Why You Should Consider Second Dog

April 28, 2021 10:21 AM

Daniel Lavery asks you to consider second dog.

"Writing about animals with a distinct, non-human style is exceedingly difficult; a single careless moment is all it takes to tip the vibe into off-putting heckin’ doggo territory. And yet the animalization of speech is an interesting and, I think, worthwhile project! So we venture forth and hope for the best."

posted by tclark (52 comments total)

I double dog dare you.
posted by zamboni at 10:24 AM on April 28, 2021 [7 favorites]

heckin' pupperinos in this case
posted by supermedusa at 10:33 AM on April 28, 2021 [1 favorite]

Funny thing. Second dog is a lot like second human. I had a similar shift. My son became first human after second human joined the family. This is impossible to explain, somehow this bit of writing does it.
posted by Carmody'sPrize at 10:35 AM on April 28, 2021 [7 favorites]

thank you for this very timely post which i have immediately emailed to my mother who is, as you might infer, waffling about getting a second dog
posted by WidgetAlley at 10:37 AM on April 28, 2021 [4 favorites]

We lost our second dog in December, and it hasn't been the same yet. First dog has adjusted to the loss, but she's pretty old herself and we don't want to get trapped in the constant old-dog/young-dog cycle. The gradual transition from "first dog" just back into "the dog" is slow and painful, but it's definitely a thing. I don't think I could've put words to it if Lavery hadn't created the framework.
posted by lilac girl at 10:39 AM on April 28, 2021 [5 favorites]

The question of walking second dog, yes, is a frequent one, made many times. Will they course over and around one another like a stream? Or will they both decline the walk separately, two dead weights attempting to resist the same nothing?

Or will they pull in two ways, at once, twice pulled, but differently? This is how they will do, both of them, this way and also that way but at the same time.
posted by Glinn at 10:39 AM on April 28, 2021 [24 favorites]

Being a 2 dog 1 cat household, second dog is a solid way to also a way to un-pack your dog. The dog doesn't just pack with you. The dog sometimes packs with you, sometimes with other dog. Cat is no longer a play thing that won't play, cat is a thing that can be paid attention to or left alone in favor of positive reinforcement from other dog. Dogs can measure affection, leading us to know which of our dogs is jealous AND allow us to also identify when we do not praise our dogs evenly.

Right now, cat is at the door looking for his afternoon back rub, but the dogs will pretend that I don't exist until I go down to the first floor because they have each other and they have other people in the house. But when I do. They will tell me it is a good time for belly rubs, for showing me their favorite toys. Then dogs going outside is a good plan, so is my dinner - most importantly is their dinner... then immediately after it is important that dogs go outside because dogs will need to go outside. And then slowly as the humans disappear to bed, one dog will follow my wife upstairs and the other dog will lay down at my feet until I too wander upstairs a few hours later where we will all be together again.

Except the cat... who will take that as an opportunity for nightly cativitys.
posted by Nanukthedog at 10:44 AM on April 28, 2021 [20 favorites]

Absolutely delightful. Had no idea we were allowed to speak like this aloud. When I was pet sitting my sister's dog for several months, many things of this nature happened, but not quite second dog. My dog had a dog. My sister's dog didn't not have a dog, because having is different when you have it in a space that doesn't belong to you. I did not have the dog, but the dog had me.
posted by FirstMateKate at 10:47 AM on April 28, 2021 [5 favorites]

Sleep in a big bed with your dogs, near a roaring fire tended high by the servants of your body and your fiefdom, and see to it that the rushes in the feasting-hall are replaced daily with fresh hay.

It's good to be king.
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 10:53 AM on April 28, 2021 [2 favorites]

Counterpoint from first dog of my brother and sister-in-law, who theoretically lives upstairs in the main house, but who absolutely loathes second dog who arrived last month: Second dog was a terrible mistake. I will just stay here in the basement suite until second dog goes away again. Second dog is leaving soon, yeah? Also, stop feeding second dog my treats. They are mine. My treats. I don't share treats or laps or houses. Go away second dog.
posted by jacquilynne at 10:57 AM on April 28, 2021 [3 favorites]

Little known fact: the sound of two dogs crunching treats at the same time causes an involuntary human response of intense, rapturous happiness. We refer to this as Stereo Crunch.
posted by mochapickle at 11:14 AM on April 28, 2021 [22 favorites]

I have triangulated with third, unintentional, dog.
posted by See you tomorrow, saguaro at 11:37 AM on April 28, 2021 [9 favorites]

I think my dog would desperately like their own dog, but I have my hands full taking care of top dog.
posted by maxwelton at 11:39 AM on April 28, 2021 [3 favorites]

Dave Barry wrote a column about his dogs of which my late grandfather was inordinately fond; he especially liked that Barry referred to his second dog as "the emergency back-up dog".
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:49 AM on April 28, 2021 [11 favorites]

I liked Daniel Lavery's relentless salesperson pitch language in this, in the same way that dogs tend to be relentlessly optimistic¹. I really liked the way most of the arguments were circular: you simply must have second dog … because then you would have second dog. It makes sense to first dog, of course, and they're not too strong on reasoning.

---
¹: mostly. I exempt the memory of a family friend's rough collie, who spent almost all of her life sighing morosely or sleeping. Getting her to go for a walk was at least 15 minutes of hiding (betrayed by her sighing), cajoling, her pretending to fall asleep in the middle of the floor with the leash on, and finally having to push her out the front door. If you were lucky, she'd step down off the front step before refusing to go further. Most times she'd slip her collar about a minute into the walk and return to the front step for a sleep, but she'd always wake up to sigh at you when you came back. She was a beautiful dog, but a more lugubrious animal I've never met.
posted by scruss at 12:14 PM on April 28, 2021 [9 favorites]

Of course Daniel Lavery's dog writes like Gertrude Stein.
posted by miles per flower at 12:15 PM on April 28, 2021 [7 favorites]

I am in no dog. Dog dang it.
posted by storybored at 12:17 PM on April 28, 2021 [1 favorite]

I got a second dog. It is exponentially more dog.
posted by Grandysaur at 12:29 PM on April 28, 2021 [6 favorites]

Second dog has been problematic for us. First dog was a rescue who has been through some rough times, may have been involved in shady stuff and she has attacked other dogs.

Second dog was a rescue puppy, as it was felt that being a puppy was the only way to be safe from first dog's aggression. This worked...for a while. Second dog is such a huge gigantic puppy (now a 2 year old puppy) that he regularly exhausts first dog's patience. First dog has also turned into a dragon, hoarding anything vaguely treat-like and claiming it as her due even if second dog already has it. My spouse has a bit of trauma from a recent attempt to peel first dog off second dog's throat (though second dog ended up with no actual injury, so we think that no matter how scary it was for us, it was under first dog's control the whole time).
posted by Four Ds at 12:39 PM on April 28, 2021 [1 favorite]

In case of second dog, one resigns as coach-minder-supervisor-sole-proprietor and enters into a franchisee agreement with the first dog.

Seems aspirational: my entire lived experience argues against it, but...hope springs eternal, I guess..

Sleep in a big bed with your dogs, near a roaring fire tended high by the servants of your body and your fiefdom, and see to it that the rushes in the feasting-hall are replaced daily with fresh hay.

Totally love it. Wait, this is for the dogs, not for me, right?
posted by wenestvedt at 12:39 PM on April 28, 2021 [1 favorite]

She was a beautiful dog, but a more lugubrious animal I've never met.
posted by scruss

Kind of... melon collie, eh?
posted by Splunge at 12:39 PM on April 28, 2021 [30 favorites]

Metafilter: alien delights await.
posted by wenestvedt at 12:47 PM on April 28, 2021

We had first dog for eight years or so before we got second dog. First dog tolerated second dog, and second dog has always been a bit submissive, so it worked out. First dog had to be put down a couple of years ago. Then after a year or so of being the only dog, we got a new second dog as a puppy. And new second dog is a meanie. Bites new first dog's legs, wants to "fight" constantly, etc. Old dog is just completely done with new second dog...

They are both good dogs Brent
posted by Windopaene at 12:47 PM on April 28, 2021

As long as I don’t have to do anything about second dog (or even first dog), I will consider. Consider is free, as citizen of my mind.
posted by GenjiandProust at 12:53 PM on April 28, 2021 [1 favorite]

I may have told this story before?

My childhood dog King was a huge chocolate Lab, a retired hunting dog, dedicated guardian of the family, and a skilled escape artist. We called him Houdini, because he could be contained by neither house, chain, nor pen. I still have no idea how he managed some of his excursions, but he never stayed away more than a day or so. His only fears were going up stairs (down was fine) and getting into the rowboat. He caught airborne pancakes like Frisbees and patiently allowed himself to be dressed in whatever undignified costume two little girls could think up. He had his own ideas about things.

One day my parents decided Second Dog was a good idea, so enter Willie, a bouncing, barking, half-grown spaniel mix whose hobbies included getting covered in mud and covering other things in mud. You’ve never seen such a dirty look as King gave us. “You have the filet mignon of the canine world, and I guess you want a side of rotting cabbage or something? Go away, kid, you annoy me.”

Well, one morning we got up and saw that King had slipped out on one of his business trips, and had apparently taken Willie with him. He was gone for about a day, and came home conspicuously alone. We searched the woods, reported Willie missing, everything you do in such circumstances, but we never found him.

King got along great with every cat who came and went, and even tolerated the pet chicken, but we never attempted Second Dog again.

(Great article, OP! Beautifully written.)
posted by The Underpants Monster at 1:02 PM on April 28, 2021 [14 favorites]

I have triangulated with third, unintentional, dog.

Us too, and it's the most joyful experience. We got dog one to get a dog and to make us a pack, but he's really an intensely feeling little dude and obviously preferred not to be alone, so we got second dog a couple of years later and it was way more than twice as great, and they get along wonderfully.

Then, not long after a move to a house with a fenced-in backyard that has some running room, third dog needed a home and though she would thrive as a solo dog, she also is so amazingly socially adept that she figured out how to fit into our established pack without too much fuss. So now we have three dogs, which is approximately 750 times as great as one dog. We're lucky that they all like one another, and when all three are playing together, tearing around inside and out, it's really something fun to see.
posted by LooseFilter at 1:02 PM on April 28, 2021 [4 favorites]

I consider third cat. Maybe fifth cat, as cat across street haz 3 adorable kittens.
posted by signal at 1:14 PM on April 28, 2021 [4 favorites]

Without second dog this could not happen.

First Dog remains somewhat unconvinced about Second Dog being a good idea (largely because SD is an asshole - everyone in the household agrees), but that’s not going to stop the snuggle.
posted by obfuscation at 1:17 PM on April 28, 2021 [3 favorites]

I dunno, long time 2 dog owner here and I showed my wife a picture of this cute puppy and now we have 3 dogs, 2 cats, 3 birds, a rabbit, another rabbit, 3 goats, 3 ducks, 5 hens and 1 rooster.
posted by xmattxfx at 1:24 PM on April 28, 2021 [9 favorites]

I consider third cat. Maybe fifth cat, as cat across street haz 3 adorable kittens.

We have third cat. Third cat is good. Third cat is tiny and is held down and cleaned by first cat and second cat. Third cat and second cat chase each other everywhere. Third cat will sit in laps, which first cat and second cat never quite figured out.
posted by jackbishop at 1:31 PM on April 28, 2021 [5 favorites]

First dog is an older German shorthair pointer. She was once part of a pair but the original second dog died.

So we got second second dog -- a pit bull who is 40% rhinoceros, 20% neurosis, and 100% love.

And then we sort of sideways-inherited third dog, a weird little chihuahua/Chinese crested mix.

First dog does not really care about the other two one way or the other. Their presence doesn't really give her any comfort, their absence doesn't cause any concern. Only her humans matter, and she cries if we're not around (though lately she has finally been calmer at night).

Second dog does like to cuddle up to first dog sometimes, and first dog tolerates it. Second dog is both playmate and furniture for third dog. Second dog worries whenever first dog is at the vet -- though we suspect it's probably more jealousy that first dog is getting to do something she isn't. Second dog is not sufficiently entertained by third dog, or a large pile of dog toys, not to destroy random objects when the humans are away.

Third dog is a little pest, who hates strangers and any sound, scent, vibration, or mystical aura that might have been caused by a stranger, and we have never convinced him of the merits of peeing outside instead of in the living room (thankfully, vinyl floor due to previous doggy issues). But he's also cute AF.

And then there's cat. Cat lives upstairs, away from the dogs. Cat sometimes makes it downstairs until third dog loses his shit, then cat remembers why cat lives upstairs away from the screaming demon.
posted by Foosnark at 1:32 PM on April 28, 2021 [11 favorites]

Cats and dogs are very different. Cats just don't GAF
posted by Windopaene at 1:33 PM on April 28, 2021

We recently lost second dog to cancer and are now waiting on second second dog to be old enough to leave her mother. First dog isn't gonna know what hit him
posted by potrzebie at 1:39 PM on April 28, 2021 [3 favorites]

I love when mismate dogs pose together.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 1:45 PM on April 28, 2021

On the occasion of a friend's engagement I had a short conversation with him about dogs.

K. wants to get a dog, but I'm not sure we can with how long we're at work every day. Not sold on it.

Maybe you need to get two dogs so they can keep each other entertained?

I've heard that, but no.

Well, if two dogs doesn't work for you, hear me out here, what about four dogs?

That's an idea I can get behind.
posted by BrotherCaine at 2:23 PM on April 28, 2021 [8 favorites]

Consider adopting second dog from one of the many animal shelters in your local area, rather than purchasing a custom second dog from a for-profit breeder.
posted by turbid dahlia at 2:43 PM on April 28, 2021 [2 favorites]

I see five dogs!
posted by clavdivs at 2:43 PM on April 28, 2021 [3 favorites]

Every composition 101 teacher is going to use this post to illustrate article and pronoun felonies.
posted by gum at 2:48 PM on April 28, 2021 [2 favorites]

It is sad when the two dogs are not best friends. First dog is a rescued Havanese (3 yrs lived at puppy mill) who was very very timid at first (and sometimes still). And then he turned into crazy toy beast who loves loves loves FREAKING loves the squeaky toys and to chase them and do the thing where he throws them up in the air for himself and bats them around with his paws. O. M. G.

Second dog is an oversized Shi Tzu rescued from the streets of Chicago, and he has opinions. One opinion is that first dog is annoying. Second dog also has provided first dog with bad habits like barking at other dogs, and peeing on way, way more things than it is reasonable for any number of dogs. So. It is too bad they are not best friends. But it's about 3 years now and second dog is much more playful now (still uncommon but not rare!), and they seem to like each other a bit more. Occasionally when sleeping they are touching.
posted by Glinn at 3:42 PM on April 28, 2021 [3 favorites]

For someone who just signed a very well-paid deal with Substack, he could probably afford a whole kennel.
posted by Ideefixe at 4:39 PM on April 28, 2021 [1 favorite]

I've long held the opinion that two dogs are funnier than one, and the funniest is a big dog-little dog combination (like my friend's, who has a lovely yellow lab and a Prancer-lite chi-terrier), but two very tiny dogs is almost as good. It is crazy to watch them having shared opinions about you. One dog looking at you expectantly is just a dog looking at you expectantly. Two dogs is the room.
posted by praemunire at 5:56 PM on April 28, 2021 [8 favorites]

O. M. G.

Er, don’t you mean O. M. D.(og)
posted by floweredfish at 6:07 PM on April 28, 2021 [2 favorites]

I consider third cat. Maybe fifth cat, as cat across street haz 3 adorable kittens.

It's different than 2nd cat. Two cats you can manage, mostly, kinda - three cats is one more cats than you have hands. Three cats is more cats than a door has sides. I have fourth cat. It's good. Some times I think about fifth cat. But some times I am tired.
posted by wotsac at 6:52 PM on April 28, 2021 [3 favorites]

I love Danny Lavery's Instagram, his two dogs are so adorable and it seems they took to each other really fast.

I love threads like this and living vicariously through other people's multiply dog-ged lives. We had dogs when I was a kid: one old gentle boy who was our only dog for a long time and when we got two puppies, one after the other in quick succession, he was disgusted. You should have seen them. He was deeply offended. He never had time for second dog, but was friendly, in a grandfatherly fashion, to third dog - he would play bow to her on his stiff arthritic old limbs - it was so cute. I miss my dogs.
posted by unicorn chaser at 5:19 AM on April 29, 2021 [8 favorites]

We have four. At one point, we had six. All house dogs, none of them sleeping outside or crated (unless there was a repair person in the house.)
posted by Chronorin at 6:00 AM on April 29, 2021 [2 favorites]

The big dog came as a puppy and she imprinted on the old dog, but their relationship is mostly one of mutual ambiguity. They are aware of one another (mostly the big dog of the old dog, as she is poised to take advantage of any food situation and she's just barely civil about it after a lot of training.. e.g. "now it's okay to lick out old dog's bowl.. now I can approach old dog's bed and hoover up the crumbs while old dog sleeps"). Old dog is mostly blind and deaf, and is much smaller. Most times I think she registers big dog like a piece of furniture that is also an animal that co-exists in her general space.. there was a time a few years ago when old dog still had it in her to provoke big dog to chase her but that feels like a lifetime ago. I will stop here because there is no obvious place to stop otherwise.
posted by elkevelvet at 7:01 AM on April 29, 2021 [3 favorites]

We recently lost second dog to cancer and are now waiting on second second dog to be old enough to leave her mother. First dog isn't gonna know what hit him

Growing up, I had a beloved collie dog who was the sort of doggo that everyone really hopes they're going to have: sweet, kind, loyal, and bred for hundreds of years to corral errant children or livestock into one place so they don't wander off and die. We all loved her deeply, and when all her genetic predispositions caught up with her at once (I seriously cannot overstate the damage that centuries of inbreeding does to these poor creatures), my parents saw the writing on the wall and began the process of adopting Second Dog so there would be no gap with No Dog. Except when Second Dog arrived, it had some kind of magic rejuvenating effect on First Dog, who found singleminded purpose in not letting this young upstart have the run of the place. Our by-then-14-year-old collie dog somehow relearned how to climb stairs (her hind hips had given out, so she basically dragged herself up them with only her front legs), and followed Second Dog around constantly, glaring at her or giving the occasional snippy bark when Second Dog did something especially impolite. We had previously thought she wasn't going to live out the month, but she ended up willing herself into another two years on this earth before she decided the new dog was properly trained and drifted off peacefully in her sleep.
posted by Mayor West at 9:26 AM on April 29, 2021 [25 favorites]

Geez, Mayor West. That's a pretty great story.
posted by Glinn at 5:25 PM on April 29, 2021 [1 favorite]

Would the act of acquiring second dog be, in the infinitive, to updog?
posted by Mister Moofoo at 5:28 PM on April 29, 2021 [2 favorites]

You just want someone to ask “what’s updog?”, don’t you?
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:56 AM on April 30, 2021

As a young adult I rescued my first dog from the woods where she'd been dumped and moved her into a household with seven other dogs and five cats. Eighth dog immediately realized that the only Dog That Mattered to her was third dog. Third dog had generally ignored the other dogs until eighth dog arrived and initiated The Dance That Never Shall End.

Eighth dog then became only dog when we moved, and was very jolly about her status change.

The main thing about the whole situation is that I learned that living with 5 female (some unfortunately not spayed) cats is way more drama than living with 8 dogs. Also that second dog sometimes leads to eighth dog.
posted by RobinofFrocksley at 6:17 AM on April 30, 2021 [6 favorites]

No, GenjiandProust, I think everyone gets the joke by now, but it was still there, looking at me.
(I mean, I would have gone for it if someone did ask...)
posted by Mister Moofoo at 5:28 PM on April 30, 2021