Nobody is an instagram influencer.
February 26, 2020 3:38 PM Subscribe
Pretty sure I gave "Carrots" an extra cheeseburger on the street last week. Or at least someone who made very similar eye movements.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 3:46 PM on February 26, 2020
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 3:46 PM on February 26, 2020
Based on this artwork, god only knows what he did with it.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 3:47 PM on February 26, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 3:47 PM on February 26, 2020 [2 favorites]
I am influenced.
posted by aubilenon at 4:15 PM on February 26, 2020 [8 favorites]
posted by aubilenon at 4:15 PM on February 26, 2020 [8 favorites]
Vibrating 🌿Salad 🌿Man, Is Vibing You
It's all fun and games until the vinaigrette gets in your eyes.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 4:27 PM on February 26, 2020 [2 favorites]
It's all fun and games until the vinaigrette gets in your eyes.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 4:27 PM on February 26, 2020 [2 favorites]
I have that exact same Christmas decoration and I can't get the angels to fly that well even when it's on a table. What witchcraft is this?
posted by The corpse in the library at 4:50 PM on February 26, 2020 [3 favorites]
posted by The corpse in the library at 4:50 PM on February 26, 2020 [3 favorites]
Working to put the rot in carrot, the ale in kale, and the rage in orange.
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:55 PM on February 26, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:55 PM on February 26, 2020 [2 favorites]
That’s not kale. I’d bet a donut on it.
posted by SaltySalticid at 4:56 PM on February 26, 2020 [3 favorites]
posted by SaltySalticid at 4:56 PM on February 26, 2020 [3 favorites]
That’s not kale. I’d bet a donut on it.
You have the right to romaine silent.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 5:15 PM on February 26, 2020 [8 favorites]
You have the right to romaine silent.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 5:15 PM on February 26, 2020 [8 favorites]
FYI the anagraam of brussles sprouts is only... brussels sprouts.
You are welcome.
posted by Splunge at 5:16 PM on February 26, 2020
You are welcome.
posted by Splunge at 5:16 PM on February 26, 2020
You passed up making a Fart Day post for this?
posted by briank at 5:47 PM on February 26, 2020 [5 favorites]
posted by briank at 5:47 PM on February 26, 2020 [5 favorites]
Working to put the rot in carrot, the ale in kale, and the rage in orange.
And the "nah" in banana.
posted by Greg_Ace at 5:57 PM on February 26, 2020 [4 favorites]
And the "nah" in banana.
posted by Greg_Ace at 5:57 PM on February 26, 2020 [4 favorites]
I put the oranges one in the group chat I share with my partner and got to watch them visibly recoil upon opening up the chatroom.
Bliss.
posted by sciatrix at 6:32 PM on February 26, 2020 [4 favorites]
Bliss.
posted by sciatrix at 6:32 PM on February 26, 2020 [4 favorites]
SaltySalticid: bet a donut, you say?
posted by Grandysaur at 6:51 PM on February 26, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by Grandysaur at 6:51 PM on February 26, 2020 [2 favorites]
You could have a steam train
If you'd just lay down your tracks
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 7:02 PM on February 26, 2020 [6 favorites]
If you'd just lay down your tracks
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 7:02 PM on February 26, 2020 [6 favorites]
Needed a NSFAAATJFCWTFBBQ* warning.
* Not safe for anywhere at any time jesus fucking christ what the fuck barbeque.
posted by jacquilynne at 7:06 PM on February 26, 2020 [10 favorites]
* Not safe for anywhere at any time jesus fucking christ what the fuck barbeque.
posted by jacquilynne at 7:06 PM on February 26, 2020 [10 favorites]
Metafilter: It's the packing tape and the rubber bands.
He is the (vegan) walrus.
posted by Oyéah at 7:09 PM on February 26, 2020
He is the (vegan) walrus.
posted by Oyéah at 7:09 PM on February 26, 2020
Objectively speaking, this is the best of the web.
posted by swift at 7:09 PM on February 26, 2020 [4 favorites]
posted by swift at 7:09 PM on February 26, 2020 [4 favorites]
oh god I just watched the banana
mistakes were made
posted by sciatrix at 7:22 PM on February 26, 2020 [2 favorites]
mistakes were made
posted by sciatrix at 7:22 PM on February 26, 2020 [2 favorites]
swift, I was just about to tell my wife that this is what the web is for. I don't really know what that says about me, other than that I belong here.
posted by mollweide at 7:47 PM on February 26, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by mollweide at 7:47 PM on February 26, 2020 [1 favorite]
And how can this be? For he is the Kwisatz Haderach!
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 7:48 PM on February 26, 2020 [3 favorites]
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 7:48 PM on February 26, 2020 [3 favorites]
From wine-soaked dreams I woke to great pain in my eye,posted by miles per flower at 8:23 PM on February 26, 2020 [3 favorites]
And called in fear to my Cyclopes brethren
Who dwell in caves on the windy heights.
“Nobody, my friends, is trying to kill me
By violence or treachery! Nobody is now escaping!
Nobody is an instagram influencer!”
Good practicing, everybody. Those were bad ideas. You're still okay.
posted by lauranesson at 9:49 PM on February 26, 2020
posted by lauranesson at 9:49 PM on February 26, 2020
Holy shit, I thought these were pretty weird... and then I realized they're videos
::fetal crouch::
posted by kleinsteradikaleminderheit at 4:27 AM on February 27, 2020 [2 favorites]
::fetal crouch::
posted by kleinsteradikaleminderheit at 4:27 AM on February 27, 2020 [2 favorites]
The banana one belongs on r/popping. Links potentially not safe for work or for your stomach.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:07 AM on February 27, 2020
posted by Dip Flash at 6:07 AM on February 27, 2020
Creditable effort, but he's no HowToBasic.
posted by flabdablet at 5:53 AM on February 28, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by flabdablet at 5:53 AM on February 28, 2020 [1 favorite]
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posted by Horkus at 3:43 PM on February 26, 2020 [6 favorites]