The Toll Of #MeToo
September 30, 2019 11:10 AM Subscribe
Writing for The Cut, Rebecca Traister seeks to talk about the cost of #MeToo - not for the accused, but for those who came forward, as a foreword to the experience of 25 people who came forward to expose their abusers, and the experience in their own words.
yeah, I’m a survivor who started talking in the ‘90s, I know [jes skolnik / twitter]
posted by mykescipark at 1:30 PM on September 30, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by mykescipark at 1:30 PM on September 30, 2019 [2 favorites]
I would never tell. It seems like whistleblowing: it ruins your life but most likely does not ruin theirs.
Not that it's really happened to me yet so it hasn't become a dilemma, but ...I would not tell. The cost is too high, guaranteed to be bad, and the odds of the bad guy getting it are low.
posted by jenfullmoon at 11:36 PM on September 30, 2019 [2 favorites]
Not that it's really happened to me yet so it hasn't become a dilemma, but ...I would not tell. The cost is too high, guaranteed to be bad, and the odds of the bad guy getting it are low.
posted by jenfullmoon at 11:36 PM on September 30, 2019 [2 favorites]
I finally gathered the courage to click on this.
I've told, multiple times, and not told once when I really, really should have.
Despite everything, I will tell if it ever happens again. I'm at a point in my life at which I'm a) not willing to stand for this shit and b) only responsible for myself, so no one gets away with it ever again with me.
For the record, none of my bad guys have been prosecuted, but a couple have been fired from the companies at which they harassed me, which is honestly better than I expected.
posted by wellred at 9:46 AM on October 2, 2019 [9 favorites]
I've told, multiple times, and not told once when I really, really should have.
Despite everything, I will tell if it ever happens again. I'm at a point in my life at which I'm a) not willing to stand for this shit and b) only responsible for myself, so no one gets away with it ever again with me.
For the record, none of my bad guys have been prosecuted, but a couple have been fired from the companies at which they harassed me, which is honestly better than I expected.
posted by wellred at 9:46 AM on October 2, 2019 [9 favorites]
I always thought I'd report if something happened, and then... he was in my cohort, there was a lot of alcohol involved, my wife and I are poly and queer and we work somewhere that's okay but in a state where it's not really okay, there was no physical evidence (he was a careful jackass). One of my best friends didn't even categorize it as assault. I didn't report. I'm mostly okay, the occasional nightmare (last week, sigh) and panic attack notwithstanding.
But I did tell enough people in my cohort who believed me and supported me, I have friends who got him blackballed in the kink circles in his new state, I found out eventually that he'd come back from the trip it happened on and confessed to a mutual friend. It'll do.
Much, much, all love to those who do report from the rest of us, and thank you.
posted by joycehealy at 5:35 PM on October 2, 2019 [6 favorites]
But I did tell enough people in my cohort who believed me and supported me, I have friends who got him blackballed in the kink circles in his new state, I found out eventually that he'd come back from the trip it happened on and confessed to a mutual friend. It'll do.
Much, much, all love to those who do report from the rest of us, and thank you.
posted by joycehealy at 5:35 PM on October 2, 2019 [6 favorites]
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posted by bibliotropic at 1:01 PM on September 30, 2019 [7 favorites]