If you're watching it, it is for you

June 28, 2019 12:24 PM

twitter: @ryansimmons

got another capitalism greatest hit. i will give you one hundred thousand dollars if you can guess the brand by the end

SPOILERS:
Yes, That Viral Boyhood-Style ⬛⬛⬛⬛ Ad Is Real
What The Fresh Hell Is Going On In This ⬛⬛⬛⬛ Ad?
This 2016 Brazilian ⬛⬛⬛⬛ Ad Is Fucking Wild - "It’s like if “Boyhood” was really about ⬛⬛⬛⬛ "

posted by the man of twists and turns (48 comments total)

I cannot stop showing this to everyone I know.
posted by Etrigan at 12:35 PM on June 28, 2019 [1 favorite]

When I watched this last night, I was like ... cotton? shoes? cars? oh, no - guns? razors? oh.
posted by Occula at 12:35 PM on June 28, 2019 [2 favorites]

Jon_snow 420 on Twitter:

don draper: when people think of ypur brand, they think of children. heres how we make that work for us

pete: as long as we dont show any prurient material of the child, i suppose
don: no, Campbell. we're going to show the child urinate
pete: but don

don: this child is born in blood and raised to piss
roger: I like the part where the kid peeps at a naked woman through a keyhole
don: the child's sexual awakening is crucial to the story, of your sandwiches
exec: when do we see the sandwhic
don: never

don: he's riding through the European countryside. he's ecstatic. the world is open to him, like the bathroom door of a naked woman. it's his choice of bread. his choice of meats, of veggies, of life itself

posted by rewil at 12:38 PM on June 28, 2019 [72 favorites]

I demand a FanFare thread.
posted by Etrigan at 12:38 PM on June 28, 2019 [10 favorites]

I definitely thought it was for a razor brand! (I also thought the woman he was peeping at was his mom, yikes.)
posted by sallybrown at 12:41 PM on June 28, 2019 [2 favorites]

roger: I like the part where the kid peeps at a naked woman through a keyhole

I hear this in John Slattery's voice
posted by the man of twists and turns at 12:41 PM on June 28, 2019 [11 favorites]

And this, of course, is EXACTLY what the marketers wanted to happen. Congratulations, internet, you played yourself.
posted by tobascodagama at 12:50 PM on June 28, 2019 [6 favorites]

Good news, everyone! You don't hear this in John Slattery's voice!
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 12:50 PM on June 28, 2019 [13 favorites]

Just noticed that this thread is getting all the attention while the thread about the oral history of the orgy in Eyes Wide Shut does not have a single comment. I feel like that means something.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:52 PM on June 28, 2019 [11 favorites]

Buzzfeed has the shorter ad that ran in Brazil with more salacious shots of sandwiche at the end
posted by numaner at 12:53 PM on June 28, 2019

the oral history of the orgy in Eyes Wide Shut does not have a single comment

honestly, it's because I've never seen the movie, but I plan to, so I tend to avoid anything about it
posted by numaner at 12:54 PM on June 28, 2019 [2 favorites]

I thought it was for some pro-traditional-family-values campaign.
posted by Vesihiisi at 12:57 PM on June 28, 2019 [2 favorites]

And this, of course, is EXACTLY what the marketers wanted to happen. Congratulations, internet, you played yourself.

I know they wanted this to happen, but does it really do anything? Does this increase the brand's market penetration or awareness? Is it likely that more than about eight people are going to think, no matter how subliminally, Huh, I haven't had ⬛⬛⬛⬛ lately....? This would be a great ad for something that wasn't already the most widespread business of its kind in the world.
posted by Etrigan at 12:59 PM on June 28, 2019 [5 favorites]

Oh man that is mega nasty

That is dog shit
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 1:00 PM on June 28, 2019 [4 favorites]

~ Deep Philosophical Video ~
posted by Rhaomi at 1:04 PM on June 28, 2019 [3 favorites]

Is the boy peeping on the woman supposed to be some sort of weird inversion of Jared Fogle?
posted by Big Al 8000 at 1:05 PM on June 28, 2019 [8 favorites]

I guess the good news is that he waited 25+ years for his first Subway sandwich. That's a victory... of sorts.
posted by helmutdog at 1:09 PM on June 28, 2019 [6 favorites]

Darn. I guessed Quiznos
posted by Ahmad Khani at 1:10 PM on June 28, 2019 [41 favorites]

There's a Subway story in the NYT today, I though about posting it, now I'm glad I didn't.

(although Elephant Day was Good Metafilter)
posted by Chrysostom at 1:18 PM on June 28, 2019 [2 favorites]

While Koyaanisqatsi is known for having no dialogue or narration, in actuality, the original director's cut ends on a prolonged, extreme close-up of a reptilian eye as a voiceover narrates: "15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance."
posted by mhum at 1:19 PM on June 28, 2019 [40 favorites]

Framing reminded me of these old TLP (mefi-controversial) articles. Fwiw.
posted by j_curiouser at 1:19 PM on June 28, 2019

> sandwiche

This rhymes with ceviche.
posted by overeducated_alligator at 1:34 PM on June 28, 2019 [13 favorites]

That reminds me of a small point of curiousity: barring the bonkers premise of this ad, do American advertising not do long-form, practically short movies, where you barely see mention of the company except maybe in the end? Over here it's mostly reserved for festivals but for example Thai ads are well-known for this (and tearjerkers like what this one wanted to be too).
posted by cendawanita at 1:40 PM on June 28, 2019 [1 favorite]

Like, this one about a landlady went viral 2 years ago and literally the only time you see the 7-11 logo is at the end splash screen.

(General tissue warning for Thai ads)
posted by cendawanita at 1:47 PM on June 28, 2019 [6 favorites]

do American advertising not do long-form, practically short movies, where you barely see mention of the company except maybe in the end?

Not often. In my memory, it's mostly done for special occasions in sports, like after someone wins a championship or ends a Hall of Fame career and they have a long association with a particular company.
posted by Etrigan at 1:48 PM on June 28, 2019 [1 favorite]

He's no Mefi's favorite™️ Jon Bois, but IMO Ryan Simmons is well on his way to being a national treasure.
posted by supercres at 1:49 PM on June 28, 2019

Oh... Then that certainly explains the reception. It's practically its own subgenre that I personally feel betrayed if the ad/short displays more visible brand or corporate synergy, like this Subway one.
posted by cendawanita at 2:06 PM on June 28, 2019 [1 favorite]

Like the first ad in this Filipino compilation... Would you have imagined it's from Vicks??
posted by cendawanita at 2:13 PM on June 28, 2019

don draper: when people think of ypur brand, they think of children. heres how we make that work for us

Is this a Jared joke?
posted by Reyturner at 2:16 PM on June 28, 2019 [4 favorites]

WHAT THE ENTIRE FUCK?
posted by taquito sunrise at 2:57 PM on June 28, 2019

So he wants to fuck the sandwich right?
posted by Automocar at 3:00 PM on June 28, 2019 [1 favorite]

So I saw this on twitter, skimmed the video to get the idea. I did not watch the whole thing.

Watching the whole thing is an experience far weirder than I expected.
posted by vibratory manner of working at 3:04 PM on June 28, 2019 [1 favorite]

Man he sure was broken up over the girlfriend finding a new beau.
posted by 922257033c4a0f3cecdbd819a46d626999d1af4a at 3:20 PM on June 28, 2019

Also Buzzfeed seeems to think he was peeping on his Mom.
posted by 922257033c4a0f3cecdbd819a46d626999d1af4a at 3:22 PM on June 28, 2019 [1 favorite]

Am I the only one who saw him shaving his head and had concern he was going full white supremacist?
posted by abulafa at 6:29 PM on June 28, 2019 [10 favorites]

Also Buzzfeed seeems to think he was peeping on his Mom

So did the AV Club. I don't know, is he?

Am I the only one who saw him shaving his head and had concern he was going full white supremacist?

Weirdly enough, I think that's exactly what they wanted us to wonder. There's a lot of dark, kind of shocking imagery here, designed to get us talking about how weird it is that we're seeing it in a freaking Subway ad. I mean, the kid peeps on a woman, and we see him pee!

It really plays like something from a cringe comedy about advertising where some arty, frustrated adman kind of snaps and creates an ad that's hilariously pretentious and wrong for the brand. Like, then the ad ends and we cut to all the other ad people watching it with shocked, appalled looks while the guy who made it is sitting there beaming. "So, what did you think??" And there's a long, awful moment while nobody answers.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 8:53 PM on June 28, 2019 [8 favorites]

Regret is the core of human freedom. Every choice you make will lead to it. Every choice you don't make will lead to it.
posted by jackbishop at 6:32 AM on June 29, 2019 [4 favorites]

Was this the last day of his life? His last act, ordering that Subway sandwich?
posted by agregoli at 7:05 AM on June 29, 2019 [3 favorites]

I think is was merely the culmination and climax of his life. The rest is denouement.
posted by paper chromatographologist at 7:10 AM on June 29, 2019 [4 favorites]

It is funny you don’t really see him eating anything else in the video. A romantic image of him savoring the taste of fresh fruit or home baked bread (by the peeped-on mom) might take away the realism of him being excited for a frankenmeat sandwich.
posted by sallybrown at 7:19 AM on June 29, 2019 [1 favorite]

Well, his life DID flash before his eyes.
posted by agregoli at 7:21 AM on June 29, 2019 [5 favorites]

So what do we think he got

Is he a meatball marinara man
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 8:08 AM on June 29, 2019 [3 favorites]

So what do we think he got

Turkey foot-long, extra mayo, no veggies, double swiss.
posted by 922257033c4a0f3cecdbd819a46d626999d1af4a at 1:31 PM on June 29, 2019 [2 favorites]

That is without a doubt the god-damnedest thing I ever saw.
posted by ob1quixote at 3:34 PM on June 29, 2019 [2 favorites]

That was far more surprising than I expected.
Also, I'm around someone a lot who says "peeping" for peeing. And it's not a word you use everyday. So all the comments of "was he peeping on his mom?" were really throwing me off. Like, I thought it was kind of odd, but apparently I missed something important.
posted by bongo_x at 2:36 PM on July 1, 2019 [1 favorite]

So what do we think he got

ROAST.
BEEF.
posted by numaner at 8:08 AM on July 2, 2019

Just noticed that this thread is getting all the attention while the thread about the oral history of the orgy in Eyes Wide Shut does not have a single comment. I feel like that means something.

I've never had an orgy, but you bet your beans I have had a footlong meatball with extra jalapenos and habanero sauce.
posted by turbid dahlia at 7:41 PM on July 3, 2019 [3 favorites]

I have had a footlong meatball with extra jalapenos and habanero sauce.

Funnily enough that's also a type of groupsex
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 10:17 PM on July 3, 2019 [1 favorite]