For the new year, something different. How about a little off the top?

December 17, 2019 5:20 PM

sl_boing_boing above the fold doing the heavy lifting. NSFW/Heresy below. Depending on job and beliefs YMMV extremely. But to be safe...

What ever happened to the foreskin of Jesus? Many links to follow in the Boing Boing link. And many on MeFi previously.

posted by a non mouse, a cow herd (25 comments total)

My theory? It's obvious: the Catholic church recovered the relic so that they might create a clone army of Foreskin Jesuses (Jesusii?) to dominate the world.

This roughly the equivalent of the Lombards switching the relic on Leo II. Silly goose, you cannot dominate anything on a dudes philosophy of love.
posted by clavdivs at 5:51 PM on December 17, 2019 [2 favorites]

My piece I give to you.
posted by Bee'sWing at 5:57 PM on December 17, 2019 [5 favorites]

I have had this particular item on my Christmas list for _ages_.

Santa, you disappoint me.
posted by delfin at 5:57 PM on December 17, 2019

EBENEZER SCROOGE. You have denied mankind an essential cultural relic, as a consequence, you shall be visited upon by three appendages, the first at one. We'll squeeze the other two in next.

ponderous chains, bro.
Marley.
posted by clavdivs at 6:06 PM on December 17, 2019 [2 favorites]

The Vatican was just pissed because Calcata was getting a lot of offerings but the Church wasn't getting their cut.
posted by under_petticoat_rule at 6:10 PM on December 17, 2019 [3 favorites]

Just what we need for Christmas - a res-erection.
posted by zaixfeep at 6:40 PM on December 17, 2019 [3 favorites]

Pretty sure I've seen the right hand of John the Baptist in two different places (Anatolia and Bavaria, IIRC). Surely they can just find another foreskin?
posted by pompomtom at 7:14 PM on December 17, 2019 [3 favorites]

The Vatican agents who stole the foreskin were acting on a tip.
posted by under_petticoat_rule at 7:35 PM on December 17, 2019 [13 favorites]

Jesus was obviously intact because nobody had a Kryptonite knife to cut him.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 10:32 PM on December 17, 2019

Maybe the Pope just wanted a sanctified version of the Sourtoe Cocktail for the Eucharist.
posted by under_petticoat_rule at 11:27 PM on December 17, 2019 [3 favorites]

It moved around a bit

Hmm.
posted by pracowity at 5:19 AM on December 18, 2019 [3 favorites]

Not a recent question, there were enough Jesus foreskins floating around during the crusades to make a quilt.
posted by aspersioncast at 5:45 AM on December 18, 2019 [1 favorite]

See also: pieces of the true cross.
posted by aspersioncast at 5:46 AM on December 18, 2019

Moils didn't charge a lot for their services back then. But they made it up in tips.

(I'll show myself out.)
posted by ZenMasterThis at 6:24 AM on December 18, 2019

Didn't it ascend into the heavens to become the rings of Saturn? I heard that somewhere.
posted by rhamphorhynchus at 6:26 AM on December 18, 2019

Not a recent question, there were enough Jesus foreskins floating around during the crusades to make a quilt.

Heck, you could slipcover an ark!
posted by GenjiandProust at 7:07 AM on December 18, 2019 [1 favorite]

And you could build the ark and more from the pieces of the True Cross at the same time.
posted by mermayd at 9:21 AM on December 18, 2019

Pro Life Tip
posted by Morpeth at 10:07 AM on December 18, 2019 [2 favorites]

that which you do to the least of my peehole
posted by cortex at 10:22 AM on December 18, 2019 [3 favorites]

god invented calamari rings to make the quest for the Holy Foreskin more difficult
posted by a halcyon day at 12:13 PM on December 18, 2019 [1 favorite]

QI: How Big Was Jesus's Foreskin?
posted by Paul Slade at 12:23 PM on December 18, 2019

whoah, boing boing has moved beyond monetizing low-value linkage to other people's work and/or affiliate links to consumer stuff that'll increase your personal cyberpunkness metrics?

_{and all it took was a bit of God's wang?}
posted by Sauce Trough at 1:24 PM on December 18, 2019

My family owns several pieces of the True Cross, passed down from Georgian Royalty*, but I'm pretty sure my Godmother never mentioned having *this*.

*This is true insofar as I have seen little blackened pieces of wood encased in crystal embedded in a golden Orthodox Cross. I didn't carbon-date them, however.
posted by acrasis at 4:38 PM on December 18, 2019

Re: boingboing: Yeah. About twice a year I peek back over there and quickly close the tab.

They really should have just folded the damn thing in 2007. Now it's like a symbol for people becoming in their middle years the thing they hated in their twenties.
posted by aspersioncast at 5:06 AM on December 19, 2019 [1 favorite]

Then Jesus took the jar of mayonaise, and opened it, saying, "This is my.."

And John the Beloved spoke and said, "Hold it right there, Jesus!"
posted by Goofyy at 11:14 AM on December 19, 2019 [2 favorites]