The Bob Emergency
April 29, 2019 12:46 PM Subscribe
In a brand new Chart Party Internet sports statistical bard Jon Bois discusses an unnoticed crisis in the world of sport: the decline of the number of people named Bob. (SLYT)
Jon Bois previously.
Jon Bois previously.
How long do you think it took to render the swirling Bob-chart?
posted by mfu at 12:58 PM on April 29, 2019
posted by mfu at 12:58 PM on April 29, 2019
3:30 in, and I just noticed that this is Part I.
Sometimes the universe is good to us.
posted by nubs at 1:09 PM on April 29, 2019 [6 favorites]
Sometimes the universe is good to us.
posted by nubs at 1:09 PM on April 29, 2019 [6 favorites]
My good buddy Bob passed recently. In their social media notices, his family all claimed to be mystified how a nice, clean-cut, frequently brilliant Robert could devolve into a mere Bob to the rest of the world.
Let me tell you, from what I’ve seen, Bobs have wayyyy more fun than any Robert could imagine. Robert may have provided for his family, but Bob was the one who collected Corvettes. Robert may have taken his son fishing in Alaska every year without fail, but Bob knew how to navigate the back streets of Bangkok to maximize fun and minimize moral quandaries. Robert may have been the Vice President of Ritual at his temple, but Bob knew how to reject would-be cantors without making them feel like they weren’t an important part of the congregation.
I miss my friend Bob. Roberts are fine, but we need more Bobs.
posted by infinitewindow at 1:47 PM on April 29, 2019 [17 favorites]
Let me tell you, from what I’ve seen, Bobs have wayyyy more fun than any Robert could imagine. Robert may have provided for his family, but Bob was the one who collected Corvettes. Robert may have taken his son fishing in Alaska every year without fail, but Bob knew how to navigate the back streets of Bangkok to maximize fun and minimize moral quandaries. Robert may have been the Vice President of Ritual at his temple, but Bob knew how to reject would-be cantors without making them feel like they weren’t an important part of the congregation.
I miss my friend Bob. Roberts are fine, but we need more Bobs.
posted by infinitewindow at 1:47 PM on April 29, 2019 [17 favorites]
My train of thought was “Wow, 40 minutes? My lucky day.” ... “40 minutes and only part 1? Maybe god does exist.”
(He does, and his name is Jon. Or maybe Bob.)
posted by supercres at 2:40 PM on April 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
(He does, and his name is Jon. Or maybe Bob.)
posted by supercres at 2:40 PM on April 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
So, who's the other Bob that had a good year in 1968? My heart wants to go with Bob Goalby, who won the Masters because his opponent signed an inaccurate scorecard, or maybe Bob Foster's knockout of the delightfully-named Dick Tiger to win the Light Heavyweight title, but my head's pretty sure it's Bob Beamon.
posted by box at 2:46 PM on April 29, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by box at 2:46 PM on April 29, 2019 [2 favorites]
I have a nephew named Bob and a brother in law named Bob! This is relevant to my interests.
posted by grumpybear69 at 2:51 PM on April 29, 2019
posted by grumpybear69 at 2:51 PM on April 29, 2019
In my childhood, my favorite sports type people where the ones with the fun names -- and Bob Griese was one of the top ones.
In my adulthood, I haven't been much different. Magnus ver Magnusson? Milton Bradley? Picabo Street?
(Okay, I don't sports.)
posted by Foosnark at 3:02 PM on April 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
In my adulthood, I haven't been much different. Magnus ver Magnusson? Milton Bradley? Picabo Street?
(Okay, I don't sports.)
posted by Foosnark at 3:02 PM on April 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
On the school bus, on the way to my first day of high school, the driver paused after picking up the kids at the last stop on his route. He turned around to face us, and announced, “My name is Bob. I’ll be your driver this year.”
Bob never said another word to us until the last day of the semester. On the way home, before letting out the kids at the first stop of the route, he turned to face again and said, “I’m moving to the Philippines to become a missionary. You’ll have a new bus driver when you get back from winter break.”
The new bus driver never spoke at all, so we just called him Bob 2.
posted by mbrubeck at 3:17 PM on April 29, 2019 [23 favorites]
Bob never said another word to us until the last day of the semester. On the way home, before letting out the kids at the first stop of the route, he turned to face again and said, “I’m moving to the Philippines to become a missionary. You’ll have a new bus driver when you get back from winter break.”
The new bus driver never spoke at all, so we just called him Bob 2.
posted by mbrubeck at 3:17 PM on April 29, 2019 [23 favorites]
Warning: this video leads to irresponsibility.
At the 3:30 mark, I dropped all pretense of working from home, paused the video, and ingested some marijuana edibles. I'll check back in in about 30 minutes.
I love you, Jon Bois.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 3:32 PM on April 29, 2019 [11 favorites]
At the 3:30 mark, I dropped all pretense of working from home, paused the video, and ingested some marijuana edibles. I'll check back in in about 30 minutes.
I love you, Jon Bois.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 3:32 PM on April 29, 2019 [11 favorites]
At the 3:30 mark, I dropped all pretense of working from home, and ingested some marijuana edibles.
I was at work, but followed the same course of action except for the edibles.
posted by nubs at 3:38 PM on April 29, 2019 [3 favorites]
I was at work, but followed the same course of action except for the edibles.
posted by nubs at 3:38 PM on April 29, 2019 [3 favorites]
You don't see as many operating systems named Bob these days either. How far does this rabbit-hole go?
posted by Wolfdog at 3:42 PM on April 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by Wolfdog at 3:42 PM on April 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
My middle name is Robert and I've always wished it was my first name just for the sheer flexibility. One name gives you Rob, Bob, Robby, Bobby, Bert, Robert and Bobert.
posted by srboisvert at 3:45 PM on April 29, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by srboisvert at 3:45 PM on April 29, 2019 [2 favorites]
I'm a baseball fan. I knew about Bob Gibson. But it wasn't until today that I really understood just how staggering his 1968 season was, especially in light of the rest of his career. They put a bronze statue of him outside the stadium and it's not enough.
posted by ob1quixote at 3:49 PM on April 29, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by ob1quixote at 3:49 PM on April 29, 2019 [4 favorites]
Funny... I was just watching clips of the two Bobs from Office Space.
posted by clawsoon at 3:49 PM on April 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by clawsoon at 3:49 PM on April 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
My middle name is Robert and I've always wished it was my first name just for the sheer flexibility. One name gives you Rob, Bob, Robby, Bobby, Bert, Robert and Bobert.
It being his middle name didn't stop Bob Gibson. I say you should live the Bob dream.
posted by NoxAeternum at 3:56 PM on April 29, 2019 [8 favorites]
It being his middle name didn't stop Bob Gibson. I say you should live the Bob dream.
posted by NoxAeternum at 3:56 PM on April 29, 2019 [8 favorites]
My Uncle is a Bob, and a doctor. We call him Dr. Bob because he's definitely closer to a floppy eared surgeon than a pill pushing Beatles hanger-on.
posted by calamari kid at 4:31 PM on April 29, 2019
posted by calamari kid at 4:31 PM on April 29, 2019
Oh please, oh please, oh please let episode 2 feature Bob Probert.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 4:55 PM on April 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 4:55 PM on April 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
Argh, my link should have been to the Wikiquote page for J.R. "Bob" Dobbs but, weirdly enough, its URL has quotation marks in it that broke the link!
Anyway, I've seen most of this but it's typical excellent Jon Bois. The whole "Bob" thing is an excuse to do a deep dive within a particular cross-section of players, finding the best individual stories, but it works.
posted by JHarris at 5:02 PM on April 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
Anyway, I've seen most of this but it's typical excellent Jon Bois. The whole "Bob" thing is an excuse to do a deep dive within a particular cross-section of players, finding the best individual stories, but it works.
posted by JHarris at 5:02 PM on April 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
Learning that that Blue Chips scene was un-messed-with is incredible
posted by Space Coyote at 6:09 PM on April 29, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by Space Coyote at 6:09 PM on April 29, 2019 [2 favorites]
I could have sworn that Illinois High School Association basketball video has been posted before on MetaFilter, maybe by Eyebrows McGee. (This is the one described in the Bob Cousy segment, as a brain-numbing series of passes.)
posted by Harvey Kilobit at 7:51 PM on April 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by Harvey Kilobit at 7:51 PM on April 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
I'm still trying to process being thrown directly into the show as a pitcher when most of your experience is being a pretty crummy batter. The story of Bob Lemon is incredible.
Once again, Bois takes raw numbers and spins a massive yarn. Such a gift.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 8:06 PM on April 29, 2019 [2 favorites]
Once again, Bois takes raw numbers and spins a massive yarn. Such a gift.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 8:06 PM on April 29, 2019 [2 favorites]
Bob cyclone played a note in this symphony. He mattered.
Jon Bois made me tear up over a boxer I'd never heard of with a bar graph...
posted by Reyturner at 8:13 PM on April 29, 2019 [3 favorites]
Jon Bois made me tear up over a boxer I'd never heard of with a bar graph...
posted by Reyturner at 8:13 PM on April 29, 2019 [3 favorites]
Almost every dude in my family on both sides for generations seemed to be named Robert or Ronald. Happily, those in my generation who procreated nipped this in the bud because keeping track of the Robbies vs. the Ronnies was such a pain in the ass.
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:42 PM on April 29, 2019
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:42 PM on April 29, 2019
Bob cyclone played a note in this symphony. He mattered.
Jon Bois made me tear up over a boxer I'd never heard of with a bar graph...
What's unsaid is that he's likely paid to throw fights to pad the stats of actual contenders.
posted by Slap*Happy at 11:13 PM on April 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
Jon Bois made me tear up over a boxer I'd never heard of with a bar graph...
What's unsaid is that he's likely paid to throw fights to pad the stats of actual contenders.
posted by Slap*Happy at 11:13 PM on April 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
... my head's pretty sure it's Bob Beamon.
I was thinking it might be Bob Mathias, but it looks like he would be celebrated for what he did in the 1950s, not the 1960s. I bet you're right, box, especially because Bois (who is amazing) loves those statistics where someone – as both Gibson and Beamon did in 1968 – breaks a record not by a little, but by a lot.
posted by LeLiLo at 11:22 PM on April 29, 2019
I was thinking it might be Bob Mathias, but it looks like he would be celebrated for what he did in the 1950s, not the 1960s. I bet you're right, box, especially because Bois (who is amazing) loves those statistics where someone – as both Gibson and Beamon did in 1968 – breaks a record not by a little, but by a lot.
posted by LeLiLo at 11:22 PM on April 29, 2019
Well, the canonical “Bob” does look somewhat dated, with his Brylcreemed hair and pipe.
posted by acb at 1:10 AM on April 30, 2019
posted by acb at 1:10 AM on April 30, 2019
I went in expecting that to be great and I was still blown away by how great it was. Jon Bois should have his own network television show.
posted by saladin at 6:47 AM on April 30, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by saladin at 6:47 AM on April 30, 2019 [1 favorite]
I wonder if there will ever be a generation bereft of Daves.
posted by rum-soaked space hobo at 1:28 PM on April 30, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by rum-soaked space hobo at 1:28 PM on April 30, 2019 [2 favorites]
I wonder if there will ever be a generation bereft of Daves.
Well, how many Daves do you know?
posted by gc at 1:51 PM on April 30, 2019 [2 favorites]
Well, how many Daves do you know?
posted by gc at 1:51 PM on April 30, 2019 [2 favorites]
Jon Bois should have his own network television show.
Oh dear god, no. Let Jon do what he does without being tied to a regular broadcast schedule and network TV expectations of episode formulas, episode length, and so forth.
“What did we learn? Absolutely Nothing. Less than nothing. That’s just the way I like it.”
posted by nubs at 2:20 PM on April 30, 2019 [9 favorites]
Oh dear god, no. Let Jon do what he does without being tied to a regular broadcast schedule and network TV expectations of episode formulas, episode length, and so forth.
“What did we learn? Absolutely Nothing. Less than nothing. That’s just the way I like it.”
posted by nubs at 2:20 PM on April 30, 2019 [9 favorites]
Network exec: “What’s the pitch for this week Jon?”
“42 minutes about athletes named Bob.”
Long pause. “What else do you have?”
“54 minutes about punts.”
“Anything else?”
“21 minutes about the 1904 Olympic marathon?”
“Uhhh...”
“12 minutes on Barry Bonds, if he played without a bat.”
“Get out!”
posted by nubs at 2:48 PM on April 30, 2019 [7 favorites]
“42 minutes about athletes named Bob.”
Long pause. “What else do you have?”
“54 minutes about punts.”
“Anything else?”
“21 minutes about the 1904 Olympic marathon?”
“Uhhh...”
“12 minutes on Barry Bonds, if he played without a bat.”
“Get out!”
posted by nubs at 2:48 PM on April 30, 2019 [7 favorites]
"Wait, here's the best part - that episode about athletes named Bob?"
"Yes?"
"Its part one of a --"
"Get out!"
posted by nubs at 4:49 PM on April 30, 2019 [5 favorites]
"Yes?"
"Its part one of a --"
"Get out!"
posted by nubs at 4:49 PM on April 30, 2019 [5 favorites]
My Uncle is a Bob
I think.. you have not quite got the phrasing down yet.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:42 PM on April 30, 2019 [8 favorites]
I think.. you have not quite got the phrasing down yet.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:42 PM on April 30, 2019 [8 favorites]
I wonder if there will ever be a generation bereft of Daves.
When we as a people can all say, “Dave’s not here, man.”
Some years ago I was working for a place (in English Canada, fwiw) that employed maybe forty people. Three of them were named Dave Smith.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:45 PM on April 30, 2019 [5 favorites]
When we as a people can all say, “Dave’s not here, man.”
Some years ago I was working for a place (in English Canada, fwiw) that employed maybe forty people. Three of them were named Dave Smith.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:45 PM on April 30, 2019 [5 favorites]
I appreciated how Jon's diagram of a shitty 1930s basketball play ends with players A, B and D standing in a very particular arrangement that happens to describe the quality of the play. I hope that was intentional.
posted by chrominance at 6:10 AM on May 1, 2019
posted by chrominance at 6:10 AM on May 1, 2019
Some years ago I was working for a place (in English Canada, fwiw) that employed maybe forty people. Three of them were named Dave Smith.
The other 37 were named Gord Mackenzie.
posted by Chrysostom at 8:23 AM on May 1, 2019 [2 favorites]
The other 37 were named Gord Mackenzie.
posted by Chrysostom at 8:23 AM on May 1, 2019 [2 favorites]
Part 2 is coming on May 20th, if Jon's Twitter is any clue...
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 9:18 PM on May 9, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 9:18 PM on May 9, 2019 [3 favorites]
Where should I go to nominate this for some kind of award?
posted by ob1quixote at 12:01 PM on May 21, 2019
posted by ob1quixote at 12:01 PM on May 21, 2019
The Bob Awards, obviously.
Looks like there are lots to choose from.
posted by clawsoon at 3:12 PM on May 21, 2019
Looks like there are lots to choose from.
posted by clawsoon at 3:12 PM on May 21, 2019
Oh please, oh please, oh please let episode 2 feature Bob Probert.
Granted.
posted by mbrubeck at 3:21 PM on May 21, 2019 [2 favorites]
Granted.
posted by mbrubeck at 3:21 PM on May 21, 2019 [2 favorites]
Maybe a Webby for General Video? Documentary - Longform would be my guess for best fit. Or maybe the whole series of Chart Party belongs in the Video Series categories.
posted by nubs at 3:21 PM on May 21, 2019
posted by nubs at 3:21 PM on May 21, 2019
I can't believe how sad I am that a site I've never visited is now no longer up. Hockey fight site dropyourgloves.com, you will be missed.
Also that long jump reveal? Bois is a storytelling wizard.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 10:02 PM on May 21, 2019 [4 favorites]
Also that long jump reveal? Bois is a storytelling wizard.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 10:02 PM on May 21, 2019 [4 favorites]
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