“Well, that was eventful,” one woman commented.

December 25, 2022 12:11 AM

Pub-crawling Santas get armoured vehicle stuck in Cornish hedge

Holiday wishes and glad tidings to you all from the south west UK.

posted by ominous_paws (25 comments total)

Merry Christmas little Britain, never change the best parts of you
posted by thegirlwiththehat at 12:30 AM on December 25, 2022 [3 favorites]

I mean, it's funny, but also: drunk driving in an armoured vehicle could have ended much worse.
posted by Pallas Athena at 12:37 AM on December 25, 2022 [8 favorites]

Years ago on a holiday I drove across the Salisbury Plain near Stonehenge, where there are signs with a little tank icon and WARNING ARMOURED VEHICLES CROSSING. I had the thought that you had to stop for the little tanks in case you ran them over, like ducklings
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 12:57 AM on December 25, 2022 [25 favorites]

A missed opportunity to strike a decisive blow in the War On Christmas.
posted by zamboni at 1:19 AM on December 25, 2022 [23 favorites]

I mean, it's funny, but also: drunk driving in an armoured vehicle could have ended much worse.

According to the article, police attended the scene but nobody was arrested. So either the police in question are complete shits of the highest order (entirely possible) or they had a designated driver.
posted by Dysk at 1:25 AM on December 25, 2022 [10 favorites]

Oh yeah, Rudolph with your nose so bright, please blow in this bag ....
posted by mbo at 1:54 AM on December 25, 2022 [4 favorites]

(I mention this because in a previous life, I have absolutely been on organised pub crawls involving a hired minibus and hired driver, who was obviously not drinking, but the whole setup would no doubt have looked to all the world like a very loud and conspicuous drink driving charge waiting to happen.)
posted by Dysk at 1:58 AM on December 25, 2022 [7 favorites]

Proof once again that the UK equivalent of Florida man is "Cornwall man".
posted by Paul Slade at 2:20 AM on December 25, 2022 [9 favorites]

(The armoured vehicle in question appears to be a FV432 or similar.)
posted by zamboni at 2:52 AM on December 25, 2022 [3 favorites]

It was Christmas Eve babe
In the drunk tank
An old man said to me, won't see another one

posted by zamboni at 2:58 AM on December 25, 2022 [13 favorites]

Slightly related: from the next country west, the Taoiseach has assured parliament and the nation that Santa will be [has been?] cleared for Irish airspace to facilitate deliveries to the children of Ireland.
posted by BobTheScientist at 3:36 AM on December 25, 2022 [2 favorites]

A late contender for “best headline of the year”.
posted by damsel with a dulcimer at 5:48 AM on December 25, 2022 [6 favorites]

Normally you would end the night in the drunk tank. These geniuses started their evening in the (very) drunk tank; one can only wonder how the night ended.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:46 AM on December 25, 2022 [4 favorites]

“Started their evening in the tank, drunk,” surely.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:17 AM on December 25, 2022 [5 favorites]

This is why we can't have nice things drive into Angarrack.

We would also have accepted, "One does not simply drive a tank into Angarrack."
posted by Naberius at 8:20 AM on December 25, 2022 [5 favorites]

Tankful of Santas on a naughty drive
posted by Flashman at 8:34 AM on December 25, 2022

Pub-crawling Santas get armoured vehicle stuck in Cornish hedge

something tells me, this can't get any better the headline.

ho ho ho
posted by philip-random at 10:01 AM on December 25, 2022

I wanted more reporting on how the hedge was. Poor hedge! Poor hedge keeper! There was a whole region of hedgerows that famously stopped tanks in France — inspired some tank redesign iirc — but that was a while ago.
posted by clew at 10:32 AM on December 25, 2022 [2 favorites]

Okay, the Santacon in NYC is bad enough as it is, nobody give them any ideas that would make it worse.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:44 AM on December 25, 2022 [6 favorites]

Proof once again that the UK equivalent of Florida man is "Cornwall man".

Heyyyyyyy!
posted by biffa at 11:21 AM on December 25, 2022 [1 favorite]

Years ago on a holiday I drove across the Salisbury Plain near Stonehenge, where there are signs with a little tank icon and WARNING ARMOURED VEHICLES CROSSING. I had the thought that you had to stop for the little tanks in case you ran them over, like ducklings

Now I'm picturing a Far Side comic with little tanks crossing a road lined up like ducklings, then there's a duck crossing with one huge tank sized duck flattening cars.
posted by loquacious at 12:17 PM on December 25, 2022 [6 favorites]

I wanted more reporting on how the hedge was. Poor hedge! Poor hedge keeper!

If there's Santas in your hedgerow, don't be alarmed now
It's just a pub crawl gone a little wrong
Yes, there are two paths they could go by, but in a FV432,
they’ll need help to change the road they’re on

There was a whole region of hedgerows that famously stopped tanks in France — inspired some tank redesign iirc — but that was a while ago.

Bocage.
posted by zamboni at 12:53 PM on December 25, 2022 [7 favorites]

I love santacon but.. I should really redo strap-on santa to be well.. more obvious.. like actual leather straps. It's actually funny wearing the low key strap-on santa, so you wind up photobombing everyone who just wants a photo with a lot of santas & similar, but..
posted by jeffburdges at 5:47 PM on December 25, 2022

So that’s what that bustle in my hedgerow was.
posted by TedW at 8:25 PM on December 25, 2022 [3 favorites]

You don't get stuck in a Cornish hedge, on account of it being mainly rocks
posted by doiheartwentyone at 2:02 AM on December 26, 2022 [4 favorites]