"It tastes like hot bread that a strawberry sneezed on"

September 10, 2019 12:33 PM

The hot thing on the internet is super-easy cooking "hacks"—weird food tricks using a few ingredients that are just intriguing enough to share, but not actually try. They're often delivered in the form of sped-up videos or GIFs, leave out key details, and are interesting precisely because they don't seem like they should work. But they do ... right? I mean, you can't lie on the internet. It's against the law. In the name of science, I picked out ten of these and actually tried the ones that seemed at least somewhat plausible.The results were predictably disastrous. (SLCracked)
posted by Johnny Wallflower (78 comments total)

h/t Miss Cellania (Blossom's food bullshit previously)
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 12:33 PM on September 10, 2019 [2 favorites]

"We serve food here, sir", as seen through a dark mirror.
posted by mhoye at 12:47 PM on September 10, 2019 [1 favorite]

It's all about the clicks.
posted by Pendragon at 12:52 PM on September 10, 2019 [1 favorite]

You know those super sketchy AI-generated nightmare fuel YouTube videos for kids?

Cooking hack videos are probably created using similar processes.
posted by jacquilynne at 12:54 PM on September 10, 2019 [14 favorites]

Their food articles are the best.
posted by Melismata at 12:57 PM on September 10, 2019

I hadn't come across any of these "recipes" before. I was hoping the writer would have tested some of the enticing ones I had seen on Facebook so I could find out whether they worked or not. I doubt I'd even be tempted to try any of these.

I did try a Facebook-circulated recipe for black bean brownies once, and while they tasted okay -- nothing special, just okay -- they made me look as though I'd been chewing on black tar. I had a hell of a time getting my teeth and gums cleaned up again after I'd eaten any of them. I'd brush and brush and keep spitting out black water and looking despairingly at my black-rimmed teeth in the mirror until I wondered if I'd ever have white teeth and pink gums again. I'll stick with my mom's brownie recipe, thanks, which everyone I've ever made it for raves over and compares to crack -- but in a good way.
posted by orange swan at 12:58 PM on September 10, 2019 [10 favorites]

I'm still more curious than I should be how the grilled cheese vodka would actually taste, and sad it didn't actually make the cut, though it probably would have taken awhile. Not that I think it would be good. This is definitely the dangerous kind of curiosity.
posted by Sequence at 1:01 PM on September 10, 2019 [2 favorites]

Yet PopSugar's YouTube channel has a recipe for melting cheddar cheese in the microwave, then using a mold to make it into a shot glass, which you then fill with wine.

good god
posted by sallybrown at 1:01 PM on September 10, 2019 [15 favorites]

Somehow Facebook has decided that I like "lifehack" videos where some anonymous pair of hands fashions a simple device from random pieces of plastic and a small motor and a battery. And honestly, I watch them every time. But they're garbage. They're terrible. No one should make any of them. They're garbage MADE OUT OF garbage.

But they generate video views I guess.
posted by GuyZero at 1:06 PM on September 10, 2019 [4 favorites]

I chose Jeff Bezos' Blue Origin rocket taking off in two glorious plumes of smoke

She misspelled "plums".
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:07 PM on September 10, 2019 [7 favorites]

Somehow Facebook has decided that I like "lifehack" videos where some anonymous pair of hands fashions a simple device from random pieces of plastic and a small motor and a battery.

Every time I see one of these, my gut reaction is that it must be a parody of some kind. But I don't know how I would tell the difference.
posted by tobascodagama at 1:20 PM on September 10, 2019 [2 favorites]

My daughter made one from Oreos, cookie dough, and brownie mix that she found on such and such website maybe Tumblr I can't remember. Other than being overdosed in Oreos, it was pretty good.

The cooking chicken and veggies in the dishwasher in a mason jar is ok too, but we normally run our dishwasher at night, not right before dinner so the timing is all wrong.
posted by The_Vegetables at 1:22 PM on September 10, 2019

ohhh, my.... it's uh. It's a....it's a... IT'S A ROCKET SHIP
posted by zenon at 1:27 PM on September 10, 2019 [5 favorites]

I see several of these involve eggs, and yet somehow none of the eggs are bigger than before. What sort of lifehacks are these with smaller, non-discolored eggs?
posted by Copronymus at 1:29 PM on September 10, 2019 [15 favorites]

I was hoping they tried one of the ridiculously elaborate ones like the pizzadilla.
posted by mbrubeck at 1:30 PM on September 10, 2019 [7 favorites]

This new pivot of yours into “weird food stuff” is delightful Johnny and I am here for it.
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 1:33 PM on September 10, 2019 [27 favorites]

overdosed in Oreos

I know all these words but in this combination they make no sense
posted by phearlez at 1:39 PM on September 10, 2019 [12 favorites]

These remind me of an old Weight Watchers book my grandmother had when I was maybe 12. In one recipe, the hapless dieter was instructed to make "Diet gingerbread" (they used terms like "diet" back then, seems so quaint now) by scrambling eggs, adding vanilla, and then ripping up raisin bread into pieces and squishing the resulting large breadcrumbs together with the egg. Then you put the whole mess into a cake pan and baked for X minutes. No surprise, it came out like baked eggs with some breadcrumbs in. A breadcrumb frittata, if you will. Whatever it was, it was not gingerbread, diet or otherwise.
posted by holborne at 1:41 PM on September 10, 2019 [21 favorites]

This new pivot of yours into “weird food stuff” is delightful Johnny and I am here for it.

But I can't shake this foreboding feeling that he's going to progress from food to digestion to...more poop posts.
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:47 PM on September 10, 2019 [20 favorites]

Greg_ace shut your damn mouth.
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 1:51 PM on September 10, 2019 [23 favorites]

Oh holborne! My mom had that WW cookbook too, but I'm pretty sure that raisin bread monstrosity was their idea of "diet bread pudding." The reason I'm thinking so is because I gag whenever someone brings up bread pudding even though I know actual bread pudding is a completely different animal.
posted by queensissy at 1:56 PM on September 10, 2019 [3 favorites]

The Youtube channel "How To Cook That" every so often does a trial run of some of these videos to check them out. She also recently did an investigation into a similar video which was purporting to be about "how to tell if your food is safe or has impurities" or some such twaddle.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:58 PM on September 10, 2019 [9 favorites]

I was just writing a comment to link to How To Cook That, but EmpressCallipygos beat me to it. It sounds like a lot "cooking hacks" content is dreamt up whole cloth to be shared on social media.
posted by jomato at 2:04 PM on September 10, 2019 [1 favorite]

I've done the banana-egg pancake thing and it's... ok. It's not really as bad as the article makes out, but it's also not going to fool anyone into thinking they are eating real pancakes. The cinnamon does mask the egginess enough to make them pass for a crepe. The thing is you need a banana soft enough to get an even puree or you just have banana chunks distributed through slightly sweet scrambled eggs. It's the sort of thing you pull out in a pinch when you find out one person at your brunch can't have gluten but you've planned everything around pancake toppings.
posted by Karmakaze at 2:04 PM on September 10, 2019 [8 favorites]

Weight Watchers is also responsible for the snack my mother used to fix us that was cheese on top of a piece of turkey pepperoni zapped in the microwave until it was the texture of jerky.

Weird old diet recipes would be a great FPP.
posted by sallybrown at 2:07 PM on September 10, 2019 [4 favorites]

Weird old anything recipes would be a great FPP.
posted by Melismata at 2:08 PM on September 10, 2019 [1 favorite]

queensissy, you're probably right! Whatever it was, there was no excuse for it.
posted by holborne at 2:12 PM on September 10, 2019 [1 favorite]

"Melt Cheese In The Toaster, And Also Melt Your Kitchen"

True story: I grew up with toaster ovens as a kid. We had one, my grandparents had one, and I think some friends had one (or I didn't pay attention to my friends' kitchens). I thought that toaster ovens were current or modern, where the pop-up toasters where whimsically vintage, only to learn that people still bought these things.

My wife had a pop-up toaster, which became our toaster when we got married. A few years ago, I tried this, and either because of the cheese or historic collection of crumbs, I broke our pop-up toaster. Well, only half of it. But that makes for a less than ideal situation.

We got a toaster oven, and my wife is now pretty fond of it, though she was skeptical of it before we bought it. And I've melted plenty of cheese on toast (and tortillas, and re-heated pizza, and so much more), which makes me very happy.

I recently had something that sounds like it may have been inspired by this no-bake pop tart ice cream pie, which is crushed poptart + sweetened condensed milk and whipped cream + a freezer. And it tastes bad. I kept eating it, because I kind of liked the flavor of the "ice cream," but I gave up, because it kept tasting worse than I could trick myself into thinking it could taste. The kids loved them, though.
posted by filthy light thief at 2:12 PM on September 10, 2019 [8 favorites]

I was hoping they tried one of the ridiculously elaborate ones like the pizzadilla.

The pizzadilla is more disgusting than anything on the other horrible food pairing posts, and I stand by that.
posted by sciatrix at 2:14 PM on September 10, 2019

MetaFilter: a pecan serves as the wick
posted by chavenet at 2:15 PM on September 10, 2019 [4 favorites]

MetaFilter: worse than I could trick myself into thinking
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 2:20 PM on September 10, 2019 [9 favorites]

Metafilter: paw through a jar of vodka-soaked bread and wring it out into a coffee filter before drinking the resulting gruel.
posted by bleep at 2:25 PM on September 10, 2019 [9 favorites]

It's simply the highest achieving sentence I've ever seen.
posted by bleep at 2:26 PM on September 10, 2019 [9 favorites]

Where I work, there is a kitchen that is pretty well stocked - cold cuts, bread, veggies, cheese, eggs, snacks like chips and cookies. The kitchen has ranges and toaster ovens.

We've had a few "Iron Chef" contests where everyone was limited to the food and very limited equipment in the kitchen. Various successful (meaning, good and tasty) dishes included:

• Chili rellenos encrusted with crushed Doritos, stuffed with Baby Bel cheese with a sriracha and yogurt sauce.
• Spanish tortilla made with potato chips.
• Lasagna al Fredo with spinach, pears and salami (noodles were saltine crackers)
• Apple tart with crushed Milano cookies crust, spiced with the sifted contents of a flavored instant oatmeal packet and lemon soda.
• Chocolate meringue pie with filling made from Swiss Miss powered cocoa mix, crushed milano cookies and a packet of Nutella equivalent.
• Ice cream made with the ziploc bag, (table) salt and ice method, with half-and-half and Swiss Miss mix or a chai tea mix.
• Earl Grey flan.

I often make pretty tasty pancakes made with instant oatmeal, egg and a little sugar.
Now that we no longer stock Milano cookies, I can no longer make my 5 minute chocolate mug cake with crushed Mialnos, egg, Swiss Miss and Nutella.
posted by ShooBoo at 2:28 PM on September 10, 2019 [12 favorites]

It is strangely heartening to see that future generations will have more than enough examples for their own, future, Galleries of Regrettable Food.
posted by bonehead at 2:30 PM on September 10, 2019 [10 favorites]

First of all, I had an extremely exasperating day that involved approximately two hours dealing with my internet provider (which has been charging me for internet at my new house without actually providing it), and I was giggling all the way through this. So thanks.

The only successful recipe I've come across from these vids is for cake mix cookies (box mix + two eggs + 1/2 cup oil + add-ins). I mean, they're cakey cookies (or brownie-y cookies), but when you want a quick chocolate hit--I tend to go for triple fudge mix + high-end chocolate chips--they're pretty effective.
posted by thomas j wise at 2:53 PM on September 10, 2019

Hamburger pie regrettable? I had been wondering what to fix for dinner, so thanks, bonehead.
posted by MtDewd at 2:53 PM on September 10, 2019

I was always wondering about those pancakes, and now I don't have to wonder anymore. Thank you.
posted by jessamyn at 2:55 PM on September 10, 2019

Honestly hot bread with strawberry snot sounds right up my alley
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 2:56 PM on September 10, 2019 [4 favorites]

1. ShooBoo, I would love to know more about your instant oatmeal pancakes.

2. Tasty video recipes are fascinating to me for the production values, but I have tried at least one that is EXCELLENT and became a go-to for me. That said, some of them are clearly cobbled together for clicks, because a million people sharing a video and going "can you BELIEVE THIS GARBAGE" is tragically a profitable business model.
posted by a fiendish thingy at 2:57 PM on September 10, 2019 [1 favorite]

Instant Oatmeal Pancakes

2 packets regular instant oatmeal
2 packets sugar (2 t)
1 egg
1/2 cup water
1 pat butter (1/2 Tb)

• Add 1 packet of instant oatmeal to a bowl.
• Measure 1/2 cup water by filling one empty oatmeal packet with water to the marked 2/3 cup line printed on the packet (yes, what the packet says is 2/3 cup is only 1/2 cup. 2/3 cup will make the batter to thin).
• Cook for 1 minute in microwave.
• The oatmeal needs to cool before adding the egg. Transfer the oatmeal to another bowl, spread it as thin as possible (for faster cooling), and let it cool down for about five minutes.
• Preheat the pan by turning on stove and putting pan on burner to medium-high.
• Add the other package of oatmeal, the egg and sugar to the cooled oatmeal and mix thoroughly. If batter seems to thick, add a little water.
• Drip the butter into the batter while stirring, then mix thoroughly.
• Use a spatula to spread the remaining butter over the surface of the pan.
• Pour the batter into pan to make pancakes (I usually make three in in two batches, one with two pancakes, one with one).
• Peek under the pancakes to check if they’re nicely browned and ready to flip.
• Flip and cook the other side.
• Eat!

You can also used the flavored oatmeal packets, but leave out the sugar.
For savory pancakes, I sometimes make them with some sauteed onions, a couple of chopped pieces of bacon, and a slice of chopped cheddar cheese mixed in the batter.
posted by ShooBoo at 3:07 PM on September 10, 2019 [15 favorites]

I've made a few of the Tasty recipes, but I always click over to their site and get the actual recipe - it's often hard to find, though - there's almost never a direct link from the video (hmmm...). I liked a few of their recipes enough to make again, though I imagine if I googled for recipes to make them I'd find versions with more nuanced spicing or techniques.

Was all set to link to the amazing Ann Reardon's videos debunking Blossom, so I'm glad to see that EmpressCallpygos beat me to it.
posted by Mchelly at 3:10 PM on September 10, 2019 [1 favorite]

which everyone I've ever made it for raves over and compares to crack -- but in a good way.

I mean, crack isn't considered bad because don't enjoy it.

Just a matter of whether the indulgence will lead to gaining or losing weight.
posted by flaterik at 3:15 PM on September 10, 2019 [2 favorites]

...because a million people sharing a video and going "can you BELIEVE THIS GARBAGE" is tragically a profitable business model.

This whole thread reminds me of the old SNL "sour milk" sketch with Tom Hanks.
posted by jeremias at 3:27 PM on September 10, 2019 [5 favorites]

She misspelled "plums".

i have lifehacked
the plumes
that were in
the buzzfeed

and that you
were saying
what happens next
would shock me

forgive me
they were ridiculous
so clicky
and so bait
posted by mhoye at 3:29 PM on September 10, 2019 [28 favorites]

I would like to know how exactly the author knows what pediatric cancer tastes like...
posted by hoodrich at 4:39 PM on September 10, 2019

I would like to know how exactly the author knows what pediatric cancer tastes like...

Maybe they're just huge fans of Let Me Eat Your Pancreas, a show about childhood cancer that I refuse to watch based on the name alone.
posted by pwnguin at 4:54 PM on September 10, 2019 [4 favorites]

The thing where Facebook learns from how long you watch a video has hilarious failure modes. The gross food hacks are one.

But also, like, Facebook is convinced I am dying to spend all my money on bras. Facebook shows me all kinds of specialty bras: straight size, plus size, big cups, small cups, frilly, sporty, ethically made, child-labor-stravaganza — it's pretty sure I am waiting with bated fucking breath to find the right one. And when I do, boy howdy, I will drop hundreds, no, thousands of dollars on it, and Facebook will be glad it played the long game showing me bra promo videos for all these years.

And I just. I don't wear bras, Facebook. I'm just a lesbian. If you show me videos with scantily clad women I will watch them.
posted by nebulawindphone at 5:47 PM on September 10, 2019 [47 favorites]

Hey, everyone, I think you're forgetting about the true food-hack that is the bacon wrapped pizza burrito. It's good to know that Cosmo is branching out into other places to give their patented good advice.
posted by lkc at 5:53 PM on September 10, 2019

a) lilek's!!!!
b) "this ends up tasting like Christmasy eggs that once thought of a banana"
posted by j_curiouser at 7:04 PM on September 10, 2019

Youtube is the spice weasel of stupidity. Bam!
posted by sneebler at 7:08 PM on September 10, 2019 [3 favorites]

The cake mix/eggs/oil cookies sound like something we have in our house sometimes. (I don't do the baking, fuzzy on proportions.) However, they go from meh, it's a cookie, to the most popular thing at potlucks by putting icing between two of them. Traditionally cream cheese flavoured commercial icing from a plastic tub ("may contain traces of dairy"), but better with some sort of soft homemade icing. We never have additions in the cookies themselves.

Otherwise, wow, those "recipes" are, um, interesting. The variety I've seen always seems to include cool whip. I was surprised by the lack of cool whip here.
posted by sillyman at 7:41 PM on September 10, 2019

Metafilter: Fuzzy on proportions
posted by Greg_Ace at 7:43 PM on September 10, 2019 [1 favorite]

I was hoping they tried one of the ridiculously elaborate ones like the pizzadilla

Is that a reference to this incredible Twitter thread from a few weeks ago (also viewable as a Moment with some reactions embedded)? If not, enjoy!
posted by acidic at 7:45 PM on September 10, 2019 [1 favorite]

Please note that I have done the car cookie baking thing, with other people, in an actual car, and what we got was just-north-of-raw cookie dough: not done enough to even qualify as an underdone cookie, but extra delicious for being warm. A failure, but no real regrets.
posted by Halloween Jack at 8:03 PM on September 10, 2019 [2 favorites]

I hated the site & it kept reloading, but I thoroughly annoyed my family with my cackling about this. But this post is my favorite in the genre.
posted by gryphonlover at 8:46 PM on September 10, 2019

Ah, the post’s main link is dead :( Here’s a new version.
posted by gryphonlover at 8:50 PM on September 10, 2019 [1 favorite]

Okay, now imagine the Weight Watchers recipe cards, "Rosy Perfection Salad," in Kate McKinnon's voice.
This is disturbing.
posted by TrishaU at 9:58 PM on September 10, 2019

Note: this is from gryphonlover's post. Still very disturbing.
posted by TrishaU at 10:00 PM on September 10, 2019

"True" story time - I'm fairly certain my mom created (as in wrote) some of those WW cards. She was doing freelance writing for them during that time.
posted by drewbage1847 at 10:24 PM on September 10, 2019 [5 favorites]

The point of car cookies isn't a food hack; it's to enable a topic of conversation when it's 40C outside for a week. The fact it takes the better part of a day isn't a draw back; it's a feature. Throw those puppies up on the dash facing the sun at morning coffee and you've got warm cookies on tap for the ride home.

PS: you can make beef jerky in a car on a nice hot, sunny day too. Conditions are just about perfect. Barely crack a window to let moisture out and use a fan to keep the air moving. A two door fast back with a large rear window is the perfect car. Lots of glass with a small interior volume. Face the car NNW to maximize solar gain.
posted by Mitheral at 10:42 PM on September 10, 2019 [2 favorites]

Three cups flour (so like 400g? I dunno, you'll need more for dusting anyway), tablespoon baking powder, half teaspoon salt, one can or small bottle of beer. Mix, flatten, toppings, 15m at 200°C. Beer pizza.

I tend to use a jar of red pepper pesto for the sauce. It's easier to add flour to beer than vice-versa but don't mix the baking powder or salt right into the bowl of beer right away or it'll froth up too soon. You just get the beer/flour proportion by feel. Is it dry enough to flatten out yet?

It's not that messy once you get good at managing the flour. I stir with the handle of a wooden spoon as in the No-Knead Bread videos. Parchment paper helps a lot, but it's even better if you grease it first.
posted by rum-soaked space hobo at 12:13 AM on September 11, 2019 [1 favorite]

Actual, working leftover pizza hack: Stick it in the sandwich maker. Much better than using the oven, microwave, skillet or, you know, eating it cold.
posted by Harald74 at 12:26 AM on September 11, 2019 [2 favorites]

Additional leftover pizza hack: make french toast out of it. I think I read that here...
posted by hototogisu at 3:19 AM on September 11, 2019 [1 favorite]

I have leftover pizza. This is relevant to me.
posted by TrishaU at 3:28 AM on September 11, 2019 [1 favorite]

I gave up trying to count the ads on that page, not because I can't count to probably less than two hundred, but because I realized that I can't remember when I looked at an article like this and it wasn't infested with obviously-scammy ads (though the constant "scroll past this next offense to continue reading" notices were an innovative touch). I mean, what percentage of people actually click on the avocado-with-an-egg-in-it to find out what "vegetable gut doctors plead with you to never eat again?" It's like we decided to fund all public spaces with ponzi scheme booths.

I too tried the "banana and egg with a little spice 'pancake' recipe," because grandchildren. It looks enough like a pancake that they were satisfied and tastes little enough like a pancake that I would never bother for anyone else.
posted by Gilgamesh's Chauffeur at 6:51 AM on September 11, 2019 [1 favorite]

Anyway, you simmer until the bears are completely dissolved and let cool for ? hours.

That sounds suspiciously like hot wood glue.

I wonder if you could make wood glue with gummy bears.

[Googles]

Maybe.

Lifehack.
posted by clawsoon at 8:13 AM on September 11, 2019 [4 favorites]

It's like we decided to fund all public spaces with ponzi scheme booths.

So, once it became super clear that advertising "real" things on the internet doesn't actually work because almost no one looks at ads, clicks on them or buys things from, shitty scams are all that are left. They prey on the dumb and susceptible to stupid advertising, so they better capture the market among the few people who look at, click on or buy things from ads anyway.
posted by jacquilynne at 8:18 AM on September 11, 2019 [1 favorite]

I mean, what percentage of people actually click on the avocado-with-an-egg-in-it to find out what "vegetable gut doctors plead with you to never eat again?"

You are more likely to become a Navy SEAL than click a banner ad.
posted by Mchelly at 9:17 AM on September 11, 2019 [1 favorite]

You are more likely to become a Navy SEAL than click a banner ad:

8% of internet users account for 85% of clicks

So, 8% of the internet is Russian botnets? Good to have a number on that.
posted by jacquilynne at 9:28 AM on September 11, 2019

Judging by the number of "toolbars" and "extensions" I've seen on a small minority of family members' computers (more often than not kids now that even their grandparents know not to click on random stuff anymore), there are a few real people out there like this. Unless they're secretly doing piece-work for the Russian mob. Which is possible I suppose.
posted by bonehead at 9:50 AM on September 11, 2019

"this ends up tasting like Christmasy eggs that once thought of a banana." Wait, is that supposed to be a bad thing? Christmasy eggs seems great, but I'm only hesitant about the banana memories.

And how is no one mentioning the flan? eggs loosely shaken with marchmallows and microwaved for 10 minutes?! That reminds me of an evil thing I've wanted to do since highschool to someone I hated, but I never hated someone enough while also having access to their kitchen?

You know how marshmallows expand in the microwave, and how impossibly gooey-sticky they get? Dump a bag or two of marshmallows into their microwave, set it for 6 minutes and leave... my main concern would be that the time is high enough to expand the marshmallows, while not being high enough to start an actual fire. I suspect that 2 bags would be too much, and if the marshmallows are constrained from maximum expansion might be less goey-sticky.
posted by nobeagle at 10:57 AM on September 11, 2019

Additional leftover pizza hack: make french toast out of it.

Allo, la police? Oui. Oui, c’est un urgence.
posted by mhoye at 1:58 PM on September 11, 2019 [5 favorites]

Other things you can do with leftover pizza:

* Eat it cold, seriously it's fine
* Heat it up, seriously it's fine
posted by tobascodagama at 2:22 PM on September 11, 2019 [5 favorites]

I'm not sure I understand what you people mean by "leftover pizza."
posted by webmutant at 6:32 PM on September 11, 2019 [1 favorite]

Dump a bag or two of marshmallows into their microwave, set it for 6 minutes and leave...

This is actually pretty close to the recipe my brother and I found in a cookbook GE published focused on microwave recipes for rice krispy treats. It turns out that after a while the marshmallows stop expanding and then start melting. It works pretty well, provided the container is sufficiently large to cope with the temporary superexpansion.
posted by pwnguin at 7:47 PM on September 11, 2019 [1 favorite]

Car/cookie one makes me think of Michael Scott's George Foreman Grill bacon.
posted by Chrysostom at 8:40 PM on September 11, 2019

Dump a bag or two of marshmallows into their microwave, set it for 6 minutes and leave...

... the country?
posted by mhoye at 6:40 AM on September 12, 2019 [5 favorites]