If👏 you're👏 not👏 Kubla👏 Khan👏

July 29, 2021 12:31 PM

and👏 are👏 not👏 in👏 Xanadu👏 do👏 not👏 a👏 stately👏 pleasure👏 dome👏 decree!👏
posted by Sokka shot first (338 comments total)

I like this one better https://mobile.twitter.com/rhiannonolivaw/status/1420263069838675969
posted by thedaniel at 12:36 PM on July 29, 2021 [19 favorites]

Worth scrolling down for this one.
posted by sy at 12:46 PM on July 29, 2021 [7 favorites]

Okay, somebody might need to give me the big print version with the pictures because not a word of any of this makes a bit of sense to me.

On case it's relevant: I've spent most of the last week deep in a forest and with minimal Internet access, so if this relates to some kind of current events I might have missed it?
posted by avapoet at 12:53 PM on July 29, 2021 [13 favorites]

This is just to say

I have decreed
a pleasure dome
that is in
Xanadu

And which
is girdled round
with walls
and towers

Forgive me
it was Romantic
so measureless
and so stately
posted by saturday_morning at 12:54 PM on July 29, 2021 [109 favorites]

I used to love memorizing just-a-bit-longer-than-short pieces of literature (poems, speeches, etc.) that struck me when I was a teenager because I thought it would be so cool to quote/perform them for an audience. This was one of my favorites pieces.

I also thought, after my young mind being very impressed by Fahrenheit 451, that should anything ever befall civilization and it lost its books, I could step up and restore these works to the common vault of knowledge. (So yeah, the animating principle behind the Darkstarchive has been a minor obsession of mine since I was a youth.)

Sadly, also being an introvert, I never really got to the point that I felt comfortable reciting anything in front of anyone, ever. I was always too self-conscious about the appearance of my eyes, my hair.

It was rather later that I became a college prof and grew out of that reticence. I sometimes wish I were a prof of Literature so I could stand up and quote/perform these amazing works for my classes. But then I remember that I'd have to grade their papers afterward, which would undoubtedly leave me wailing for my demon lover.

If I could go back to those days of youth now, with the benefit of wisdom, and revive within me that symphony and song, then with music loud and long I would regale people with these works, until all who saw and heard should cry "Beware! Beware!" and begin weaving wards and, possibly, even begin calling into question my dietary choices.
posted by darkstar at 12:54 PM on July 29, 2021 [35 favorites]

Daddy?
Yes, son?
What does Xanadu mean?
Well, son, a funny thing about Xanadu is that it's better to enjoy a stately pleasure dome you did decree, than to enjoy a stately pleasure dome you didn't decree. And by the way, if you receive a visitor this weekend, would you be sure and tell them
PORLOCK! PORLOCK! PORLOCK!
posted by phooky at 12:54 PM on July 29, 2021 [40 favorites]

I started reciting what I could remember of the Kubla Khan the other day when the kids were playing Minecraft. They dug the "caverns measureless to man" part, but the rest they were hit and miss on. Besides they just found a solid vain of diamonds so pipe down dad.....
posted by inflatablekiwi at 12:57 PM on July 29, 2021 [6 favorites]

Kublai Kahn: Don't speak to me or my pleasure-dome ever again.
posted by BrashTech at 12:58 PM on July 29, 2021 [12 favorites]

"Pleasuredome.. ERECT"
posted by elkevelvet at 1:00 PM on July 29, 2021 [6 favorites]

No one gives Neil Peart enough credit for re-writing Coleridge and adding long synthesizer solos
posted by Cookiebastard at 1:08 PM on July 29, 2021 [8 favorites]

...but why?
posted by Omnomnom at 1:11 PM on July 29, 2021 [1 favorite]

This is the city that was once called Xanadu. It is a real place. Marco Polo spent time living there when Kublai was the Great Khan and wrote about his experiences in his book.
posted by heatherlogan at 1:12 PM on July 29, 2021 [12 favorites]

my name is Khan,
and in caves of ice,
or wen the garden
rills sinuous brite,
and caverns hold
a sunless sea - ,
i in Xanadu
a dome decree.
posted by jedicus at 1:15 PM on July 29, 2021 [69 favorites]

DTDLA
posted by saturday_morning at 1:19 PM on July 29, 2021 [2 favorites]

If it doesn’t have Gene Kelly on roller skates, I ain’t coming.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 1:29 PM on July 29, 2021 [20 favorites]

I thought Shangdu was Xanadu; Wikipedia seems to think so as well.
posted by biogeo at 1:31 PM on July 29, 2021 [7 favorites]

ALL THESE WORLDS ARE YOURS, EXCEPT XANADU. ATTEMPT NO PLEASURE DOME THERE.
posted by GuyZero at 1:31 PM on July 29, 2021 [45 favorites]

[IN XANADU]

Me: [chanting] dome, dome-
Other patients: DOME, DOME
Secretary [pounding clipboard]: DOME, DOME, DOME!
posted by GuyZero at 1:34 PM on July 29, 2021 [16 favorites]

Well my name is Khan, and I'm here to say
Got a fly pleasure dome just around the way
Abyssinian maid, come dance with me
I wanna fill your chasm with my big decree

You got that fertile ground, makes me come around
I thresh your greenery, you climb my incense tree
Don't be like caves of ice, let me mingle your measure
I'll play your rare device, give you ultimate pleasure
posted by Saxon Kane at 1:37 PM on July 29, 2021 [34 favorites]

Chalmers: A - a stately pleasure dome!? In Xanadu? Where Alph the sacred river ran? Through caverns measureless to man? Girdled round ENTIRELY with walls and towers?!
posted by saturday_morning at 1:39 PM on July 29, 2021 [50 favorites]

[worried look] A stately pleasure-dome, right?
posted by mittens at 1:40 PM on July 29, 2021 [22 favorites]

In a cavern in Xanadu, born and raised
In my pleasure dome was where I spent most of my days
posted by Faint of Butt at 1:43 PM on July 29, 2021 [38 favorites]

Marco.
posted by clavdivs at 1:43 PM on July 29, 2021 [5 favorites]

Polo
posted by clavdivs at 1:43 PM on July 29, 2021 [5 favorites]

Today was the day Kubla khan finally decreed pleasure-dome
posted by glonous keming at 1:44 PM on July 29, 2021 [9 favorites]

Finally, a worthy successor to The Cask of Amontillado memes.
posted by Apocryphon at 1:45 PM on July 29, 2021 [5 favorites]

Tell me you decreed a stately pleasure-dome without telling me you decreed a stately pleasure-dome. I'll go first: so there's this sacred river and these caverns, right? And...
posted by mhum at 1:47 PM on July 29, 2021 [14 favorites]

MAN: doc i'm so depressed
DOCTOR: i have just the thing, great decreer of pleasure domes Kubla Kahn is in the measureless caverns near Alph, go see him, you will feel much better
MAN: [bursting into tears] but doctor—
posted by cortex at 1:53 PM on July 29, 2021 [26 favorites]

"Sir, this is an Ancient Mariner's."
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 1:57 PM on July 29, 2021 [93 favorites]

SUPERINTENDENT CHALMERS: you know, this pleasure dome is quite similar to the ones built by Ozymandias.
PRINCIPLE KAHN: Oh ho no, patented Kubla Burg. Old family decree.
posted by cortex at 1:59 PM on July 29, 2021 [17 favorites]

Now it all started two Thanksgivings ago, was on - two years ago on Thanksgiving, when my friend and I went up to visit Kublai at the pleasure dome, but Kublai doesn't live in the pleasure dome, he lives in the caverns nearby the pleasure dome, in the caves of ice, with his demon-lover and Fasha the dog. And livin' in the caverns like that, they got a lot of room downstairs where it's measureless to man and havin' all that room, seein' as it's measureless to man, they decided that they didn't have girdle round their sinuous rills for a long time. We got up there,
posted by saturday_morning at 1:59 PM on July 29, 2021 [21 favorites]

"For the Dome of Pleasure, Kubla Khan!"
"Yes, for the Dome of Pleasure!”
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:00 PM on July 29, 2021 [4 favorites]

“average person decrees 3 pleasure domes a year” factoid actualy just statistical error. average person decrees zero pleasure domes per year. Domes Georg, who lives in the measureless caverns through which the sacred river Alph runs & decrees over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted
posted by cortex at 2:01 PM on July 29, 2021 [29 favorites]

Food $200
Data $150
Honey-Dew $800
Stately Pleasure-Domes $3,600
Milk of Paradise $150
someone who is good at decrees please help me. my family is prophesying war.
posted by saturday_morning at 2:04 PM on July 29, 2021 [37 favorites]

Actually Xanadu is the name of the city. The stately pleasure dome he's decreed is unnamed.
posted by Apocryphon at 2:05 PM on July 29, 2021 [24 favorites]

KUBLA KHAN: I hereby decree a pleasure dome, in the caverns measureless through which—
KUBLA KHAN'S FRIEND: fuck 'em up Kubla
posted by cortex at 2:06 PM on July 29, 2021 [8 favorites]

you ERECT pleasure dome? you erect pleasure dome like the dream vision? oh! oh! jail for Kubla! jail for Kubla for one thousand years!!!!
posted by dywypi at 2:09 PM on July 29, 2021 [20 favorites]

average person decrees zero pleasure domes per year.

You should also discount Tina Turner and Cobra Commander as they heard the question incorrectly.
posted by The_Vegetables at 2:10 PM on July 29, 2021 [3 favorites]

The real pleasure-dome was the friends we decreed along the way
posted by saturday_morning at 2:11 PM on July 29, 2021 [31 favorites]

THERAPIST: and what do we do when we're sad?
ME: decree a pleasure dome
THERAPIST: no
posted by cortex at 2:11 PM on July 29, 2021 [60 favorites]

The real pleasure dome was inside Coleridge all along.
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:16 PM on July 29, 2021 [9 favorites]

ARTICLE HEADLINE: "How This 20-Something Worked And Saved To Buy Their First Pleasure Dome"
CLASS FROM SIMPSONS: [turning to bart] say the line!
ARTICLE BODY: "...says MacKaylee Khan, 25, "I cut way down on takeout, and thankfully had no student debt because my parents paid for school. Also when it came time to purchase my dome, I got some help from my dad who was able to decree it, which helped a lot."
CLASS FROM SIMPSONS: [bursts into joyous laughter]
posted by cortex at 2:17 PM on July 29, 2021 [20 favorites]

So the pleasure dome isn't the old Pan-Pacific Auditorium?
posted by Your Childhood Pet Rock at 2:18 PM on July 29, 2021 [3 favorites]

Healthy Groceries: $100 - too much
Dinner & Drinks: $100 - no problem

Start a small business: $999 - too much
Build a pleasure dome in Xanadu: $999 - no problem

Life is about decrees, stop blaming the "anodyne that made you sleepy"
posted by Saxon Kane at 2:19 PM on July 29, 2021 [1 favorite]

“Hello, I’m Kubla Khan. You may remember me from such TV series as Flip That Pleasure Dome and Damsels & Duclimers.”
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 2:21 PM on July 29, 2021 [11 favorites]

another day volunteering at the kubla kahn dome. everyone keeps asking me if they can fuck the sinuous rills. buddy, they wont even let me fuck 'em
posted by cortex at 2:28 PM on July 29, 2021 [16 favorites]

Kubla Khan: pleasure dome, never decreed.
posted by Stonestock Relentless at 2:30 PM on July 29, 2021 [14 favorites]

LOLDOMES
posted by jquinby at 2:31 PM on July 29, 2021 [1 favorite]

"im not decreed! im not decreed!!", i continue to insist as i slowly shrink and transform into a pleasure dome
posted by GuyZero at 2:32 PM on July 29, 2021 [14 favorites]

I hate to say it, I hope I don’t sound ridiculous, I don’t know who this man is. I mean, he could be decreeing a pleasure-dome, and I wouldn’t know a thing. Sorry to this man.
posted by praemunire at 2:35 PM on July 29, 2021 [4 favorites]

my name is Khan
and all bewar
my flashing eys
my floting hare
and wen i want
a stately hom -
i make decree.
i build a dom.
posted by saturday_morning at 2:36 PM on July 29, 2021 [56 favorites]

I can haz plezure dome
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 2:39 PM on July 29, 2021 [5 favorites]

Would you rather get paid a pleasure dome right now or a cave of ice every month for the rest of your life?

I’ll take Option B.

That’s what passive income is.

Find a way to make passive income, it’ll change your life.
posted by GuyZero at 2:41 PM on July 29, 2021 [8 favorites]

Sometimes there's a man... I won't say a hero, 'cause, what's a hero? Sometimes, there's a man. And I'm talkin' about the Khan here - the Khan from Xanadu. Sometimes, there's a man, well, he's the man for his time and place. He fits right in there. And that's the Khan. The Khan, from Xanadu. And even if he's a dome-decreeing man - and the Khan was most certainly that. Quite possibly the most dome-decreeing in all of Inner Mongolia, which would place him high in the runnin' for most dome-decreeing worldwide. Sometimes there's a man, sometimes, there's a man. Well, I lost my train of thought here.
posted by LionIndex at 2:41 PM on July 29, 2021 [16 favorites]

HI IM IN XANADU AND I COULD OVERTHINK A DOME DECREE.
posted by cortex at 2:41 PM on July 29, 2021 [7 favorites]

Domed for her pleasure
posted by saturday_morning at 2:41 PM on July 29, 2021 [18 favorites]

TOYNBEE IDEA
IN KUBLA'S DECREE
RESURRECT DEAD
IN STATELY DOME
posted by cortex at 2:42 PM on July 29, 2021 [15 favorites]

Xanadu is one of the strangest sites I've seen in some time. I have no idea how Kubla Khan got his pleasure dome wedged into his romantic chasm, or why.
posted by Saxon Kane at 2:43 PM on July 29, 2021 [24 favorites]

PORLOCK, DRINK YOUR OVALTINE
posted by chavenet at 2:43 PM on July 29, 2021 [2 favorites]

Welcome to xanadu.info

• Debt consolidation
• Pleasure domes
• Insurance quotes
• Cedarn covers
• Milk of paradise
• Buy this domain

[girl-with-backpack.jpg]
posted by aws17576 at 2:45 PM on July 29, 2021 [18 favorites]

KUBLA KHAN: I pride myself and think of myself as a man of faith as there’s a stately pleasure dome into deep caverns measureless to man and that’ll be a home run
posted by RubixsQube at 2:47 PM on July 29, 2021 [2 favorites]

I would build that dome in air,
That sunny dome! those caves of ice!
I would build it with a fox
and I would build it in a box.
With ice and mice and rice and hair
I would decree it anywhere

Do you like Kublai and Khan?
Do you like them Sam-I-Am?

I do not like Kublai and Khan
I do not like them, Sam-Khayyam.
posted by chavenet at 2:47 PM on July 29, 2021 [8 favorites]

This dome is not a dome of honor. No fertile ground is girdled here. Nothing stately is here.
posted by cortex at 2:48 PM on July 29, 2021 [32 favorites]

MOAR LIKE XANADON'T AMIRITE?
posted by chavenet at 2:50 PM on July 29, 2021 [15 favorites]

I like big domes and I cannot lie!
You other sultans can’t deny
posted by moonmilk at 2:50 PM on July 29, 2021 [25 favorites]

[puts dome into glass beaker full of blue liquid]
"wait five minutes"
[dissolve transition]
[pulls swollen, blue dome out of beaker]
"statelier than before"
posted by cortex at 2:51 PM on July 29, 2021 [7 favorites]

In your best Steve Carell inner voice: I decree… A STATELY PLEASURE-DOME!
posted by kimota at 2:54 PM on July 29, 2021 [8 favorites]

Pleasure-Dome.com : I have no idea how they got their twice five miles of fertile ground wedged into their girdles, or why.
posted by darkstar at 2:55 PM on July 29, 2021 [5 favorites]

cf. Steve Carell clumsily somersaulting on a couch, shouting "decree!"
posted by cortex at 2:55 PM on July 29, 2021 [1 favorite]

Stately, plump Buck Xanadu came from the stairhead bearing a deep romantic chasm down which a mirror and a razor lay slanted
posted by moonmilk at 2:56 PM on July 29, 2021 [10 favorites]

So we decree on, domes against the Alph, borne back measurelessly into the caverns.
posted by cortex at 2:58 PM on July 29, 2021 [10 favorites]

*slaps roof of pleasure dome* this stately boy can hold so many measureless caverns!
posted by moonmilk at 3:00 PM on July 29, 2021 [7 favorites]

Born on a river, raised in a cave
Stately decreein' is all that I crave
posted by cortex at 3:00 PM on July 29, 2021 [6 favorites]

It's one pleasure dome, Kubla. What could it cost, ten decrees?
posted by cortex at 3:02 PM on July 29, 2021 [14 favorites]

teacher, teacher, i decree
a stately pleasure dome for me!
might be gold, might be tan
might be measureless to man
posted by moonmilk at 3:05 PM on July 29, 2021 [9 favorites]

[Kubla Kahn in pleasure dome costume] We’re all trying to find the guy who decreed this!
posted by ejs at 3:08 PM on July 29, 2021 [10 favorites]

I am a sultan for the kingdom
And I a pleasure dome decree
Drivin' down the Alph to a sunless sea

I hear you wailing for your lover
I hear your dulcimer divine
And the Xanadu Sultan
Is still on the line
posted by moonmilk at 3:10 PM on July 29, 2021 [8 favorites]

Knock knock

Who's there

Interrupting Kublai Khan

▸ Interrupting Kubl—
STATELY PLEASURE DOME

posted by aws17576 at 3:12 PM on July 29, 2021 [32 favorites]

Badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers pleasure dome pleasure dome
posted by emelenjr at 3:13 PM on July 29, 2021 [10 favorites]

Knock knock

Who's there

▸ Man from Porlock.

—DAMMIT!

posted by moonmilk at 3:16 PM on July 29, 2021 [16 favorites]

And on the pedestal, these words appear:
My name is Kubla Khan, King of Kings;
Look on my Pleasure Dome, ye Mighty, and despair!
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal caverns, measureless to man
The gardens bright with sinuous rills stretch far away.
posted by GuyZero at 3:21 PM on July 29, 2021 [10 favorites]

Witch King: You fool. These caverns are measureless to man.
Eowyn (removing her safety helmet): I am no man.
posted by otherchaz at 3:24 PM on July 29, 2021 [31 favorites]

If it's not in Xanadu decreed, it's just a sparkling cenotaph.
posted by moonmilk at 3:26 PM on July 29, 2021 [14 favorites]

MEESA DOMING
posted by maxwelton at 3:28 PM on July 29, 2021 [6 favorites]

MEESA DOMING

Too soon
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:30 PM on July 29, 2021 [7 favorites]

I would not eat them in a rill.
I would not in an ancient hill.
I would not eat in caves of ice.
I would not with a rare device.
I do not like green eggs and ham.
I do not like them, Kubla Khan!
posted by mbrubeck at 3:34 PM on July 29, 2021 [25 favorites]

Is this something I would need twice five miles of fertile ground to understand?
posted by PlusDistance at 3:38 PM on July 29, 2021 [31 favorites]

Who is this Marco, amigo?
Why is he standing
In your spangled leather caftan
And your pointy cow-fur shoes?
Bodacious horsemen
Such as your friend
Will never be welcome here
High in the pleasure dome
posted by mubba at 3:42 PM on July 29, 2021 [4 favorites]

1: [Hannibal Buress, shot in chair] PLEASURE DOME
[Eric Andre shooting him] THE GOVERNMENT

2: [Eric Andre looking despondent] WHY WOULD KUBLA KHAN DECREE THIS?
posted by Saxon Kane at 3:42 PM on July 29, 2021 [9 favorites]

The oldest and strongest pleasure dome of Kubla Khan is measureless to man, and the oldest and strongest kind of pleasure dome is caves of ice.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:43 PM on July 29, 2021 [3 favorites]

The whole internet loves Kubla Khan, a lovely khan that decrees stately pleasure domes! *5 seconds later* Beware! Beware! His flashing eyes, his floating hair!
posted by RobotHero at 3:43 PM on July 29, 2021 [28 favorites]

trying to get meta with this one
posted by Saxon Kane at 3:45 PM on July 29, 2021 [11 favorites]

"Hi, I'm Kubla Khan. You might remember me from such pleasure-domes as 'Xanadu' and 'Big Jim's Honey-Dew Hideout.'"
posted by PlusDistance at 3:49 PM on July 29, 2021 [9 favorites]

To seek the sacred River Alph, to walk the caves of ice...
posted by The Tensor at 3:53 PM on July 29, 2021 [1 favorite]

"Decreeing the pleasure-dome was a mistake."

-Kubla Khan

posted by glonous keming at 3:58 PM on July 29, 2021 [1 favorite]

In Xanadu - did Kubla Khan -
A Pleasure-dome decree -
And then the Windows failed - and then
I could not see to see -
posted by bgrebs at 4:01 PM on July 29, 2021 [11 favorites]

C'mon, can't we just get BEYOND pleasure dome?
posted by sysinfo at 4:02 PM on July 29, 2021 [8 favorites]

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a stately pleasure-dome must be in want of a woman wailing for her demon-lover.
posted by mittens at 4:04 PM on July 29, 2021 [30 favorites]

In Xanadu did KubIa Khan a stately pleasure dome decree. His twin brother, Kabla Kun, hates pleasure domes and never makes decrees. You may ask one question.
posted by mhoye at 4:08 PM on July 29, 2021 [14 favorites]

Dog carcass in the river Alph this morning, tire tread on burst stomach. This pleasure dome is afraid of me. I have seen its true face.
posted by stevis23 at 4:08 PM on July 29, 2021 [10 favorites]

This is not place of pleasure. No dome was decreed here. Nothing stately is here.
posted by mhoye at 4:18 PM on July 29, 2021 [17 favorites]

Almost heaven, Abyssinia,
Mighty fountain, Alph the sacred river
Ancient forests, older than the hills
Measureless the caverns, sinuous the rills

Kubla Khan, take me home
To a stately pleasure-dome
Abyssinia, Mount Abora
Take me home, Kubla Khan

I hear her voice; ’neath the waning moon she haunts me
Dulcimer reminds me of my home far away
Through the wood and dale, I get a vision
That I should should have been in Xanadu, Xanadu…
posted by mbrubeck at 4:19 PM on July 29, 2021 [62 favorites]

that's a tough fucking rewrite to follow.
one bow mbrubeck, one fantastic.
posted by clavdivs at 4:23 PM on July 29, 2021 [2 favorites]

Hey! I’m so glad you reached out. I’m actually at capacity/helping someone else who’s in crisis/decreeing a pleasure dome right now, and I don’t think I can hold the measureless space for you.
posted by Joeruckus at 4:36 PM on July 29, 2021 [4 favorites]

For sale: Fast thick pants, never worn
posted by mbrubeck at 4:40 PM on July 29, 2021 [10 favorites]

This is the city that was once called Xanadu. It is a real place.

they paved paradise and put up a parking lot
posted by pyramid termite at 4:43 PM on July 29, 2021 [2 favorites]

This Is Just To Say
I have eaten the jaded carcass
In the ice caves
And which you were probably
Saving for breakfast.
Forgive me,( even with the tire tracks
All across it's back,)
It was so sweet
And so cold.
posted by Oyéah at 4:44 PM on July 29, 2021 [4 favorites]

It looks like you're trying to decree a pleasure dome.

Would you like help?

[Yes] [No]
posted by Hairy Lobster at 4:45 PM on July 29, 2021 [19 favorites]

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a Khan in possession of a decree, must be in want of a stately pleasure dome.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 4:47 PM on July 29, 2021 [6 favorites]

Howdy friends, Kubla Khan of Kubla Khan Pleasure Domes, here in the city of Xanadu. Let's just look at the extras on this fabulous dome: caverns measureless to man, twice five miles of fertile ground, sinuous rills, and ancestral voices prophesying war from our fully voiced war-prophesying ancestors.

It's a beautiful dome, friends, with caves of ice! A damsel with a dulcimer said this pleasure dome was a miracle of rare device, but for you friends, only two hundred ninety-five hundred dollars, in easy monthly payments of weaving a circle round him thrice and drunk the milk of Paradise.
posted by rifflesby at 4:47 PM on July 29, 2021 [6 favorites]

WHAT.

A thread on Xanadu, that was posted on GEDDY LEE'S BIRTHDAY, and no mention of Rush?!

Lemme change that: Rush - Xanadu. Coompletely with the Absurdly Prophetic Robes.
posted by spinifex23 at 4:47 PM on July 29, 2021 [5 favorites]

What if Kubla Khan was one of us?
Just a slob like one of us
Just a stranger on the bus
On his way back to his dome
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 4:52 PM on July 29, 2021 [16 favorites]

I feel like this is a joke I should get. I can recite 1/3 of the poem. I've touched many Yuan era artifacts. But, I'm totally lost. Is there some non-spoilery clue for those of us who can't figure out even what field of human activity is involved here? Or is it just joyful nonsense? (Which is a fine thing.)
posted by eotvos at 4:53 PM on July 29, 2021 [8 favorites]

Look, you're all being terribly amusing, but can I join the third post in the thread in requesting some context I'm missing? Why this set of jokes at this time?

On preview: Exactly what was said above me as well.
posted by Inkslinger at 4:54 PM on July 29, 2021 [3 favorites]

It’s joyful nonsense
posted by saturday_morning at 4:56 PM on July 29, 2021 [8 favorites]

*slaps roof of Pleasure Dome* "This baby can fit many an incense-bearing tree ..."
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 4:57 PM on July 29, 2021 [13 favorites]

Whither midst falling dew, while glow the heavens, with the last steps of day, fat through their rosy depths doest thou pursue thy solitary whey? No, but do they sell fro yo in the pleasure dome? Then I could be persuwheyded to go.
posted by Oyéah at 4:57 PM on July 29, 2021 [2 favorites]

There isn't really anything to get. The twitter thread linked in the original post was a series of mashing Kubla Khan into various popular memes, which the author added to every now and then as new twitter memes became prevalent, and which they picked back up again in the last few days. We're just joining in the fun.
posted by rifflesby at 5:00 PM on July 29, 2021 [5 favorites]

In case anyone needs additional context for the joyful nonsense: Folks are riffing on Coleridge’s poem Xanadu in the style of various unrelated songs, poems, books, movies, and internet memes (e.g. miette, teeth, socrates, Cow).
posted by mbrubeck at 5:02 PM on July 29, 2021 [7 favorites]

Coleridge must have oozed out this fragment, after having tried to kill himself with the wrong, life affirming, mushroom. There was this strange, square, abandoned citadel, in a lake in Central Asia on The Blue, it was here yes, musta been Kubie's place, in sad disrepair.
posted by Oyéah at 5:02 PM on July 29, 2021 [1 favorite]

The wise man bowed his head solemnly and spoke: "theres actually zero difference between a stately pleasure-dome & the caverns measureless to man"
posted by eponym at 5:04 PM on July 29, 2021 [7 favorites]

Finally, a worthy successor to The Cask of Amontillado memes.

But is it not getting late? Will not they be awaiting us down the green hill athwart a cedarn cover, the woman wailing for her demon-lover and the rest? Let us be gone." "Yes," I said, "let us be gone." "For the love of God, Kubla Khan!" "Yes," I said, "for the love of God!" But to these words I hearkened in vain for a reply. I grew impatient. I called aloud -- "Beware! Beware! His flashing eyes, his floating hair!" No answer. I called again -- "Ancestral voices prophesying war!" No answer still.
posted by GuyZero at 5:17 PM on July 29, 2021 [6 favorites]

It looks like you're decreasing a stately pleasure dome. Would you like some help with that?
posted by nubs at 5:25 PM on July 29, 2021 [3 favorites]

Abyssinian maids got you down I feel bad for you son
I got twice five miles fertile ground and a pleasure dome on one
posted by rodlymight at 5:28 PM on July 29, 2021 [13 favorites]

Daddy won't you take me back to Xanadu County
Down by the Alph River where that pleasure dome lay
Well, I'm sorry my son, but you're too late in asking
Mr. Peabody's dome train has hauled it away
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 5:34 PM on July 29, 2021 [6 favorites]

Wanna hear a story about why me & this Abyssinian maid here fell out???????? It's kind of long but full of many an incense-bearing tree.
posted by eponym at 5:35 PM on July 29, 2021 [2 favorites]

Alph pogs! Remember Alph? It's back...in pog form!
posted by mittens at 5:43 PM on July 29, 2021 [10 favorites]

I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Forests ancient as the hills enfolding sunny spots of greenery. A stately pleasure dome with caves of ice. All these moments will be lost in time, like tears through caverns measureless to man down to a sunless sea.
posted by rodlymight at 5:45 PM on July 29, 2021 [21 favorites]

The caverns below the pleasure dome were the color of an incense-bearing tree, tuned to a dead channel.
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:48 PM on July 29, 2021 [16 favorites]

and what pleasure dome it's hour come round at last,
slouches towards xanadu to be decreed?
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 5:54 PM on July 29, 2021 [12 favorites]

Demon-lover? I hardly know ‘er!
posted by saturday_morning at 5:55 PM on July 29, 2021 [6 favorites]

I have discovered a truly stately pleasure dome - which this edit window is too small to decree
posted by Jon Mitchell at 5:56 PM on July 29, 2021 [14 favorites]

Xanadu resident: oh hey, you're back early
Kubla Khan: cavern's are measureless!
Xanadu resident: what?
Kubla Khan: *decreeing a stately pleasure dome and getting back on the boat* cavern's are measureless!
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 5:58 PM on July 29, 2021 [10 favorites]

And you may find yourself decreeing a stately pleasure dome.
And you may find yourself in a cavern that's measureless to man.
And you may find yourself running down to a sunless sea.

And you may ask yourself, well, how did I get here?
posted by hydra77 at 5:59 PM on July 29, 2021 [30 favorites]

Anakin: In Xanadu did Kubla Khan a stately pleasure dome decree
Padmé: But he didn't actually decree it, right?
Anakin: .........
Padmé: He didn't decree it, right?
posted by May Kasahara at 5:59 PM on July 29, 2021 [9 favorites]

Beware the Samuel Coleridge, son,
his flashing eyes, his floating hair
Don't feed on honeydew, and shun remembered domes he built in air
posted by otherchaz at 6:08 PM on July 29, 2021 [5 favorites]

yo dawg I heard you liked domes, so we recursively put domes inside your dome you can dome while you dome dome dome dome domedomedomedome....
posted by otherchaz at 6:13 PM on July 29, 2021 [1 favorite]

"A pleasure dome,
in my Xanadu?"

It's more stately than you think.

posted by Tabitha Someday at 6:15 PM on July 29, 2021 [19 favorites]

Kubla Khan had decreed the Pl3aZure D0m3 because he never felt at home in the real world. Somewhere, hidden in the sunless sea, three easter eggs were hidden. These days, no one feels at home in the real world and the Pl3aZure D0m3 is the only escape from it. Armed with my trusty falcon from off of Yeats' The Second Coming, my plaque from off of Shelley's Ozymandias, and some cold plums from the icebox, I resolved to find them
posted by Jon Mitchell at 6:18 PM on July 29, 2021 [5 favorites]

I...worked on this pleasure dome for a year...and...he just...he decreed it.
posted by eponym at 6:19 PM on July 29, 2021 [17 favorites]

I enjoyed watching Kubla Khan and Ollie reruns when I was young.
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:30 PM on July 29, 2021 [2 favorites]

CAPTAIN: What happen?
MECHANIC: Somebody sent us up the Alph.
OPERATOR: We get ancestral voices prophesying war.
CAPTAIN: What!
OPERATOR: Rare device turn on.
KHATS: How are you gentlemen!!
KHATS: All your dome are belong to us.
KHATS: You are on the way to Xanadu.
CAPTAIN: What you say!!
KHATS: You have no chance to survive make your time.
KHATS: Beware! Beware!
OPERATOR: Captain!!
CAPTAIN: Girdle round every 'TOWER'!!
CAPTAIN: ...
CAPTAIN: For great pleasure.
posted by cyrusdogstar at 6:32 PM on July 29, 2021 [32 favorites]

Someone decreed lately
a pleasure dome so stately
where Alph the sacred river ran.
He was hearing in the roar
ancient voices saying "war";
replying to decrees from the Khan.

Well,
the caverns start coming and they don't stop coming
fed to the rills of the gardens becoming
didn't make sense not to girdle round
the twice five miles of the fertile ground.
So much to do, so much to see,
so what's wrong with making that decree?
The wailing rocks sinking in foam;
the ice around Xanadu's dome.

Hey now, in a vision,
saw a damsel, she played.
"That dome, so elysian",
sang the dulcimer maid.

Close your eyes with dread;
On the honey-dew he has fed.
posted by solarion at 6:35 PM on July 29, 2021 [48 favorites]

i was writing All-Star but solarion beat me to posting
posted by glonous keming at 6:37 PM on July 29, 2021 [4 favorites]

it's been one week since you looked at me
cocked your head to the side and a stately pleasure-dome decreed
posted by saturday_morning at 6:39 PM on July 29, 2021 [14 favorites]

i'll just share my first line:

"Some Khan, he once clowned me. The Alph is gonna drown me."
posted by glonous keming at 6:39 PM on July 29, 2021 [17 favorites]

True story: Florida Man inspires "Kubla Khan." JPGs at 11
posted by Wobbuffet at 6:39 PM on July 29, 2021 [2 favorites]

Dyatlov: What does the damsel with the dulcimer say?
Akimov: Something about Mount Abora, I think --
Dyatlov: Abora. Not great, not terrible.
Sitnikov: I...wove a circle 'round him thrice. I think there's a cave of ice...
Dyatlov: You didn't see a cave of ice.
Sitnikov: I did.
Dyatlov: You didn't. You DIDN'T, because it's not there!
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 6:41 PM on July 29, 2021 [3 favorites]

Welcome ... to Xanadu.

This ... is ... Xanadu. Welcome. This is Xanadu; welcome ... to Xanadu. You can declare anything at Xanadu. Any stately pleasure dome. The only limit is twice five miles of fertile ground with walls and towers girdled round. Welcome ... to Xanadu.

Welcome ... to Xanadu. This is ... Xanadu. Welcome ... to Xanadu! This is Xanadu, welcome! Yes ... This ... is Xanadu.

This is Xanadu! And welcome to you, who have come to Xanadu. Anything ... is possible ... at Xanadu. You can declare ... anything at Xanadu. The caverns are measureless to man at Xanadu. The gardens are bright with sinuous rills at Xanadu. Welcome to Xanadu. This ... is Xanadu.

Welcome to Xanadu. Welcome. This ... is ... Xanadu. Welcome ... to Xanadu!

Welcome ... to Xanadu.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 6:41 PM on July 29, 2021 [17 favorites]

I'm at the Xanadu.
I'm at the Pleasure Dome.
I'm at the combination Xanadu and Pleasure Dome.
posted by no mind at 6:42 PM on July 29, 2021 [25 favorites]

glonous keming: i was writing All-Star but solarion beat me to posting

My apologies. I hope I did it justice at least.
posted by solarion at 6:42 PM on July 29, 2021 [4 favorites]

I hope I did it justice at least.

That was gooood.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 6:44 PM on July 29, 2021 [1 favorite]

yours was deff better than mine

its a deadly game, this meming
posted by glonous keming at 6:46 PM on July 29, 2021 [2 favorites]

Ermahgerd, pleasure derms!
posted by Wetterschneider at 6:50 PM on July 29, 2021 [19 favorites]

"I never thought he'd actually decree it," sobs woman who voted for the Khans Decreeing Pleasure Domes Party.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 6:51 PM on July 29, 2021 [40 favorites]

It's been
One week since your dome decree
Gardens bright with sinuous rills, many an incense-bearing tree
Five days to the sunless sea
Forests ancient as the hills, enfolding sunny spots of greenery
Three days since the waning moon
I saw an Abyssinian maid, but I couldn't tell you
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 6:53 PM on July 29, 2021 [8 favorites]

In Xanadu / Don't buy a home / Instead, decree / A pleasure-dome / Burma-Shave
posted by saturday_morning at 7:00 PM on July 29, 2021 [27 favorites]

1. those that are decreed by Kublai Khan,
2. sunless ones,
3. those that are girdled,
4. sinuous rills,
5. Abyssinian maids,
6. romantic ones,
7. fragments,
8. those included in the poem being referenced,
9. those that wail for their demon-lover,
10. measureless ones,
11. those played on a dulcimer in a vision,
12. others,
13. those that have just heard from far ancestral voices prophesying war,
14. those that cry Beware.

posted by aws17576 at 7:02 PM on July 29, 2021 [19 favorites]

Legit question for Kubla Khan – How do I kill the 30-50 ancestral voices prophesying war that run into my stately pleasure dome within 3-5 minutes while my Abyssinian maid plays the dulcimer?
posted by eponym at 7:08 PM on July 29, 2021 [15 favorites]

Pounded In The Pleasure-Dome In Xanadu By Kubla Khan And His Sinuous Rills
posted by saturday_morning at 7:15 PM on July 29, 2021 [22 favorites]

Rumours going on
About Kubla Khan
And his dome with caves of ice
You know what I'm talkin' about
Just let me know if you wanna go
And drink the milk of paradise
They got a lot of cedarn covers, ah
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 7:25 PM on July 29, 2021 [3 favorites]

Every Khan's doin' a brand new dance now
(Come on baby do the mazy motion)
I know you'll get to like it if you give it a chance now
(Come on baby do the mazy motion)

Abyssinian maids they can do it with ease
Easy as climbing incense-bearing trees
So come on, come on, do the mazy motion with me

Meander five miles now
Come on baby, jump up, jump back
Well, I think you got the knack
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 7:27 PM on July 29, 2021 [6 favorites]

Measureless domes for my plushie friends
Pleasureless domes for my mushy friends
posted by aws17576 at 7:29 PM on July 29, 2021 [6 favorites]

Stately in the streets, pleasure-dome in the sheets
posted by saturday_morning at 7:34 PM on July 29, 2021 [11 favorites]

Bye bye Abyssinian pie
Drove my chariot to the Alph but the Alph was dry
Them good old boys were drinking paradise milk
Singing "this is what they used to call filk,
This is what they used to call filk"
posted by moonmilk at 7:34 PM on July 29, 2021 [9 favorites]

There once was a dome by a sunless sea
The name of the dome was the pleasure-dome decree'd
The winds blew up, her dome dipped down
Oh blow, my bully boys, blow (huh)

Yes let Kubla Khan think twice
About Abyssinian maids and caves in ice
One day, when the wailing is done
The demon-lover will go

He'd not been five miles from shore
When ancestral voices prophecied war
The Khan, he called all hands and swore
He'd thresh that grain you know (huh)

Yes let Kubla Khan beware
Of sunless seas and domes in air
One day, when the tumult does sink
The holy dread will grow

Da-da-da-da-da
Da-da-da-da-da-da-da
Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 7:37 PM on July 29, 2021 [20 favorites]

ready to pleasure bone
ready for pleasure dome
posted by dismas at 7:48 PM on July 29, 2021 [1 favorite]

It makes me so happy to see all the movie references here. Partly because it means I don’t have to try to make up one myself, but more so because I love Xanadu far more than many people think it deserves.
posted by lhauser at 7:48 PM on July 29, 2021 [1 favorite]

Coleridge: A lot o' men can’t measure what's really going on. They view life as a bunch o' unconnected caves an’ things. They don't realize that there's this, like, sacred river Alph that runs through everything. Give you an example; show you what I mean: suppose you're thinkin' about a maid singin’ of Mount Abora. Suddenly someone'll say, like, Abyssinian, or dulcimer, or decree a stately pleasure-dome out of the blue, no explanation. No point in lookin' for one, either. It's all part of a miracle of rare device.

Person from Porlock: You eat a lot of laudanum, Coleridge, back in Somerset?

Coleridge: I'll give you another instance: you know how everybody's into Romanticism right now?
posted by lefty lucky cat at 7:51 PM on July 29, 2021 [5 favorites]

We’re gonna need a bigger pleasuredome.
posted by aesop at 8:04 PM on July 29, 2021 [14 favorites]

You are now about to witness the depth of dome declaration

Straight outta Xanadu, Crazy dome-decreer named K-Kahn
With a shout-out to tha poets back in Albion
I'm on fertile ground, my towers girdled 'round
Measure my cavern and you will find there's no bound
You too, Wordsworth, if ya run again' me
They will never find your body in the sunless sea
Five times two, that's how I'm driving home
The immense mileage of my stately p-dome
Woman gets to wailing, I leave 'em flailing
Plunge into their deep romantic chasm and I'm sailing
Goin off on a demon lover like that
Savage place that's pointed at yo' face
So give it up soon
Ain't no haunting when I'm up for a waning moon
Here's a fragment to build you a dream bridge
From the a chapbook of one Sammy Coleridge
Fast thick dulcimer pants? Cool.
Don't make me have to XOR you like George Boole
Me an' you can have a tumult, no maybe
I'm standing 'mid these dancing rocks, daily
Yo weekly, monthly and yearly
Until them Abyssinians see clearly
That I'm down with the capital S-T-C
Maid, you can't pluck for me.
So when I'm in pleasure dome, Beware! Beware!
Cause K-Kahn best not see you there
As I leave, believe I speak true
And when I come back y'all, I'm comin straight outta Xanadu
posted by glonous keming at 8:06 PM on July 29, 2021 [14 favorites]

We don't need another hero
We don't need to know the way home
All we want is life in stately pleasuredomes
posted by nubs at 8:09 PM on July 29, 2021 [7 favorites]

And the trees are all kept equal
By hatchet,
Axe,
And saw…
posted by not_on_display at 8:14 PM on July 29, 2021 [2 favorites]

Ancestral voices: **prophesy war**
Me: This is fine
posted by tigrrrlily at 8:15 PM on July 29, 2021 [12 favorites]

Pleasure-dome decreeing with my full capabilities/now I’m enfoldin’ sunny spots of greenery
posted by lefty lucky cat at 8:15 PM on July 29, 2021 [1 favorite]

Well, everyone knows Kubla Khan decreed a stately pleasure dome where Alph ran through caverns measureless to man. What this book presupposes is... maybe he didn't.
posted by anhedonic at 8:22 PM on July 29, 2021 [3 favorites]

there are strange things done neath the midnight sun
by the men who moil for gold
the arctic trails have their secret tales
that would make your blood run cold
the northern lights have seen queer sights
but the queerest they ever did see
was that night on the marge of lake lebarge
i cremated sam mcgee kubla khan a pleasure dome decreed.
posted by 20 year lurk at 8:25 PM on July 29, 2021 [8 favorites]

Decree it from space. It's the only way to be sure.
posted by Saxon Kane at 8:27 PM on July 29, 2021 [12 favorites]

Ḁ̸͗͑ ̶̻̔p̷͎͗̕l̵̯͇̒̎a̸̲̝͒c̸̺͊̚e̵͙̦̐ ̷̹͌ẉ̷̓͆h̷̟̙̊̏è̸̟̠͝r̶̡̟͒̑e̸͎͋ ̴͉͗̀ñ̶̰̞o̸̜͘b̴͔̈́õ̷̝͕̓d̴̟̃y̵̛̟͜ ̵̧͓̉̆d̵̝̤̔a̸̡͐̍r̴̫̘̀e̶͚̔d̵̻̈́ ̶̹̞͊t̵̢̼̃͒o̵̜̘̊̍ ̶̞̂̚g̶͕̬̈́̈́o̷͙̫͑̚
̴̟͕̔T̴̗̙̀h̸̢̳́e̴̞͠ ̴̧̥̒͝l̸̻̘͒o̶͕͔̾̎v̸̻͠͠e̵̯̊̔ ̶̬͌͘t̵̜̚h̸̩͈͐̇a̷̦͂t̶̮͇͛͝ ̶̡̛̪̈́w̶͆͜e̵͖͙̒ ̵̙̋c̴̖̃a̴̭̓ṃ̶̾e̶̻̓̀ ̵̬̭̋t̵̥̄͜o̶̺̾ ̵̿ͅk̴̈́͜n̷̨̓o̵̝͔̽̈w̵͔͍̓̚
̶̱̊T̶̡̮̀̒h̶͖̒̕ë̶̹y̶̮͌̚ ̵̢͖̂c̴̭̋a̸̻̿l̷̹̆͑l̴̛͇ ̷̆ͅi̵̕͜t̴̡̍̋ ̷̜̊̄X̸̢͋a̸̝͠ṉ̸͝ą̷͋d̴̢́ú̸̧
posted by clavdivs at 8:40 PM on July 29, 2021 [4 favorites]

how is dom decreed
posted by Jon Mitchell at 8:48 PM on July 29, 2021 [21 favorites]

You want a pleasure dome? I can get you a pleasure dome.
posted by DiscourseMarker at 8:50 PM on July 29, 2021 [5 favorites]

I see gardens bright
With sinuous rills
Forests as ancient
As the hills
And I think to myself
What a stately pleasure-dome

I see fertile ground
Incense-bearing trees
Enfolding sunny spots
Of greenery
And I think to myself
What a stately pleasure-dome

Could I revive within me
Her symphony and song
Such deep delight 'twould win me
That with music loud and long
I would build that dome in air
Those caves of ice
And wave a circle
'Round him thrice

I see Alph, the sacred river
I see where it ran
Through caverns measure
-less to man
And I think to myself
What a stately pleasure-dome

Yes I think to myself
What a stately pleasure-dome
posted by saturday_morning at 8:57 PM on July 29, 2021 [11 favorites]

Finally, a worthy successor to The Cask of Amontillado memes.

So twice five miles of fertile ground
With walls and towers were girdled round

-- for the love of God, Montresor!
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 9:25 PM on July 29, 2021 [1 favorite]

KUBLA CHAN INC
PLEZUR DOMS TU ANY CAVE IN ZANADU
WEE TAEK YU THAIR
YU DRUK MELK OF PARADICE
posted by GuyZero at 9:48 PM on July 29, 2021 [3 favorites]

Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Bestraddle Kubla’s pleasure dome
posted by The Underpants Monster at 10:31 PM on July 29, 2021 [4 favorites]

Instead, how about we Xanadon't, and decree we did.
posted by otherchaz at 11:20 PM on July 29, 2021 [9 favorites]

You are about to witness the depth of measureless canyon knowledge.

Straight outta Xanadu!
Crazy motherfucker named K Khan
From Mongols with attitudes spitting out dope bombs!
When I decree, to a sunless sea,
Prophesy of war if you try to fuck with me!
Abysinnian maid if she try to mess with me
Flashing eyes floating hair gonna have to come get me!
Out the Alph, that's how I'm going out!
For the dulcimer players that are showing out!
Romantic chasms start to rumble, huge fragments tumble,
I mix em in a pot like a honeydew gumbo!
posted by LeRoienJaune at 11:25 PM on July 29, 2021 [4 favorites]

We're going to build a dome and China is going to pay. And the reason they're going to pay and the way they're going to pay, Bob, is this. We have a trade deficit now with China of 58 billion a year. The dome is going to cost 10 billion a year. That's what it's going to cost. It's going to be a pleasure dome. It's going to cost 10 billion.
posted by otherchaz at 11:32 PM on July 29, 2021 [5 favorites]

As Kubla Khan awoke from unsettling dreams one morning, he found himself decreeing in his bed a stately pleasure dome
posted by Dokterrock at 11:52 PM on July 29, 2021 [12 favorites]

Dulcimer music, dangerous rhythm
It's something daring, the Khantinental
A way of dancing, that's really après nous
It's very supple, the Khantinental
Beneath the pleasure-dome in Xanadu

It has a passion, the Khantinental
An invitation to milk of Paradise
It's quite the fashion, the Khantinental
Sacred Riverdance through caves of ice

Your lips whisper so tenderly
Her eyes answer your song
Two bodies swing, the Khantinental
Your eyes flash what you're thinking of her
So keep on dancing, the Khantinental
She, your honey-dew and you, her demon lover

You kiss while you're dancing
It's Khantinental, it's Khantinental
This visionary damsel
Your Abyssinian elemental

You'll know before the dance of war
Shared Paradise on incense-laden forest floor
But while you dance, Beware! Beware!
A mighty fountain momently forced back
By interrupting visitors from Porlock
I prophesy your Khantinental will be blocked

Dulcimer music, dangerous rhythm
Dulcimer music, dangerous rhythm
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:09 AM on July 30, 2021 [3 favorites]

KUBLA'S CAVERNOPOLIS

Kubla: Measureless caverns! Ancient, sunny, and bearing of incense! Nothing says “I’ve got flashing eyes and floating hair!” like measureless caverns! How do I know? Because I’ve been selling measureless caverns to Abyssinian maids for over TEN YEARS! I’m talkin’ damsels! With measureless caverns near your fertile ground, that place is gonna look like a ROMANTIC CHASM! Transform your lifeless ocean!
[ cut to photo of a sacred river through measureless caverns ]

Kubla V/O: The wood!
[ cut to photo of measureless caverns near a dale ]

Kubla V/O: Even your ceaseless turmoil!
[ cut to photo of measureless caverns surrounding a chasm ] [ cut back to Kubla ]

Kubla: How much you wanna bet the walls and towers are GIRDLED ROUND?! You GOTTA get yourself...measureless caverns!!
[ cut to black man eating breakfast at a small table in a modest-looking kitchen ]

Kubla V/O: You like eating chaffy grain?
etc.
posted by rhizome at 12:14 AM on July 30, 2021 [1 favorite]

MOAR LIKE KUBLAI KHAN'T, AMIRITE?
posted by chavenet at 12:17 AM on July 30, 2021 [1 favorite]

1) A stately pleasure dome decree
2) ????
3) Profit
posted by kumonoi at 12:40 AM on July 30, 2021 [6 favorites]

NOBODY:
KUBLA KHAN: I decree a pleasure dome
posted by pwnguin at 12:44 AM on July 30, 2021 [7 favorites]

Xanadu what Nintendon’t
posted by moonmilk at 2:00 AM on July 30, 2021 [4 favorites]

Khaaan!!
posted by farlukar at 2:04 AM on July 30, 2021 [1 favorite]

DETECTIVE: Wondered if you could explain those art works on your walls that look a lot like the ones in that now desecrated pleasure done over in your neighbouring town of Xanadu?
CITIZENS OF DOLON NOR: Xanadu? You must be thinking of Chengdu mate.
posted by rongorongo at 2:21 AM on July 30, 2021 [1 favorite]

Cookiebastard and spinifex23, thank you so much for posting that link!
It sent me down a rabbit hole where I found this.
Sensory overload, have to go lie down for a bit.
posted by Avalow at 3:30 AM on July 30, 2021 [1 favorite]

I made you a pleasure dome
...but I eated it.
posted by JohnFromGR at 4:25 AM on July 30, 2021 [6 favorites]

ZIM: I will rain stately pleasure domes upon the measureless caverns of Xanadu!
GIR: I'm gonna sing the Dome Song now! Dome dome, dome dome dome, dome dome dome, dome dome...

SIX MONTHS LATER

GIR: ...dome dome dome, dome dome...
Ship: Proximity warning, incense-bearing trees ahead.
posted by Foosnark at 5:43 AM on July 30, 2021 [5 favorites]

I was today years old when Kubla Khan decreed a pleasure-dome....
posted by alchemist at 5:43 AM on July 30, 2021 [2 favorites]

The real pleasure dome was the friends we made along the way
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 5:50 AM on July 30, 2021 [4 favorites]

Want to feel old? It's been longer between the release of Batman Forever and Kubla Khan's stately pleasure dome than between the dome and Ozymandias' colossus.
posted by moonmilk at 5:52 AM on July 30, 2021 [17 favorites]

But nobody ever asks if the DOME is having any pleasure
posted by saturday_morning at 5:54 AM on July 30, 2021 [6 favorites]

"I seen it! Ye're fond of me dome!"
posted by rawrberry at 5:55 AM on July 30, 2021 [2 favorites]

Kubla Khan
Kubla Khan
Kubla Khan
Kubla Khan
Kubla Khan
posted by otherchaz at 6:23 AM on July 30, 2021 [1 favorite]

Kubla, Kubla, Kubla
Kubla Khan
Kubla Khan
Kubla Khan
Kubla Khan
Kubla Khan let me rock you
Let me rock you Kubla Khan
Let me rock you
That's all I wanna do
Kubla Khan let me rock you
Let me rock you Kubla Khan
Let me rock you
Let me feel for you
Kubla Khan won't you tell me what you wanna decree?
Do you decree for me the way I decree for you?
Kubla Khan let me tell you what I wanna do
I wanna love you, wanna hug you, wanna decree you too
Let me take you in my dome
Let me fill you with my charms, Kubla
'Cause you know that I'm the one
To keep you warm, Kubla
I'll make it more than just a stately dome
I wanna rock you, Kubla, baby
'Cuz you make me wanna scream
Let me rock you
Rock you
Baby, baby, when I look at you
I get a warm feeling inside
There's something about the things you do
That keeps me satisfied
I wouldn't lie to you, baby
It's mainly a physical thing
This feeling that I got for you, baby
It makes me wanna sing
I feel for you
I think I love you
I feel for you
I think I love you
Kubla Khan let me rock you
Let me rock you Kubla Khan
Let me rock you
That's all I wanna do
Kubla Khan let me rock you
Let me rock you Kubla Khan
Let me rock you
Let me decree for you
Feel for you
Baby, baby, when I lay with you
There's no dome I'd rather be
I can't believe, can't believe it's true
The things that you do to me
I wouldn't lie to you, baby
I'm physically attracted to you
This feeling that I got for you, baby
There's nothing that I wouldn't do
I decree for you
I think I love you
I decree for you
I think I love you
Kubla Khan let me rock you
Let me rock you Kubla Khan
Let me rock you
That's all I wanna do
Kubla Khan let me rock you
Let me rock you Kubla Khan
Let me rock you
Let me decree for you
Decree for you
I decree it too (decree for you)
I decree for you (decree for you)
I decree for you
I think I love you
I decree for you
I think I love you
posted by chavenet at 6:51 AM on July 30, 2021 [11 favorites]

all this talk of pleasure-domes really takes me back to beholding the doming carapace of the husk. I know it didn't enfold so much in the way of sunny spots of greenery, but man, those ancestral voices that would invade your skull sure prophesied a lot of war! Heh.
posted by saturday_morning at 7:16 AM on July 30, 2021 [9 favorites]

You decreed a stately pleasure dome in Xanadu
Where Alph the sacred river ran
Down to a sunless sea
Through caverns measureless to man

KUBLA KHAN
KUBLA KHAN
KUBLA KHAN
KUBLA KHAN

Rock on Chicago
Rock over London
Huawei - Dreams inspire creativity!
posted by Cardinal Fang at 7:19 AM on July 30, 2021 [8 favorites]

Relevant, and highly entertaining: Martin O'Leary used machine learning models to create an illustrated video of the poem: Sinuous Rills
posted by moonmilk at 7:24 AM on July 30, 2021 [1 favorite]

Episode IV

A NEW DOME

It is a time of sinuous rills.
Damsels with dulcimers, striking
from a hidden base, have won
their first tumult in a lifeless ocean.

During the swift half-intermitted burst,
A woman wailing for her demon lover
managed to steal plans for Xanadu's ultimate
weapon, the PLEASURE DOME,
with walls and towers girdled round.

Pursued by Kubla Khan's
sinister agents, Princess Leia
races home through caverns
measureless to man,
custodian of the
romantic chasm that can save
thick pants and restore
freedom to the milk of Paradise...
posted by YoungStencil at 7:53 AM on July 30, 2021 [10 favorites]

We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the decree began to take hold. I remember saying something like "I feel a bit sinuous; maybe you should drive...." And suddenly there was a terrible wailing all around us and the chasm was full of what looked like sinuous rills, all ceaseless turmoil seething and diving around the car, which was going about a hundred miles an hour with the top down to Las Vegas. And a voice was screaming: "Holy Jesus! What are these ancestral voices?"
posted by indexy at 8:08 AM on July 30, 2021 [21 favorites]

...as a girl where I was a damsel with a dulcimer yes when I put the Blossom in my hair like the Abyssinian girls used or shall I girdle round with walls and towers yes and how he on honey-dew hath fed and I though well as well him as another and then I decreed him with my eyes to decree again yes and then he asked me would I yes build that dome in air yes my incense-tree and first weave a circle around him thrice yes and close your eyes with holy dread yes and drew him down Jo through caverns measureless to man yes down to a sunless sea yes and from this chasm yes with ceaseless turmoil seething yes as if this earth in fast thick pants were breathing yes and yes I said yes I will Yes
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 8:13 AM on July 30, 2021 [13 favorites]

In a vain attempt at bourgeois credibility Lenny changed his name to John Kubla Clarke and under this title decreed a stately pleasure dome in Xanadu, UK. Yes, it was measureless caverns or sinuous rills as, enfolded in the slummy spots of the greenery, he issued huge fragments of rebounding hail in the desperate thick pants of the earth. John Kubla Clarke: the flashing eyes behind the floating hair, the words weaving circles round him thrice, drinking the hi-fi milk of paradise of true luxury.
posted by Cardinal Fang at 8:19 AM on July 30, 2021 [2 favorites]

I saw the best minds of my generation decree stately pleasure-domes
posted by dismas at 8:40 AM on July 30, 2021 [9 favorites]

Six o'clock already
I was dreamin' 'bout incense and trees
I was kissin' Kubla Khan
As his stately pleasure dome was decreed
But I can't be late
'Cuz all who heard should see them there
These are the days
Of the flashing eyes and floating hair.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 8:41 AM on July 30, 2021 [7 favorites]

His Orson Welles bits are the epitome of the slow burn sleeper punch.
posted by whuppy at 8:57 AM on July 30, 2021 [2 favorites]

The One with the Pleasure Dome
posted by glonous keming at 8:58 AM on July 30, 2021 [4 favorites]

Metafilter: Beanplating a decree from Kublai Khan
posted by hydra77 at 9:01 AM on July 30, 2021 [1 favorite]

[JANE LYNCH AT DESK]
I'm going to create a __PLEASURE DOME_
that is so _STATELY___
posted by cortex at 9:08 AM on July 30, 2021 [4 favorites]

VINCENT: You know what they call a stately pleasure dome in Xanadu?
JULES: They don't call it a stately pleasure dome?
VINCENT: No, they got the measureless caverns, they wouldn't know what the fuck a stately pleasure dome is.
JULES: What'd they call it?
VINCENT: Sunny Dome.
JULES: Sunny Dome. What'd they call a lifeless ocean?
VINCENT: Lifeless ocean's a lifeless ocean, but they call it Alph.
JULES: What do they call a cedarn cover?
VINCENT: I dunno, I didn't go into a Burger King.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 9:11 AM on July 30, 2021 [15 favorites]

NOW
THAT'S WHAT I CALL
WAILING FOR HER DEMON-LOVER
posted by cortex at 9:13 AM on July 30, 2021 [4 favorites]

he build dome
by sunless sea
but most of all
he decree
posted by jquinby at 9:30 AM on July 30, 2021 [10 favorites]

Worth scrolling down for this one.

I have to admit it took me waaaay longer than it should have to figure out what a "poor locked account" had to do with anything
posted by ook at 10:08 AM on July 30, 2021 [5 favorites]

Vladimir: Well, shall we go to that new pleasure dome?
Estragon: Yes, let's go.

(They do not move)
posted by YoungStencil at 10:12 AM on July 30, 2021 [9 favorites]

"Declare a pleasure-dome, Kubla!"
"Why?"
"He's got a rill!"
"That's not a rill" (pulls out a much more sinuous rill) "This is a rill!"
posted by PlusDistance at 10:12 AM on July 30, 2021 [5 favorites]

Kubla Khan has become a meta-meme: a meme that encapsulates/promotes other memes.

Now I’m trying to think of any other examples of metamemes that may exist.

I’m also trying to wedge Kubla Khan into a Wellerman shanty…

On edit: of course the term isn’t original. *sigh*
posted by darkstar at 10:13 AM on July 30, 2021 [1 favorite]

I’m also trying to wedge Kubla Khan into a Wellerman shanty…

Eyebrows McGee has proved it can be done
posted by otherchaz at 10:21 AM on July 30, 2021 [2 favorites]

the shadow of the meme
floated midway on the waves
where was heard the mingled measure
of other memes and the dome of pleasure
it was a miracle of rare device
so sweet
and so cold
posted by 20 year lurk at 10:23 AM on July 30, 2021 [2 favorites]

["Temptation Sensation" by Heinz Kiessling plays]

The Gang Decrees a Pleasure Dome
posted by Saxon Kane at 10:24 AM on July 30, 2021 [3 favorites]

One does not simply decree a stately pleasure dome.
posted by fedward at 10:27 AM on July 30, 2021 [9 favorites]

I’m also trying to wedge Kubla Khan into a Wellerman shanty…

Eyebrows McGee has proved it can be done


Oh that’s awesome! (Not sure how I missed that in the page refreshes.)
posted by darkstar at 10:29 AM on July 30, 2021 [1 favorite]

Eyes closed. Holy dread.
On honeydew I have fed.
Eyes flash. Floating hair.
All should cry, Beware!

Hither 'pon their skates they roll up to dance
'Cause every girl is crazy about my fast thick pants.
posted by otherchaz at 10:39 AM on July 30, 2021 [5 favorites]

the fountain
it broke its chasm
yes
YES
the fountain is OUT
posted by cortex at 10:43 AM on July 30, 2021 [5 favorites]

"I have a marvelous decree of a pleasure dome, but this comment box is inadequate to contain it."
posted by k3ninho at 10:44 AM on July 30, 2021 [5 favorites]

Episode IV

A NEW DOME

Pursued by Kubla Khan's
sinister agents, Princess Leia
races home through caverns
measureless to man,
custodian of the
romantic chasm that can save
thick pants and restore
freedom to the milk of Paradise...

Episode Four? In your timeline, does this continue with a second and altogether stranger part of the poem?
posted by straight at 10:44 AM on July 30, 2021 [3 favorites]

Take me down to the Xanadu city
Where a stately pleasure dome did Kubla Khan decree
Oh oh oh
posted by fedward at 10:48 AM on July 30, 2021 [4 favorites]

I am Kubla Khan
Alph is what I decreed pleasure dome upon
Twice five fertile miles
Sunny spots and gardens bright will bring us smiles
posted by cortex at 10:53 AM on July 30, 2021 [1 favorite]

PRODUCER: So you've got a pleasure dome decree for me?
WRITER: Yes sir, I do. It's located in Xanadu.
PRODUCER: Xanadu, huh? Where Alph, the sacred river, ran?
WRITER: Indeed, sir. Through caverns measureless to man.
PRODUCER: Ah, measureless caverns are tight!
WRITER: Actually, quite the opposite.
PRODUCER: I suppose you're right.
WRITER: Whoops!
PRODUCER: Whoopsie!
WRITER: And from this chasm, with ceaseless turmoil seething--
PRODUCER: Sounds like as if this earth in fast thick pants were breathing.
WRITER: Yes, and?
PRODUCER: How will they find out what's causing this flailing?
WRITER: Oh, it'll be super easy, barely an inconvenience.
PRODUCER: Oh, really?
WRITER: Yeah, a mighty fountain momently was forced.
PRODUCER: That would do it.
WRITER: So whaddya think?
PRODUCER: Well, I think it'll work, but there's no way anyone's going to meme it.
WRITER: I'd have to agree, sir.
(freeze on https://www.metafilter.com/192183/If-youre-not-Kubla-Khan)
posted by Dez at 10:53 AM on July 30, 2021 [5 favorites]

The Khan in black declared a stately pleasure dome, and the gunslinger followed.
posted by SPrintF at 11:05 AM on July 30, 2021 [6 favorites]

KUBLA KHAN: Take this stately pleasure dome, but beware it carries a terrible curse!
HOMER: That's bad.
KUBLA KHAN: So twice five miles of fertile ground
With walls and towers were girdled round;
And there were gardens bright with sinuous rills,
Where blossomed many an incense-bearing tree;
And here were forests ancient as the hills,
Enfolding sunny spots of greenery.
HOMER: That's good.
KUBLA KHAN: But oh! that deep romantic chasm which slanted
Down the green hill athwart a cedarn cover!
A savage place! as holy and enchanted
As e’er beneath a waning moon was haunted
By woman wailing for her demon-lover!
HOMER: That's bad.
KUBLA KHAN: The shadow of the dome of pleasure
Floated midway on the waves;
Where was heard the mingled measure
From the fountain and the caves.
It was a miracle of rare device,
A sunny pleasure-dome with caves of ice!
HOMER: That's good.
KUBLA KHAN: His flashing eyes, his floating hair!
Weave a circle round him thrice,
And close your eyes with holy dread
For he on honey-dew hath fed,
And drunk the milk of Paradise.
HOMER: …
KUBLA KHAN: That's bad.
HOMER: Can I go now?
posted by fedward at 11:06 AM on July 30, 2021 [5 favorites]

AND I CHIME IN WITH
HAVEN'T YOU PEOPLE EVER HEARD OF
DECREEING A PLEASURE DOME
posted by cortex at 11:18 AM on July 30, 2021 [4 favorites]

CHALMERS: Good lord, what's happening in there?
SKINNER: Stately pleasure-dome?
CHALMERS: A stately pleasure-dome? At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of Xanadu? Localized entirely within your kitchen?!
SKINNER: Yes.
CHALMERS: ... May I see it?
SKINNER: ... No.
posted by mhum at 11:19 AM on July 30, 2021 [6 favorites]

^ Khanned Hams
posted by fedward at 11:26 AM on July 30, 2021 [15 favorites]

You get a stately pleasuredome! And you get a stately pleasuredome! And you get a stately pleasuredome! I decree everyone gets a stately pleasuredome!
posted by nubs at 11:39 AM on July 30, 2021 [8 favorites]

Well, sir, it’s this dome I had. It really tied the caverns together.
posted by boogieboy at 11:41 AM on July 30, 2021 [6 favorites]

He decreed this dome!
He decreed this dome on XAN-A-DU!
He decreed this dome!
He decreed this dome on XAN-A-DU!

Say you don't know Khan or recognize his face
Say you don't care who goes to his kind of place
Knee deep in the caverns, sinking in the Ash
Too many demon-lovers eating up the night
posted by treepour at 11:45 AM on July 30, 2021 [4 favorites]

You get a stately pleasure dome...and you get a stately pleasure dome!
posted by lowtide at 11:50 AM on July 30, 2021 [2 favorites]

Call me Kubla. In a vision once I saw—never mind how long precisely—having little or no fertile ground girdled in my walls and towers, and nothing particular to interest me on shore, I thought I would sail about a little and see the tumult of the lifeless ocean. It is a way I have of driving off the ancestral voices and regulating the honey-dew.
posted by GenjiandProust at 11:52 AM on July 30, 2021 [4 favorites]

In a dome in the ground there decreed a khan. Not a nasty, dirty, wet dome, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy dome with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a pleasure-dome, and that means comfort.
posted by indexy at 12:00 PM on July 30, 2021 [8 favorites]

Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?
I think so, Kubla Khan..., but where are we going to find a cavern measureless to man at this time of night?
posted by hydra77 at 12:09 PM on July 30, 2021 [9 favorites]

so much depends
upon

a stately pleasure
dome

grazed by sinuous
rills

beside the ice
caverns
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:11 PM on July 30, 2021 [8 favorites]

Step 1: Cavern

Step 2: Alph, the sacred river

Step 3: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Step 4: Stately pleasure dome
posted by hydra77 at 12:12 PM on July 30, 2021 [8 favorites]

The sky above the dome was the color of the sacred river, ran to a sunless sea.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:28 PM on July 30, 2021 [3 favorites]

Welcome to the pleasure dome
we got singing girls
we got a cave so vast you won't believe how it unfurls

cuz you're a very sexy rill
awesome smelling trees
we're vibin in the forest with the milk and the honey

to the pleasure dome
welcome to the pleasure dome
we've got sunless - ssssssss seas!! Seas!
Now gimme that decree!
posted by nakedmolerats at 1:28 PM on July 30, 2021 [8 favorites]

Got a wife and kids in Xanadu, Jack
I went out for a ride and I never went back
Sacred river that don't know where it's flowing
Twice five miles and it just kept going

[Chorus]
Everybody's got a pleasure-dome
Everybody's got a pleasure-dome
Caverns measureless'll be your home
Everybody's got a pleasure-dome

[Verse 2]
Met her in an Abyssinian bar
Fell in love with that dulcimer playin'
We took what we had and we sank in tumult
Now here I am down in Mount Abora again

[Chorus]
Everybody's got a pleasure-dome
Everybody's got a pleasure-dome
Caverns measureless'll be your home
Everybody's got a pleasure-dome

[Verse 3]
Everybody needs a cave of ice
Everybody wants to have that honey-dew
Weave that circle better do it thrice
Gotta get that milk of paradise.

[cue ceaseless turmoil solo from Clarence]
posted by aesop at 1:29 PM on July 30, 2021 [6 favorites]

I dun it wrong, that ain't no second meme. Ah well.
posted by aesop at 1:37 PM on July 30, 2021 [1 favorite]

Going off riff for a minute - the first stanza of the poem is catchy and evocative as hell, and the rest of the poem is frankly just not as good. It makes me question the "porlock" claims and suspect he was flailing around a bit to match the inspired first bit before sulkily giving up.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 2:07 PM on July 30, 2021 [2 favorites]

Mmm I disagree. The middle bit is mushy for sure but it picks back up again with the “could I revive within my her symphony and song” riff and cmon the closer with the A-B-B-A rhyme scheme is dynamite.
posted by saturday_morning at 2:14 PM on July 30, 2021 [5 favorites]

fair, it's a strong ending, and "flashing eyes and floating hair" is fantastic. The middle is definitely the weak part. I'm perhaps unfairly comparing it to Ozymandias, which is a short burst of sustained brilliance.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 2:18 PM on July 30, 2021 [2 favorites]

In my humble opinion, we probably shouldn't believe any of the Romantics when they claim that something is the product of pure inspiration without revision.
posted by Saxon Kane at 2:38 PM on July 30, 2021 [3 favorites]

"My name is Kubla Khan, maker of decrees,
Look upon my stately pleasure dome, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Xanadu beside remains: Twice five miles
Of fertile ground, many an incense bearing tree
Where Alph, the sacred river runs
posted by nubs at 2:46 PM on July 30, 2021 [3 favorites]

The Tourist board for Xanadu? Work too easy; turned to sloth.
The Sunless Sea - much trickier: pale Irish, vampires, goths.
posted by rongorongo at 2:54 PM on July 30, 2021 [1 favorite]

All decrees and no pleasure dome makes Kublai a dull boy
All decrees and no pleasure dome makes Kublai a dull boy
All decrees and no pleasure dome makes Kublai a dull boy
[...]
posted by Hairy Lobster at 3:34 PM on July 30, 2021 [8 favorites]

When we talk about the mushy middle, are we talking about the romantic chasm with the panting and the mighty fountain intermittently bursting, that, unless I miss my guess, is a metaphor for female orgasm?
posted by chrchr at 3:40 PM on July 30, 2021 [4 favorites]

Now I’m trying to think of any other examples of metamemes that may exist.

When you think of other examples please tell me.
I never met a metameme I didn't like.
posted by otherchaz at 3:48 PM on July 30, 2021 [1 favorite]

a short burst of sustained brilliance.

I need a pleasure dome in which to sit and ponder how something can be both short and sustained.
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:18 PM on July 30, 2021 [2 favorites]

a metameme

on methamphetamine

is, ipso facto, drinking ovaltine.




...brylcreem
posted by 20 year lurk at 4:22 PM on July 30, 2021 [1 favorite]

Listen, don't decree a stately pleasure-dome. I decreed it once, but I think I got away with it all right.
posted by roombythelake at 4:27 PM on July 30, 2021 [4 favorites]

When we talk about the mushy middle, are we talking about the romantic chasm with the panting and the mighty fountain intermittently bursting, that, unless I miss my guess, is a metaphor for female orgasm?

Huh, I admit I had it down as a metaphor for the male orgasm, YOMV I guess.
posted by saturday_morning at 4:31 PM on July 30, 2021 [1 favorite]

wut?
posted by philip-random at 4:52 PM on July 30, 2021 [1 favorite]

los dos? the poem reports pleasure in mingled measure from both the fountain and the caves.
i do tend to doubt the male orgasm was so awesome and shocking, to the 18th century poet, as that of a woman might have been: a miracle of rare device. and there is no phallic imagery (except possibly the fountain when juxtaposed against caves) in that evocative landscape. on the other hand: sometimes a dulcimer is just a dulcimer.
posted by 20 year lurk at 4:57 PM on July 30, 2021 [3 favorites]

demon-lover has entered the chat
posted by chrchr at 4:57 PM on July 30, 2021 [6 favorites]

Khan: Hear that? You hear that?

Passerby on business from Porlock: What?

Khan: Ancestral voices prophesying war, son. Nothing else in Xanadu sounds like that. I love the sound of prophecy in the morning. You know, one time I decreed a stately pleasure-dome, twice five miles of fertile ground. When it was all over, that deep romantic chasm slanted down the green hill. We couldn't measure any of it, not one stinking cavern. The tumult, you know that wailing-for-a-demon-lover tumult? A miracle of rare device. Sounded like … Paradise. Someday this poem's gonna end.

[He reflects on this for a moment and frowns. Then he gets up and walks away. Coleridge stares at him in disbelief]
posted by roombythelake at 5:04 PM on July 30, 2021 [7 favorites]

men will literally decree a stately pleasure-dome instead of going to therapy.
posted by mittens at 5:14 PM on July 30, 2021 [11 favorites]

Shawty got those Abyssinian jeans
Playing a dulcimer
The whole dome was looking at her
posted by automatronic at 5:15 PM on July 30, 2021 [1 favorite]

men will literally decree a stately pleasure-dome instead of going to therapy.

Guys literally only want to decree one thing and it's disgusting.
posted by roombythelake at 5:25 PM on July 30, 2021 [10 favorites]

The tumult, you know that wailing-for-a-demon-lover tumult? A miracle of rare device.

After that there's a funky bass solo.
posted by Greg_Ace at 5:45 PM on July 30, 2021 [2 favorites]

Now this is a story all about how
My life got flipped turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute and write you a tome
I'll tell you how I decreed a stately pleasure dome
posted by Horace Rumpole at 6:02 PM on July 30, 2021 [7 favorites]

Hail hail to the good times
'Cause Coleridge is writin' away
We ain't no legend, ain't no cause
We're just livin' for today

For those who come from Porlock

We salute you
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 6:10 PM on July 30, 2021 [2 favorites]

Yes I received your poem yesterday
About some nap from which you woke
You subtitled it "A Fragment"
Was that some kind of joke?

All these Abyssinian maids you mention
Yes I know them, they're just dreams
I measured all your so-called caverns
and fit them all into some memes

Right now, I can’t decree too good
Don’t send more Xanadu stanzas, no,
Not unless you mail them from
A stately pleasure-dome.
posted by roombythelake at 6:27 PM on July 30, 2021 [5 favorites]

Yo, ancestral voices! Let's kick it

Ice, ice cave, eh?
Ice, ice cave, eh?

Alright stop. Collaborate and listen
The khan is back with a brand new invention
Something grabs a hold of me innately
I decreed a pleasure dome so stately
Will it ever stop? Yo, I don't know
Turn off the lights, and I'll glow

To the extreme, I rock the dulcimer like a damsel
Brighten up a garden like a rill or a candle
Dance, go vault like rebounding hail
Or chaffy grain underneath the thresher’s flail
Deadly, when I play a mingled measure
I only build the best domes of pleasure
Love it or leave it, you better gangway
You better hit the bull's eye 'cuz this khan don't play
If there's a problem, yo, I'll solve it
Check out the hook while my damsel revolves it
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 6:41 PM on July 30, 2021 [12 favorites]

There once was a dome built o'er rocks
Measureless to man as they drop't
  To a deep sunless sea
  As ancestral voices prophecy:

SHIT! It's that person from Porlock!
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 7:45 PM on July 30, 2021 [8 favorites]

ANAKIN: I’m decreeing a pleasure dome.
PADME: A stately pleasure dome right?
ANAKIN: …
PADME: A stately pleasure dome right?
posted by chrchr at 8:09 PM on July 30, 2021 [3 favorites]

Hi my name is Kubla Dark'ness Dementia Raven Khan
posted by tzikeh at 8:10 PM on July 30, 2021 [4 favorites]

Mmm num ba de
Dum bum ba be
Doo buh dum ba beh beh
Pleasure. Kubla Khan decreed
Pleasure. Xanadu, a dome wished for
All for pleasure. five miles fertile ground
Garden bright with rills
Blossoms incense trees;
Um ba ba be
Um ba ba be
De day da
Ee day da, that's okay
posted by otherchaz at 8:11 PM on July 30, 2021

We're only making plans for Kubla
He has his future in a pleasure dome
We're only making plans for Kubla
Kubla's whole future is as good as sealed
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 8:20 PM on July 30, 2021 [9 favorites]

Xanadu. 1272.
"Calter Wronkite reporting inside the chasm caverns near the Alph River. Xanadu was proclaimed yesterday by Lord Khan to be a pleasure dome of stately pleasures, the complex girding with walled gardens but just down this hill here it appears a demon is conveying other worldly sounds, more rivers, dales, fens...Now, Lord Kublai appears to recieve ancestral voices...something about war, Ed, going to Ed Murrow in Rome...Ed...Down through some fountains and caverns our man on the ground has found...a sign...."A sunny pleasure-dome with caves of ice!" Ted, Ted...do you hear me...get Koeppel outta there....and here is a live shot from Mount Abora...singing, Ted...more singing, alluring...we going to break here for this hours sponser Ovaltine."
posted by clavdivs at 8:29 PM on July 30, 2021 [3 favorites]

Kick out the domes, motherfuckers!

Yeah I, I, I, I, I'm gonna
I'm gonna kick 'em out

Yeah!

Well I feel pretty good
And I guess that I could
Get stately, now baby
'Cause we all got in tune
The river meandered all mazy now baby
I know how you want it child
Hot quick and tight
The damsels can't stand it
When you're doin' it right

This right here is a poem
Let me kick out the domes
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 8:35 PM on July 30, 2021 [3 favorites]

dome, dome, dome, dome, dome, dome
dome, dome, dome, dome
Mr. War Lord, having a dream, ain't the grandest you ever seen, with all the stately pleasure and magic streams.
Mr. Warlord
yeesss
bring us a dome, make it wildest they've
ever known, pleasure dulcimer your dreams
Mr War Lord, bring us a dome
dome, dome, dome, dome. etc....through caverns jaded gleen hold onto your screams
as Mr. War Lord filters those dreams
posted by clavdivs at 8:48 PM on July 30, 2021 [3 favorites]

you telling me an Abyssinian made this dulcimer?
posted by cortex at 8:54 PM on July 30, 2021 [2 favorites]

It's pleasure dome
It's pleasure dome
It's stately
Khubla’s pleasure dome
posted by Ranucci at 9:04 PM on July 30, 2021 [1 favorite]

Henry Hill : It's stately, you know. It's a good dome, it's stately, you're a stately guy.
[laughs]
Kubla Khan : What do you mean, you mean the way I decree? What?
Henry Hill : It's just, you know. You're just stately, it's... stately, you know the way you tell the story and everything.
Kubla Khan : [it becomes quiet] Stately how? What's stately about it?
Anthony Stabile : Kubla no, you got it all wrong.
Kinks Khan: Oh, oh, Anthony. He's a big boy, he knows what he said. What did ya say? Stately how?
posted by furtive at 10:54 PM on July 30, 2021 [8 favorites]

Xanadu doo doo doo-doo doo-doo
Xanadu doo doo doo-doo doo-doo
Xanadu doo doo doo-doo doo-doo
Xanadu!

Kublai Khan doo doo doo-doo doo-doo
Kublai Khan doo doo doo-doo doo-doo
Kublai Khan doo doo doo-doo doo-doo
Kublai Khan!

River Alph doo doo doo-doo doo-doo
River Alph doo doo doo-doo doo-doo
River Alph doo doo doo-doo doo-doo
River Alph!

Pleasure dome doo doo doo-doo doo-doo
Pleasure dome doo doo doo-doo doo-doo
Pleasure dome doo doo doo-doo doo-doo
Pleasure dome!
posted by Foosnark at 4:14 AM on July 31, 2021 [7 favorites]

Bit late to the party, but I couldn't resist:

KIRK: Khan, you have Xanadu, but you don’t have me! You were going to decree a stately pleasure-dome, Khan, it was your sole purpose. You’ll have to come down here, down to Alph the sacred river! You’ll have to come down!

KHAN: I’ve done worse than decree a pleasure-dome, Admiral. I’ve run through caverns measureless to man. And I wish to go on, down to a sunless sea. I shall go twice five miles of fertile ground, and you’ll be mooned for eternity in forests ancient as the hills. Poetic justice: buried alive.

KIRK: KHAAAAAN!!!!
posted by sir jective at 5:30 AM on July 31, 2021 [9 favorites]

and you’ll be mooned for eternity

OMG that should be "marooned", not "mooned", rather a different vibe than I was after
posted by sir jective at 5:36 AM on July 31, 2021 [8 favorites]

works tho
posted by glonous keming at 9:06 AM on July 31, 2021 [5 favorites]

Hi, this is Rachel from dealer services, and I'd like to talk to you about your pleasure dome's extended warranty.
posted by fings at 10:56 AM on July 31, 2021 [10 favorites]

Dude, "How much for a Demon Lover over in Xanadu?"
Other Dude, "Twenty Shekels, same as up Dome."
posted by Oyéah at 12:43 PM on July 31, 2021 [2 favorites]

We like the dome
'Cause it is close to Alph
We like the
Dome
But not as much as fertile ground
'Cause that can be girdled round
And a chasm isn't very useful for that unless it has caverns measureless
posted by cortex at 1:22 PM on July 31, 2021 [4 favorites]

He has gone
In his impossibly shiny chariot
Of silver and darkness
To what dome he calls
His home.
I am his scheming Demon
Lover, wraithing, waiting,
Writhing, in his imperial sleep,
For that moment he
Wakens to me, even
Upon the jeweled, Abbyssinian's arm.
I ply the deeper water
Of the ice cave's river
'til under the sunless ocean
He will wake to me
And wonder how, and who
Milked the sacred cow
Of paradise? Why is the sun
So sullen? Where is the music?
What is this smarmy scheming
Vapor which insinuates with
Viperous intent? Baby, baby where did my hookah go?
My wallet! No!
posted by Oyéah at 2:16 PM on July 31, 2021 [4 favorites]

Come and listen to my story about a man named Khan
An Eastern emperor who rarely kept his trousers on,
And then one day he was girdlin' his home,
And suddenly he decreed a stat-é-ly dome.

Dome that is, pleasure, Alph-side.

Well the first thing you know ol Khan's got gardens bright,
The kinfolk said "Khan you really sure that's right?"
Said "twice five miles of fertile ground just oughtta do"
So he built it by the river and he called it Xanadu.

Paradise. Sunny spots, greenery.
posted by ardgedee at 4:33 PM on July 31, 2021 [12 favorites]

I do declare that y'all just BLEW MY DOME.
posted by a humble nudibranch at 8:10 PM on July 31, 2021 [4 favorites]

But they were all of them deceived, for another Dome was declared. In the land of Xanadu, where twice five miles of fertile ground with walls and towers were girdled round Kubla Khan declared in secret a miracle of rare device, to control all others
posted by I'm always feeling, Blue at 9:07 PM on July 31, 2021 [2 favorites]

A KHAN HAS DECLARED YOU INTO A PLEASURE DOME. IS THIS STATELY? (Y/N)
posted by I'm always feeling, Blue at 9:11 PM on July 31, 2021 [4 favorites]

As far back as I can remember I always wanted to play a dulcimer
posted by I'm always feeling, Blue at 9:25 PM on July 31, 2021 [5 favorites]

Kubla Khan died yesterday in his last sacred river-ran
posted by I'm always feeling, Blue at 9:35 PM on July 31, 2021 [2 favorites]

...but i always get cast as a flute.
posted by 20 year lurk at 9:37 PM on July 31, 2021 [2 favorites]

Kubla Khan let me tell you what I wanna do
[…]
Decree for you
posted by emelenjr at 10:08 PM on July 31, 2021 [3 favorites]

Hanksomeone man ordered some vegasdome dagbang Fountain magical caverns running deep dig dug dog dang dulicimers deep Newtonjohn Xanadu dang warlord paradise deep.
posted by clavdivs at 12:13 AM on August 1, 2021 [6 favorites]

several kublas are decreeing
posted by cortex at 8:05 AM on August 1, 2021 [2 favorites]

kubla: come over!
me: can't, i got dulcimer practice
kubla: i decreed a stately pleasure dome
me: *flings up momently*
posted by moonmilk at 8:24 AM on August 1, 2021 [5 favorites]

Pleasure dome is the last of Elisabeth Kubla-Kahn’s FIve Stages of Stateliness.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 8:55 AM on August 1, 2021 [4 favorites]

This is the ideal pleasure dome. You may not like it, but this is what decree performance looks like.
posted by cortex at 9:01 AM on August 1, 2021 [6 favorites]

EVERY MORNING I WAKE UP AND DECREE A STATELY PLEASURE DOME. ITS XANADU AND RIGHT THEN AND THERE I START DOING THE MOVES ALONGSIDE WITH THE MAIN CHARACTER, KUBLA KHAN. I DO EVERY MOVE AND I DO EVERY MOVE HARD. MAKIN WHOOSHING SOUNDS WHEN I RUN THROUGH CAVERNS MEASURELESS TO MAN DOWN TO A SUNLESS SEA. NOT MANY CAN SAY THEY ESCAPED THE GARDENS BRIGHT WITH SINUOUS RILLS. I CAN. I SAY IT AND I SAY IT OUTLOUD EVERYDAY TO PEOPLE IN MY PLEASURE-DOME WITH WITH CAVES OF ICE AND ALL THEY DO IS PROVE PEOPLE IN MY PLEASURE-DOME WITH WITH CAVES OF ICE CAN STILL BE IMMATURE JEKRS. AND IVE LEARNED ALL THE SONGS OF MOUNT ABORA AND IVE LEARNED HOW TO MAKE MYSELF AND MY TWICE FIVE MILES OF FERTILE GROUND LESS LONELY BY SHOUTING EM ALL. 2 HOURS INCLUDING WIND DOWN EVERY MORNIng
posted by dismas at 9:13 AM on August 1, 2021 [2 favorites]

CRYING BLOND WOMAN POINTING: "Abyssinian!"
POKERFACED CAT SITTING AT TABLE: "abyss in Ian"
posted by cortex at 11:48 AM on August 1, 2021 [8 favorites]

Select all squares with
stately pleasure domes
If there are none, click decree
posted by farlukar at 12:46 PM on August 1, 2021 [22 favorites]

On movie set did Kubrick Stan
A lunar landing hoax direct
posted by cortex at 3:39 PM on August 1, 2021 [12 favorites]

Demon Lover esq., Abyssinian Sock Puppet Account,

Dear Sirs,

We the above do protest the awkward Pleasuredomification of Xanadu city. This blatant attempt to block and control the entrance to our famous ice caves is in conflict with a long standing right of way, which also covers free and unobstructed passage to the underground river Alph, through caverns and ultimately to the sunless sea, past forests and fertile ground.
We the above with the help of the court appointed adjudicator ask that you Mr. Khan, ( and we apply that title loosely,) hereby cease and desist all further construction efforts, as of the time of the lighting of the lamps upon this day.

With stern sincerity,
Demon Lover esq., and Abyssinisn Sock Puppet Account
posted by Oyéah at 3:52 PM on August 1, 2021 [7 favorites]

Oops.
posted by Oyéah at 3:52 PM on August 1, 2021 [1 favorite]

"There's no earthly pleasure knowing
Which decree that was going
There's no knowing where we're rowing
Or which way the Alph is flowing

Is it raining, is it snowing?
Is this garden made for sowing

Not a movie currently showing
So the danger must be growing
Are the dulcimers key a-glowing?
Is the meadow in need of mowing?

Yes! The poem must be growing
For the voices keep on waring
And paradise is not for showing
Any vast dome keeps slowing."
posted by clavdivs at 3:59 PM on August 1, 2021 [11 favorites]

James ‘Big Jim’ Rennie:
"Four weeks ago, an invisible dome crashed down on Chester’s Mill, cutting us off from the rest of the world. The dome has tested our limits, forcing each of us to confront our own personal demons… rage… grief… fear. Now, in order to survive, we must battle our most dangerous adversary… the enemy within."

-Under The Dome, TV series.
posted by clavdivs at 4:06 PM on August 1, 2021 [5 favorites]

[Kubla Kahn, pretending to be in a candid photo but you can see the reflection of him taking a selfie in the surface of an ice cave behind him] bae caught me decreein'
posted by cortex at 4:15 PM on August 1, 2021 [4 favorites]

[Kubla Khan selfie at the pleasure dome. ]
Felt stately, might decree later.
posted by eponym at 4:57 PM on August 1, 2021 [8 favorites]

I am going to have to remember to sign more notes “With stern sincerity.”
posted by The Underpants Monster at 7:42 PM on August 1, 2021 [5 favorites]

Children of the Xan, you do see sacred river ran,
Searching for Alph's way, forced fountain momently,

Every five miles twice, round the caves made of ice,
Ancestral prophesies maze us to the Sunless of Seas,

Ahhh-ooh-ahhh-ooh-ahhh!
His flashing eyes, his floating hair!
Ahhh-ooh-ahhh-ooh-ahhh!
Someday we shall build, that pleasure dome in air!
posted by I'm always feeling, Blue at 10:14 PM on August 1, 2021 [1 favorite]

I don't know why I love Xanadu
All the changes you put me through
Take my sunny dome, my caves of ice
I’ve never seen a dome half as nice
I want to know that you'll decree
I’d love to staaaaay

Take me to the river Alph, drop me in the sacred water
Take me to the river Alph, dip me in the sacred water
Washing me down, washing me down

I don't know why you treat me so bad
Think of all the honey-dew we could have had
Love is an ocean sunless and deep
My Abyssinian maid sing me to my sleep
I want to know that you'll tell me
I’d love to staaaaay

Take me to the river Alph, drop me in the sacred water
Push me in the river Alph, dip me in the sacred water
Washing me down, washing me

Flashing. Eyes and. Floating. Hair
Beware! Beware! Beware, you best

Take me to the sacred water, drop me in the river Alph
Push me in the sacred water, drop me in the river Alph
Washing me down, washing me down

I don't know why I love Xanadu
All the troubles you put me through
Gardens bright with sinuous rills
And here am I the biggest seeker of thrills
I want to know that you'll decree
I’d love to stay

Take me to the river Alph and drop me in the sacred water
Dip me in the river Alph, drop me in the sacred water
Washing me down, washing me down
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:32 AM on August 2, 2021 [8 favorites]

I love that Decreeing Heads song.
posted by Greg_Ace at 2:25 PM on August 2, 2021 [4 favorites]

I know it's late but here's a good one from his Orson Welles thread. Be warned: It's a long long thread and there's no easy way out once you're sucked in.
posted by whuppy at 4:00 PM on August 2, 2021 [2 favorites]

There was a man from Xanadu,
Where the sacred Alph river ran through.
He made a decree
For a dome so statelee,
That it was a pleasure to view.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 11:37 PM on August 2, 2021 [3 favorites]

Dulcimer? I hardly knew 'er!
posted by Saxon Kane at 11:40 AM on August 3, 2021 [1 favorite]

Metafilter: It's a long long thread and there's no easy way out once you're sucked in.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 3:57 PM on August 3, 2021 [1 favorite]

True story: Florida Man inspires "Kubla Khan." JPGs at 11

That's not a Floridian pleasure-dome, mate.

This is a Floridian pleasure-dome.
posted by gurple at 4:01 PM on August 3, 2021 [3 favorites]

It's a cake dome, not a cheese bell.

ROLLERDISCO DANCER: "Anyone want a second serving? Otherwise, this stately cake will just sit here and get stale."
KUBLA KHAN stands up...
posted by otherchaz at 5:54 PM on August 3, 2021

"...but do they call me Kubla the Pleasure-dome Decreer? NO!"
posted by rhizome at 4:15 PM on August 5, 2021 [5 favorites]

SPD

Khans in this dome
there's some Khans in this dome
there's some Khans in this dome
there's some Khans in this dome
I said, sunless seas, incense-bearing trees,
Stately pleasure dome, make those sinuous rills fleek.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, you strolling a stately pleasure dome.
Fertile ground girdled round in this stately pleasure dome
Sacred river bound in this stately pleasure dome.....
posted by Mutant Lobsters from Riverhead at 5:21 AM on August 7, 2021 [1 favorite]

A stately pleasure dome? In this economy?
posted by eponym at 3:50 PM on August 7, 2021 [3 favorites]

Schwartz: Well, Kubla was a great decreer of stately pleasure domes all right.
Tana: And a lousy Khan.
Schwartz: Is that all you have to say for him?
Tana: He was some kind of a man... What does it matter what you say about people?
Schwartz: Goodbye Tana.
Tana: Adiós.
posted by Hairy Lobster at 11:42 AM on August 9, 2021 [1 favorite]