Vaccine, vaccine, vaccine, vacciiiiiiiiiiiiiine

November 17, 2020 10:20 AM

After hearing that Dolly Parton donated $1MM to help fund Moderna's research into a COVID-19 vaccine, WIRED magazine's resident linguist Gretchen McCulloch wrote the lyrics to Vaccine Jolene, and Ryan Corell performed them late last night, with the family sleeping.
posted by jenkinsEar (36 comments total)

My prior art got sniped!
posted by wenestvedt at 10:30 AM on November 17, 2020 [6 favorites]

Dolly Parton, this world is too good for you.
posted by geoff. at 10:35 AM on November 17, 2020 [14 favorites]

Vaaaaaaaccine! You don't have to put on the red light.
posted by allegedly at 11:09 AM on November 17, 2020 [19 favorites]

I guess you can use that one when we found out that Sting helped fund vaccine research.
posted by jonathanhughes at 11:15 AM on November 17, 2020 [10 favorites]

She is too good for this world, but we can aspire.
posted by datawrangler at 11:38 AM on November 17, 2020 [9 favorites]

She just made me cry, and she didn't even have to sing to do it.
posted by CynicalKnight at 11:40 AM on November 17, 2020 [8 favorites]

We'll move up to Manhattan
And fill the place with friends
Drive to the coast and drive right back again
One day we'll wake up, make love but till then
Try to hang on, Vaccine
posted by Glomar response at 11:47 AM on November 17, 2020 [5 favorites]

come on, vaccine, ta-loo-rye-ay
posted by phooky at 11:51 AM on November 17, 2020 [3 favorites]

There Is No Greater American Than Dolly Parton
posted by TedW at 12:13 PM on November 17, 2020 [10 favorites]

He drinks a whisky drink, he drinks a vodka drink, he vaccine
posted by 7segment at 12:14 PM on November 17, 2020 [3 favorites]

I am always so pleasantly surprised to hear what she has quietly done. The moral center of her character is so well formed. We all know that people like her are out there. There are probably just as many who did not act when they could have. Bit by bit, my optimism about humanity is reviving.

Also: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIi will vaccinate UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!
posted by zerobyproxy at 12:23 PM on November 17, 2020 [21 favorites]

Dolly Parton is an American hero!!!
posted by supermedusa at 12:55 PM on November 17, 2020 [1 favorite]

I wish they'd wrote "peplomers" instead of "auburn hair", but otherwise, A+
posted by aubilenon at 12:59 PM on November 17, 2020 [8 favorites]

I wonder how that works. Moderna stands to make many many millions off the Vanderbilt research she donated money to. Will Moderna pay royalties to Vanderbilt? Or give Dolly her M back?
posted by jcworth at 2:24 PM on November 17, 2020

Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go
I wanna be inoculated
posted by obscure simpsons reference at 2:28 PM on November 17, 2020 [5 favorites]

He drinks a whisky drink, he drinks a vodka drink, he vaccine

I get vaccine
Then I go out again
No one's ever gonna keep me home
posted by medusa at 2:31 PM on November 17, 2020 [10 favorites]

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIi will vaccinate UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

I can't decide if I love you or hate you
posted by medusa at 2:40 PM on November 17, 2020 [1 favorite]

I vaccinate everything about you
Why do I love you?
posted by Alterscape at 3:04 PM on November 17, 2020

That girl of mine, she loved me so right
She loved me so long and she loved me so hard
I finally passed out in her front yard
It wasn't wine that I had too much of
It was a double shot of my baby's love.
posted by SPrintF at 3:07 PM on November 17, 2020

watched the Dolly doc on Netflix, wow she is a technical genius at so many different skills, including that rare talent for charming & disarming skeptics.
posted by ovvl at 3:20 PM on November 17, 2020

She is too good for this world, but we can aspire.

That's what I meant! Whoops.
posted by geoff. at 3:25 PM on November 17, 2020

Dolly sometimes quarantines all by herself
Some get vaccines
While all the other people mask
posted by LionIndex at 4:10 PM on November 17, 2020

SomeBODY once lied, said COVID can't make me die
I ain't the sharpest tool in the lab
He was downplaying our woes with his mask not on his nose
And he swore we should not get the jab

Well, the tests start coming and they don't stop coming
Feds change the rules: World Heath Org we are shunning
Didn't make sense not to do lockdown
If Trump wore a mask we couldn't see that frown

So much to do so much to see
So what's wrong with taking the vaccine?
You'll never know if you don't test
When it's over health workers need rest

Hey, now, you're a vector, don't go shopping, home-stay
Hey, now, you're infected, get your Zoom on, get paid
The virus isn't a hoax
If we quarantine it might save some folks
posted by glonous keming at 4:41 PM on November 17, 2020 [9 favorites]

Parton's philanthropy is legendary; this isn't even the first time she's made a million-dollar donation to Vanderbilt. In October 2017, the $1 million gift went to the Children’s Hospital for its Pediatric Cancer Program (her niece Hannah was successfully treated for leukemia there, in the '90s). The following May, she and that niece unveiled the hospital's Hannah Dennison Butterfly Garden.

On Sunday, Dec. 6, CBS will air a new hour-long holiday special, A Holly Dolly Christmas.

On Wednesday, Dec. 9, "The Library That Dolly Built" documentary premieres. (Trailer; Danica McKellar narrates.) "Inspired by her father’s inability to read and write," Parton's Imagination Library children's charity, founded in 1995, has given away more than a hundred million (147,137,107) books to kids over the years; nowadays, the organization sends out more than a million free books each month.
posted by Iris Gambol at 6:21 PM on November 17, 2020 [13 favorites]

Quarantine (Dancing Queen).
posted by blue shadows at 6:39 PM on November 17, 2020

I did a little filk to Come on Eileen early in the quarantine:

Poor old Doc Fauci
Sounded sad upon the TV show
As he told us all to stay home
Ooooh the mothers cried
Stuck with kids, who'd blame them

We're home, stuck home
Now I must stay home forever
(Covid 19)
Too ra loo ra too ra loo rye aye
Let us hoard N 95 masks

Covid 19, oh I'm in quarantine
From this moment, until Halloween
Nevertheless, oh my hands are a mess
They're so dirty
So let's scrub them clean!

Scrub them clean.

These people round here
Locked in with their kids, trying to home school
Resigned to what their fate is
But no, not us, never us because
We have no beer whatsoever
Too ra loo ra too ra loo rye aye
Let us hoard our masks forever

Covid 19, oh I'm in quarantine
From this moment, until Halloween
Yeah I confess, I am very stressed
from the virus! It's Covid 19
Nevertheless, yes we can convalesce
from the virus! It's Covid 19, yeah

Covid Nineteen to loo rye aye
Covid Nineteen to loo rye aye
Now you have spread
Filled us with dread
Covid Nineteen

This virus is real, and I know
How you feel
Now I must say more than ever
Things round here have changed
I wash and wash and wash my hands

Covid 19, oh I'm in quarantine
From this moment, until Halloween
Nevertheless, oh my hands are a mess
They're so dirty
So let's scrub them clean!

Covid 19, oh I'm in quarantine
From this moment, until Halloween
Nevertheless, oh my hands are a mess
They're so dirty
So let's scrub them clean!

posted by Eyebrows McGee at 6:45 PM on November 17, 2020 [3 favorites]

She is too good for this world, but we can aspire.

Can anyone think of a better pick for say, Secretary of HHS to fix this fucking country?
posted by mikelieman at 9:30 PM on November 17, 2020 [2 favorites]

Yes, I can. (Ms. Parton's prodigious talents would be wasted on an office gig.)
posted by Iris Gambol at 11:03 PM on November 17, 2020

Dolly for President dammit.
posted by GallonOfAlan at 3:43 AM on November 18, 2020 [1 favorite]

Is this the one which is working ninety five % of the time?
posted by gnuhavenpier at 6:07 AM on November 18, 2020 [3 favorites]

Dolly Parton learned she funded the Moderna Covid-19 vaccine when the rest of us did

The diminutive diva's $1 million donation to Covid-19 research was partly used to fund Moderna's promising Covid-19 vaccine -- something she didn't even know until her name appeared among other sponsors in a preliminary report on the vaccine.

Doesn't remove the awesomeness of donating $1m to Covid research.
posted by inflatablekiwi at 7:12 AM on November 18, 2020 [1 favorite]

If rich people want to fund scientific research, that's how it should be: they donate money to fund research and then they have no other involvement. Anything else is unethical. Good for Dolly and for the researchers.
posted by hydropsyche at 8:45 AM on November 18, 2020 [5 favorites]

Oh, fer cryin' out loud. Parton had announced her donation in April, via an Instagram post:

My longtime friend Dr. Naji Abumrad, who's been involved in research at Vanderbilt for many years, informed me that they were making some exciting advancements towards research of the coronavirus for a cure. I am making a donation of $1 million to Vanderbilt towards that research and to encourage people that can afford it to make donations.

Keep the faith,
Dolly

The "Vanderbilt Health Fights COVID-19 Fund" has raised over 100K of its 250K goal. A few entries on the supporter wall, beginning eight months ago:

- Just like Dolly Parton herself, I have faith that we're all going to make it through this if only we take good care of ourselves and each other.
- We're joining Dolly Parton in supporting Vanderbilt's efforts to research a cure for Covid-19.
- Thanks to Dolly Parton for her donation and the attention it helped bring to your center’s hard work.
- Following Dolly’s lead. Great work Vanderbilt.
- Good enough for Dolly Parton, good enough for me.
- For Dolly

Four hours ago: Giving what I can, because Dolly Parton asked all of us to do what we can. I wish I could give more.
posted by Iris Gambol at 1:15 PM on November 18, 2020 [2 favorites]

Iris Gambol: yes, she gave money for COVID research. The point is that she did not know (let alone oversee) how that money was spent, so she had no idea that some of it was used to fund one of the first successful vaccines. Which is a good thing: philanthropy working in the best way it can if we insist on a world where we rely on philanthropy rather than taxation to pay for things we need.
posted by hydropsyche at 7:10 AM on November 19, 2020 [1 favorite]

hydropsyche, I may not have been clear -- "fer cryin' out loud," I was tearing up, scrolling through the supporter entries. Parton's wonderful. She has always done a ton of charitable work, and she doesn't publicize all of it. When she chose to make the April donation announcement, it was as a particularly well-phrased invitation. While I also wish this type of charitable giving wasn't necessary, that's the current set-up and Parton excels at it.
posted by Iris Gambol at 12:20 PM on November 19, 2020 [1 favorite]

Iris Gambol: I'm so glad we're agreeing! Sorry! She is excellent. Really the best example of how to be a wealthy person that I know of.
posted by hydropsyche at 3:30 AM on November 20, 2020 [1 favorite]