"For a day or two, nothing happened. I mean, nothing."

May 20, 2021 7:44 PM

"Milo’s habits are simple and revolting." Maria Farrell writes about her "hugely fluffy and dolphin-smiling Samoyed dog, Milo" and of the inconvenience of his bowel movements ("He has absolutely no concept of gastrointestinal cause and effect....For a while, there, Milo’s daily rhythm was primed perfectly to require a straining squat precisely as we passed the entrance to the local Tube station at the height of rush hour."). And then there's what he ate at her brother in law’s fortieth birthday party... Warning for lots of dog poop description.
posted by brainwane (6 comments total)

Maria Farrell is such a great writer. So many memorable well turned phrases and perfect asides.

Did I mention he didn’t want a dog at all? And that if we had to have a dog, the last kind of dog it should be was a Samoyed? He still says we nearly divorced over it, and I say he only has two siblings and no idea what a proper row really is.

posted by mark k at 8:09 PM on May 20, 2021

Love this! Thanks for sharing.
posted by ellieBOA at 5:34 AM on May 21, 2021

A brilliant piece. My childhood dog was a Samoyed, and much of this felt familiar. This could have been written about her:

"He is the happiest creature I’ve ever known. Everything is unbelievably more exciting than the last thing, for him. If it’s not food it’s play and if it’s not play it’s walk. It’s all good! All the time! He gets me out of the house every day and random people...come up to us to say ‘Hi Milo’ and have a chat. Old people, other dog owners, timid children – all of them stop to talk to him. He accepts it easily like a hairy little sun king. Randomers just smile or break into laughter as he trots by."

Mine never ate LEDs, but she did have a spell where she enjoyed chewing on ballpoint pens - blue ink across the muzzle of a white dog is quite a sight.

She understood a shockingly large English vocabulary and yet had the self-preservation skills of a turnip. A lover of all, except skunks, which she always chased yet never caught and always got sprayed by.

Farrell captures well the feeling of holding a dog's leash and waiting for it to finish taking a dump while in public. There's nothing quite like it.

An excellent piece. I wish I could meet Milo.
posted by Harvey Jerkwater at 6:06 AM on May 21, 2021 [4 favorites]

This was a delightful read. If anyone wants another on a similar topic, there is an essay in Dress your Family in Corduroy and Denim by David Sedaris. It was 15 years ago when I read it and I’m still chuckling.
posted by pickles_have_souls at 6:18 AM on May 21, 2021 [1 favorite]

When Milo ate the LED balloon lights, I had an idea of what was coming, and Milo did not disappoint. That made me laugh, thank you. More, plz.
posted by theora55 at 10:36 AM on May 21, 2021

It's quite true that a shared love for a pet gives rise to more poop talk than anyone could possibly believe beforehand was reasonable.
posted by praemunire at 12:15 PM on May 21, 2021