I asked someone how they were and they actually told me.
December 13, 2018 7:05 AM Subscribe
Londoners troll New York Times with deluge of 'petty crimes'
An appeal for victims of petty crime in the UK’s capital has been met with sarcasm.
An appeal for victims of petty crime in the UK’s capital has been met with sarcasm.
That’s great. So, posting questions on Twit is the new “journalism” at NYT? Seriously, I’ve been looking for a different paper to subscribe to because they seem more and more to blur the distinction between reporting and editorials. Though I do enjoy them grinding on Teeny Weenie Prezzie...
posted by Gilgamesh's Chauffeur at 7:35 AM on December 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by Gilgamesh's Chauffeur at 7:35 AM on December 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
And this just reinforces my nearly lifelong belief that I belong in London.
posted by cooker girl at 7:37 AM on December 13, 2018 [9 favorites]
posted by cooker girl at 7:37 AM on December 13, 2018 [9 favorites]
Heh. NYT go fishing for copy on the twitters. Guardian get the article out of it. That's your karma, right there.
posted by Grangousier at 7:38 AM on December 13, 2018 [26 favorites]
posted by Grangousier at 7:38 AM on December 13, 2018 [26 favorites]
As far as Petty crimes go, all I can think of is the time he stole Kim Basinger's corpse and took it on a date.
posted by Strange Interlude at 7:41 AM on December 13, 2018 [15 favorites]
posted by Strange Interlude at 7:41 AM on December 13, 2018 [15 favorites]
Several people did not thank the driver when exiting the bus this morning. Passenger lists have been updated.
posted by Brocktoon at 7:48 AM on December 13, 2018 [7 favorites]
posted by Brocktoon at 7:48 AM on December 13, 2018 [7 favorites]
“Someone held the door open for me when I was still ten feet away and then I had to run and pretend I was grateful. I was sweaty and fuming”
Every goddamn day
posted by rodlymight at 8:05 AM on December 13, 2018 [18 favorites]
Every goddamn day
posted by rodlymight at 8:05 AM on December 13, 2018 [18 favorites]
Heh heh: I was once approached in a London street by an American tourist who asked if I could direct her to “Lei-cesster Square” — despite the fact we hadn’t even been introduced! Naturally, I threw her under a bus. I ended up doing six years in Wormwood Scrubs — but she had to learn.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 8:08 AM on December 13, 2018 [10 favorites]
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 8:08 AM on December 13, 2018 [10 favorites]
Several people did not thank the driver when exiting the bus this morning. Passenger lists have been updated.
Exitting a London Bus by the front door is considerably more than a petty crime.
(Unless it’s one of those single door hopper buses, but if you’re on one of those you have to ask yourself if you’re really still in London)
posted by grahamparks at 8:16 AM on December 13, 2018 [6 favorites]
Exitting a London Bus by the front door is considerably more than a petty crime.
(Unless it’s one of those single door hopper buses, but if you’re on one of those you have to ask yourself if you’re really still in London)
posted by grahamparks at 8:16 AM on December 13, 2018 [6 favorites]
Oooh. Snap:
I bought a copy of the New York Times; but when I opened it, it was full of advertising. And the news it did have was based on anecdotes sent in by Twitter correspondents. This is not the journalism I paid for. I am the victim of fraud and want retribution plus compensation.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 8:21 AM on December 13, 2018 [36 favorites]
I bought a copy of the New York Times; but when I opened it, it was full of advertising. And the news it did have was based on anecdotes sent in by Twitter correspondents. This is not the journalism I paid for. I am the victim of fraud and want retribution plus compensation.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 8:21 AM on December 13, 2018 [36 favorites]
Several people did not thank the driver when exiting the bus this morning. Passenger lists have been updated.
That's not really a London thing. Not sure where it is: perhaps somewhere up north, where people are friendlier, or a bus service which crosses rolling countryside between towns.
posted by acb at 8:37 AM on December 13, 2018
That's not really a London thing. Not sure where it is: perhaps somewhere up north, where people are friendlier, or a bus service which crosses rolling countryside between towns.
posted by acb at 8:37 AM on December 13, 2018
🎶 No one knows what it’s like to be a dustbin, in Shaftesbury, with hooligans 🎶
posted by NerdtoriousBIG at 8:39 AM on December 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by NerdtoriousBIG at 8:39 AM on December 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
That's not really a London thing. Not sure where it is: perhaps somewhere up north
Yeah, thats no Londoner! It is obligatory to thank the bus driver out in the West country, though.
posted by vacapinta at 8:43 AM on December 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
Yeah, thats no Londoner! It is obligatory to thank the bus driver out in the West country, though.
posted by vacapinta at 8:43 AM on December 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
Cheers droive!
posted by ominous_paws at 9:15 AM on December 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by ominous_paws at 9:15 AM on December 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
Several people did not thank the driver when exiting the bus this morning. Passenger lists have been updated.
as soon as I read this I knew that Brocktoon lived in California. its a thing. (when I first arrived from NJ I was pretty wigged out by it but now I'm a bus driver greeting hippy like everyone else!)
posted by supermedusa at 9:16 AM on December 13, 2018
as soon as I read this I knew that Brocktoon lived in California. its a thing. (when I first arrived from NJ I was pretty wigged out by it but now I'm a bus driver greeting hippy like everyone else!)
posted by supermedusa at 9:16 AM on December 13, 2018
Yeah you only thank the driver in the midlands and oop north. Speaking to strangers in the smoke gets you put in the tower.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 9:24 AM on December 13, 2018 [4 favorites]
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 9:24 AM on December 13, 2018 [4 favorites]
perhaps somewhere up north, where people are friendlier
Edinburgh, where it's customary to thank the bus driver when leaving.
(Pay no attention to the armoured lexan shield and the dozen or so CCTV cameras; they're just to protect the bus driver from passengers who are boarding.)
posted by cstross at 9:37 AM on December 13, 2018 [7 favorites]
Edinburgh, where it's customary to thank the bus driver when leaving.
(Pay no attention to the armoured lexan shield and the dozen or so CCTV cameras; they're just to protect the bus driver from passengers who are boarding.)
posted by cstross at 9:37 AM on December 13, 2018 [7 favorites]
I went into a shop called Just Falafel and they were selling soup.
That sounds like a Major Crime.
posted by GenjiandProust at 9:45 AM on December 13, 2018 [5 favorites]
That sounds like a Major Crime.
posted by GenjiandProust at 9:45 AM on December 13, 2018 [5 favorites]
Edinburgh, where it's customary to thank the bus driver when leaving.
(Pay no attention to the armoured lexan shield and the dozen or so CCTV cameras; they're just to protect the bus driver from passengers who are boarding.
Aboard a bus in Edinburgh, we were confronted by the smell that suggested that someone had shat themselves. As the smell gained in intensity and permeated every corner of the bus, everyone on board began swivelling their heads about and locking eyes with one another in a nonverbal game of "You? No? Where's it coming from then?"
The source revealed itself when the guy in the seat in front of us got up, and the evidence was right there, dripping onto his shoes. It was also apparent that a full afternoon's worth of drinking cheap lager was the likely source of the predicament in which he now found himself.
As he moved forward towards the door, the bus suddenly lurched and he fell over backwards.
A man rushed forward and helped him to his feet, saying "Are you all right sir? Let me help you up."
At the next stop, the man with the soiled pants exited, thanking the bus driver as he did so. The driver responded with a pleasantry in reply.
So in my limited experience, the scene aboard Edinburgh buses is polite as hell even if you're drunk off your ass and have shit yourself in the bargain.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 10:44 AM on December 13, 2018 [15 favorites]
(Pay no attention to the armoured lexan shield and the dozen or so CCTV cameras; they're just to protect the bus driver from passengers who are boarding.
Aboard a bus in Edinburgh, we were confronted by the smell that suggested that someone had shat themselves. As the smell gained in intensity and permeated every corner of the bus, everyone on board began swivelling their heads about and locking eyes with one another in a nonverbal game of "You? No? Where's it coming from then?"
The source revealed itself when the guy in the seat in front of us got up, and the evidence was right there, dripping onto his shoes. It was also apparent that a full afternoon's worth of drinking cheap lager was the likely source of the predicament in which he now found himself.
As he moved forward towards the door, the bus suddenly lurched and he fell over backwards.
A man rushed forward and helped him to his feet, saying "Are you all right sir? Let me help you up."
At the next stop, the man with the soiled pants exited, thanking the bus driver as he did so. The driver responded with a pleasantry in reply.
So in my limited experience, the scene aboard Edinburgh buses is polite as hell even if you're drunk off your ass and have shit yourself in the bargain.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 10:44 AM on December 13, 2018 [15 favorites]
I bought a copy of the New York Times; but when I opened it, it was full of advertising. And the news it did have was based on anecdotes sent in by Twitter correspondents. This is not the journalism I paid for. I am the victim of fraud and want retribution plus compensation.
Considering the current newsstand price, it's more than a petty crime. And did you notice that half the ads were for hotel rooms, restaurants and office rentals in Trump buildings?
posted by oneswellfoop at 12:24 PM on December 13, 2018
Considering the current newsstand price, it's more than a petty crime. And did you notice that half the ads were for hotel rooms, restaurants and office rentals in Trump buildings?
posted by oneswellfoop at 12:24 PM on December 13, 2018
Thanking the bus driver is also definitely an Aussie thing. @browncardigan ran endless memes about it for a week a few months ago.
posted by Brocktoon at 12:30 PM on December 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by Brocktoon at 12:30 PM on December 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
The MeFites looked from the Londoners to the NY Times, and from the NY Times to the Londoners, and from the Londoners to the NY Times again; but already it was impossible to say which was trolling.
posted by betweenthebars at 1:04 PM on December 13, 2018 [8 favorites]
posted by betweenthebars at 1:04 PM on December 13, 2018 [8 favorites]
Allegedly unfriendly Finland greets adn thanks bus drivers in Helsinki.
posted by infini at 1:07 PM on December 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by infini at 1:07 PM on December 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
"Thanking the bus driver is also definitely an Aussie thing. @browncardigan ran endless memes about it for a week a few months ago."I've always found it to vary a lot from place to place.
My partner and I think we accidentally introduced it to [redacted*]. Being the observant sort of tourists we'd noticed everybody just dourly got on and off buses without a word, so quietly followed suit. But one day we forgot a few times & gave cheery "thank you!"'s as we disembarked.
By the end of the week, everybody was doing it…
[* Name obscured because we plan to move there one day and don't want to be blamed if all goes south…]
posted by Pinback at 2:07 PM on December 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
Edinburgh, where it's customary to thank the bus driver when leaving.
(Pay no attention to the armoured lexan shield and the dozen or so CCTV cameras; they're just to protect the bus driver from passengers who are boarding.)
And the sealed metal box into which you must drop your fare so the drivers can't ever, not never ever, touch the money.
Occasionally I get a rude driver, and have to try so hard to remember to deal them the ice cold blow of NOT SAYING THANK YOU when I get off. Then if I forget, and say thank you as usual, I am so cross with myself.
But I still have a couple of decades to go before I reach the age at which I can replace my customary, departing, "Thank you," with an extended "Thank you, driver". That, for reasons nobody knows, is exclusively the realm of women aged 65 and over.
There is a multi-volume encyclopedia to be written on the unspoken rules of Edinburgh bus travel, and I would gladly write it. There would be a chapter in green ink reserved for the horrors of tourists who actually sit in the seats reserved for the elderly and infirm when there are other vacant seats, while Edinburghers tut silently at the back of their heads. Volumes II to XI would be concerned with the exact order in which you must board the bus, with complex tables allowing you to calculate your place in the queue depending on arrival time, whether you're standing inside or outside the boundaries of the bus shelter, and whether or not you're at one of the weird stops on Lothian Road where people actually stand in a straight line for the bus at rush hour. And I would hold an open competition for people to submit poems in praise of that beautiful moment of pause, in which the world is suspended in grace for just a second, when the door opens and everyone waits before getting on, as if to say "Anybody else want to go first? No? OK, I'll get things started."
posted by penguin pie at 2:53 PM on December 13, 2018 [15 favorites]
(Pay no attention to the armoured lexan shield and the dozen or so CCTV cameras; they're just to protect the bus driver from passengers who are boarding.)
And the sealed metal box into which you must drop your fare so the drivers can't ever, not never ever, touch the money.
Occasionally I get a rude driver, and have to try so hard to remember to deal them the ice cold blow of NOT SAYING THANK YOU when I get off. Then if I forget, and say thank you as usual, I am so cross with myself.
But I still have a couple of decades to go before I reach the age at which I can replace my customary, departing, "Thank you," with an extended "Thank you, driver". That, for reasons nobody knows, is exclusively the realm of women aged 65 and over.
There is a multi-volume encyclopedia to be written on the unspoken rules of Edinburgh bus travel, and I would gladly write it. There would be a chapter in green ink reserved for the horrors of tourists who actually sit in the seats reserved for the elderly and infirm when there are other vacant seats, while Edinburghers tut silently at the back of their heads. Volumes II to XI would be concerned with the exact order in which you must board the bus, with complex tables allowing you to calculate your place in the queue depending on arrival time, whether you're standing inside or outside the boundaries of the bus shelter, and whether or not you're at one of the weird stops on Lothian Road where people actually stand in a straight line for the bus at rush hour. And I would hold an open competition for people to submit poems in praise of that beautiful moment of pause, in which the world is suspended in grace for just a second, when the door opens and everyone waits before getting on, as if to say "Anybody else want to go first? No? OK, I'll get things started."
posted by penguin pie at 2:53 PM on December 13, 2018 [15 favorites]
Expanding on my earlier comment: In London buses almost all buses are exited through the middle or rear doors and the driver sits inside an enclosed box, so thanking the driver while getting off has severe practical difficulties. Sometimes you find yourself turning your head towards the front of the bus and trying to mouth a thank you, but you feel pretty silly afterwards and make a mental note to switch off that part of your humanity in future.
(When older London buses are retired to the shires, the middle door is invariably blocked up, as the uncouth heathens that live outside the Travelcard zones can't be trusted not to sneak in through it. Also, the main reason for it being there is so people can board and alight simultaneously, speeding the bus's progress. But outside London, where could you possibly be going in a hurry?)
posted by grahamparks at 2:54 PM on December 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
(When older London buses are retired to the shires, the middle door is invariably blocked up, as the uncouth heathens that live outside the Travelcard zones can't be trusted not to sneak in through it. Also, the main reason for it being there is so people can board and alight simultaneously, speeding the bus's progress. But outside London, where could you possibly be going in a hurry?)
posted by grahamparks at 2:54 PM on December 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
For heaven's sake. We thank the bus driver (a) in south London, (b) exiting through the front doors when the bus reaches the final stop of its route, and (c) not going out through the rear doors because only Boris buses have those and good god man, there are limits.
posted by Hogshead at 3:09 PM on December 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by Hogshead at 3:09 PM on December 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
Thanking the bus driver is also definitely an Aussie thing
Like tipping, only when it's decent service. That leaden foot rascal that makes me hang on for dear life (and not even think of standing up before he has come to a full halt) on the 144 to Manly in the mornings ain't gettin nothing from me.
posted by unliteral at 3:35 PM on December 13, 2018
Like tipping, only when it's decent service. That leaden foot rascal that makes me hang on for dear life (and not even think of standing up before he has come to a full halt) on the 144 to Manly in the mornings ain't gettin nothing from me.
posted by unliteral at 3:35 PM on December 13, 2018
Sitting behind a guy who is (possibly pretending to be) on the phone with the French foreign legion asking to sign up, all in broken French, saying "I know how to shoot" and such, and is on the way to the airport. Forgetting my god damn accordion in the luggage rack after a gig (open bar, drugs, who can say? but I said thank you to the driver, that's for sure) and getting it back from the Lost & Found (my friend got his brass snare back).
In the early times of living in a foreign language I had performance anxieties about my "thank you's" and they came out all wrong. In the final phase of the evolution of my thankyous I would, at the moment of saying thank you, visualise how nice it was not to have to fucking walk there and have someone else do the driving, and they always came out perfectly.
Can this thread just be Edinburgh bus stories please
posted by yoHighness at 3:41 PM on December 13, 2018 [4 favorites]
In the early times of living in a foreign language I had performance anxieties about my "thank you's" and they came out all wrong. In the final phase of the evolution of my thankyous I would, at the moment of saying thank you, visualise how nice it was not to have to fucking walk there and have someone else do the driving, and they always came out perfectly.
Can this thread just be Edinburgh bus stories please
posted by yoHighness at 3:41 PM on December 13, 2018 [4 favorites]
For heaven's sake. We thank the bus driver (a) in south London
Don't be silly. No one actually lives in south London. It's a made up place to scare children.
posted by Damienmce at 3:49 PM on December 13, 2018 [6 favorites]
Don't be silly. No one actually lives in south London. It's a made up place to scare children.
posted by Damienmce at 3:49 PM on December 13, 2018 [6 favorites]
And did you notice that half the ads were for hotel rooms, restaurants and office rentals in Trump buildings?
Well, that explains Maggie Haberman.
posted by shorstenbach at 3:59 PM on December 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
Well, that explains Maggie Haberman.
posted by shorstenbach at 3:59 PM on December 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
There would be a chapter in green ink reserved for the horrors of tourists who actually sit in the seats reserved for the elderly and infirm when there are other vacant seats, while Edinburghers tut silently at the back of their heads.
Heh. My husband's blind and when we were visiting Edinburgh people would climb over themselves offering up seats when we boarded and often seemed confused when we turned them down because I wanted to sit on the upper level to get a better view of things because hey - we were tourists.
And I would hold an open competition for people to submit poems in praise of that beautiful moment of pause, in which the world is suspended in grace for just a second, when the door opens and everyone waits before getting on, as if to say "Anybody else want to go first? No? OK, I'll get things started."
This was something I noticed. Except for the one time when a bus just entering service pulled up and the driver asked people to wait a moment. As we would find out later from the driver, the receipt machine hadn't been set properly "by the lads at the garage," so he had to get the paper feed going before it could accept fares.
So after a mere 30 seconds of waiting this older guy queued up with us started yelling:
"Driver!"
[pause]
"DRIVER!"
[pause]
"DRIVVVVVERRR!!!"
Driver, wearily, looking up from the fare machine: "Can I help you sir?"
Old guy: "What's the bloody hold up?"
Driver: "Just a moment sir - I have to activate the fare machine before anyone boards. We'll be underway shortly."
Old guy [at the sky]: "Fuckin'...ENGLAND!!!"
My mother was born in Edinburgh, and I like to think I'm reasonably tuned into UK politics and Scottish aspirations for independence (to the extent a foreigner can be), but I really failed to see the connection.
To this day, "FUCKIN' ENGLAND!" is shorthand in our house for something you're upset about but for which you have nobody in particular to blame.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 6:54 PM on December 13, 2018 [14 favorites]
Heh. My husband's blind and when we were visiting Edinburgh people would climb over themselves offering up seats when we boarded and often seemed confused when we turned them down because I wanted to sit on the upper level to get a better view of things because hey - we were tourists.
And I would hold an open competition for people to submit poems in praise of that beautiful moment of pause, in which the world is suspended in grace for just a second, when the door opens and everyone waits before getting on, as if to say "Anybody else want to go first? No? OK, I'll get things started."
This was something I noticed. Except for the one time when a bus just entering service pulled up and the driver asked people to wait a moment. As we would find out later from the driver, the receipt machine hadn't been set properly "by the lads at the garage," so he had to get the paper feed going before it could accept fares.
So after a mere 30 seconds of waiting this older guy queued up with us started yelling:
"Driver!"
[pause]
"DRIVER!"
[pause]
"DRIVVVVVERRR!!!"
Driver, wearily, looking up from the fare machine: "Can I help you sir?"
Old guy: "What's the bloody hold up?"
Driver: "Just a moment sir - I have to activate the fare machine before anyone boards. We'll be underway shortly."
Old guy [at the sky]: "Fuckin'...ENGLAND!!!"
My mother was born in Edinburgh, and I like to think I'm reasonably tuned into UK politics and Scottish aspirations for independence (to the extent a foreigner can be), but I really failed to see the connection.
To this day, "FUCKIN' ENGLAND!" is shorthand in our house for something you're upset about but for which you have nobody in particular to blame.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 6:54 PM on December 13, 2018 [14 favorites]
Old guy: "What's the bloody hold up?"
Driver: "Just a moment sir - I have to activate the fare machine before anyone boards. We'll be underway shortly."
Old guy [at the sky]: "Fuckin'...ENGLAND!!!"
This exchange is too long and obscure for me to stick a "Metafilter:" tag in front of it... but anyone who's read discussion threads on the Blue which include certain politically predictable MeFites will know what I'm thinking of.
posted by Harvey Kilobit at 9:11 PM on December 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
Driver: "Just a moment sir - I have to activate the fare machine before anyone boards. We'll be underway shortly."
Old guy [at the sky]: "Fuckin'...ENGLAND!!!"
This exchange is too long and obscure for me to stick a "Metafilter:" tag in front of it... but anyone who's read discussion threads on the Blue which include certain politically predictable MeFites will know what I'm thinking of.
posted by Harvey Kilobit at 9:11 PM on December 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
A grumpy[1] Edinburgh bus driver once made my elder daughter cry. The other passengers gave out to him but I still found it very difficult not to thank him when I got off. Younger daughter polices my bus thanks and complains if she thinks I'm not enthusiastic enough.
[1] Amazingly so, as a non driver I get the bus all the time and Edinburgh bus drivers and usually very polite, patient and tolerant.
posted by hfnuala at 1:09 AM on December 14, 2018 [1 favorite]
[1] Amazingly so, as a non driver I get the bus all the time and Edinburgh bus drivers and usually very polite, patient and tolerant.
posted by hfnuala at 1:09 AM on December 14, 2018 [1 favorite]
There is a serious and ongoing epidemic of people stepping onto the platform and not immediately moving along it.
Thanking the driver is largely a function of passenger density. Thirty people scattered about, sure. Eight cubic metres of packed human flesh between you and the cabin, such that you'd have to yell into someone's face and hope it relayed out their backmouth? Maybe not.
posted by lucidium at 5:36 AM on December 14, 2018
Thanking the driver is largely a function of passenger density. Thirty people scattered about, sure. Eight cubic metres of packed human flesh between you and the cabin, such that you'd have to yell into someone's face and hope it relayed out their backmouth? Maybe not.
posted by lucidium at 5:36 AM on December 14, 2018
Also, in smaller places there's a likelihood that passengers and drivers on the route become familiar strangers, recognising each other. In a big city, this is less likely.
posted by acb at 2:22 AM on December 17, 2018
posted by acb at 2:22 AM on December 17, 2018
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posted by GenjiandProust at 7:34 AM on December 13, 2018 [6 favorites]