Senators Week Has Convened
May 5, 2021 11:53 AM Subscribe
This week is Senators Week on Defector, featuring posts on one or both of the upper house of the United States Congress and the Ottawa Senators NHL hockey team.
This includes David Roth writing on Which U.S. Senator Would Most Thoroughly Be Obliterated By A Single Check From Brady Tkachuk?:
Our projections found that Cruz would go "euuuuuggggh" if checked roughly into the boards by Brady Tkachuk. He would produce a sound similar to someone dumping cat food (the wet kind) into a cat’s dish from an elevation of five feet.
For Grassley, no matter how many times we ran our tests, the only result produced was a single English sentence fragment: "like driving a minivan through a large pile of autumn leaves at 70 miles per hour."
This includes David Roth writing on Which U.S. Senator Would Most Thoroughly Be Obliterated By A Single Check From Brady Tkachuk?:
Our projections found that Cruz would go "euuuuuggggh" if checked roughly into the boards by Brady Tkachuk. He would produce a sound similar to someone dumping cat food (the wet kind) into a cat’s dish from an elevation of five feet.
For Grassley, no matter how many times we ran our tests, the only result produced was a single English sentence fragment: "like driving a minivan through a large pile of autumn leaves at 70 miles per hour."
This one wasn't really landing for me until I read this post:
posted by tonycpsu at 12:40 PM on May 5, 2021 [1 favorite]
Can't read the article without providing my email address, but I can read the comments, so I've got a good idea what it's about. The comments have me on the floor. Especially the one about Grassley.
posted by sundrop at 1:32 PM on May 5, 2021
posted by sundrop at 1:32 PM on May 5, 2021
I would like to thank the Defector for not shaming Canada with mention of the vestigial Canadian Senate.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 1:58 PM on May 5, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 1:58 PM on May 5, 2021 [3 favorites]
the greatest thing about Brady Tkachuk is that he's not Matthew Tkachuk
posted by elkevelvet at 2:05 PM on May 5, 2021
posted by elkevelvet at 2:05 PM on May 5, 2021
Which U.S. Senator Would Most Thoroughly Be Obliterated By A Single Check From Brady Tkachuk?:
Defector's "Comment of the Day" came out of this article. It went something along the lines of "If this were a TV show, it would be called Tkachecks and Balances."
posted by hwyengr at 2:13 PM on May 5, 2021 [2 favorites]
Defector's "Comment of the Day" came out of this article. It went something along the lines of "If this were a TV show, it would be called Tkachecks and Balances."
posted by hwyengr at 2:13 PM on May 5, 2021 [2 favorites]
When ESPN said Black Panther respects the abilities of Andrew Wiggins, it became difficult for me to think of a sports media company making a more desperate attempt to connect two topics that have less to do with each other. There is nothing organic to be found here. It’s all cynicism and aspartame. There are plenty of ways to describe the failures of this concept: incoherent, pandering, self-satisfied. The entire endeavor does not reflect well on those responsible for green-lighting it and allowing it to exist.
Yeah, this was the moment I had to find some other stream that was showing the regular game.
I like Andrew Wiggins, and I like Black Panther, but this was not for me and I spent a long time during that game wondering who exactly it was for. I felt bad for the announcers having to continue with this dreadful banter for an entire game.
On the upside: after all that it turns out Draymond Green is going to be an Avenger as a result of that game, and I honestly can't think of a better choice.
posted by oneirodynia at 2:32 PM on May 5, 2021 [1 favorite]
Yeah, this was the moment I had to find some other stream that was showing the regular game.
I like Andrew Wiggins, and I like Black Panther, but this was not for me and I spent a long time during that game wondering who exactly it was for. I felt bad for the announcers having to continue with this dreadful banter for an entire game.
On the upside: after all that it turns out Draymond Green is going to be an Avenger as a result of that game, and I honestly can't think of a better choice.
posted by oneirodynia at 2:32 PM on May 5, 2021 [1 favorite]
It's all fun and games until they do a post about Jar Jar.
posted by phooky at 4:27 PM on May 5, 2021
posted by phooky at 4:27 PM on May 5, 2021
the greatest thing about Brady Tkachuk is that he's not Matthew Tkachuk
As someone who grew up in Winnipeg in the '90s, I must emphatically assert that there is only One True Tkachuk, and it's neither one of these.
posted by Johnny Assay at 5:10 PM on May 5, 2021 [3 favorites]
As someone who grew up in Winnipeg in the '90s, I must emphatically assert that there is only One True Tkachuk, and it's neither one of these.
posted by Johnny Assay at 5:10 PM on May 5, 2021 [3 favorites]
As someone who grew up in Winnipeg in the '90s, I must emphatically assert that there is only One True Tkachuk, and it's neither one of these.
You are referring to cousin Up.
posted by srboisvert at 6:47 PM on May 5, 2021 [1 favorite]
You are referring to cousin Up.
posted by srboisvert at 6:47 PM on May 5, 2021 [1 favorite]
As a Sens fan this is highly amusing. "What Has Guy Boucher Been Up To Since His Players Joked In A Car About How Much The Senators Sucked?"
posted by aclevername at 1:11 AM on May 6, 2021
posted by aclevername at 1:11 AM on May 6, 2021
Can I just say for the record that if you haven't already bought a Defector subscription the fact that they landed Ray goddamn Ratto (the walrus himself!) should tip the scales.
posted by East14thTaco at 7:39 AM on May 6, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by East14thTaco at 7:39 AM on May 6, 2021 [2 favorites]
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