“If You Can’t Trust a Swiss Banker, What’s the World Come to?”

February 20, 2022 2:35 PM

Revealed: Credit Suisse leak unmasks criminals, fraudsters and corrupt politicians

What is the Suisse secrets leak and why are we publishing it? and Credit Suisse leak raises painful questions for the bank [Grauniad]
Vast Leak Exposes How Credit Suisse Served Strongmen and Spies [NYT]

Suisse Secrets: Banks have learned nothing from their mistakes [Transparency International]
What is Suisse Secrets? Everything You Need to Know About the Swiss Banking Leak [OCCRP]

posted by chavenet (32 comments total)

Monocles!
posted by clavdivs at 3:55 PM on February 20, 2022 [6 favorites]

But Swiss banks have such a great reputation.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 3:58 PM on February 20, 2022 [2 favorites]

I like how most all the government corruption implications are stories like "Foo deposited $Bar millions after having served only some small amount of time in office"; and then I wonder where The Cheeto is depositing his money these days.
posted by Mitheral at 4:42 PM on February 20, 2022 [7 favorites]

Trump is corrupt but he’s also an awful businessman so you don’t have to worry he’ll lose whatever money he can grift.
posted by rdr at 4:50 PM on February 20, 2022 [9 favorites]

I have a theory that Trump only has debt and access to credit, no actual cash.
posted by rhizome at 4:59 PM on February 20, 2022 [43 favorites]

shocked, shocked, to find that gambling is going on in here
posted by Lyme Drop at 5:24 PM on February 20, 2022 [2 favorites]

To expand, after the 2008 crash, a college acquaintance who's a Credit Suisse I-banker told me that they were clean, not like the banks at the heart of the crisis (Goldman, Bear, Lehman). Lol sure, Woody.
posted by Lyme Drop at 5:27 PM on February 20, 2022 [6 favorites]

Trump is corrupt but he’s also an awful businessman

Trump only has debt and access to credit, no actual cash.

The story of Donald Trump really is, beneath it all, the story of how long he's gotten away with talking one sucker after another into giving him money. He's a one-man pyramid scheme. In the early aughts, when no bank in the Americas or Europe would do business with him, he lured Russian oligarchs into financing him, and had been fleecing them for a last decade or so. The current mark is Republicans, since the Russians tired of him shortly before his elevation to the presidancy.

The company that employs me is actually a good employer: experienced, ethical, and more interested in profitably running a business that the employees want to support, rather than getting rich. Our primary competitor in our space was shitbox of mismanagement, employee mistreatment, and leaving a trail of angry clients, and for the longest time we couldn't believe they were still in business. It took 20 years for them to exhaust the pond in which we both swam, and it's not a huge pond. So I understand how Combover Caligula has been able to go his entire life just using one mark to pay off the last and keep living high. If you think it's more complicated than that, you don't appreciate just how much grist for the mill there exists for conmen and shitty people alike.
posted by fatbird at 5:31 PM on February 20, 2022 [82 favorites]

Bravo to the sources and journalists who were brave enough to help get this out there. I can’t help but picture the Anton Chigurh-like people who protect dirty global money. As someone who was raised Catholic, I’m not surprised at all to see them show up. And what company they share!

While this isn’t the Panama/Paradise paper group, this story follows those leaks and hopefully inspires more journalists to take on this shadow system enabled by corruption and lobbying. For more, I recommend two episodes from On the Media (
(here, here) regarding some of the prior leaks.
posted by glaucon at 5:51 PM on February 20, 2022 [6 favorites]

I’m not sure why we are talking about a Trump here, since I gather he didn’t have money with Credit Suisse….
posted by GenjiandProust at 6:09 PM on February 20, 2022 [9 favorites]

folks, please, no fighting in the vault room.

"it's newly installed chairman, Axel Lehmann, will be hoping the Suisse secrets leak will be just another public relations crisis for the bank, and there have been no shortage of those. In the past six months, the lender admitted to defrauding investors as part of the historical Mozambique “tuna bonds” loan scandal and Lehmann’s immediate predecessor, António Horta-Osório, resigned over Covid regulation breaches."

This week in Superlatives.
posted by clavdivs at 6:35 PM on February 20, 2022 [6 favorites]

he lured Russian oligarchs into financing him, and had been fleecing them for a last decade or so.

I suspect they, at least, got a spectacular return on investment.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 7:02 PM on February 20, 2022 [8 favorites]

Man has tanks driving on muddy roads as we type, perhaps he's going to cash in that investment. The thing about the leaks is they are meant for, well, us, to read. I'd bet 20 intelligence agencies had a majority of this stuff and more and there's always more.

he lured Russian oligarchs into financing him, and had been fleecing them for a last decade or so.

interesting. The thing about money is that it needs to rest it's head. Sounds, whowsh but there is history of Real estate/ Hoteliers dabble doing in sneaky ways and means.
Dated but interesting declassified CIA publication.

'The Hotel in Operations' CIA, 1995 DC

Agency Real Estate Activity 1947-1966
(awaiting appeal)

'Combover Caligula'
May I steal this?
scolling through the banking secrecy aspects of Swiss law is a venture in pragmatic shush. As one cannot divulge banking information to aid other governments. So it's against the law to uphold law if asked in a lawful way subject to review upon petition?
posted by clavdivs at 8:00 PM on February 20, 2022 [4 favorites]

I like to think somewhere there is a ruthless billionaire, who made their money on the backs of the poor, and who is now sweating bullets given this disclosure, and who also just found out their new fleet of luxury cars is currently on fire somewhere south of the Azores. A boy can dream.
posted by inflatablekiwi at 8:37 PM on February 20, 2022 [26 favorites]

In terms of trustworthiness, the fact of the leak is more damaging than anything in it. Swiss banks' claim to fame was their secrecy and discretion, not the ethical stainlessness of their clients. Their reputation was built on being perceived to be hiding nazi gold and gangster bank accounts.

If you can't trust them, it isn't because of anything in this leak. It's because there was a leak. If you're a mobster, international fraudster, or otherwise criminal, the trustworthiness of Swiss banks took a hit. If you're everyone else, this isn't news anyway - it's a sky blue, water wet sort of story.
posted by Dysk at 12:35 AM on February 21, 2022 [25 favorites]

There’s no rolling live blog on the guardian website, which leads me to conclude that there’s not much of a reaction to this. Auto-translate on the Suedendeutsch Zeitung brings up this article, where the main reaction from Switzerland seems to be criticism of the reporting laws around banking.
posted by The River Ivel at 12:59 AM on February 21, 2022 [1 favorite]

Mod note: A few deleted from upthread. The Grauniad/Guardian thing has been aired a lot in Metatalk, and the tl/dr is: Some people will always use "Grauniad"; some people will always hate when other people use this jokey misspelling; the site has not banned its use. Please don't derail to argue about it. Thanks.
posted by taz (staff) at 1:04 AM on February 21, 2022 [17 favorites]

Incidentally, one of my friends is Swiss and her Swiss bank account served as a bit of a Catch-22 when trying to get U.S. citizenship 20 years ago: the government was convinced she must have a lot more money than she was reporting, and couldn't seem to fathom it that it's common (and unsuspicious!) to have a bank account in the country where you were raised, and that people can be middle class even in Switzerland.
posted by johnofjack at 3:33 AM on February 21, 2022 [17 favorites]

Revealed: Credit Suisse leak unmasks criminals, fraudsters and corrupt politicians

Surely this ...
posted by ZenMasterThis at 4:37 AM on February 21, 2022 [2 favorites]

The real question is: if I can't trust the Swiss banks anymore, where do I put a stash of money, a couple of different passports and a gun now? Just in case I fall off a boat and develop amnesia?
posted by dominik at 7:53 AM on February 21, 2022 [8 favorites]

Given that the only measurable result of the Panama Papers release was the assassination of Daphne Caruana Galizia I don't think I'm being overly cynical when I suspect that nothing will happen after this leak except, probably, another murdered journalist.

We don't yet appear to be to the point where most people worldwide are willing to admit that the left was correct, that billionaires are an exestential threat to the human species, and that we have to put some sort of maximum wealth cap in place or they'll keep doing what they're doing.

One day, maybe, when things get bad enough people will finally have to admit that us crazy childish unrealistic leftists are correct. But it hasn't gotten to that point yet.
posted by sotonohito at 7:57 AM on February 21, 2022 [18 favorites]

If you're a mobster, international fraudster, or otherwise criminal, the trustworthiness of Swiss banks took a hit. If you're everyone else, this isn't news anyway - it's a sky blue, water wet sort of story.

Thanks, I was kind of confused about the newsworthiness of this, but your explanation makes perfect sense.
posted by corb at 8:11 AM on February 21, 2022 [2 favorites]

I met a Swiss banking compliance officer a few years ago. He told me his job involved a delicate balance of escalating and reporting accounts which didn’t comply with anti money laundering requirements (to cover himself in case of legal or regulator actions), vs making too much of a fuss. In which case they’d fire him and replace him with someone more, well, compliant…
posted by ElasticParrot at 8:47 AM on February 21, 2022 [3 favorites]

This is probably not the direction my mind is supposed to go, but are convicted criminals not allowed to have bank accounts? I think the main problem is banks are not supposed to let people have bank accounts that are avoiding taxes or for money laundering, but I am genuinely not sure that people who hire hitmen to kill their Lebanese pop star girlfriends deserve to be unbanked.
posted by carolr at 9:50 AM on February 21, 2022 [2 favorites]

This is all great, but my worry is that this ongoing string of banking leaks is simply revealing what most people already suspected. It's good to have the smoking gun, but so far I have seen little or no evidence that governments are doing anything about it (e.g. UK govt continuing to support the Russian klepts). Revealing crimes of this type that result in zero consequences just reinforces the popular view that the 'illegally-enriched' are untouchable, and indeed can also encourage people to adopt the klept lifestyle (crypto-bros - I'm looking at you). I'd be more impressed if a movement developed which could force change at the international banking level. Ideas, anyone?
posted by aeshnid at 9:56 AM on February 21, 2022 [2 favorites]

The story of Donald Trump really is, beneath it all, the story of how long he's gotten away with talking one sucker after another into giving him money. He's a one-man pyramid scheme. In the early aughts, when no bank in the Americas or Europe would do business with him, he lured Russian oligarchs into financing him, and had been fleecing them for a last decade or so. The current mark is Republicans, since the Russians tired of him shortly before his elevation to the presidancy.

Don't say no bank in Europe would touch Trump. Deutsche Bank was all in on the Trump pyramid scheme until the Jan 6th 2020 capital attack finally broke their crime friendly can-do spirit.

These leaks, like the panama papers before them, reveal that there will always be bankers to service dirty money and they will just move from country to country evading taxes, fleecing populations and looting treasuries and laundering crime proceeds and that the international finance system is setup to enable and encourage this.

This is why George Conway's op-ed about the Mazers accountancy ditching Trump being what topples him is so dumb. There will just be a next-corrupt-financial-firm-up situation because there always is. There is an ocean full of immoral bottom feeders willing to fight over the scraps of corrupt business empires and the wealthy. Even the scraps of these criminal leviathans will exceed the resources of those seeking to catch and prosecute them.

If the US wanted to stop this it could in an instant. Corporate death penalties for money laundering. Harsh and absolute sanctions for tax havens. Jail time for income tax evaders and the accounting firms that do the legwork. But they don't impose these penalties in part because many of our federal legislators are either in on on the scam or their electoral war chests are filled by those who are.
posted by srboisvert at 10:26 AM on February 21, 2022 [10 favorites]

Deutsche Bank was all in on the Trump pyramid scheme

You're right. The same article I read discussing the history of Trump burning through financial partners specifically called out Deutsche Bank as the exception. They also handled Jeffrey Epstein's business until his death. Their wikipedia page alone is a grotesquerie of malfeasance.
posted by fatbird at 11:04 AM on February 21, 2022 [1 favorite]

Twelve mentions of Trump here, zero for Jordan's King Abdullah, who is one of the subjects of the reveal. Will be keeping an eye on things in Amman to see if there are any repercussions.

In 2011, as popular revolts reverberated around the Middle East, a monarch in the midst of it all made some banking decisions. Sometime that year, as neighbouring Egypt and Syria withered in the face of momentous civil protests, King Abdullah II of Jordan opened two new accounts with Credit Suisse, the Swiss bank that had discreetly served the region’s well-heeled for decades.

Abdullah, one of the world’s longest-serving current monarchs, had chosen a banker that shared his approach to secrecy, particularly surrounding his personal wealth. Over the next five years, the king was the beneficial owner of at least six accounts with Credit Suisse, while his wife, Queen Rania, had another.

According to a massive trove of data leaked from the bank that names both royals as account holders, one account would later be worth a remarkable 230m Swiss francs (£180m).

Jordan Times reporting that the Royal Court rejects the findings.

The Royal Hashemite Court has been following recently published media reports on bank accounts for His Majesty King Abdullah II, which included inaccuracies, and outdated and misleading information that were employed with the aim of defaming Jordan and His Majesty, as well as distorting the truth.

More here:
Royal Court rejects inaccurate, misleading reports on King's bank accounts abroad
posted by Ahmad Khani at 11:31 AM on February 21, 2022 [6 favorites]

ElasticParrot: I met a Swiss banking compliance officer a few years ago. He told me his job involved a delicate balance of escalating and reporting accounts which didn’t comply with anti money laundering requirements (to cover himself in case of legal or regulator actions), vs making too much of a fuss. In which case they’d fire him and replace him with someone more, well, compliant…

Reminds me of that scene from Boiler Room where the Giovanni Ribisi character is being given a tour of the JP Marlin office:

Seth Davis : Wait how could I do something like that? Isn't there a compliance officer here?
Greg Weinstein : Everybody does that shit, even on Wall Street are you talking about John over there?
Greg Weinstein : [they both look at John sitting in his office]
Greg Weinstein : the guy's a fucking chimp, the only "compliance" work his doing is making sure my lunch is still hot when it gets here, his only here because the SEC requires it, it's the easiest job in the world.
Greg Weinstein : [jokingly] look I think he’s actually masturbating right now
posted by dr_dank at 11:32 AM on February 21, 2022 [5 favorites]

Reminds me of that scene from Boiler Room where the Giovanni Ribisi character is being given a tour of the JP Marlin office:

You really should have gone with a Wolf of Wall Street story since the movie was made with money looted from a Malaysian Wealth Fund and the investigation implicated several swiss banks and toppled one.
posted by srboisvert at 11:55 AM on February 21, 2022 [2 favorites]

We don't yet appear to be to the point where most people worldwide are willing to admit that the left was correct, that billionaires are an exestential threat to the human species, and that we have to put some sort of maximum wealth cap in place or they'll keep doing what they're doing.

They're hardly an existential threat if what they'll do is keep doing what they're doing. If we're approaching extinction (we're not) then we can't really blame billionaires for it. Big business maybe, but that'd be the same whether it's run by billionaires or millionaires.

Now, they are absolutely leeches that offer humanity and society nothing whatsoever, but billionaires aren't an existential threat like, e.g. nazis are for many people.
posted by Dysk at 2:24 AM on February 22, 2022 [1 favorite]

My personal theory is that, in the decades since WWII, there has been a very long-term and consistent (if not necessarily centrally organized) effort to break labor and elevate capital. Whether this was driven by fears of Soviet-style Communism, or simply used those fears to advance a pro-capital / anti-labor agenda, is hard to untangle (at least for me). But Nixon going to China, the creation of the WTO, MFN status for basically anyone who wanted it with minimal conditions... the goal was always keeping labor cheap and disposable, while allowing free mobility of trade goods and capital. (You can't have "free trade" without also having "free capital" flowing in the other direction, to pay for the trade goods; they are two sides of the same coin.)

The accumulation of capital by individuals necessitates a place to store it, and the Swiss have long made a nice little business out of being that place. They also seem to have a sideline in educating the children of the truly unpleasant of the world (there are a bunch of private schools there, popular with the Russian klept and the North Korean elite). Not totally surprising, given that there are probably more than a few deposit boxes with Nazi gold still stashed away in them. What the Swiss call "neutrality" could pretty easily be characterized as a rather profitably flexible morality.

In a just world, the Swiss would be pariahs for their amorality. But they seem to have good PR, and I guess they figure, if they got away with being bankers for fleeing Nazis, who's going to stop them now?
posted by Kadin2048 at 3:02 PM on February 22, 2022 [2 favorites]