I tried every conceivable cereal-liquid combination *

May 9, 2019 10:41 AM

Allison Shoemaker of the AV Club asked her readers what substances should go on cereal besides the old standard of cow milk. "We can’t promise we’ll try everything, especially if it seems like you’re just trying to make us ralph up those wholesome Os, but all ideas are welcome." And then she went ahead and tried them.

* -- Of course, this is not anywhere near every conceivable liquid, and a fairly short list of cereals. But you get the idea.

posted by Etrigan (57 comments total)

I've had vanilla ice cream with Fruity Pebbles mixed in and on top, and that's delicious. I disagree with the removal of a spoon from the rating because it's ice cream. What kind of science dismisses something just because it's so vastly superior? RECOUNT! RECOUNT!
posted by xingcat at 10:51 AM on May 9, 2019 [4 favorites]

Rating OJ over kefir makes me suspect I can’t trust her other ratings... also, fine, you don’t like yogurt, but that doesn’t explain why yogurt also scores higher than kefir. Maybe she’s just a kefir hater? Maybe she should rank how she feels about each liquid on its own, so we can take that into account for the rating on cereal. While I applaud tasting at different times/textures, tasting the other stuff in between is bound to mess with the palate...

This is important stuff though, and a valiant preliminary effort. I suggest we start a MeFi club with more tasters and a more controlled rating schema.
posted by SaltySalticid at 10:56 AM on May 9, 2019 [4 favorites]

Apple juice in a pinch because dad and I would go through a gallon a milk in two days or so. Seriously, we drank a lot of milk. Too much probably. I've never broken a bone though I have done most sporty things short of skiing or snowboarding.
posted by RolandOfEld at 10:58 AM on May 9, 2019 [2 favorites]

I've had vanilla ice cream with Fruity Pebbles mixed in and on top, and that's delicious.

Hell, two different ice cream makers actually make breakfast-cereal flavor ice cream.

....I'm strangely reminded of the time that the late New York Press tried a similar experiment when Brita filters first were becoming a thing, where they ran a bunch of different beverages through a Brita just to see what would happen and then drank the resulting outcome. I only remember their reactions to tomato juice (it made a surprisingly refreshing drink), and Guinness (which tasted hauntingly like Zima, after which they speculated that if they ran actual Zima through a Brita it would disappear entirely).
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:58 AM on May 9, 2019 [23 favorites]

Plain Cheerios. Dry. Unsweetened. Eaten one at a time, without a spoon, as God intended.
posted by ChuraChura at 10:58 AM on May 9, 2019 [11 favorites]

Broth pulls off an upset as a surprising and early leader winner! I approve, and also recommend a nice cup of hot broth before bed, ideally homemade.
posted by SaltySalticid at 11:03 AM on May 9, 2019 [1 favorite]

do you inhale the dust from the Ziploc bag after or no
posted by prize bull octorok at 11:03 AM on May 9, 2019 [1 favorite]

I appreciate the sacrifices made in the name of science, but I wish she would've listed the exact cereal-liquid combinations she tested. Ya know, for science.
posted by slogger at 11:04 AM on May 9, 2019

There is an Overwatch League player for the Dallas Fuel who eats cereal with water and challenged the rest of the community to try it. In his defense, he was using the Overwatch tie-in cereal which is super sweet, and the milk just made it way too sweet overall. .... I'm still not running out to give it a go, though.
posted by rewil at 11:05 AM on May 9, 2019 [1 favorite]

Guinness (which tasted hauntingly like Zima, after which they speculated that if they ran actual Zima through a Brita it would disappear entirely).

Seems like it took all the non-Zimaness out of the Guinness (which makes me think Zima is the sculpture and Guinness is the block of marble).
posted by Etrigan at 11:05 AM on May 9, 2019 [1 favorite]

I will admit to doing corn flakes and beer, because there was no milk in the house. After that, my rule became "eat the cereal dry".
posted by Thorzdad at 11:05 AM on May 9, 2019 [4 favorites]

I had a friend in college who ran out of milk and decided to make his Kraft mac and cheese with Baileys. He claimed it was tasty, but I'm not so sure.
posted by backseatpilot at 11:07 AM on May 9, 2019

Yeah, the kefir comments make me wonder if it's purely a familiarity thing. Like, she's never had kefir before, but she has had yogurt. So even though she doesn't like yogurt, she knows what to expect.

Also, I think that classifying kefir as a yogurt-like drink to begin with is a bit suspect. It's about the same consistency as a heavy cream, which is still way thinner than actual yogurt.

Anyway, I'm biased here, because I think kefir is an excellent cereal additive.
posted by tobascodagama at 11:07 AM on May 9, 2019 [2 favorites]

When I was in Iraq, I would often pour a can of Rip-It over cereal after dinner, but I always maintained that I was not having breakfast, I was having dessert.
posted by Etrigan at 11:08 AM on May 9, 2019 [10 favorites]

she demonstrably did not try hawaiian punch with froot loops, this article does not satisfy me
posted by poffin boffin at 11:13 AM on May 9, 2019 [11 favorites]

I can't believe she didn't mention soy milk, or did I miss it. I have soy milk and shredded wheat every day of my life and love it. Put in some lemon juice and it thickens the milk to a very nice consistency. Add bananas and/or berries and it is the supreme.
posted by charlesminus at 11:14 AM on May 9, 2019 [3 favorites]

I wonder how Cinnamon Toast Crunch tastes in Whistlepig ... wait, I'm an adult, I don't have to wonder!
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 11:19 AM on May 9, 2019 [6 favorites]

I think soy milk was too close to cow’s milk for the author’s purposes. Also not weird enough.
posted by 41swans at 11:28 AM on May 9, 2019 [2 favorites]

Plain Cheerios. Dry. Unsweetened. Eaten one at a time, without a spoon, as God intended.

I'm sorry, but this is wrong. The best Cheerios are coated with milk chocolate.

However, I am now keen to go home and try Swiss Miss hot chocolate mix on popcorn.
posted by holborne at 11:35 AM on May 9, 2019 [1 favorite]

No wine? Really? I could theoretically see some kind of cheerios and sangria thing working. And if I was going to try liquor, it'd probably be bourbon, which to me is much more breakfast-appropriate. I put bourbon in my French toast custard, regularly.

Speaking of which, if yogurt and ice cream are fair game, seems like a custard or pudding might also be a good choice. A not-too-sweet custard, actually, seems like it could make for a much better breakfast than cereal with just milk.

Though, uh, take these opinions with a grain of salt, I'm also one of the monsters who usually eats my cereal dry.
posted by Sequence at 11:42 AM on May 9, 2019 [2 favorites]

Bulgaria Yogurt drink on Calbee Granola was my favourite cereal combination when I was living in Japan. I've never tried to eat something similar here in Canada even though both yogurt drinks and granola are pretty common.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 11:46 AM on May 9, 2019

My maternal grandfather, rest his soul, was partial to Kellogg's Corn Flakes® (if you gave him another brand, he was NOT happy) with orange juice. 4-year-old me thought that was weird, and I'd give him the 1973 equivalent of the "Oh, no, baby, what is you doin'?!" face anytime I saw him eat that concoction.

I rarely eat breakfast, as I have a hard time eating at all in the morning, so I'm not the least bit tempted to try any of these alternatives. Just give me a cup of hot coffee with a little half-and-half and a sugar cube, and I'm good, thanks.
posted by droplet at 11:49 AM on May 9, 2019 [2 favorites]

Oh my god, what about horchata over Cinnamon Toast Crunch? That sounds amazing.
posted by fiercecupcake at 11:57 AM on May 9, 2019 [12 favorites]

In "No Time For Sergeants" Will Stockdale pours coffee on his corn flakes because there was no milk. It just seems like the kind of thing you'd do if you had absolutely no choice is what I'm saying.
posted by tommasz at 11:57 AM on May 9, 2019 [1 favorite]

Oh my god, what about horchata over Cinnamon Toast Crunch? That sounds amazing.

I think using Cinnamon Toast Crunch would make this unpalatably sweet, but horchata plus Cheerios (aka horcheerios) sounds pretty rad.
posted by showbiz_liz at 12:00 PM on May 9, 2019 [9 favorites]

Now I want to try a Chinese yogurt drink on my granola ... though first I need to find a regular supplier (the two closest Asian groceries don't carry it -- typically we only find it at Chinese restaurants near the university campus).
posted by Quasirandom at 12:03 PM on May 9, 2019 [2 favorites]

Nobody else thought room temperature Irish cream was weird? Just me?
posted by axiom at 12:09 PM on May 9, 2019 [2 favorites]

I thought I was the only sick fuck who liked soy milk and shredded wheat.

Metafilter you complete me.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 12:11 PM on May 9, 2019 [3 favorites]

Coffee (with an appropriate amount of milk for the coffee) on Froot Loops is a pretty good breakfast if you've had minimal sleep, a long day ahead of you, and not enough time to consume the two separately.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 12:32 PM on May 9, 2019 [1 favorite]

Eugh, my uncle does orange juice on cornflakes and I kinda always suspected it was an elaborate long-con troll that he was pretending to like it just to see others' faces when they gamely tried it. My aunt says he really does eat it every day but maybe she's in on it?
posted by potrzebie at 12:35 PM on May 9, 2019

It's called Sinner's Soup, Zack.
posted by taquito sunrise at 12:48 PM on May 9, 2019 [1 favorite]

The last thing my breakfast habits need is additional amounts of quantifiable data. I can't even manage to say "quantifiable data" until well after breakfast and coffee.
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:50 PM on May 9, 2019

What? No Kranch?
posted by oneswellfoop at 12:50 PM on May 9, 2019 [6 favorites]

Nobody else thought room temperature Irish cream was weird? Just me?
posted by axiom

What do you mean? Do you keep it in the fridge or something?

It takes a surprisingly long time to go bad if you don't. Usually the bottle is finished well ahead of that.
posted by fiercecupcake at 12:57 PM on May 9, 2019

Irish Cream can take a while to go bad. But when it finally turns bad, it's bad.
posted by ovvl at 1:11 PM on May 9, 2019

When I was in college I’d eat Captain Crunch with chocolate milk for breakfast. ...sometimes I can’t believe I survived those years.
posted by skycrashesdown at 1:25 PM on May 9, 2019 [3 favorites]

What do you mean? Do you keep it in the fridge or something?

Yeah? I keep it in the fridge for the same reason I typically keep my emergency backup shelf-stable milk thingies in the fridge: because for a person raised in this modern era of refrigeration, room-temperature milk/cream is kinda oogy. Plus my main use for irish cream is as a substitute for half-and-half in coffee, and half the point of using half-and-half is to cool down the coffee, and over the years I have finely calibrated the proper cold-mixer-to-hot-coffee ratio for optimal final warmth, and who needs the hassle of recalibrating my ratio just to compensate for warm-ass boozemilk?
posted by showbiz_liz at 1:38 PM on May 9, 2019 [3 favorites]

warm-ass boozemilk is great for when you have heartburn but still want to get drunk
posted by prize bull octorok at 1:45 PM on May 9, 2019 [5 favorites]

New! Warm-Ass^© Boozemilk™! For all your tepid dairy needs.
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:49 PM on May 9, 2019 [9 favorites]

I used to work on food advertising shoots and most cereal you've ever seen is floating on a big bowl of wood glue. They're selling cereal, not milk, so the stylists take some liberties. Glue doesn't immediately turn the cereal soggy.

Was disapointed to not see it on the list.
posted by bradbane at 2:21 PM on May 9, 2019 [2 favorites]

At a sleepover in high school we ate Frosted Flakes with Dr. Pepper poured on it while watching Rocky Horror Picture Show and while I remember it being surprisingly good I have never tried it again.
posted by annathea at 4:00 PM on May 9, 2019

Count Chocula and clam chowder: I’m sorry, Diabolik, I just couldn’t bring myself to buy clam chowder and Count Chocula for the express purposes of combining them. But I did pair potato soup with Reese’s Puffs. See photo below.

Rating: No spoons awarded. I choose not to revisit it, even in print. I will forget it and you should, too. Some boxes were never meant to be open.

So in fact she didn't test the suggested combination at all. This is even worse than most episodes of Mythbusters.
posted by Hal Mumkin at 4:08 PM on May 9, 2019 [4 favorites]

This reminds me of this wonderful reddit thread from a few years, back, "What tasty food would be distusting if eaten over rice?", in which a 14 year old tries out and rates all suggested combinations of tasty foods + rice. There's something about how earnest the kid is, as well as how succinct he is (most combinations just get a score, a few get a very short comment -- his focus is definitely on trying and rating combinations, not on using those as a springboard for writing (not that there's anything wrong with that)).
posted by Bugbread at 4:47 PM on May 9, 2019 [1 favorite]

I've been drinking Zip Fizz in fruit punch flavor, which is like aggravated red Kool-Aid, and now I want to try it over Fruit Loops. Or maybe Corn Pops?
posted by Iris Gambol at 5:29 PM on May 9, 2019

My college roommate once tried Captain-and-Captain: Captain Crunch and Captain Morgan's. He said that the alcohol would seep inside the crunch nuggets, and give you a blast of booze when you bit in to them.

However, he did not choose to repeat the experiment.
posted by fings at 5:50 PM on May 9, 2019 [3 favorites]

Whole cream. It's how the gods take their cereal.
posted by Popular Ethics at 8:48 PM on May 9, 2019

What do you mean? Do you keep it in the fridge or something?

I don't keep this particular booze in my house, but when I was a bartender, yeah we kept it in the fridge. I would think that for pouring over cereal you'd want it cold too. Was the beer and the water etc. also room temp? Ew.
posted by axiom at 9:25 PM on May 9, 2019 [1 favorite]

We had an excess of buttermilk after some baking, so I tried using it on cereal. Result delicious, though I do like tangy/sour generally.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 11:07 PM on May 9, 2019 [2 favorites]

Yes to soy milk and shredded wheat! (Unsweetened Silk soy milk, of course.) I ran out of Silk one day and used cow milk on my cereal instead. It was DISGUSTING.
posted by maudlin at 11:24 PM on May 9, 2019 [1 favorite]

I was put on an elimination diet for a while as a kid, to find out if a food intolerance was behind a chronic illness. So, for what seemed like forever, my daily breakfast was unsweetened cereal with non-dairy coffee creamer. It was... not very good.
Apple juice was mentioned earlier; I still like that on some cereals. I also occasionally substitute it for water when making oatmeal.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 11:55 PM on May 9, 2019

Whole cream. It's how the gods take their cereal.

when i was very little and powered entirely by the force of my 5 year old's robust lactose tolerance i ate all my cereal like all my grandma's brothers did: with half-and-half. the glory days.
posted by poffin boffin at 1:41 AM on May 10, 2019 [2 favorites]

Plain Cheerios. Dry. Unsweetened. Eaten one at a time, without a spoon, as God intended.

In a different world, where health and children’s food weren’t ever in the room at the same time (the 80s, when the president pushed to classify ketchup as a vegetable to make school lunches even more terrible), there was a recipe, printed on the side of the box of Cheerios that, while delicious, probably had a lasting impact on my body:

Melt butter in frypan. Fry Cheerios in butter until golden(er) brown. Consume while warm. Shockingly good, though the Cheerios will shrink as they suck up the butter like a sponge, becoming unbelievably crunchy.
posted by Ghidorah at 5:26 AM on May 10, 2019 [1 favorite]

No skyr?
posted by acb at 5:31 AM on May 10, 2019

Seems like it took all the non-Zimaness out of the Guinness (which makes me think Zima is the sculpture and Guinness is the block of marble).

Nice metaphor, but illogical. The sculpture is whatever ended up in the filter. The Zima is the pile of stone chips on the floor of the studio. This points out a significant design flaw in the filter-pitcher: there is no way to access half the result! (Or maybe there is, I've never owned one).
posted by Gilgamesh's Chauffeur at 6:05 AM on May 10, 2019

One of my local ice creameries has a flavor called Secret Breakfast, which is bourbon flavored ice cream with corn flakes in it. It's pretty dang good, I have to say.
posted by aubilenon at 5:11 PM on May 10, 2019 [4 favorites]

No skyr?

Apparently ... the skyr's the limit.
posted by sebastienbailard at 3:59 AM on May 11, 2019 [3 favorites]

Fry Cheerios in butter until golden(er) brown. Consume while warm. Shockingly good, though the Cheerios will shrink as they suck up the butter like a sponge, becoming unbelievably crunchy.

These are also quite good fried with a bit of dried rosemary, I've found.
posted by holborne at 3:34 PM on May 15, 2019 [1 favorite]