Of Twenty-Two North American Birds

January 20, 2020 6:26 AM

From the Cornell Lab of Ornithology, What bird are you most like?
posted by jjray (102 comments total)

Mallard.
I'm good with that. I was in fear of being a $%@&$*! Canada Goose. Nasty waste of feathers, those.
posted by Thorzdad at 6:31 AM on January 20, 2020 [2 favorites]

It guessed correctly. I am an actual mourning dove. Coo.
posted by pracowity at 6:31 AM on January 20, 2020 [11 favorites]

YES!!
I'M A CROW!!!

Now my day is made.
posted by Zumbador at 6:35 AM on January 20, 2020 [15 favorites]

I am a blue jay and I am ok with that.
posted by jjray at 6:36 AM on January 20, 2020 [5 favorites]

Screech owl. I would not have minded being a corvid, and vultures aren't on the list, so I'll take it.
posted by jeather at 6:36 AM on January 20, 2020 [1 favorite]

Screech owl. Boo. I mean, whoo.
posted by Old'n'Busted at 6:37 AM on January 20, 2020 [6 favorites]

Northern Cardinal. "You’re fairly low-key about most things, but sometimes want to protect your personal space from others." Yes.
posted by solotoro at 6:39 AM on January 20, 2020 [1 favorite]

I'm a freaking chickadee because chickadees are apparently a mess of low-energy neuroses, which I wouldn't have expected, given how peppy they seem in my backyard. But, y'know, maybe that's just their outward show, and inside they're constantly worried about how they appear to the more emotionally stable, popular birds.
posted by mittens at 6:40 AM on January 20, 2020 [11 favorites]

I'm a crow.

This is the most satisfying internet quiz result I have ever experienced.
posted by box at 6:40 AM on January 20, 2020 [9 favorites]

I'm a Red-Tailed Hawk. This seems oddly fitting.
posted by helloknitty at 6:43 AM on January 20, 2020 [5 favorites]

Raven!
best quiz ever
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 6:43 AM on January 20, 2020 [9 favorites]

I am a great horned owl. Apparently.
posted by pemberkins at 6:43 AM on January 20, 2020 [2 favorites]

I'm a goldfinch, which is a very good-looking bird.

And I'm a middle-of-road to low-key sort of person, so I wasn't expecting one of the more dramatic species.
posted by Nancy Lebovitz at 6:44 AM on January 20, 2020 [1 favorite]

Also a mallard. Domestic duck. Not surprised.
posted by dlugoczaj at 6:52 AM on January 20, 2020 [1 favorite]

I really thought I was a corvid, but turns out I'm an American Kestrel.

I was in fear of being a $%@&$*! Canada Goose. Nasty waste of feathers, those.

No! :< They're all good birds, Brent.
posted by nirblegee at 6:52 AM on January 20, 2020 [10 favorites]

(although it just occurred to me that it's a little ironic that I'm a mallard because I have a lifelong fear of ducks, since I was bitten on the lip by one when I was four years old and still have a small scar at 47. I am what I most fear. THAT'S about damn right.)
posted by dlugoczaj at 6:53 AM on January 20, 2020 [7 favorites]

This quiz is flawed, it says that I am not a duck.
posted by Gray Duck at 7:01 AM on January 20, 2020 [31 favorites]

I an extremely pleased to be a great horned owl, one of my top ten favourite birds. They are so cool and big and silent and kill efficiently. #goals.
posted by dorothyisunderwood at 7:07 AM on January 20, 2020 [12 favorites]

I am also So Raven
posted by PistachioRoux at 7:14 AM on January 20, 2020 [7 favorites]

I am a Red-tailed Hawk!

(Miss you rtha)
posted by jaruwaan at 7:15 AM on January 20, 2020 [11 favorites]

I'm a blue-jay, which I find very wrong on some level. I figured I'd be a corvid. Certainly not such a small bird.

Actually, if I had to describe myself I might be a bower bird.
posted by stillnocturnal at 7:33 AM on January 20, 2020

Was hoping for crow but turns out I'm a mockingbird. Weird, but OK. Coincidentally, I was feeding a mockingbird in my backyard yesterday.
posted by photoslob at 7:34 AM on January 20, 2020 [4 favorites]

I'm a blue-jay, which I find very wrong on some level. I figured I'd be a corvid. Certainly not such a small bird.


I have good news for you about which family of birds blue jays are in!
posted by jeather at 7:37 AM on January 20, 2020 [20 favorites]

Red Tailed Hawk
posted by some loser at 7:40 AM on January 20, 2020

I have good news for you about which family of birds blue jays are in!

Relevant meme. I wish I knew where the original was.
posted by pykrete jungle at 7:42 AM on January 20, 2020 [14 favorites]

Apparently, we Blue Herons are a very exclusive group.
posted by Pablo MacWilliams at 7:50 AM on January 20, 2020 [5 favorites]

I'm a bald eagle. Apparently good with babies.
posted by honeybee413 at 7:50 AM on January 20, 2020 [1 favorite]

Result: You Are a Great Horned Owl!
posted by mikelieman at 7:52 AM on January 20, 2020 [1 favorite]

I did not get raven and I want a refund.

* I got blue jay. Yes, I know it's also a corvid. But blue jays aren't on brand.
posted by fedward at 7:57 AM on January 20, 2020 [3 favorites]

Rock pigeon. Figures. :(
posted by Archer25 at 7:59 AM on January 20, 2020 [5 favorites]

Mourning Dove. Mourning Dove? WTF
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 8:03 AM on January 20, 2020 [6 favorites]

Northern Mockingbird. Sounds about right.
posted by MythMaker at 8:10 AM on January 20, 2020 [1 favorite]

Mourning doves are gorgeous. And they can whistle with their wings.

Rock pigeons are pretty too, with their iridescent throat feathers, even if they suffer from overexposure. And they're eminently adaptable to change. They're good birds, Brent.
posted by pykrete jungle at 8:16 AM on January 20, 2020 [8 favorites]

I have good news for you about which family of birds blue jays are in!

Whaaaat. So I'm the smallest corvid? That seems about right actually, apart from the fact I do only wear black. I'm a goth blue jay.
posted by stillnocturnal at 8:18 AM on January 20, 2020 [10 favorites]

I am a kestrel. A tiny critter that will get competitive with trains, IIRC, which seems appropriate.
posted by tautological at 8:19 AM on January 20, 2020 [3 favorites]

If you get raven your reward is a couple paragraphs of ego massage.

I’m curious how that differs from crow.
posted by theory at 8:31 AM on January 20, 2020 [2 favorites]

Also Lue Jay, which, fair. I figured I’d get a portlier it’s, it here we are.
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:31 AM on January 20, 2020

Crow. Hardy and adaptable, it me.
posted by wellred at 8:40 AM on January 20, 2020 [2 favorites]

I would comment here, but I'm busy regurgitating the indigestible hair and bones of my prey.
posted by taz at 8:45 AM on January 20, 2020 [11 favorites]

Northern Mockingbird. Chatty AF, lifelong learner, and fiercely protective of kith and kin. Nailed it.
posted by BlueBlueElectricBlue at 8:48 AM on January 20, 2020 [2 favorites]

Yellow billed magpie. Extremely intelligent, sociable, and creative, you express yourself with versatility. You collect interesting things and plan for the future.

Knew I'd get some kind of collector bird that likes shiny objects ^__^
posted by erattacorrige at 8:52 AM on January 20, 2020 [7 favorites]

I'm also a yellow-billed magpie!
posted by Westringia F. at 8:54 AM on January 20, 2020 [3 favorites]

No quiz pops up on my phone, just the list of possible outcomes :(
posted by eviemath at 8:57 AM on January 20, 2020

> I’m curious how [raven] differs from crow.

If you go to the quiz page and scroll down, they list all the possible outcomes!
posted by Westringia F. at 9:03 AM on January 20, 2020

I’m curious how [raven] differs from crow.

One is like a writing desk, the other less so.
posted by jedicus at 9:05 AM on January 20, 2020 [13 favorites]

I got Screech Owl and my wife Mourning Dove, from which I saw this factoid:
Mourning Doves are devoted mates, feeding their two chicks (“squabs”) a substance called “pigeon milk” which both parents produce in their crop.

I only wish there was a link somewhere I could click so I could know less about "pigeon milk".
posted by Homeboy Trouble at 9:08 AM on January 20, 2020 [6 favorites]

I'm a yellow-billed magpie, as well! I think they are wonderful and I'm very pleased with this. Family and neighborhood are important to you. You love home improvement projects; Why yes, I do live 2 streets away from my sister and have approximately 6 things on my to-do list. While I do love crows, i know i'm not nearly mischievous to be one.
posted by FirstMateKate at 9:08 AM on January 20, 2020 [1 favorite]

Red-Tailed Hawk! I don't know if I deserve the honor. Such a fine bird.
posted by cazoo at 9:22 AM on January 20, 2020 [1 favorite]

I am a raven, evermore.
posted by Splunge at 9:35 AM on January 20, 2020 [1 favorite]

Result: You Are a Great Horned Owl!

I'm pleased with this result.
posted by jzb at 9:35 AM on January 20, 2020 [1 favorite]

This test is valid because I told my bird obsessed partner that I got a blue jay and they said, "That tracks!" and then listed all of the ways I am like a blue jay.

They got a red tailed hawk, and, having been immensely disappointed by that "comprehensive" daemon quiz going around a while back, have decided this is their official daemon.
posted by brook horse at 9:39 AM on January 20, 2020 [2 favorites]

I feel like picking the I am not very fit option should have disqualified me as any bird capable of flight. Where is the chicken? I am also a near-sighted omnivore with a love of carbs.
posted by spamandkimchi at 9:44 AM on January 20, 2020 [6 favorites]

I got a Mallard. I feel mostly satisfied with this minus the fact that I cannot abide by the idea of a diet of consisting largely of snails.

You’re sociable and fun, and get along well with others, never joining cliques but happy to include just about anyone in your social circles. You’re adaptable and enjoy a wide range of physical activities, especially swimming as long as you don’t have to dive.
posted by Kitchen Witch at 9:46 AM on January 20, 2020

Fuck that quiz it said im a canada goose hsssssss
posted by supermedusa at 9:47 AM on January 20, 2020 [8 favorites]

I got Mallard, which is complete malarkey. I am totally a Great Horned Owl.
posted by Carouselle at 9:48 AM on January 20, 2020

🦅 (bald eagle emoji)

Loner, loyal to family, sticks with a project for years, good with babies. Yes except that last baby part.
posted by Sparky Buttons at 10:19 AM on January 20, 2020 [1 favorite]

I got mourning dove! The bit about overlooking seemingly important details was especially apt. I would've been happy with any of the options, though - they're all excellent in their own ways.

My wife got great horned owl, which explains all those mouse bones I'm always sweeping up off the floor.
posted by DingoMutt at 10:24 AM on January 20, 2020 [2 favorites]

Nevermore.
posted by GallonOfAlan at 10:35 AM on January 20, 2020 [1 favorite]

why won't it tell me i am a horrible goose
posted by poffin boffin at 10:48 AM on January 20, 2020 [8 favorites]

No nightjars on the list ::flounce::
posted by toodleydoodley at 11:07 AM on January 20, 2020 [1 favorite]

Whoooom, whoooom.
posted by mule98J at 11:08 AM on January 20, 2020 [1 favorite]

Result: You Are a Crow!

That I would have gotten the same answer with the question, "which bird that you know about do you most identify with" is kind of surprising. 'cause I don't know anything about birds.

This is surprisingly fun. Though, I do wish they'd shown us the correlation matrix and overlap with all birds in the list.
posted by eotvos at 11:12 AM on January 20, 2020

I only wear black and am a highly adaptable scavenger of the world's cast-off things, people, animals, and predicaments. Of course I'm a crow.
posted by 6thsense at 11:23 AM on January 20, 2020 [1 favorite]

I got mourning dove, and I have the sense this stemmed from my reluctance to endorse an extreme on anything.
posted by eirias at 11:27 AM on January 20, 2020 [4 favorites]

Mourning dove. I feel uncomfortably seen
posted by treepour at 12:00 PM on January 20, 2020 [3 favorites]

Ironic how the Mourning Dove pretty well describes every goth I've know.

And me, apparently? Am I a goth!?
posted by Reyturner at 12:16 PM on January 20, 2020 [3 favorites]

We oughta form a club. Badass Mourning Doves Motorcycle Badasses: We're Badass™


mourning dove jfc
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 12:19 PM on January 20, 2020 [3 favorites]

I notice Cassowary didn't make the list.
posted by bz at 12:24 PM on January 20, 2020 [3 favorites]

I answered the questions without much thought as to what bird I'd end up with. After clicking on the last answer, it took about half a second to come up the the result and I swear my stress level went from zero to Hogwarts sorting hat the moment the page started to load.

Come on, let me be a crow or a raven. I'd even live with a red tail. I like red tails. Oh god, don't let me be a sparrow or a grouse or... Hey, I'm a raven! Go Team Raven!

Though if you did end up with a sparrow... well, you shouldn't feel bad, it's a completely adequate bird. There's nothing really wrong with sparrows. Individual sparrows, that is. I'm sure some individual sparrows are really quite nice. Like little feral budgies.
posted by flyingfox at 12:46 PM on January 20, 2020

I'm into "which evil Australian bird are you?" as a quiz, sure.
posted by jeather at 12:46 PM on January 20, 2020 [1 favorite]

Mourning dove and while I am not enthused, I can see it. Sigh.
posted by mygothlaundry at 12:50 PM on January 20, 2020 [2 favorites]

I was hoping for cassowary but got Screech owl, which I'm pretty happy with.
posted by Sheydem-tants at 1:12 PM on January 20, 2020

I got mourning dove, changed a few answers I was borderline on and landed on mallard. Which is good for me, I once had a boss who called his department the Duck Pond, and I enjoyed the Duck Dodgers and Darkwing Duck cartoons (and wondered why the good animators never made a green-headed duck character).
posted by oneswellfoop at 1:40 PM on January 20, 2020 [2 favorites]

I’m a mallard who hates overwrought performances of wonder and elation on Twitter. Knew it.
posted by Don.Kinsayder at 2:08 PM on January 20, 2020

I'm into "which evil Australian bird are you?" as a quiz, sure.

Do you gouge out human eyes? often / at times / rarely / never

Do you randomly destroy road signs, tarmak, hiking shoes, roofs? often / at times / rarely / never

Do you make incredibly loud noises just before dawn? often / at times / rarely / never

Are your genetic lineage likely to die out in your generation? yes / maybe / no

Are you taller than everyone you've ever met? yes / not quite everyone / no

(On reflection, I think if you'd asked me cold what bird I'd *want* to be, I'd probably have gone with a solitary vulture in the high mountains. I'm also now quite curious to what extent moderation in answering questions and perceived sociability affect the answers we get. I'd love to see the inner working of this.)
posted by eotvos at 2:14 PM on January 20, 2020 [1 favorite]

Also, do people who say "I'm rarely curious about anything" take online which bird are you quizzes? I guess maybe their friends do it for them.
posted by eotvos at 2:15 PM on January 20, 2020 [5 favorites]

Red tailed hawk...yeah, ok. Hawks are cool
posted by emjaybee at 2:36 PM on January 20, 2020

I’m curious how [raven] differs from crow.

I know ravens are more solitary. I guessed I'd get raven because I thought I'd be a bit too much of a loner to be a crow, and I was right.
posted by atoxyl at 2:46 PM on January 20, 2020

I'm a Great Blue Heron. Not just an Okay Blue Heron, but a GREAT one!
posted by brundlefly at 3:55 PM on January 20, 2020 [3 favorites]

I too am a Great Blue Heron, a result I am remarkably pleased with. Growing up near the Chesapeake, they had an almost mythical quality.
posted by The Nutmeg of Consolation at 4:07 PM on January 20, 2020 [1 favorite]

I'm kestrel? Not chickadee? But ok; cause chickadees are my favorite birbs; kestrels are good enough.
posted by mightshould at 4:14 PM on January 20, 2020

I got Robin! The pathetic middle class of birds. So painfully accurate.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 4:19 PM on January 20, 2020

I'm a raven. Uncomfortably accurate.
posted by frumiousb at 5:14 PM on January 20, 2020

Result: You Are a Great Horned Owl!

I am surprised and pleased with this result
posted by polymodus at 5:22 PM on January 20, 2020

Personally I'm Chicken. But since that's not one of the options, I guess I got "Cardinal", which huh? I guess. Gonna try again, because I feel that's wrong. Goddamnit I'm a corvid or owl.

Fuck 2x now Cardinal. Fine.

My dad who passed this past year actually loved Cardinals, so... :)

(Still rather be a crow).
posted by symbioid at 5:26 PM on January 20, 2020

Peregrine falcon. Works for me.

And mallards? I love ducks, but aren't they... aggressive... in certain ways?
posted by Crystal Fox at 5:38 PM on January 20, 2020

Should read "And including mallards on the list of choices? I love ducks, but aren't they... um, aggressive... in certain ways we don't want people to be?" I overthought it. Edit window had closed, sorry.
posted by Crystal Fox at 5:48 PM on January 20, 2020 [1 favorite]

I am a screech owl. Don't worry, I don't actually screech but instead trill and whistle.
posted by Margalo Epps at 6:08 PM on January 20, 2020

-Are you curious?
-Yes. I am curious about what I can poop on.

-If you are bullied...
-I am the bully

Do you spend time with family?
Yes! The more of us, the more poop!

Do you attach small children for goldfish crackers?
-Who doesn't?

You are a Canada goose.
posted by pangolin party at 6:14 PM on January 20, 2020 [5 favorites]

Raven. I am pleased with this.
posted by gingerbeer at 6:25 PM on January 20, 2020

I so wanted to be a hawk! Turns out I'm a freaking pigeon...
posted by SyraCarol at 6:46 PM on January 20, 2020

Is this the new Hogwarts Houses?

Ravens forever.
posted by amtho at 7:46 PM on January 20, 2020 [1 favorite]

This is cute and all but there are only two kinds of birds.
posted by mmoncur at 7:57 PM on January 20, 2020 [3 favorites]

I'm a rat with wings! Seems accurate.
posted by asperity at 9:50 PM on January 20, 2020 [1 favorite]

Very pleased to join Team Raven, but to all of you who are a bit disappointed to get Blue Jay, I can tell you that my grandfather - one of the best and kindest men I've ever met - loved Blue Jays with all his heart, because they always warn the rest of the forest about any danger approaching. If you are a Blue Jay, we can be friends, because of my grandfather.
posted by Rock Steady at 7:17 AM on January 21, 2020 [1 favorite]

This is eerily close to the kind of personality test Cambridge Analytica used to illegally scrape millions of FB accounts into their Bond Villain Psychographics technology to target misinformation towards 2016 voters and screw up the world, possibly forever.

But very happy I'm a raven
posted by mcstayinskool at 8:30 AM on January 21, 2020 [1 favorite]

Is this the new Hogwarts Houses?

Crouton gardens are so last decade. All the cool kids now have their bird house in their metafilter profiles.

(But seriously though... that would be a cute pony request. Maybe we could then see which other users are the same bird, similar to the feature that lists who we're close to in physical location?)
posted by eviemath at 8:50 AM on January 21, 2020 [2 favorites]

I love you, raven fam.
posted by Special Agent Dale Cooper at 1:13 PM on January 21, 2020 [1 favorite]

Slight nod from a distance to all my fellow Great Horned Owls.
posted by Marticus at 2:39 PM on January 21, 2020 [2 favorites]

Snowy Owl!
posted by zerobyproxy at 9:04 AM on January 22, 2020

Mourning dove?! OK, they’re pretty, but they don’t seem to have much going on upstairs.

Wondering how this cross-references with our Hogwarts houses, because I’m a Hufflepuff...
posted by trillian at 7:54 AM on January 25, 2020

I really thought I was a corvid, but turns out I'm an American Kestrel.

Same, on both counts. [goes back to feeding magpies & annoying the neighbours]
posted by sneebler at 2:33 PM on January 26, 2020