FIRST RULE OF FIGHT CRAB, YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT FIGHT CRAB!
December 16, 2018 8:33 AM Subscribe
Fight Crab [YouTube][Game Trailer], a game where two feisty crustaceans enter a battlefield and take each other on with various weapons. Coming in 2019.
You come at the king crab, you best not bisque
posted by oulipian at 8:50 AM on December 16, 2018 [36 favorites]
posted by oulipian at 8:50 AM on December 16, 2018 [36 favorites]
whoa. Now I really want a street fighter version of Japanese Bug Fights.
posted by es_de_bah at 8:52 AM on December 16, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by es_de_bah at 8:52 AM on December 16, 2018 [1 favorite]
Oh, so that's podracing.
posted by ckape at 8:58 AM on December 16, 2018 [4 favorites]
posted by ckape at 8:58 AM on December 16, 2018 [4 favorites]
Mess with the crabbo, you get the stabbo.
posted by dephlogisticated at 9:10 AM on December 16, 2018 [8 favorites]
posted by dephlogisticated at 9:10 AM on December 16, 2018 [8 favorites]
“What is best in life?”
“To see your enemies driven before you. To serve them with drawn butter...”
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 9:11 AM on December 16, 2018 [12 favorites]
“To see your enemies driven before you. To serve them with drawn butter...”
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 9:11 AM on December 16, 2018 [12 favorites]
Based on a famous battle from ancient Japan Malaysia.
posted by Strange Interlude at 9:16 AM on December 16, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by Strange Interlude at 9:16 AM on December 16, 2018 [1 favorite]
I'm fine with this turning into an entire series of games:
• Fight Octopusesposted by Fizz at 9:32 AM on December 16, 2018 [2 favorites]
• Fight Birds
• Fight Crocodiles
• Fight Frogs
• Fight Bears
Is the objective attack its weak point for massive damage?
posted by lmfsilva at 9:40 AM on December 16, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by lmfsilva at 9:40 AM on December 16, 2018 [2 favorites]
Maybe I'm just feeling grumpy today, but I kinda have a problem with realistically-rendered animals fighting each other, even with knives, maces or other unrealistic elements thrown in. This is a virtual crab fight; the next step (as Fizz notes) could be virtual rooster fights or dog fights. Would those still not be problematic? What if they don't have knives or maces, and are just fighting each other with their teeth, or with razors strapped to their legs?
posted by yhbc at 9:54 AM on December 16, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by yhbc at 9:54 AM on December 16, 2018 [2 favorites]
In my excitement about this game, I sort of bounced off of that and didn't even really consider the depiction of animal violence. I think the main reason I'm ok with this level of animal fighting is that it feels overly cartoonish in it's ridiculousness. That being said, I understand the concern as Fight Dogs would certainly not be acceptable.
posted by Fizz at 10:08 AM on December 16, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by Fizz at 10:08 AM on December 16, 2018 [5 favorites]
Mess with crustacean, you get the bust-face-ean
posted by cortex at 10:15 AM on December 16, 2018 [9 favorites]
posted by cortex at 10:15 AM on December 16, 2018 [9 favorites]
It might look like crab, but I bet it’s just processed whitefish.
posted by rh at 10:20 AM on December 16, 2018 [14 favorites]
posted by rh at 10:20 AM on December 16, 2018 [14 favorites]
Mess with crustacean, you get the bust-face-ean
Crush-tacean, surely
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:40 AM on December 16, 2018 [4 favorites]
Crush-tacean, surely
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:40 AM on December 16, 2018 [4 favorites]
Came here for fun puns...
Got animal abuse concerns...
(And fun puns...)
posted by Windopaene at 10:59 AM on December 16, 2018 [6 favorites]
Got animal abuse concerns...
(And fun puns...)
posted by Windopaene at 10:59 AM on December 16, 2018 [6 favorites]
Surely Crushtacean is like Hatoful Boyfriend but with crabs instead of pigeons
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 11:00 AM on December 16, 2018 [6 favorites]
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 11:00 AM on December 16, 2018 [6 favorites]
So are these like real crabs or mecha-crabs with really good camouflage?
posted by mikelieman at 11:03 AM on December 16, 2018
posted by mikelieman at 11:03 AM on December 16, 2018
Still waiting for my Rarity fighting a giant crab game (one of the more peculiar memes to come out of the MLP fandom)
posted by bouvin at 12:12 PM on December 16, 2018
posted by bouvin at 12:12 PM on December 16, 2018
Crustaceans with knives will always be funny to me.
Look out — it's got a knife!
posted by ckape at 12:19 PM on December 16, 2018 [2 favorites]
Look out — it's got a knife!
posted by ckape at 12:19 PM on December 16, 2018 [2 favorites]
I hope someone builds a Lobster Death Match mutator.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 1:03 PM on December 16, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 1:03 PM on December 16, 2018 [1 favorite]
Oh, never mind. There's the rocket-assisted lobster we all want and deserve.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 1:12 PM on December 16, 2018
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 1:12 PM on December 16, 2018
I feel like one of these crabs should be wielding a bow, with a quiver attached to its carapace from which it needs to draw an arrow, then string and shoot it. And the controls should work something like QWOP.
posted by straight at 1:50 PM on December 16, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by straight at 1:50 PM on December 16, 2018 [1 favorite]
Also, please nobody show this to the Totally Accurate Battle Simulator guy, because I need him to stop having so much fun with his physics engine and finish the game already.
posted by straight at 2:06 PM on December 16, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by straight at 2:06 PM on December 16, 2018 [2 favorites]
Funnily enough the weird top-down perspective in The Bilestoad led child-me to think that it was two crabs fighting. Or maybe two croissants. Anyway.
posted by nickzoic at 3:18 PM on December 16, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by nickzoic at 3:18 PM on December 16, 2018 [1 favorite]
I am reminded of an obscure launch title for the Sega Dreamcast, Seventh Cross: Evolution. In this game, you ran the entire gamut of survival of the fittest; you began life as a protist, absorbing edibles until you reached a point of minimal viability, called the "Origin" creature. This is basically a blob with floppy arms and legs in a pond. From here, you could conquer other creatures with your mighty arm-swats, absorb nutrients of various types from them, and use these to generate new and improved body parts from further up the evolutionary chain and eventually reach a series of extremely puzzling cutscenes.
Ah, but there is a catch! When you are a blob with floppy arms and legs in a pond, you are a blob with floppy arms and legs in a pond containing many, many crabs. Crabs like to eat whatever it is you are, and they can kill you with ease at this stage with one well-aimed claw swipe. And they will. Repeatedly. This will knock you back to the beginning of the Origin stage, cost you whatever nutrients you've gathered and piss you off. Lather, rinse, repeat until you _finally_ scrape together enough nutrients to evolve up body parts that can fend off your crab assailants.
And at that point, what do you do? You beat the living shit out of every crab you can find. You smash crabs with hammer-fists, fry them with lightning bursts, turn them into sushi and you do it over and over and over again. Partly because it is the most efficient way to gather nutrients in the Pond stage. Partly because it is SWEET VENGEANCE. Mostly because of the VENGEANCE thing. You will be so compelled by all that is good and pure to become a crab-killin' demigod, smashing shells in the name of protists and wobbly blobs everywhere, that you will spend the next hour or two enjoying unfettered crustacean carnage.
*cough* I'm pretty sure that that's intended by the designers.
posted by delfin at 3:28 PM on December 16, 2018 [2 favorites]
Ah, but there is a catch! When you are a blob with floppy arms and legs in a pond, you are a blob with floppy arms and legs in a pond containing many, many crabs. Crabs like to eat whatever it is you are, and they can kill you with ease at this stage with one well-aimed claw swipe. And they will. Repeatedly. This will knock you back to the beginning of the Origin stage, cost you whatever nutrients you've gathered and piss you off. Lather, rinse, repeat until you _finally_ scrape together enough nutrients to evolve up body parts that can fend off your crab assailants.
And at that point, what do you do? You beat the living shit out of every crab you can find. You smash crabs with hammer-fists, fry them with lightning bursts, turn them into sushi and you do it over and over and over again. Partly because it is the most efficient way to gather nutrients in the Pond stage. Partly because it is SWEET VENGEANCE. Mostly because of the VENGEANCE thing. You will be so compelled by all that is good and pure to become a crab-killin' demigod, smashing shells in the name of protists and wobbly blobs everywhere, that you will spend the next hour or two enjoying unfettered crustacean carnage.
*cough* I'm pretty sure that that's intended by the designers.
posted by delfin at 3:28 PM on December 16, 2018 [2 favorites]
evolve up body parts that can fend off your crab assailants
The Shellfish Gene
posted by zamboni at 4:43 PM on December 16, 2018 [1 favorite]
The Shellfish Gene
posted by zamboni at 4:43 PM on December 16, 2018 [1 favorite]
Goat Simulator is like 5 years old now, I'm a little surprised that this took so long to appear.
posted by rhizome at 7:13 PM on December 16, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by rhizome at 7:13 PM on December 16, 2018 [1 favorite]
Seems like a spiritual successor to How To Turn Your Hamster Into a Fighting Machine.
posted by McCoy Pauley at 2:56 PM on December 17, 2018
posted by McCoy Pauley at 2:56 PM on December 17, 2018
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posted by Fizz at 8:35 AM on December 16, 2018