No, They Weren't Orange Peeles

November 3, 2022 10:19 AM

Keegan-Michael Key reads a letter from the Smithsonian to a man donating artifacts from his garden (SLYT).
posted by MollyRealized (19 comments total)

I saw this one recently, highly recommend. So good.
posted by Glinn at 10:22 AM on November 3, 2022

This has been making the rounds for a while - my grandfather had a subscription to the Smithsonian magazine, and I remember reading this exact thing in the "humor" section of one issue.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:29 AM on November 3, 2022 [2 favorites]

A brilliant letter, brilliantly read.
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:10 AM on November 3, 2022 [1 favorite]

This actually strikes me as kind of sad if only because, if this is real, whoever sent this "artifact" seems to have possibly been mentally ill. The letter seems patronizing more than humorous, and dragging this out for public entertainment seems a bit mean spirited to me.

Admittedly might be just me.
posted by BigHeartedGuy at 11:49 AM on November 3, 2022 [5 favorites]

While Snopes has identified this as false, I do believe that it was written in the humor section of the Smithsonian Magazine. That would me a lot of sense. Regardless, I do love it, and sometimes strive to capture a little of this good-natured essence when I need to.
posted by absquatulate at 11:56 AM on November 3, 2022 [5 favorites]

Yeah, I did some further research after posting my response to see if I could find that Smithsonian column - and came upon the fact that it was indeed not a real letter. (First of all, the Smithsonian doesn't even HAVE an "antiquities" department like the letter claims.)
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:58 AM on November 3, 2022 [3 favorites]

I really enjoyed Keegan-Michael Key in Schmigadoon!
posted by chariot pulled by cassowaries at 12:27 PM on November 3, 2022 [2 favorites]

Taika Waititi's reading was also very good.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 12:44 PM on November 3, 2022 [5 favorites]

First of all, the Smithsonian doesn't even HAVE an "antiquities" department like the letter claims.

That's what they'd like you to believe, obviously.
posted by The Tensor at 12:45 PM on November 3, 2022 [5 favorites]

Reminded me of the sorts of humor pieces one used to find in the New Yorker, what they printed at the back of the mag, occasionally written by the likes of Steve Martin. I don't read the New Yorker anymore (after their multi-year obsession with The Donald) so perhaps these have returned in some form or another?
posted by Insert Clever Name Here at 3:21 PM on November 3, 2022

It is funny, but a fake. (I know this for a fact, sigh.) Also, more on Harvey Rowe.
posted by gudrun at 4:41 PM on November 3, 2022 [3 favorites]

If you're an Acorn TV subscriber I'd recommend Ladies of Letters, an adapted version of a BBC radio production that ran in the late 1990s and early 2000s. It gets progressively goofier as it goes, cracking good fun.
posted by JoeZydeco at 4:45 PM on November 3, 2022

If you’d like to read the letter yourself, the relevant Snopes article has the text.
posted by zamboni at 8:39 PM on November 3, 2022

The letter seems patronizing more than humorous

From gudrun's link to an interview with the author:

I'm not sure about describing the curator as sensitive and caring, given what he says. He's a sarcastic man having his fun in his dealings with an idiot, and wanting more in a proposed visit. I don't really see him as a nice man.

Yes, normal people see the letter as sarcastic, but the tone of the letter is vaguely reminiscent of the calm and soothing words said to Blanche Dubois in "Streetcar Named Desire" just before she is put in a straitjacket. The letter treats the "backyard archaeologist" gently -- he is immune to sarcasm and humor. The letter never directly discourages him from continuing to submit his specimens.

posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 7:46 AM on November 4, 2022

Love the idea of hordes of person-eating clams.
posted by doctornemo at 10:32 AM on November 4, 2022

Incidentally, "vorpal clams" is the name of my new band. We play headbangin' sea shanties.
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:51 AM on November 4, 2022

"How'd he die?"
"Bad clams."
"How bad?"
"Wanted in three states."
posted by zamboni at 1:32 PM on November 4, 2022 [2 favorites]

Many years ago I worked at the Smithsonian. A gentleman in the midwest donated a hammer head he had found in a load of coal delivered to his house. He did extensive "research" on where the coal was mined, how long it would have taken for the coal to form, etc. His conclusion: the hammer was "the original hammer of God." As a good citizen he felt it belonged to the American people and should be part of the national collections. It was accepted with a polite form letter.
We did not accept donations of perpetual motion machines unless the donor could demonstrate they worked. As a result we had none in the collections.
posted by fgdmorr at 8:10 AM on November 5, 2022 [4 favorites]

Made me think of the related classic Calvin & Hobbes strips (start, or highlights one and two)
posted by Penumbra at 5:31 PM on November 5, 2022