August 15, 2018

Kramer vs Cardboard. You decide.
posted by infini at 5:50 AM on August 15, 2018 [2 favorites]

In the Hollywood movie of this you just know they are going to cast Scarlet Johansson as the boxes of wine boyfriend
posted by piyushnz at 6:13 AM on August 15, 2018 [22 favorites]

I love this so so much! Laughing freely in a way I really needed this week! Thanks so much for posting!
posted by Nancy_LockIsLit_Palmer at 6:16 AM on August 15, 2018

We've gone from wire monkey mother to box boyfriend.
Needs more fur.
posted by jenfullmoon at 6:24 AM on August 15, 2018 [3 favorites]

Oh, my, he has a puppet series on YouTube! That's my jam.
posted by xingcat at 6:27 AM on August 15, 2018

Oh no, I hope him and his boyfriend made from boxes of wine make it. I'm rooting for them! #couplegoals
posted by 80 Cats in a Dog Suit at 6:27 AM on August 15, 2018 [1 favorite]

^ eponysomething
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 6:32 AM on August 15, 2018 [2 favorites]

Brokebox Mountain.
Gone with the Wine.
Wine Box Lining playbook.
Notting Swill.
Pretty Winein.
You've Got Malbec
Pretty in Rosé.

The Box Man.

I find wine boxes too uptight, myself, which is why I only date chilled wine.
posted by octobersurprise at 6:51 AM on August 15, 2018 [2 favorites]

“His name is Franz,” Schneider told Metro. “He’s not German, he’s from all over, a blend if you will.

I say he is German, and his personality is that of Flula from the movie Buddymoon
posted by The_Vegetables at 7:02 AM on August 15, 2018

Me and my fuckbuddy I made out of handles of Smirnoff wish them all the best.
posted by drlith at 7:25 AM on August 15, 2018 [9 favorites]

DTMFWiner.
posted by benzenedream at 7:57 AM on August 15, 2018

Down the rabbit hole... Schneider's blog is fascinating. Especially the series of entries he wrote about his deceased brother and the brother's "friend" and cocaine supplier. Then there's a Radiolab called People Who Lie that includes the brother's "friend". She has a con artist daughter who is an urban legend in San Francisco and winds up in New Orleans before Katrina. Now I am reading the article from the SF Examiner about the con artist daughter, Hope.
posted by narancia at 8:49 AM on August 15, 2018 [2 favorites]

Needed that!
posted by hydra77 at 9:02 AM on August 15, 2018

You ever get a paper cut from cardboard? That's a big ouchie, bro.
posted by davelog at 2:34 PM on August 15, 2018

I did the same thing with boxes of wine when I was out of a job... except the boxes were my boss. Every day the boxes ordered me around... and every day I found myself handling TPS reports. One day, the box wine said I did a good job and rewarded the team by taking us out for drinks. I filed a harassment suit.
posted by Nanukthedog at 6:00 AM on August 16, 2018

I thought I was openminded about public displays of gay affection but I admit I raised an eyebrow at the way they sucked face in public.
posted by The corpse in the library at 11:00 AM on August 16, 2018