The Birds

February 11, 2020 1:47 PM

The Great Flamingo Uprising of 2010
posted by qi (16 comments total)

“goose tasers”
posted by Huffy Puffy at 2:17 PM on February 11, 2020 [2 favorites]

Stick around for the photo of a gorilla being menaced by a goose.
posted by figurant at 2:21 PM on February 11, 2020 [1 favorite]

I won't lie, I googled "Goose Taser" after reading this. I bunch of cops being assholes with tasers, amazon links to tasers and one CL first person account of attempted goose tasing but no purpose built goose tasers. Just a little disappointed now.
posted by flyingfox at 3:05 PM on February 11, 2020 [1 favorite]

It's a lovely day at the zoo, and you are a horrible goose.

Or ten. Or twenty. Or fifty.
posted by Quackles at 3:23 PM on February 11, 2020 [2 favorites]

I don't want to get too far off in the weeds here, but I find the whole concept of a goose taser fascinating. I mean, how does it differ from a regular taser? Does it have special probes to punch through feathers? Oh god, goose feathers are probably conductive. This could sink the whole concept. Of course they are conductive, they're geese, they know someone's out to tase them and are already evolved to prevent this.

Maybe the taser emits some sort of RF signal that stuns the goose. Maybe it's shaped like a D&D-esque man-catcher (goose-catcher) on a pole you grapple their necks with. Oooo, maybe it's a bunch of tasers around a net shot out of a net gun like in The Fifth Element. Maybe I need to learn how to play the bass guitar and start an idie band called Goose Taser.

I'm completely absorbed they the idea of the goose taser.
posted by flyingfox at 3:42 PM on February 11, 2020

THIS IS THE BEST
posted by Kitchen Witch at 3:50 PM on February 11, 2020

"the bellowing of enraged flamingos" would be an absolutely first-rate username.
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:58 PM on February 11, 2020 [2 favorites]

Don't tell Alice.
posted by Jessica Savitch's Coke Spoon at 4:50 PM on February 11, 2020

A friend had a neighbor who kept a peacock. Things you may not expect:

1) They're big
2) They're pretty bold; they used to just march into my friend's workshop
3) They fly...kinda? They can get into trees and glide down, not sure if they can just up-and-fly to, say, the next town

This incident sounds like the perfect storm of seemingly-cute-but-avoid-like-the-plague animals. Except maybe--maybe--the koi.
posted by maxwelton at 4:53 PM on February 11, 2020

4) They're friggin' loud as hell
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:57 PM on February 11, 2020

They're friggin' loud as hell

Birds who put all their stat points into Has No Chill and Has Yes Volume
posted by Johnny Assay at 7:52 PM on February 11, 2020 [1 favorite]

Ask me about my peacock imitation sometime - if you dare
posted by Greg_Ace at 7:58 PM on February 11, 2020

Goose Taser
posted by bartleby at 11:56 PM on February 11, 2020 [5 favorites]

There's a huge flock of mixed birds that winters on my poor neighbor's field. They make a noise like a plane (the noise level, that is. The noise they make is that of a mix of two types of swans and Canada geese). Sometimes my neighbor just can't take it anymore and spends a couple of hours driving around after them in his tractor. It's sad. The birds have won.
posted by mumimor at 12:02 AM on February 12, 2020 [2 favorites]

Why am I reading this story in Arlo Guthrie's voice with a guitar vamp behind it
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 5:49 AM on February 12, 2020 [2 favorites]

Goose Taser
posted by bartleby

I knew what that was going to be before I clicked it! Never fails to make me LOL.
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:49 PM on February 12, 2020 [1 favorite]