Baloney
June 28, 2021 5:21 PM Subscribe
Looking to inject some controversy into your 4th of July BBQ? Introducing the grilling innovation that pretty much no one asked for... The round dog.
filling my apartment with the thick fragrance of salty meat
My next sockpuppet name
posted by Greg_Ace at 5:45 PM on June 28, 2021 [15 favorites]
My next sockpuppet name
posted by Greg_Ace at 5:45 PM on June 28, 2021 [15 favorites]
Welp, now we're definitely living in The End Times.
posted by panglos at 5:46 PM on June 28, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by panglos at 5:46 PM on June 28, 2021 [3 favorites]
There also seems to be a typo where it says somebody is successfully charging people ten bucks for twelve ounces of affront to God in compressed meat form.
posted by mhoye at 5:47 PM on June 28, 2021 [43 favorites]
posted by mhoye at 5:47 PM on June 28, 2021 [43 favorites]
One man responded, "We will never see the kingdom of God."
posted by SPrintF at 5:48 PM on June 28, 2021 [16 favorites]
posted by SPrintF at 5:48 PM on June 28, 2021 [16 favorites]
Wow, someone invented a thick slice of Bologna. What magical times we live in.
posted by Philipschall at 5:49 PM on June 28, 2021 [39 favorites]
posted by Philipschall at 5:49 PM on June 28, 2021 [39 favorites]
Pepsi Sphincter
posted by bondcliff at 5:50 PM on June 28, 2021 [6 favorites]
posted by bondcliff at 5:50 PM on June 28, 2021 [6 favorites]
The correct approach is to get a good kosher brand (you can’t go wrong with Hebrew National) and spiral cut before throwing it on the grill. So simple, maximises Maillard, the dog still fits in a hot dog bun, condiments nestle nicely, and you’re avoiding the aforementioned price gouging. Instructions here. You’re welcome.
posted by tractorfeed at 5:52 PM on June 28, 2021 [31 favorites]
posted by tractorfeed at 5:52 PM on June 28, 2021 [31 favorites]
They mention the spiral cut in TFA. That's why they created this product. This post is about round hot dogs, let's discuss ROUND HOT DOGS HOLY HELL WHAT IS LIFE NOW
posted by tiny frying pan at 5:54 PM on June 28, 2021 [9 favorites]
posted by tiny frying pan at 5:54 PM on June 28, 2021 [9 favorites]
Um. The "Parisare" is a very popular thing to eat in northern Sweden, and has been around since the 1950s.
"Tore Strandh from Umeå is usually called "The Father of the Parisare". When he took over food sales on Children's Day in the mid-1950s, Tore and his brother composed The Parisian, after drawing inspiration from a dish called Night Parisians that was usually served on the flight between Stockholm and Paris in the early 50s. The Parisian has since become the king of all sausages in Norrland." Source.
Sweden celebrates "Parisarens Dag" (The Day of The Parisian) on October 17 each year, the date when Tore Strandh was born.
posted by gemmy at 5:54 PM on June 28, 2021 [11 favorites]
"Tore Strandh from Umeå is usually called "The Father of the Parisare". When he took over food sales on Children's Day in the mid-1950s, Tore and his brother composed The Parisian, after drawing inspiration from a dish called Night Parisians that was usually served on the flight between Stockholm and Paris in the early 50s. The Parisian has since become the king of all sausages in Norrland." Source.
Sweden celebrates "Parisarens Dag" (The Day of The Parisian) on October 17 each year, the date when Tore Strandh was born.
posted by gemmy at 5:54 PM on June 28, 2021 [11 favorites]
all that needs is some ketchup
posted by pyramid termite at 5:55 PM on June 28, 2021 [15 favorites]
posted by pyramid termite at 5:55 PM on June 28, 2021 [15 favorites]
all that needs is some ketchup
Ketchup!?!? On a HOT DOG?!?!
Heretic
posted by Floydd at 5:59 PM on June 28, 2021 [4 favorites]
Ketchup!?!? On a HOT DOG?!?!
Heretic
posted by Floydd at 5:59 PM on June 28, 2021 [4 favorites]
Someone tell the author about caramelizing vs. browning.
posted by paper chromatographologist at 6:00 PM on June 28, 2021 [4 favorites]
posted by paper chromatographologist at 6:00 PM on June 28, 2021 [4 favorites]
At the risk of doing the Food War equivalent of chucking a grenade in the room and leaving…I quite enjoyed the bratwurst patties I had last year every other day in lockdown with my dad, grilling constantly because we have precious little else in common and had nothing better to do anyway.
Now, I’m not saying they’re “totally awesome” or “authentic” or even all that great, though I do enjoy them; I’m saying Johnsonville Grillers helped bring my family closer together.
posted by hototogisu at 6:00 PM on June 28, 2021 [12 favorites]
Now, I’m not saying they’re “totally awesome” or “authentic” or even all that great, though I do enjoy them; I’m saying Johnsonville Grillers helped bring my family closer together.
posted by hototogisu at 6:00 PM on June 28, 2021 [12 favorites]
A++ ketchup trolling from pyramid termite, would read again.
posted by soundguy99 at 6:00 PM on June 28, 2021 [14 favorites]
posted by soundguy99 at 6:00 PM on June 28, 2021 [14 favorites]
I put ketchup on what I want. Including hotdogs. Sick of some fellow Chicagoans being bullies in this regard. At least it's a lesser misconception about us than our pizza.
posted by tiny frying pan at 6:01 PM on June 28, 2021 [14 favorites]
posted by tiny frying pan at 6:01 PM on June 28, 2021 [14 favorites]
Put whatever you want on that … thing. I prefer sauerkraut and onions.
Still is does raise the eternal question. What is that stuff?!!
posted by sudogeek at 6:05 PM on June 28, 2021
Still is does raise the eternal question. What is that stuff?!!
posted by sudogeek at 6:05 PM on June 28, 2021
BBQ bologna is actually pretty good..in moderation.
posted by wierdo at 6:12 PM on June 28, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by wierdo at 6:12 PM on June 28, 2021 [2 favorites]
They mention the spiral cut in TFA
You’re right, but it doesn’t say anything about the technique. It could just mean they were spiralling out of control. Also my mom”s local Meijers has a lucky 7 pack of Hebrew Nationals for $3.99 thus leaving plenty of cash for hipster condiments. Please everyone try spiral cut it’s the way of the future
posted by tractorfeed at 6:14 PM on June 28, 2021 [3 favorites]
You’re right, but it doesn’t say anything about the technique. It could just mean they were spiralling out of control. Also my mom”s local Meijers has a lucky 7 pack of Hebrew Nationals for $3.99 thus leaving plenty of cash for hipster condiments. Please everyone try spiral cut it’s the way of the future
posted by tractorfeed at 6:14 PM on June 28, 2021 [3 favorites]
Well, I don't really have a dog (ahem) in this fight, as I figured out years ago that I don't really like hot dogs or bologna and haven't eaten either in decades. But I do recall frying regular thin bologna when I was a younger less opinionated fellow and it did improve the flavor (along with generous lashings of brown (or Grey Poupon country-style) mustard). So even if this is just "thicc bologna", I can imagine that being able to brown large flat surfaces of it probably does end up tasting pretty good - if you like that sort of thing, of course.
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:15 PM on June 28, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:15 PM on June 28, 2021 [3 favorites]
As a Discordian I am intrigued in a philosophical sort of way, unless that's horniness and I'm just not used to it anymore.
posted by The otter lady at 6:16 PM on June 28, 2021 [30 favorites]
posted by The otter lady at 6:16 PM on June 28, 2021 [30 favorites]
hipster condiments
No wait, that's my next sockpuppet name.
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:16 PM on June 28, 2021 [15 favorites]
No wait, that's my next sockpuppet name.
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:16 PM on June 28, 2021 [15 favorites]
This is a helpful product for parents of kids who love those choke-tastic hot dog tubes, right? Or am I overestimating the benefit? I always see parents cutting hot dogs very small. Maybe it would be the same with a patty.
posted by tiny frying pan at 6:17 PM on June 28, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by tiny frying pan at 6:17 PM on June 28, 2021 [1 favorite]
Old World style hot dog? $10 for four three-ounce “burgers”?
I’ve got good news about the price of bologna. You can even buy it unsliced, make your Newfoundland steak as thick as you like.
posted by rodlymight at 6:27 PM on June 28, 2021 [6 favorites]
I’ve got good news about the price of bologna. You can even buy it unsliced, make your Newfoundland steak as thick as you like.
posted by rodlymight at 6:27 PM on June 28, 2021 [6 favorites]
“The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was round hot dogs.”
posted by GenjiandProust at 6:28 PM on June 28, 2021 [6 favorites]
posted by GenjiandProust at 6:28 PM on June 28, 2021 [6 favorites]
all that needs is some ketchup
Ketchup!?!? On a HOT DOG?!?!
Heretic
Don't get too excited....I like mine with Miracle Whip.
posted by 922257033c4a0f3cecdbd819a46d626999d1af4a at 6:31 PM on June 28, 2021 [3 favorites]
Ketchup!?!? On a HOT DOG?!?!
Heretic
Don't get too excited....I like mine with Miracle Whip.
posted by 922257033c4a0f3cecdbd819a46d626999d1af4a at 6:31 PM on June 28, 2021 [3 favorites]
Yeah, that's just bologna. Or maybe a highfalutin version of Taylor ham. Various parts of the US Midatlantic and South have been cutting them thick and eating them fried or grilled in sandwiches for decades.
I won't sneer because people like what they like. But I'll point out that you can get two fried bologna sandwiches with fixings of one package of that round hot dog.
posted by ardgedee at 6:31 PM on June 28, 2021 [6 favorites]
I won't sneer because people like what they like. But I'll point out that you can get two fried bologna sandwiches with fixings of one package of that round hot dog.
posted by ardgedee at 6:31 PM on June 28, 2021 [6 favorites]
Read the title. Scrolled down to the picture and said out loud, “Well that’s disappointing.”
I was expecting a torus. :(
posted by brook horse at 6:35 PM on June 28, 2021 [30 favorites]
I was expecting a torus. :(
posted by brook horse at 6:35 PM on June 28, 2021 [30 favorites]
MetaFilter: twelve ounces of affront to God in compressed meat form
posted by kirkaracha at 6:40 PM on June 28, 2021 [8 favorites]
posted by kirkaracha at 6:40 PM on June 28, 2021 [8 favorites]
I bet those would taste great sauteed in beer. At least that's how I cooked bologna in college.
posted by kirkaracha at 6:40 PM on June 28, 2021
posted by kirkaracha at 6:40 PM on June 28, 2021
I miss pigs in a blanket. From 2015-18 I worked at a hotel bar dayshift. They put out family meal at 11, my bar opened at 11, so I almost never had time to grab any food. Especially in summertime when the staff tripled. Even if I had time, then I'd have had to eat behind the bar, while open, and that is not the kind of bartender I am when I am a bartender.
Lucky for me we had pigs in a blanket on the app menu. I could order them, give myself the employee discount, and hide them behind the bar, and using slight of hand and quick eyes and body position make 12 of them vanish in less than 3 minutes. No ketchup, no mustard, just tasty calories that gave me just enough food to work through 5 or 6 in the evening.
I could go for some right now.
posted by vrakatar at 6:42 PM on June 28, 2021 [9 favorites]
Lucky for me we had pigs in a blanket on the app menu. I could order them, give myself the employee discount, and hide them behind the bar, and using slight of hand and quick eyes and body position make 12 of them vanish in less than 3 minutes. No ketchup, no mustard, just tasty calories that gave me just enough food to work through 5 or 6 in the evening.
I could go for some right now.
posted by vrakatar at 6:42 PM on June 28, 2021 [9 favorites]
Bologna is much like spam in that with the right technique and application it becomes a delicious slab or nugget of salty crispy goodness. I’ve had a fried bologna sandwich and enjoyed it, I love spam musubi, and they do smoke bologna slabs in… I think it’s Alabama? Thereabouts, anyway. It’s a whole thing.
I could see this… round dog… being fine to eat. But I feel like the ratios would be off and I’d want to dress it like a Chicago dog with a full salad or something. And it would be better with a bbq rub.
posted by Mizu at 6:45 PM on June 28, 2021 [2 favorites]
I could see this… round dog… being fine to eat. But I feel like the ratios would be off and I’d want to dress it like a Chicago dog with a full salad or something. And it would be better with a bbq rub.
posted by Mizu at 6:45 PM on June 28, 2021 [2 favorites]
But bologna and hot dogs don't taste the same (at least to me). Also, I'm not sure my family would let me grill thick slices of bologna but they would definitely try a "round hot dog".
posted by dweingart at 6:47 PM on June 28, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by dweingart at 6:47 PM on June 28, 2021 [1 favorite]
I was also immediately reminded of spam burgers
posted by snuffleupagus at 6:47 PM on June 28, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by snuffleupagus at 6:47 PM on June 28, 2021 [1 favorite]
Depending on how open ended (or pedantic) you want to be, the only difference between a pate and a meatloaf is essentially the name. You could call a hamburger a sausage patty if you wanted, and you believed that all sausage is simply ground meat mashed together until the meat and fat begin to adhere to each other creating (technical term), a farce.
I make sausage. At the end of the process, there's always a little leftover farce in the stuffing horn, and at the bottom of the stuffer. This leftover is nearly always formed into a patty and cooked in a fry pan, and Mrs. Ghidorah and I nibble on it and she gives me a quick review.
They're fucking delicious, because sausage is delicious. You could, indeed, put them on a small, fluffy bun or roll, possibly with some condiments. To me (John Goodman intesifying) they would be sausage rolls, not hamburgers. It's like when you fucked up and only bought hot dog buns, and tried to make elongated hamburger patties to fit the buns. No one enjoyed that, and every bite someone took of those "hotburger dogs" was washed down with spite and resentment. If you want a meatloaf sandwich, go for it. If you want to have a sausage roll, be my guest. But (John Goodman pulling gun from bowling bag) names of things mean something, damn it. A hot dog is a hot dog, and a hamburger is a hamburger. No, your boneless fried chicken on a bun is not a burger, or a chickenburger, it's a chicken sandwich, and chicken sandwiches are fine.
Also, and seriously, folks, what the hell, but if you're going to go through all of that trouble to make a weird mutant blob of processed meat that's barely big enough to fill a whole bun, why would you go with frankfurter seasoning when there are so many sausages out there (the above mentioned bratwurst) that actually have flavor? Why go with the mushmouthed standard of blandness and conformity? Gah, I say.
posted by Ghidorah at 6:50 PM on June 28, 2021 [49 favorites]
I make sausage. At the end of the process, there's always a little leftover farce in the stuffing horn, and at the bottom of the stuffer. This leftover is nearly always formed into a patty and cooked in a fry pan, and Mrs. Ghidorah and I nibble on it and she gives me a quick review.
They're fucking delicious, because sausage is delicious. You could, indeed, put them on a small, fluffy bun or roll, possibly with some condiments. To me (John Goodman intesifying) they would be sausage rolls, not hamburgers. It's like when you fucked up and only bought hot dog buns, and tried to make elongated hamburger patties to fit the buns. No one enjoyed that, and every bite someone took of those "hotburger dogs" was washed down with spite and resentment. If you want a meatloaf sandwich, go for it. If you want to have a sausage roll, be my guest. But (John Goodman pulling gun from bowling bag) names of things mean something, damn it. A hot dog is a hot dog, and a hamburger is a hamburger. No, your boneless fried chicken on a bun is not a burger, or a chickenburger, it's a chicken sandwich, and chicken sandwiches are fine.
Also, and seriously, folks, what the hell, but if you're going to go through all of that trouble to make a weird mutant blob of processed meat that's barely big enough to fill a whole bun, why would you go with frankfurter seasoning when there are so many sausages out there (the above mentioned bratwurst) that actually have flavor? Why go with the mushmouthed standard of blandness and conformity? Gah, I say.
posted by Ghidorah at 6:50 PM on June 28, 2021 [49 favorites]
Wow, someone invented a thick slice of Bologna.
Mr. Big Stick would like a word. He's been here all along.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 7:02 PM on June 28, 2021
Mr. Big Stick would like a word. He's been here all along.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 7:02 PM on June 28, 2021
So is a hot dog a sandwich now?
I mean, it already was.
posted by SansPoint at 7:11 PM on June 28, 2021 [3 favorites]
I mean, it already was.
posted by SansPoint at 7:11 PM on June 28, 2021 [3 favorites]
leftover farce in the stuffing horn
WAIT, no, that's ... oh damn, I can't decide!
posted by Greg_Ace at 7:21 PM on June 28, 2021 [11 favorites]
WAIT, no, that's ... oh damn, I can't decide!
posted by Greg_Ace at 7:21 PM on June 28, 2021 [11 favorites]
I'm imagining biting into an inch-and-a-half-thick slice of grilled baloney (not gonna entertain the 'bologna' spelling) and it makes me feel queasy. And this from a guy who enjoys a hot dog from time to time!
posted by SoberHighland at 7:21 PM on June 28, 2021
posted by SoberHighland at 7:21 PM on June 28, 2021
"As a Chicagoan, I denounce this atrocity and call for reform."
Bold words from someone whose dog is already a travesty. You just don't need to put that much shit on a hotdog.
posted by nushustu at 7:23 PM on June 28, 2021 [3 favorites]
Bold words from someone whose dog is already a travesty. You just don't need to put that much shit on a hotdog.
posted by nushustu at 7:23 PM on June 28, 2021 [3 favorites]
Sausage patties on a bun are totally a thing, around here usually eaten at breakfast. And my father loved fried baloney but he wouldn't have paid $10 a pound to get it thick sliced.
Why go with the mushmouthed standard of blandness and conformity?
Lots of people and specifically pick kid eaters like that.
Besides sausage patties are already a commercial product.
posted by Mitheral at 7:24 PM on June 28, 2021 [2 favorites]
Why go with the mushmouthed standard of blandness and conformity?
Lots of people and specifically pick kid eaters like that.
Besides sausage patties are already a commercial product.
posted by Mitheral at 7:24 PM on June 28, 2021 [2 favorites]
It's much easier to make a hamburger in the shape of a hot dog.
posted by rikschell at 7:24 PM on June 28, 2021
posted by rikschell at 7:24 PM on June 28, 2021
1. This is clearly more a "flat" dog than a "round" dog. Hotdogs are already round.
2. "the softness of each bite feels deeply comforting" I have difficulty using polite words to describe how unappetizing that sounds
posted by ockmockbock at 7:25 PM on June 28, 2021 [14 favorites]
2. "the softness of each bite feels deeply comforting" I have difficulty using polite words to describe how unappetizing that sounds
posted by ockmockbock at 7:25 PM on June 28, 2021 [14 favorites]
Yeah, i was hoping for sphere or torus so it was a bit of a let down to get a disc.
posted by RobotHero at 7:30 PM on June 28, 2021 [6 favorites]
posted by RobotHero at 7:30 PM on June 28, 2021 [6 favorites]
Now, I’m not saying they’re “totally awesome” or “authentic”
Authenticity, as a culinary concept, is a trap for the weak-minded and a marker for when you're being sold.
posted by aramaic at 7:32 PM on June 28, 2021 [7 favorites]
Authenticity, as a culinary concept, is a trap for the weak-minded and a marker for when you're being sold.
posted by aramaic at 7:32 PM on June 28, 2021 [7 favorites]
"Hotdogs are already round."
Right, I guess that's why my mind went for sphere or torus? Because that keeps the existing round aspects of a hot dog, and makes the few straight parts more round.
posted by RobotHero at 7:33 PM on June 28, 2021 [2 favorites]
Right, I guess that's why my mind went for sphere or torus? Because that keeps the existing round aspects of a hot dog, and makes the few straight parts more round.
posted by RobotHero at 7:33 PM on June 28, 2021 [2 favorites]
Looks like pork roll. Which is delicious.
posted by sepviva at 7:35 PM on June 28, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by sepviva at 7:35 PM on June 28, 2021 [1 favorite]
These are round in the same way the earth is flat.
posted by joeyh at 7:47 PM on June 28, 2021 [6 favorites]
posted by joeyh at 7:47 PM on June 28, 2021 [6 favorites]
I want to see the torus dogs just for the buns
posted by snuffleupagus at 7:54 PM on June 28, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by snuffleupagus at 7:54 PM on June 28, 2021 [3 favorites]
You just don't need to put that much shit on a hotdog.
Wait, hold up. What are you doing over there?
posted by loquacious at 7:55 PM on June 28, 2021 [8 favorites]
Wait, hold up. What are you doing over there?
posted by loquacious at 7:55 PM on June 28, 2021 [8 favorites]
Oscar Meyer has caught wind of this, and is mustering (mustarding?) up the troops...
posted by Greg_Ace at 7:59 PM on June 28, 2021 [4 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 7:59 PM on June 28, 2021 [4 favorites]
Metafilter:After several days of spiraling, I finally received my round dogs in the mail.
MMMEEAAATTTFFFFFIIILLTTTEEER: a little leftover farce in the stuffing horn
posted by lalochezia at 8:01 PM on June 28, 2021 [3 favorites]
MMMEEAAATTTFFFFFIIILLTTTEEER: a little leftover farce in the stuffing horn
posted by lalochezia at 8:01 PM on June 28, 2021 [3 favorites]
ALSO WHERE THE FUCK DOES THIS ABOMINATION FIT ON THIIIISSS
the fucking 3rd dimension that's where
posted by lalochezia at 8:02 PM on June 28, 2021 [4 favorites]
the fucking 3rd dimension that's where
posted by lalochezia at 8:02 PM on June 28, 2021 [4 favorites]
I am committed to get some of these, layer with some baked beans and topping with some puff pastry and having me some beanie weenies
posted by skyscraper at 8:05 PM on June 28, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by skyscraper at 8:05 PM on June 28, 2021 [2 favorites]
I'm sorry is this another thing about putting tomato paste and bread on mortadella?
posted by lkc at 8:18 PM on June 28, 2021
posted by lkc at 8:18 PM on June 28, 2021
I want to see the torus dogs just for the buns
Just a.. hamburger bun, right?
You could put all sorts of things in the middle!
posted by curious nu at 8:19 PM on June 28, 2021 [2 favorites]
Just a.. hamburger bun, right?
You could put all sorts of things in the middle!
posted by curious nu at 8:19 PM on June 28, 2021 [2 favorites]
You ain't nothing but a round dog/fryin' all the time etc
I'll get me coat.
posted by aesop at 8:21 PM on June 28, 2021 [25 favorites]
I'll get me coat.
posted by aesop at 8:21 PM on June 28, 2021 [25 favorites]
Yeah….we’ve had pork roll in NJ for a very long time. This is not an innovation, it’s a rebranding attempt.
posted by Miko at 8:24 PM on June 28, 2021
posted by Miko at 8:24 PM on June 28, 2021
I want to see the torus dogs just for the buns
Montreal has you covered.
posted by cardboard at 8:24 PM on June 28, 2021 [5 favorites]
Montreal has you covered.
posted by cardboard at 8:24 PM on June 28, 2021 [5 favorites]
It's kind of eerie that I just discovered that I'd left John Hodgman's final ruling on whether a hotdog is a sandwich open in a tab from some late night browsing. I don't quite recall why I'd looked that up -- it was some sleepy browsing -- but I'm certainly glad I unwittingly had it in my back pocket for just this occasion. I don't think this invention would persuade him but I can't help wondering if it wasn't invented in part to troll him
posted by treepour at 8:28 PM on June 28, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by treepour at 8:28 PM on June 28, 2021 [2 favorites]
So this, a sausage patty, a slice of spam, a slice of Bologna sausage, and a slice of gammon; all grilled and served in a roll with your choice of condiments…
posted by fallingbadgers at 8:32 PM on June 28, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by fallingbadgers at 8:32 PM on June 28, 2021 [2 favorites]
Step aside Kraaft .. Round dog singles will be the apotheosis of American food.
posted by joeyh at 8:35 PM on June 28, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by joeyh at 8:35 PM on June 28, 2021 [3 favorites]
My money's on round dog with Kraft singles melted on top. Because one of America's main contributions to the English language is "Can I get cheese on that?"
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:42 PM on June 28, 2021 [4 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:42 PM on June 28, 2021 [4 favorites]
(The question of whether Kraft singles actually qualify as "cheese" is left for another thread)
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:44 PM on June 28, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:44 PM on June 28, 2021 [2 favorites]
I don't know where everyone who is saying "thick bologna!" is getting their hot dogs, but if I got a hot dog that tasted like bologna, I would be very disturbed. Some hot dogs superficially resemble bologna, but the flavor is not the same.
posted by jordemort at 8:53 PM on June 28, 2021 [6 favorites]
posted by jordemort at 8:53 PM on June 28, 2021 [6 favorites]
I love bbq baloney; it's been around forever. It was a thing when I lived in Tulsa while going to university there.
Oklahoma Barbecue
OKLAHOMA PRIME RIB
posted by shoesietart at 9:04 PM on June 28, 2021 [3 favorites]
Oklahoma Barbecue
OKLAHOMA PRIME RIB
posted by shoesietart at 9:04 PM on June 28, 2021 [3 favorites]
I was expecting a torus. :(
I'm still trying to imagine how you'd create an ouroboros sausage.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 9:47 PM on June 28, 2021 [3 favorites]
I'm still trying to imagine how you'd create an ouroboros sausage.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 9:47 PM on June 28, 2021 [3 favorites]
You could call a hamburger a sausage patty if you wanted
"...what is hamburger: chopped ham? No! It’s chopped steak."
posted by kirkaracha at 10:21 PM on June 28, 2021 [2 favorites]
"...what is hamburger: chopped ham? No! It’s chopped steak."
posted by kirkaracha at 10:21 PM on June 28, 2021 [2 favorites]
How does it taste with a cronut bun?
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 10:22 PM on June 28, 2021
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 10:22 PM on June 28, 2021
Yes, these are still hot, and hot dogs are already round, in one dimension at least. Surely this is actually a dogburger?
posted by Grangousier at 11:26 PM on June 28, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by Grangousier at 11:26 PM on June 28, 2021 [2 favorites]
If every hot dog were perfect, we wouldn't have round hot dogs.
posted by BiggerJ at 11:30 PM on June 28, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by BiggerJ at 11:30 PM on June 28, 2021 [1 favorite]
The pictured "round dogs" are simply slices of a much larger traditional hot dog weiner.
Based on an approximate 4 inch diameter round dog compared to the standard 1/2 inch diameter hot dog weiner, they are 8 times bigger.
Therefore, given the approximate 6 inch length of a traditional hot dog weiner, the full-sized hot dog weiner from which the round dogs are sliced is 4 feet long.
posted by fairmettle at 11:49 PM on June 28, 2021 [9 favorites]
Based on an approximate 4 inch diameter round dog compared to the standard 1/2 inch diameter hot dog weiner, they are 8 times bigger.
Therefore, given the approximate 6 inch length of a traditional hot dog weiner, the full-sized hot dog weiner from which the round dogs are sliced is 4 feet long.
posted by fairmettle at 11:49 PM on June 28, 2021 [9 favorites]
is this another thing about putting tomato paste and bread on mortadella?
PUB FEED
posted by flabdablet at 12:19 AM on June 29, 2021
PUB FEED
posted by flabdablet at 12:19 AM on June 29, 2021
When did “hot dog” become “hotdog?”
posted by The Underpants Monster at 12:24 AM on June 29, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by The Underpants Monster at 12:24 AM on June 29, 2021 [1 favorite]
Since alot of people started spelling it that way.
posted by flabdablet at 12:26 AM on June 29, 2021 [8 favorites]
posted by flabdablet at 12:26 AM on June 29, 2021 [8 favorites]
See also Lorne, or Scottish Square Sausage
posted by Grangousier at 12:57 AM on June 29, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by Grangousier at 12:57 AM on June 29, 2021 [1 favorite]
No, Google, I want to see "Alot of Hotdog" and nothing else. I want the Alot carved of hotdog, or extruded, or encased, or however alot is formed.
You wouldn't divert my quest for delicious fried Spam into some email shithole, would you.
You rat Bayard, as keyboards say.
posted by away for regrooving at 1:10 AM on June 29, 2021 [3 favorites]
You wouldn't divert my quest for delicious fried Spam into some email shithole, would you.
You rat Bayard, as keyboards say.
posted by away for regrooving at 1:10 AM on June 29, 2021 [3 favorites]
aesop: "You ain't nothing but a round dog/fryin' all the time etc"
Help me if you can I'm feelin' down
And I do appreciate your bein' round...
posted by chavenet at 1:30 AM on June 29, 2021 [7 favorites]
Help me if you can I'm feelin' down
And I do appreciate your bein' round...
posted by chavenet at 1:30 AM on June 29, 2021 [7 favorites]
I'm sad that both the article and the comments section here seemed to miss that this thing already exists. It's called Leberkaese in German (literally liver-cheese). It's hot dog loaf. Exactly this.
posted by sixohsix at 2:01 AM on June 29, 2021 [5 favorites]
posted by sixohsix at 2:01 AM on June 29, 2021 [5 favorites]
Wurst. Hotdog. Ever
posted by biffa at 2:04 AM on June 29, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by biffa at 2:04 AM on June 29, 2021 [3 favorites]
The product is then smoked [...] with a proprietary blend of woods, such as chicory [sic]
This is a delightful construction: "smoked with a proprietary blend of woods, such as X". If the reader is unfamiliar with the concept of wood, it offers an helpful example: X. A hasty reader might erroneously conclude that the proprietary wood blend literally includes X, but the author has been careful to avoid making such a claim.
Just imagine: after shovelling another load of MDF offcuts as feedstock to fuel the dog-smoker, the author sits down, pours a nice glass of bourbon, and bashes out this round-dog product description.
posted by are-coral-made at 2:09 AM on June 29, 2021 [4 favorites]
This is a delightful construction: "smoked with a proprietary blend of woods, such as X". If the reader is unfamiliar with the concept of wood, it offers an helpful example: X. A hasty reader might erroneously conclude that the proprietary wood blend literally includes X, but the author has been careful to avoid making such a claim.
Just imagine: after shovelling another load of MDF offcuts as feedstock to fuel the dog-smoker, the author sits down, pours a nice glass of bourbon, and bashes out this round-dog product description.
posted by are-coral-made at 2:09 AM on June 29, 2021 [4 favorites]
If there was pork in them, we could call them hogdots.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:25 AM on June 29, 2021 [16 favorites]
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:25 AM on June 29, 2021 [16 favorites]
But....the long-and-skinny shape is part of the appeal of a hot dog. It slides into your mouth much easier.
I mean, if anyone wants one of these things, I'll leave 'em to it, but I wouldn't be a fan. I would at most politely accept one if offered at a party or something (come on, I'm not a heathen).
Honestly, though, I'd miss the skinny tube-shape bit. ...There's a guy at work who lives near a place that makes these ersatz sausage rolls by wrapping a hot dog in what seems to be bagel dough; periodically he insists on getting one for my boss, but my boss secretly isn't a fan and just gives them to me, so I have started occasionally eating hot dogs for breakfast and yeah, I'm kinda into it. And - you wouldn't be able to do that with this kind of formation.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 3:31 AM on June 29, 2021 [1 favorite]
I mean, if anyone wants one of these things, I'll leave 'em to it, but I wouldn't be a fan. I would at most politely accept one if offered at a party or something (come on, I'm not a heathen).
Honestly, though, I'd miss the skinny tube-shape bit. ...There's a guy at work who lives near a place that makes these ersatz sausage rolls by wrapping a hot dog in what seems to be bagel dough; periodically he insists on getting one for my boss, but my boss secretly isn't a fan and just gives them to me, so I have started occasionally eating hot dogs for breakfast and yeah, I'm kinda into it. And - you wouldn't be able to do that with this kind of formation.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 3:31 AM on June 29, 2021 [1 favorite]
after shovelling another load of MDF offcuts as feedstock to fuel the dog-smoker
These are hotdog franks we're talking about. The MDF offcuts go in the grinder, not in the smoker.
posted by flabdablet at 4:46 AM on June 29, 2021 [4 favorites]
These are hotdog franks we're talking about. The MDF offcuts go in the grinder, not in the smoker.
posted by flabdablet at 4:46 AM on June 29, 2021 [4 favorites]
Fuck, now I want a pig in a blanket for breakfast.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 4:51 AM on June 29, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 4:51 AM on June 29, 2021 [3 favorites]
I, too, wish for the meat torus
posted by Nutri-Matic Drinks Synthesizer at 5:31 AM on June 29, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by Nutri-Matic Drinks Synthesizer at 5:31 AM on June 29, 2021 [2 favorites]
{sulking, forgotten, replaced}
posted by Ten Cold Hot Dogs at 5:50 AM on June 29, 2021 [16 favorites]
posted by Ten Cold Hot Dogs at 5:50 AM on June 29, 2021 [16 favorites]
I don't think those'll fly here in the Sonoran Desert. Can't wrap 'em in bacon.
Also, hot dogs stow nicely in cupholders or in the extra water bottle thingy on my bike. This "innovation" would get lost in a pannier or just slide around on the dash in the car.
posted by The Potate at 5:52 AM on June 29, 2021
Also, hot dogs stow nicely in cupholders or in the extra water bottle thingy on my bike. This "innovation" would get lost in a pannier or just slide around on the dash in the car.
posted by The Potate at 5:52 AM on June 29, 2021
Real hot-dogs have bacon, cheese, avocado, onion, cilantro, tomatoes, relish and mayo.
posted by signal at 6:14 AM on June 29, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by signal at 6:14 AM on June 29, 2021 [2 favorites]
If the marketing team were better, they’d have announced this on February 2.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 6:35 AM on June 29, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by ricochet biscuit at 6:35 AM on June 29, 2021 [2 favorites]
Real hot-dogs have [list of tasty augmentations]
If that were true, it would mean that you could just leave out the digested meat pulp component altogether and end up with something that tastes at least as good.
No, a real hot dog is just a frank in a split white soft-crust bread roll, whose only real job is to avoid having to touch the frank with your hands. If you're trying to disguise the pure experience of consuming an obsessively cost-optimized industrial edible to prop up the illusion that what you're eating is food then you're doing it wrong.
posted by flabdablet at 6:35 AM on June 29, 2021 [3 favorites]
If that were true, it would mean that you could just leave out the digested meat pulp component altogether and end up with something that tastes at least as good.
No, a real hot dog is just a frank in a split white soft-crust bread roll, whose only real job is to avoid having to touch the frank with your hands. If you're trying to disguise the pure experience of consuming an obsessively cost-optimized industrial edible to prop up the illusion that what you're eating is food then you're doing it wrong.
posted by flabdablet at 6:35 AM on June 29, 2021 [3 favorites]
If that were true,
Heck, if you just replace the hot dog with lettuce, you have a solid BLT.
posted by GenjiandProust at 6:45 AM on June 29, 2021 [1 favorite]
Heck, if you just replace the hot dog with lettuce, you have a solid BLT.
posted by GenjiandProust at 6:45 AM on June 29, 2021 [1 favorite]
I don't think those'll fly here in the Sonoran Desert. Can't wrap 'em in bacon.
Bacon wrapped burgers are already a thing so I can't see that being an impediment.
posted by Mitheral at 6:50 AM on June 29, 2021 [1 favorite]
Bacon wrapped burgers are already a thing so I can't see that being an impediment.
posted by Mitheral at 6:50 AM on June 29, 2021 [1 favorite]
Real hot-dogs have bacon, cheese, avocado, onion, cilantro, tomatoes, relish and mayo.
I'm not so sure about that - I'd say that they have yellow mustard, chopped onions, relish, a dill pickle spear, a tomato wedge, pickled sport peppers and a dash of celery salt. Or, if you're a purist, mustard and/or sauerkraut, and served with a papaya smoothie on the side.
I had a Chicago dog for the first time in 2007 on a vacation, and at one point on the trip I realized I had just gone through a 36-hour period where I had eaten nothing but hot dogs dragged through the garden.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:57 AM on June 29, 2021 [4 favorites]
I'm not so sure about that - I'd say that they have yellow mustard, chopped onions, relish, a dill pickle spear, a tomato wedge, pickled sport peppers and a dash of celery salt. Or, if you're a purist, mustard and/or sauerkraut, and served with a papaya smoothie on the side.
I had a Chicago dog for the first time in 2007 on a vacation, and at one point on the trip I realized I had just gone through a 36-hour period where I had eaten nothing but hot dogs dragged through the garden.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:57 AM on June 29, 2021 [4 favorites]
As a Brit I am duty bound to enter any thread where sausages in bread rolls are mentioned to remind you that These Are Not "Sausage Rolls". They are sausages in rolls. These are sausage rolls.
I've written sausage so many times it no longer even looks like a real word.
posted by tinwhiskers at 7:11 AM on June 29, 2021 [5 favorites]
I've written sausage so many times it no longer even looks like a real word.
posted by tinwhiskers at 7:11 AM on June 29, 2021 [5 favorites]
> hototogisu:
"At the risk of doing the Food War equivalent of chucking a grenade in the room and leaving…I quite enjoyed the bratwurst patties I had last year every other day in lockdown with my dad, grilling constantly because we have precious little else in common and had nothing better to do anyway.
Now, I’m not saying they’re “totally awesome” or “authentic” or even all that great, though I do enjoy them; I’m saying Johnsonville Grillers helped bring my family closer together."
Fareway, the "other" Iowa grocery store besides Hy-Vee, dedicates a slot of their (very good) meat counters with fresh, made on premises bratwurst patties using their proprietary brat seasoning.
I will say they are awesome.
also, your user name comes dangerously close to being very topical to this post.
posted by ArgentCorvid at 7:21 AM on June 29, 2021 [1 favorite]
"At the risk of doing the Food War equivalent of chucking a grenade in the room and leaving…I quite enjoyed the bratwurst patties I had last year every other day in lockdown with my dad, grilling constantly because we have precious little else in common and had nothing better to do anyway.
Now, I’m not saying they’re “totally awesome” or “authentic” or even all that great, though I do enjoy them; I’m saying Johnsonville Grillers helped bring my family closer together."
Fareway, the "other" Iowa grocery store besides Hy-Vee, dedicates a slot of their (very good) meat counters with fresh, made on premises bratwurst patties using their proprietary brat seasoning.
I will say they are awesome.
also, your user name comes dangerously close to being very topical to this post.
posted by ArgentCorvid at 7:21 AM on June 29, 2021 [1 favorite]
shoesietart, thanks for those links. The first Saveur article linked to one on Jamil's that was a hell of a trip down memory lane and had recipes for The One True Tabbouleh as well as those cabbage rolls, which is bringing back an incredible sense memory. I wonder if they still put way too much dressing on the salads.
posted by fedward at 7:47 AM on June 29, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by fedward at 7:47 AM on June 29, 2021 [2 favorites]
Bacon wrapped burgers are already a thing so I can't see that being an impediment.
I think I misstated my objection. The wrapping is, per se, feasible, but the irregular disk form of this new thing would greatly increase the bacon to hot dog ratio. I've had a few bacon-wrapped burgers, and the bacon seems to always overwhelm the burger.
This bacon:Dog problem brings me closer to team Torus. If it were a torus dog, the b:D would remain roughly the same as the old tubular dog.It would get even closer as the circumference increases. We could even include a casing for that snappy toothsomeness!
I don't know what we're going to do to find a suitable top-split roll to accommodate all this.
posted by The Potate at 7:58 AM on June 29, 2021
I think I misstated my objection. The wrapping is, per se, feasible, but the irregular disk form of this new thing would greatly increase the bacon to hot dog ratio. I've had a few bacon-wrapped burgers, and the bacon seems to always overwhelm the burger.
This bacon:Dog problem brings me closer to team Torus. If it were a torus dog, the b:D would remain roughly the same as the old tubular dog.It would get even closer as the circumference increases. We could even include a casing for that snappy toothsomeness!
I don't know what we're going to do to find a suitable top-split roll to accommodate all this.
posted by The Potate at 7:58 AM on June 29, 2021
sport peppers
Do they handle better than sedan peppers?
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:28 AM on June 29, 2021 [6 favorites]
Do they handle better than sedan peppers?
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:28 AM on June 29, 2021 [6 favorites]
If you want a hot dog torus, get the hot dog patties, a biscuit cutter, and punch out the middle. Maybe serve on a bonut, leave off the glaze. Or don't at that point, you've abandoned the path of righteousness several steps ago, why worry about it now?
posted by stevis23 at 8:48 AM on June 29, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by stevis23 at 8:48 AM on June 29, 2021 [1 favorite]
Hot dog = the food
Hotdog = verb meaning to show off
Derail complete! Also I’d eat one of these but too pricey. A regular dog split on the grill seems fine. But tbh Mrs. Freecell makes turkey burgers that have replaced burgers and hot dogs as my July 4 main dish of choice.
posted by freecellwizard at 8:52 AM on June 29, 2021 [2 favorites]
Hotdog = verb meaning to show off
Derail complete! Also I’d eat one of these but too pricey. A regular dog split on the grill seems fine. But tbh Mrs. Freecell makes turkey burgers that have replaced burgers and hot dogs as my July 4 main dish of choice.
posted by freecellwizard at 8:52 AM on June 29, 2021 [2 favorites]
Yay for a NJ-founded business! Rastelli meats are pricey but have never steered me wrong. Even though misterussell behind me is shrieking "thicc bologna!" I'm tempted to try them. But as far as I can tell from the website, these aren't carried in their physical stores and there are only 2 of us so I don't want to purchase the set of 8 in case we don't like them.
I do have some errands today, maybe I can swing by...dammit, MetaFilter!
posted by kimberussell at 9:09 AM on June 29, 2021
I do have some errands today, maybe I can swing by...dammit, MetaFilter!
posted by kimberussell at 9:09 AM on June 29, 2021
If you want a hot dog torus, get the hot dog patties, a biscuit cutter, and punch out the middle.
And then you could sell hot dog holes. A 20 pack of Timbits would turn into a complete meal.
These are sausage rolls
Also the case in Canada.
posted by Mitheral at 9:30 AM on June 29, 2021 [2 favorites]
And then you could sell hot dog holes. A 20 pack of Timbits would turn into a complete meal.
These are sausage rolls
Also the case in Canada.
posted by Mitheral at 9:30 AM on June 29, 2021 [2 favorites]
Start with a selection of at least 9 fine sausages, a cup of room-temperature bacon fat, kitchen twine, and two cans of different circumferences (about an inch difference). The fat should be just warm enough to be workable, right on the cusp of setting up. You will need a very sharp knife, a cutting board, and either a hot grill or a good frying pan and stove.
1. With a very sharp knife, shave the edges of each sausage to turn them into rectangular cuboids.
2. Laminate three of the sausages into a flat platform by buttering the inside edges of the cuboids with bacon fat and firmly pressing them together.
3. While continuing to press the sausage cuboids together, carefully cut across the ends of the three sausages at the point where the result will form a square platform.
4. Measure out two pieces of twine sufficient to tie the ends of the platform together. After cutting both pieces, first coat each piece in bacon fat, and then carefully tie the ends of the platform together, just tight enough to compress the sausages together while the bacon fat sets up.
5. Repeat steps 2 through 4 until you have at least three separate platforms. You want sufficient platforms so that stacking them will form a cube.
6. Butter the top (up) side of the first sausage platform with bacon fat, and then layer the second platform over the first, with the individual sausage cuboids aligned in the opposite (perpendicular) directions.
7. Repeat step 6 until the stacked platforms create a cube.
8. Measure out two pieces of twine sufficient to tie the cube together twice. After cutting both pieces, first coat each piece in bacon fat, and then carefully tie the cube together, just tight enough to compress the sausages together while the bacon fat sets up.
9. Grill or fry the sausage cube over medium high heat, turning to brown all six sides, two to three minutes per side. When all six sides of the cube are browned to the desired doneness, move the sausage cube to indirect heat, cover, and continue to cook until an instant-read thermometer shows that the inside center of the cube has reached 160 degrees.
10. Remove from the heat and let rest on a cutting board for 10 minutes.
11. Set the wider can, jar, cup, or protractor of desired circumference on top of the cube, and scribe a circle into the top face of the cube with your knife. After removing the can, carefully push the tip of your knife into the sausage cube and cut around the circle until the corners are cut off of the cube and you are left with a sausage cylinder.
12. Set a smaller can, jar, cup, or protractor of desired circumference on top of the cylinder, and scribe a circle into the top face of the cylinder with your knife. After removing the can, carefully push the tip of your knife straight down into the sausage cylinder and cut around the inner circle until the inside of the sausage cylinder has been hollowed out.
13. Flip the cylinder on its side, and begin slicing inch-thick hollow rounds of laminated sausage.
14. With your knife or a small micro plane, carefully shave the edges of your sausage rounds, both inside and out, until your rounds have become toruses.
15. Return the sausage toruses to the grill or fry pan and cook over indirect heat until all visible surfaces have browned, about five more minutes.
16. Remove sausage toruses from heat and let rest for five minutes.
16. Enjoy your sausage toruses with your favorite irreverent sausage condiments, such as humus.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:28 AM on June 29, 2021 [4 favorites]
1. With a very sharp knife, shave the edges of each sausage to turn them into rectangular cuboids.
2. Laminate three of the sausages into a flat platform by buttering the inside edges of the cuboids with bacon fat and firmly pressing them together.
3. While continuing to press the sausage cuboids together, carefully cut across the ends of the three sausages at the point where the result will form a square platform.
4. Measure out two pieces of twine sufficient to tie the ends of the platform together. After cutting both pieces, first coat each piece in bacon fat, and then carefully tie the ends of the platform together, just tight enough to compress the sausages together while the bacon fat sets up.
5. Repeat steps 2 through 4 until you have at least three separate platforms. You want sufficient platforms so that stacking them will form a cube.
6. Butter the top (up) side of the first sausage platform with bacon fat, and then layer the second platform over the first, with the individual sausage cuboids aligned in the opposite (perpendicular) directions.
7. Repeat step 6 until the stacked platforms create a cube.
8. Measure out two pieces of twine sufficient to tie the cube together twice. After cutting both pieces, first coat each piece in bacon fat, and then carefully tie the cube together, just tight enough to compress the sausages together while the bacon fat sets up.
9. Grill or fry the sausage cube over medium high heat, turning to brown all six sides, two to three minutes per side. When all six sides of the cube are browned to the desired doneness, move the sausage cube to indirect heat, cover, and continue to cook until an instant-read thermometer shows that the inside center of the cube has reached 160 degrees.
10. Remove from the heat and let rest on a cutting board for 10 minutes.
11. Set the wider can, jar, cup, or protractor of desired circumference on top of the cube, and scribe a circle into the top face of the cube with your knife. After removing the can, carefully push the tip of your knife into the sausage cube and cut around the circle until the corners are cut off of the cube and you are left with a sausage cylinder.
12. Set a smaller can, jar, cup, or protractor of desired circumference on top of the cylinder, and scribe a circle into the top face of the cylinder with your knife. After removing the can, carefully push the tip of your knife straight down into the sausage cylinder and cut around the inner circle until the inside of the sausage cylinder has been hollowed out.
13. Flip the cylinder on its side, and begin slicing inch-thick hollow rounds of laminated sausage.
14. With your knife or a small micro plane, carefully shave the edges of your sausage rounds, both inside and out, until your rounds have become toruses.
15. Return the sausage toruses to the grill or fry pan and cook over indirect heat until all visible surfaces have browned, about five more minutes.
16. Remove sausage toruses from heat and let rest for five minutes.
16. Enjoy your sausage toruses with your favorite irreverent sausage condiments, such as humus.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:28 AM on June 29, 2021 [4 favorites]
This thread is everything I imagined it would be and more. (Hot dog holes, OMG.)
posted by merriment at 10:46 AM on June 29, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by merriment at 10:46 AM on June 29, 2021 [2 favorites]
I'm still trying to imagine how you'd create an ouroboros sausage
Band name.
posted by Foosnark at 11:04 AM on June 29, 2021 [1 favorite]
Band name.
posted by Foosnark at 11:04 AM on June 29, 2021 [1 favorite]
> Foosnark:
"I'm still trying to imagine how you'd create an ouroboros sausage
Band name."
not to be confused with Sausage Ouroboros. Totally different genres.
posted by ArgentCorvid at 11:17 AM on June 29, 2021
"I'm still trying to imagine how you'd create an ouroboros sausage
Band name."
not to be confused with Sausage Ouroboros. Totally different genres.
posted by ArgentCorvid at 11:17 AM on June 29, 2021
Well, why don't they make a circular hot dog? They can extrude any shape, so why not? Why not???
posted by blnkfrnk at 11:48 AM on June 29, 2021
posted by blnkfrnk at 11:48 AM on June 29, 2021
They should make a square hot dog, to fit better on sliced bread.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 12:04 PM on June 29, 2021
posted by The Underpants Monster at 12:04 PM on June 29, 2021
That's the kind of innovative creativity needed to prevent backstage catastrophes.
posted by flabdablet at 12:49 PM on June 29, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by flabdablet at 12:49 PM on June 29, 2021 [1 favorite]
How does one tell? By the color of his sweater?
posted by snuffleupagus at 2:11 PM on June 29, 2021
posted by snuffleupagus at 2:11 PM on June 29, 2021
I never quite got the whole "Is a hot dog a sandwich?" thing because growing up, hot dog sandwiches were their own thing. When the pack of eight buns was gone and there were still two hot dogs left in the 10-pack, you got a hot dog sandwich for lunch. Mom would cut a hot dog in half lengthwise and crosswise, then arrange the four pieces between two slices of bread with some mustard. A hot dog sandwich was sad and clearly inferior to a real hot dog inna bun. And also inferior to a baloney sandwich, fried or not.
posted by indexy at 2:20 PM on June 29, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by indexy at 2:20 PM on June 29, 2021 [1 favorite]
OK but let me tell you about my grandma and her yam and hot dog "goulash"
posted by snuffleupagus at 2:25 PM on June 29, 2021 [4 favorites]
posted by snuffleupagus at 2:25 PM on June 29, 2021 [4 favorites]
Wow, those quotation marks around "goulash" are doing some seriously heavy lifting, there.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:20 PM on June 29, 2021 [5 favorites]
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:20 PM on June 29, 2021 [5 favorites]
I had a Chicago dog for the first time in 2007 on a vacation, and at one point on the trip I realized I had just gone through a 36-hour period where I had eaten nothing but hot dogs dragged through the garden.
When I first moved to the Chicago area 20-some years ago, at one of my early jobs I was somewhat baffled when a coworker exclaimed,"Ooo, you know what sounds good for lunch? A HOT DOG!!" I couldn't understand why that would excite someone. Where I grew up, a hot dog was a boiled wiener with ketchup, mustard, relish, onion and maybe sauerkraut if you were feeling fancy. Most restaurants didn't even have them on the menu except maybe as a kid's item (minus most of the condiments.) You mostly got them at ball games and they were mediocre at best.
My first Chicago-style hotdog was a revelation, even coming from the lunch vendor in the Home Depot. Then I discovered Portillos and I finally got it.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 3:42 PM on June 29, 2021
When I first moved to the Chicago area 20-some years ago, at one of my early jobs I was somewhat baffled when a coworker exclaimed,"Ooo, you know what sounds good for lunch? A HOT DOG!!" I couldn't understand why that would excite someone. Where I grew up, a hot dog was a boiled wiener with ketchup, mustard, relish, onion and maybe sauerkraut if you were feeling fancy. Most restaurants didn't even have them on the menu except maybe as a kid's item (minus most of the condiments.) You mostly got them at ball games and they were mediocre at best.
My first Chicago-style hotdog was a revelation, even coming from the lunch vendor in the Home Depot. Then I discovered Portillos and I finally got it.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 3:42 PM on June 29, 2021
snuffleupagus: "yam and hot dog "goulash"
Wurst Pogues Album evar
posted by chavenet at 4:34 PM on June 29, 2021 [1 favorite]
Wurst Pogues Album evar
posted by chavenet at 4:34 PM on June 29, 2021 [1 favorite]
Ok hot dogs…. Not complicated… and for f*** sake skip the grill… boil the sausage (big ones, beef if possible) latter the bread (do not buy buns intended for steaming) with soft butter on both side (or melted one if you keep it in the fridge) and brown it in a pan DO NOT PUSH ON IT!!! It’ll brown and be soft and awesome. Put whatever you want in it and do not buy that overpriced bologna slice.
Also anyone who sellls hotdog stuff in sizes not divisible by 6 should be thrown in jail.
posted by WaterAndPixels at 5:05 PM on June 29, 2021 [1 favorite]
Also anyone who sellls hotdog stuff in sizes not divisible by 6 should be thrown in jail.
posted by WaterAndPixels at 5:05 PM on June 29, 2021 [1 favorite]
I'm pretty sure this site is where I found out about the concept of "American" goulash. Growing up, with a mother who's neighbor was a nice Hungarian woman happy to teach neighborhood kids about cooking, goulash was a thing of wonder, something to get excited about (we're having goulash tonight!), it was a harsh shock that for many people, it was on par with tuna surprise, or "we're cleaning out the fridge and the pantry because pay day isn't for another five days" sort of meal.
posted by Ghidorah at 6:04 PM on June 29, 2021
posted by Ghidorah at 6:04 PM on June 29, 2021
Hot dog = the food
Hotdog = verb meaning to show off
Hot dog!
posted by flabdablet at 4:53 AM on June 30, 2021
Hotdog = verb meaning to show off
Hot dog!
posted by flabdablet at 4:53 AM on June 30, 2021
Amusingly, my grandparents were Hungarian immigrants (coming separately). And my grandpa would give grandma some serious side-eye when she brought that one out. To which she'd respond in Hungarian, probably to remind him that "goulash" just means 'stew.'
She was a decent cook, but I think it was mostly obligatory and aside from baking sweets she was happy enough to adopt '50s Betty Crocker cooking when they decamped from NYC to the Midwest to raise my Dad. Beyond the cakes and cookies, I had her actual Hungarian cooking only a few times in my life.
posted by snuffleupagus at 6:01 AM on June 30, 2021
She was a decent cook, but I think it was mostly obligatory and aside from baking sweets she was happy enough to adopt '50s Betty Crocker cooking when they decamped from NYC to the Midwest to raise my Dad. Beyond the cakes and cookies, I had her actual Hungarian cooking only a few times in my life.
posted by snuffleupagus at 6:01 AM on June 30, 2021
Serene Empress Dork: I just spent a long weekend in Chicago and there was a Portillo's about a 10 minute walk from my hotel. I've had "Chicago Dogs" before, and thought they were a fun novelty. This was the first proper one I had and yeah, I really get it now. I wish I could get a proper poppy seed hot dog roll here in NYC.
Also I had an Italian Beef from Portillos, which was tasty, but it's no cheesesteak.
posted by SansPoint at 6:50 AM on June 30, 2021
Also I had an Italian Beef from Portillos, which was tasty, but it's no cheesesteak.
posted by SansPoint at 6:50 AM on June 30, 2021
Also I had an Italian Beef from Portillos, which was tasty, but it's no cheesesteak.
Of course not! It doesn't pretend to be! It's an Italian Beef!
(and there are even BETTER places to get Chicago Dogs than Portillo's [like Wrigleysville Dogs, arguably the only good thing in Wrigleyville {OH YEAH I WENT THERE}])
posted by cooker girl at 9:39 AM on June 30, 2021 [1 favorite]
Of course not! It doesn't pretend to be! It's an Italian Beef!
(and there are even BETTER places to get Chicago Dogs than Portillo's [like Wrigleysville Dogs, arguably the only good thing in Wrigleyville {OH YEAH I WENT THERE}])
posted by cooker girl at 9:39 AM on June 30, 2021 [1 favorite]
cooker girl: I know there were better places, but the weather was awful and I was going where I could around my schedule of stuff I was doing with other people.
posted by SansPoint at 10:13 AM on June 30, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by SansPoint at 10:13 AM on June 30, 2021 [1 favorite]
And to be fair, a Portillo's dog is REALLY GOOD and I don't begrudge anyone who eats one. Just putting Wrigleysville Dogs out there, so to speak.
posted by cooker girl at 11:42 AM on June 30, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by cooker girl at 11:42 AM on June 30, 2021 [2 favorites]
I miss the ubiquity of Jodi Maroni's. I don't know what happened (overexpansion?) but you hardly see them anymore.
posted by snuffleupagus at 5:12 PM on June 30, 2021
posted by snuffleupagus at 5:12 PM on June 30, 2021
(Upon searching, they are in fact defunct. :[ )
posted by snuffleupagus at 5:38 PM on June 30, 2021
posted by snuffleupagus at 5:38 PM on June 30, 2021
If the marketing team were better, they’d have announced this on February 2.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 6:35 AM on June 29
HOW HAS THIS NOT BEEN FAVORITED SEVERAL HUNDRED TIMES
posted by hearthpig at 4:46 AM on July 2, 2021
posted by ricochet biscuit at 6:35 AM on June 29
HOW HAS THIS NOT BEEN FAVORITED SEVERAL HUNDRED TIMES
posted by hearthpig at 4:46 AM on July 2, 2021
further observations:
- I worked at a mine in northern Labrador on and off for a couple of years. Fried baloney (maybe half inch slices) was on the breakfast spread every single day, right next to the bacon and sausages. I once watched one of the ore truck drivers take what I estimate as 3/4 of a pound of fried baloney wrapped in foil as his lunch, he told me he just kept it on the dash and picked at it all day while he drove. Had a bottle of tabasco in the side pocket of his blaze safety vest.
- I worked at a remediation site in Newark NJ on and off for a couple of years, and BY FAR one of my favorite things about the whole experience was "taylor ham, egg and cheese on a hard roll with salt, pepper, and ketchup". My own limited experience was that these never had a shorter name than that, but I was just imitating the folks that I worked with. I would routinely get busted for Canadian mispronunciation of "Taylor". (my least favorite thing about the whole experience was probably Those Fucking Jughandle Turns, but anyway)
- when I was a kid I had a kid's cookbook with a "Recipe" for making short slits crosswise along the full length of a hot dog and then pan frying it with the dog laid in the pan such that the slits faced sideways, so when the dog swelled in cooking it formed into a ring...and then you were supposed to eat them on a hotdog bun. I loved making these (because it was easy and fun and cool to watch them bend in the pan) but didn't care much for eating them because the bun condiment meat ratio was so deeply unfavorable.
- I currently live in a town (Kitchener-Waterloo) with a long euro immigrant history and a LOT of local sausage options, and am somewhat surprised this particular form factor hasn't come up. closest I can think of offhand is leberkase?
- (I was gonna tell my livermush story again but I don't think it applies here, sorry)
I don't eat meat much anymore, but I'd have eaten this without complaint.
posted by hearthpig at 5:06 AM on July 2, 2021
- I worked at a mine in northern Labrador on and off for a couple of years. Fried baloney (maybe half inch slices) was on the breakfast spread every single day, right next to the bacon and sausages. I once watched one of the ore truck drivers take what I estimate as 3/4 of a pound of fried baloney wrapped in foil as his lunch, he told me he just kept it on the dash and picked at it all day while he drove. Had a bottle of tabasco in the side pocket of his blaze safety vest.
- I worked at a remediation site in Newark NJ on and off for a couple of years, and BY FAR one of my favorite things about the whole experience was "taylor ham, egg and cheese on a hard roll with salt, pepper, and ketchup". My own limited experience was that these never had a shorter name than that, but I was just imitating the folks that I worked with. I would routinely get busted for Canadian mispronunciation of "Taylor". (my least favorite thing about the whole experience was probably Those Fucking Jughandle Turns, but anyway)
- when I was a kid I had a kid's cookbook with a "Recipe" for making short slits crosswise along the full length of a hot dog and then pan frying it with the dog laid in the pan such that the slits faced sideways, so when the dog swelled in cooking it formed into a ring...and then you were supposed to eat them on a hotdog bun. I loved making these (because it was easy and fun and cool to watch them bend in the pan) but didn't care much for eating them because the bun condiment meat ratio was so deeply unfavorable.
- I currently live in a town (Kitchener-Waterloo) with a long euro immigrant history and a LOT of local sausage options, and am somewhat surprised this particular form factor hasn't come up. closest I can think of offhand is leberkase?
- (I was gonna tell my livermush story again but I don't think it applies here, sorry)
I don't eat meat much anymore, but I'd have eaten this without complaint.
posted by hearthpig at 5:06 AM on July 2, 2021
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posted by Oyéah at 5:36 PM on June 28, 2021 [1 favorite]