"breaking ground in the field of longevity"

January 25, 2023 12:07 PM

How to Be 18 Years Old Again for Only $2 Million a Year Middle-aged tech centimillionaire Bryan Johnson and his team of 30 doctors say they have a plan to reboot his body.

Johnson, 45, is an ultrawealthy software entrepreneur who has more than 30 doctors and health experts monitoring his every bodily function. The team, led by 29-year-old regenerative medicine physician Oliver Zolman, has committed to help reverse the aging process in every one of Johnson’s organs. Zolman and Johnson obsessively read the scientific literature on aging and longevity and use Johnson as a guinea pig for the most promising treatments, tracking the results every way they know how. Getting the program up and running required an investment of several million dollars, including the costs of a medical suite at Johnson’s home in Venice, California. This year, he’s on track to spend at least $2 million on his body. He wants to have the brain, heart, lungs, liver, kidneys, tendons, teeth, skin, hair, bladder, penis and rectum of an 18-year-old.

posted by bitteschoen (103 comments total)

18 year old rectum? 18 year old damn near killed 'em!
posted by charismatic megafauna at 12:10 PM on January 25, 2023 [77 favorites]

With no disrespect intended to 18-year olds, why would anyone want the brain of an 18-year old? Mine was a mess.
posted by sjswitzer at 12:11 PM on January 25, 2023 [58 favorites]

This team of doctors are masters in wealth extraction.
posted by Roentgen at 12:13 PM on January 25, 2023 [127 favorites]

came to snark on the 18 year old brain. they are not even fully formed. me? I'd like to look and feel 30 again. 30 was peak me.

not keen on a future with immortal billionaires farming the plebs for our blood or whatever magic trick they find to keep ones bladder youthful...
posted by supermedusa at 12:14 PM on January 25, 2023 [23 favorites]

I can't find it now, but another thread on this story (reddit, maybe?) included this joke in the comments:

Patient: Doc, I'm worried I won't live my longest life possible.
Doctor: Do you smoke?
Patient: No.
Doctor: Do you drink?
Patient: No.
Doctor: Do you stay out late?
Patient: No.
Doctor: Do you eat a rich diet?
Patient: No.
Doctor: Do you have a lot of sex?
Patient: No.
Doctor: Then why the hell do you care?
posted by jquinby at 12:16 PM on January 25, 2023 [116 favorites]

archive version if paywalled
posted by gwint at 12:18 PM on January 25, 2023 [1 favorite]

Rich people need to be taxed more. They have too much money.
posted by AlSweigart at 12:21 PM on January 25, 2023 [84 favorites]

Wouldn't a centimillionaire have 1/100th of a million dollars, i.e. $10k? We don't run the centimetre sprint.
posted by ssg at 12:22 PM on January 25, 2023 [21 favorites]

Nobody would know what they mean if they wrote hectomillionaire. It's also possible the writer didn't know or even think of the hecto-prefix.

Maybe they should use decibillionaire.

Me, I'm a nanobillionaire, so I guess I got that going for me.
posted by tclark at 12:26 PM on January 25, 2023 [27 favorites]

Clearly he had more than 10K but spent it on trying to get an 18-year old’s brain? And was thus arguably at least partially successful? :P
posted by eviemath at 12:27 PM on January 25, 2023 [3 favorites]

I think we need more of this. Not because it works, but because dumb hobbies like this is a great way for hundomillionaires to spend their time relatively harmlessly (at least, harmless to the rest of us).
posted by BungaDunga at 12:28 PM on January 25, 2023 [9 favorites]

Unless we’re talking Peter Thiel wanting the blood of youths or whatever.
posted by eviemath at 12:32 PM on January 25, 2023 [9 favorites]

Did someone tell him the bad news about the farting?
posted by aeshnid at 12:34 PM on January 25, 2023 [4 favorites]

Did someone tell him the bad news about the farting?

Is there a newsletter or something?
posted by amanda at 12:39 PM on January 25, 2023 [9 favorites]

Doctor: Do you have a lot of sex?

Wait, what???
posted by ZenMasterThis at 12:43 PM on January 25, 2023 [1 favorite]

Purity of essence.
posted by muddgirl at 12:49 PM on January 25, 2023 [3 favorites]

What I'm not seeing here in this article is any reference to the experience of women, who, under patriarchies, have been trying to remain eighteen years old for thousands of years. Not one of us, not one, has managed it.

I don't hold with serious "longevity" work in our society because we haven't figured out how to handle the age we do reach now. On one hand, we have a gerontocracy; on the other, we have the entire way we treat seniors who don't happen to be wealthy and powerful.
posted by Countess Elena at 12:53 PM on January 25, 2023 [48 favorites]

why would anyone want the brain of an 18-year old

Rich people suck etc. But if I had a couple million, I'd pay that to experience all the feels that an 18-year old has, one more time. What is money but paper, in comparison with the novelty and emotional rollercoastering of falling in love with someone for the first time, all over again?
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 12:53 PM on January 25, 2023 [4 favorites]

Apropos of nothing, one time I was at a casino where Carrot Top was hanging out, and some guy started talking to me out of the blue, at the urinal, where I was trapped, peeing, about how jacked he looked and how he was surrounded by hot chicks. I think about that moment sometimes.
posted by uncleozzy at 12:56 PM on January 25, 2023 [19 favorites]

The vanity of this type of thing is astounding (not only Johnson's particularly extreme project, but also the varying sorts that exist among many wealthy tech bros who seem to think they can engineer their way out of any problem, including mortality). But I suppose there are worse ways to spend obscene amounts of money and if any of it actually ends up working maybe it'll eventually trickle down to us plebs.

However, I don't understand the desire to turn what sounds like a potentially tasty meal into a disgusting grey slurry. What is with this sort of extreme "biohacking" and the need to turn food into a mere necessity rather than a joy. Unless I skimmed over it, I don't see the rationale for it in the article. Is it a fear of choking, thus rendering everything else pointless?

I also wonder about the psychological effects of some of these things. Johnson allegedly loves it. But surely, there are downsides to this kind of obsession over every minute aspect of health, diet and lifestyle (such as, again, seemingly taking much of the joy out of eating -- one can eat a healthy, super-optimized diet that is still pleasurable and joyful to eat). To go back to the old joke that jquinby posted earlier, what's the point of living "forever" if you're miserable the whole time? Maximizing longevity by minimizing pleasure seems nearly as bad as the opposite extreme.
posted by asnider at 12:57 PM on January 25, 2023 [5 favorites]

His doctors say he has the gum inflammation of a 17-year-old.
He blasts his pelvic floor with electromagnetic pulses
[He] has a device that counts the number of his nighttime erections
He could have been mistaken for a big, swollen porcelain doll.

I feel like these should be Talking Heads lyrics maybe.
posted by uncleozzy at 12:59 PM on January 25, 2023 [118 favorites]

why would anyone want the brain of an 18-year old

"But if I had a couple million, I'd pay that to experience all the feels that an 18-year old has, one more time." said, They sucked his brains out!

lol
posted by nikoniko at 1:02 PM on January 25, 2023 [9 favorites]

When challenged with having too much money to spend in a lifetime, instead of giving some of it away, these people have chosen to extend their lifetimes.

This is just selfishness, pure and simple.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 1:03 PM on January 25, 2023 [24 favorites]

"... and all I really needed was the blood of a young boy."
posted by lkc at 1:12 PM on January 25, 2023 [3 favorites]

Did someone tell him the bad news about the farting?

well now your idea of good news is entirely suspect my friend
posted by elkevelvet at 1:14 PM on January 25, 2023 [2 favorites]

traditionally the ultra-wealthy have to outsource this to their romantic partners...
posted by supermedusa at 1:21 PM on January 25, 2023 [7 favorites]

If a bunch of rich people want to be guinea pigs for fast-tracking human subjects testing of therapies that may result in significant quality of life improvements for seniors, all the while diverting some of their obscene wealth to people who actually work for a living, then I'm for it.
posted by jedicus at 1:23 PM on January 25, 2023 [22 favorites]

be funny if he died of a stupid accident
posted by kokaku at 1:23 PM on January 25, 2023 [13 favorites]

Yes, this guy is ridiculous; yes, we need to tax rich people more; yes, experiments tend to be more useful when n>1; and absolutely yes, the money could be used to do so much more good.

On the other hand, if he has hundreds of millions of dollars, he could easily afford this even if we taxed away half of his wealth; many rich people waste much more money on sillier things; and some good may come from this. (And that he's not taking testosterone supplements puts him way ahead of most others trying stunts like this.)

I'd bet that 90+% of the benefits are from exercising an hour a day, eating well (which need not be his extreme diet), and having a regular and sufficient sleep schedule. But I also wouldn't be shocked if a few of the supplements or procedures that he's trying turn out to have real and significant benefits.
posted by Mr.Know-it-some at 1:29 PM on January 25, 2023 [6 favorites]

What I think is funny about this is that the "X of a 35 year old" doesn't really mean anything at all. Your average adult is under a lot more stress than a multi-millionaire who devotes his life to health and relaxation.

This guy ate terribly, overworked himself, and was under ridiculous self-imposed stress and then decided to get healthy. It's impossible to determine how much of his "recovery" is due to his current habits versus simply moving away from his previous lifestyle.

Give any regular person the ability to see doctors and personal trainers, to quit their job, and give them a personal chef, and you'd see 90% of these results, easily.
posted by explosion at 1:30 PM on January 25, 2023 [24 favorites]

I'm going to come out in favor of this. I don't know if it will work, but if it does, I don't see why it would have to remain in the realm of the super wealthy. If this paves the way for this tech to move down to the rest of us then I'm all for it.
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 1:33 PM on January 25, 2023 [6 favorites]

Clearly he still has the brain of an 18-year-old.
posted by gottabefunky at 1:37 PM on January 25, 2023 [5 favorites]

It's weird how these rich people focus on the idea of being young rather than the idea of being happy.
posted by The River Ivel at 1:38 PM on January 25, 2023 [24 favorites]

I immediately thought of Peter F Hamilton's Misspent Youth, where a tech innovator gives away a world changing invention and is gifted access to the first rejuvenation therapy...making him 18ish again.
posted by schyler523 at 1:39 PM on January 25, 2023 [1 favorite]

Also I'm sure a major motivator is the attention.
posted by gottabefunky at 1:39 PM on January 25, 2023 [1 favorite]

Not much different than building a pyramid except 100 years from the now the pyramids will still be here.
posted by zzazazz at 1:46 PM on January 25, 2023 [6 favorites]

Despite how silly this all is, I don't think it's for the attention nor do I think this is a "only rich people" sort of thing.

There's a type of person who just always has to push the limit. Whether it's going from a 10K to a marathon to an ultramarathon, and just seeing how far they can run, or speedrunning video games.

This is the sort of thing that could only be done with excessive resources, for sure, but the mindset is pretty common.
posted by explosion at 1:47 PM on January 25, 2023 [3 favorites]

Something something HUMAN CENTIMILLIONAIRE
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 1:47 PM on January 25, 2023 [30 favorites]

He wants to have the brain, heart, lungs, liver, kidneys, tendons, teeth, skin, hair, bladder, penis and rectum of an 18-year-old

With fava beans and a nice Chianti
posted by chavenet at 1:47 PM on January 25, 2023 [23 favorites]

first person to develop nanobots that selectively infect callow robber-baron snake-oil-chasing billionaires and projects "your gonna die and there's nothing you can do about it now stop funding fucking longevity bullshit" on their visual cortex in big flashing neon wins a prize from me
posted by lalochezia at 1:48 PM on January 25, 2023 [6 favorites]

Massive wealth, yet no-one to tell him his haircut is ridiculous.
posted by senor biggles at 1:50 PM on January 25, 2023 [1 favorite]

I hope his scheme succeeds too well and he becomes immortal. Millennia from now he'll find himself in a blasted wasteland, pleading to a silent God for the mercy of death that never comes.
posted by Faint of Butt at 1:50 PM on January 25, 2023 [12 favorites]

> Massive wealth, yet no-one to tell him his haircut is ridiculous.

It provides the illusion that he's wealthy because he's frugal (cuts his own hair and/or goes to Supercuts instead of a fancier barbershop).
posted by asnider at 1:52 PM on January 25, 2023 [1 favorite]

> "I don't know if it will work"

It won't.
posted by kyrademon at 1:55 PM on January 25, 2023 [6 favorites]

I often say that I have the heart of a little boy.

I keep it in a jar in my desk drawer.
posted by SPrintF at 2:01 PM on January 25, 2023 [5 favorites]

I'm curious how they can tease out causation while playing with so many variables. They do admit their own limited results (emphasis mine)

Zolman, who got his medical degree from King’s College London, is more measured. He stresses that his work with Johnson is just beginning and that they have hundreds of procedures left to explore, including a range of experimental gene therapies. “We have not achieved any remarkable results,” he says. “In Bryan, we have achieved small, reasonable results, and it’s to be expected.”

And then there's this, in a discussion about what appears to be cosmetic work on his face:

(Johnson also dyes his hair.)

posted by achrise at 2:02 PM on January 25, 2023 [8 favorites]

...one time I was at a casino where Carrot Top was hanging out...

I admire your courage to go public with this.
posted by Thorzdad at 2:02 PM on January 25, 2023 [6 favorites]

I know someone who has engaged in a bunch of drug and hormone treatments in an attempt to avoid the signs of aging. He looks good but, while I can't prove anything, I think the cocktails have had a profoundly negative impact on his judgment, mood, and general cognition over the past several years. It's sad.
posted by biogeo at 2:06 PM on January 25, 2023 [6 favorites]

This isn’t science or medicine; so there won’t be any results from it. All those useless colonoscopies and MRIs can’t be good for him. Metformin can have some serious side effects. Don’t take prescription drugs because of a rumor about anti aging properties.
posted by interogative mood at 2:14 PM on January 25, 2023 [4 favorites]

...one time I was at a casino where Carrot Top was hanging out...

I admire your courage to go public with this.

C'mon, he didn't admit to going to the actual show!
posted by slogger at 2:15 PM on January 25, 2023 [6 favorites]

I feel like these should be Talking Heads lyrics maybe.

Psycho predictor, qu'est que c'est?
posted by gwint at 2:16 PM on January 25, 2023 [7 favorites]

Those Weight Loss Drugs May Do a Number on Your Face
People using drugs like Ozempic are discovering an unwanted side effect: facial aging.

Maybe there will one day be drugs that go the other way: You can be young again, but the trade-off is that you look like Tetsuo from the end of Akira.
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 2:33 PM on January 25, 2023 [5 favorites]

I was prepared to be outraged that some dude was getting black-market organs to make his body younger a piece at a time. This is better than that but I'm absolutely certain billionaires would resort to it.

Also Mr. Burns has been doing this all along.
posted by emjaybee at 2:43 PM on January 25, 2023 [3 favorites]

I think it's fine. Everyone needs a hobby.
posted by betweenthebars at 2:50 PM on January 25, 2023 [2 favorites]

Uh, are we sure this article isn't ChatGtp gone awry? : Bryan Johnson wants to be (Angus) Young? It's a long way to the top of male beauty standards. If you want (fresh) blood you got it!
posted by The_Vegetables at 2:50 PM on January 25, 2023 [1 favorite]

I wonder if he'll get pimples.
posted by brachiopod at 3:24 PM on January 25, 2023 [5 favorites]

The article sounds much more reasonable than his website, which for me sets off every category of creepdar at once.

(and maybe I'll have to revert my eyeballs to teenager status to read that condensed fixed-size font)
posted by credulous at 3:24 PM on January 25, 2023 [3 favorites]

"Feels like I'm livin' in the middle of doubt
'Cause I'm

Eighteen
I get confused every day"
posted by clavdivs at 4:05 PM on January 25, 2023 [3 favorites]

I think I prefer 'Live Fast, Die Young, Leave a Good-Looking Corpse'
posted by chavenet at 4:12 PM on January 25, 2023 [1 favorite]

> However, I don't understand the desire to turn what sounds like a potentially tasty meal into a disgusting grey slurry.

His website says "Prepared correctly, taste should be an easy and smooth tasting veggie hummus. No smell/taste of garlic." ButI like the smell/taste of garlic!

Someone once said here that supplements are their woo, and I'm afraid they're mine, too. I get a little embarrassed when I'm in the doctor's office and they ask if I take any vitamins and I have to list the contents of my pillbox. This guy and I are taking a lot of the same ones, but I doubt he's getting his by impulse shopping the displays at Costco.
posted by The corpse in the library at 4:16 PM on January 25, 2023 [9 favorites]

This kind of thing only makes sense within the context of a disconnected ego.
I wish the Buddha were still around to set these people straight.
Maybe aging, death, and decay are, oh I don't know, perhaps part of a system that has worked for four billion years?
The nutrients and chemicals that you borrowed from the giant pool in which you swim (i.e., you), will be needed soon by someone else.
So age, decay and die. It's your destiny. It's your social duty. It's your responsibility.
And it's no big deal. Because guess what? You're no big deal.
posted by Joan Rivers of Babylon at 4:18 PM on January 25, 2023 [13 favorites]

It'd be fun to check in on this loser in a few decades and laugh about him being just as decrepit as the rest of us, but I won't get the chance because 30 seconds after I click away from this page, I'll forget he exists.

Which is probably the thing that really scares him.
posted by klanawa at 4:34 PM on January 25, 2023 [7 favorites]

I like to imagine that his doctors and MRI clinics look at him and see dollar signs floating above his head
posted by BungaDunga at 4:39 PM on January 25, 2023 [2 favorites]

People have been trying to live forever since humans first understood death. There are countless stories across every culture about this sick obsession. This guy will age and die like we all do. He just has a greater capacity to hurt other people to feed his own delusions in the process.
posted by abucci at 4:56 PM on January 25, 2023 [2 favorites]

I prefer he be just composted with a nice fruit bearing tree growing out of his remains.
posted by njohnson23 at 6:13 PM on January 25, 2023 [4 favorites]

If I had a spare $2 million to blow every year, I wouldn't waste it on sketchy medical procedures. I'd be hiring a full-time masseuse, a rotating cast of personal chefs, an on-call travel agent... Heck, for that kind of money you could hire your own personal poet laureate or someone to follow you around with an easel and paintbrushes to paint you.

Apropos of nothing, one time I was at a casino where Carrot Top was hanging out, and some guy started talking to me out of the blue, at the urinal, where I was trapped, peeing, about how jacked he looked and how he was surrounded by hot chicks. I think about that moment sometimes.

There is a certain type of guy who just lives for awkward urinal conversations, since they know you can't escape until you are done.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:45 PM on January 25, 2023 [2 favorites]

Apropos of nothing, one time I was at a casino where Carrot Top was hanging out, and some guy started talking to me out of the blue,

Don’t leave us hanging: the unwanted conversationalist was Carrot Top, right?
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:11 PM on January 25, 2023 [7 favorites]

I'm reminded of William S. Burroughs' "Words of Advice for Young People." There's a bit about encountering the Devil's Bargain, and selling your soul to be young again.

"Haven't you forgotten something, gramps? In order to feel something, you've got to be there. You have to be eighteen. You're not eighteen. You are seventy eight.

Old fool sold his soul for a strap-on.

posted by jzb at 8:03 PM on January 25, 2023 [5 favorites]

Entropy is a bitch.
posted by eagles123 at 8:37 PM on January 25, 2023

I always wonder if someone like this has read much science fiction. Clearly not.

Also, wondering if there's a short story in this where a very rich man has a genetically similar human Guinea pig to try out treatments on before using them himself.

Something in there like a Picture of Dorian Gray.
posted by Zumbador at 9:06 PM on January 25, 2023 [1 favorite]

“What I'm not seeing here in this article is any reference to the experience of women, who, under patriarchies, have been trying to remain eighteen years old for thousands of years. Not one of us, not one, has managed it.”

I actually did a sigh of relief that this guy didn’t volunteer his opinions on women and aging. The only good I can see coming out of these rich people is that some of this money is going to go to research for the treatment of cancer and degenerative diseases that you can’t buy your way out of right now.
posted by Selena777 at 9:42 PM on January 25, 2023 [1 favorite]

Or if he did, they were left out of the article
posted by Jon_Evil at 9:49 PM on January 25, 2023 [1 favorite]

As mentioned briefly in the article, the largest factor is of course still genetics. Everything else is an attempt to extend your potential written in your genes until we can really discover how to tamper with that fate. There are many people around the world his age whose lifespan will exceed his. Certainly many women, who tend to live much longer than men. Certainly many, many women in Japan.

You can be Steve Jobs himself but still get taken down at the age of 56. It must have absolutely frightened the billionaire class to see him go. Bezos, Ellison, Brin, Thiel and others have deep investments in life extension companies. The 2045 initiative is an attempt to transfer their brains and achieve cybernetic immortality.

It is a frustrating time to be super-rich. Immortality appears to be just around the corner. Until then, there is still something that almost unlimited money and power can't buy. We are all still bound together by our short lifespans, rarely exceeding a century. The most urgent question in our lives is not how long but rather how to live.
posted by vacapinta at 11:55 PM on January 25, 2023 [5 favorites]

So what you're telling me is that the Silicon Valley storyline about Gavin Belson's parabiotic "transfusion associate" was in fact not just a completely outlandish fictional exaggeration of obscenely rich people's obsession with immortality and youth?

I guess I shouldn't be surprised.
posted by wakannai at 4:12 AM on January 26, 2023 [2 favorites]

Those Weight Loss Drugs May Do a Number on Your Face
People using drugs like Ozempic are discovering an unwanted side effect: facial aging.

"At a certain age, you have to choose between your face and your ass."

- Meryl Streep quoting Catherine Deneuve

If immortality is ever achieved, we'll be able to engrave the Forbes 400 in stone because the price will stay too high for anyone outside the .01% to get it, and they'll ride compounded interest to the heat death of the universe.
posted by The Monster at the End of this Thread at 4:30 AM on January 26, 2023 [2 favorites]

So what you're telling me is that the Silicon Valley storyline ... was in fact not just a completely outlandish fictional exaggeration

Any SV writer will tell you, at the drop of a hat, that they collected many, many actual, documented, real-life, you-could-prove-it-in-court storylines that were rejected as being completely outlandish fictional exaggerations, and that pretty much every SV storyline that you think has an analog to a real incident that you've heard of is either actually a compilation of several additional incidents or was drastically toned down for the show.
posted by Etrigan at 5:50 AM on January 26, 2023 [4 favorites]

I think he should replace all of his parts with 18-year-old parts... except for two or three that are somehow unable to be replaced and must remain in their original state. Just so that he can stare into the mirror every morning and see a healthy young body with the Hand of Vecna attached to it, reminding him of the ravages of inevitability.

The Scrotum of Vecna is also a good choice, but is a lesser-loved AD&D artifact.
posted by delfin at 5:54 AM on January 26, 2023 [2 favorites]

What strikes me as the most creepy is his website where he explains his philosophy and mindest. the way he writes about his previous life (7pm Bryan), full of derision and loathing Also that he (according to his website) has a son aged 18 (possibly two sons, it got confusing to read). I persisted to read through it all and his medium essays , and now in some odd way feel sorry for him, he sounds so misguided, confused and very lonely. It seems all his human contact is limited to medical staff and procedures . And he looks so super sad in the photos. A lost soul.
posted by 15L06 at 7:00 AM on January 26, 2023 [5 favorites]

There are many people who devote every waking hour to their personal physical development, typically with the assistance of a team of dedicated professionals, often to the detriment of their personal, emotional, and intellectual health, as they claw their way towards an arbitrary, socially useless goal. If they succeed, they get a gold metal or a trophy, and often are paid millions of dollars.
posted by Mr.Know-it-some at 7:18 AM on January 26, 2023

Wow, I just read the first of those Medium essays in the voice of Laurie Bream.
posted by The Monster at the End of this Thread at 7:47 AM on January 26, 2023 [2 favorites]

This is how the timeline of Big Trouble In Little China begins.
posted by NoThisIsPatrick at 8:17 AM on January 26, 2023 [1 favorite]

I was thinking Jekyll & Hyde... Together Again myself, which involves a reclusive billionaire demanding a Total Transplant.
posted by delfin at 8:38 AM on January 26, 2023

Are they lengthening his telomeres? Slowing down aging I can imagine, but reversing it, no.
posted by waving at 8:57 AM on January 26, 2023

I generally support people's weird extreme body-modification journeys, and I suppose I do this one as well. I don't know if he would appreciate being lumped in with heavy steroid users and people with full-body tattoos, but in some ways it seems like it's all of a piece.

This particular one seems kind of doomed, though--lots of people have been trying to do this kind of thing for a long time, but it just doesn't work. Hasn't he ever seen a picture of a famous rich person and their adult child?

There's no going back to 18. Humanity has dedicated some of our best talents to it, but about the best we can do is 'ageless' if you're an optimist and 'well-preserved' if you're not.
posted by box at 9:09 AM on January 26, 2023 [1 favorite]

This particular one seems kind of doomed, though--lots of people have been trying to do this kind of thing for a long time, but it just doesn't work. Hasn't he ever seen a picture of a famous rich person and their adult child?

You'll never go broke telling rich people "The first immortal human being has already been born."
posted by Etrigan at 9:28 AM on January 26, 2023 [5 favorites]

"breaking ground in the field of longevity"

Montgomery Burns Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence
posted by kirkaracha at 9:36 AM on January 26, 2023 [2 favorites]

Some more science fiction on the question of "what if we could fix aging?"

The closest to the scenario in the fpp would be Joe Haldeman's Buying Time, where the company that figures it out charges everything you have for a 10-year extension, with a minimum "obscenely wealthy" buy-in. One non-spoiler thing that comes up is that even the rich hate it -- instead of retiring, you spend ten years building up your funds again, then have to spend it all just to survive.

From the golden age of SF, Heinlein's Methuselah's Children, and its later follow-up Lazarus Long stories (Time Enough for Love, The Number of the Beast, The Cat Who Walked Through Walls, etc.) have plots and conflicts based on longevity and those who do and don't have it, though initially genetically rather than technologically.

Cordwainer Smith had Nostrillia and several related short stores that had a bit of speculation about how things would work if there was an expensive, rare, but mass produced longevity drug, stroon. Excellent works, you may know him by his regular name, Paul Linebarger, and his most popular publication under that name, the CIA manual Psychological Warfare. The Lords of Instrumentality have made Death possible again, Hurray!

As a backstory and to allow for long-lived characters, David Webber's Honorverse novels have a slow-aging technology, though second and third generations of such are specifically mentioned to have problems with prolonged adolescence, and that not everyone can afford or even wants such treatment.

That's it off the top of my head -- I'm sure there's dozens more where longevity is there but not a major plot element or where its is effectively universally available, removing the potential for conflict, and of course I can't read everything so I'm sure I've entirely missed entire series and even sub-generas.
posted by Blackanvil at 11:03 AM on January 26, 2023 [1 favorite]

This year, he’s on track to spend at least $2 million on his body. He wants to have the brain, heart, lungs, liver, kidneys, tendons, teeth, skin, hair, bladder, penis and rectum of an 18-year-old.

My guy, you just need to spend $2k on therapy.

Anyway, did you know that rich people can just lie about what they spend their money on and how much, and credulous reporters on a deadline to produce clickbait will report it as true?
posted by AlSweigart at 11:08 AM on January 26, 2023 [1 favorite]

Kim Stanley Robinson's Mars Trilogy also has longevity as a feature. It mostly works to ensure that he can cover a sprawling amount of time without introducing so many new characters, but the novels do explore the concept of memory. IIRC initially the longevity doesn't stop people getting dementia.
posted by plonkee at 11:08 AM on January 26, 2023

everything you have for a 10-year extension, with a minimum "obscenely wealthy" buy-in

IIRC, also the framework of Bruce Sterling's Holy Fire. Which I recall being very exasperated by, I think because it leaned hard into the assumption that 18yo decision making was obvs desirable because 18yos are desirablecool.
posted by clew at 11:59 AM on January 26, 2023 [1 favorite]

If we develop technology that lets us extend human life and reverse the affects of aging then I expect it will become widespread and not just a thing for the super wealthy. Birthrates are falling and lifespan has increased, but not nearly as much as healthy lifespan has increased. Pension plans, retirement accounts and government retirement programs like Social Security along with government healthcare are starting to face serious problems. The hardest thing about aging is the gradual disabling. The body aches and mobility is reduced. Reading glasses, floaters, cateracts, and other vision problems. The loss of hearing and other declines. All of this leads to a gradual loss of independence and freedom and also a rise in the costs of caring for each elderly person. The amount of money that effective reverse aging treatments would save are pretty staggering.
posted by interogative mood at 12:32 PM on January 26, 2023

... and rectum of an 18-year-old.

This still stands out to me. What has he been doing that his rectum is all worn out and needs rejuvenation? That is an organ that can handle a lot of abuse. Maybe he needs to dial back on the monthly colonoscopies?
posted by Dip Flash at 1:29 PM on January 26, 2023 [3 favorites]

and rectum of an 18-year-old.

This still stands out to me. What has he been doing that his rectum is all worn out and needs rejuvenation?</em

Hemorrhoids.
posted by 15L06 at 1:45 PM on January 26, 2023

Hundreds of millions of dollars should buy him the perfect teenage rectum. Pliable. Durable. Friendly and approachable. Stretchable enough to pass a bowling ball, but clench those muscles back there and now you couldn't swipe a credit card through that slot.
posted by delfin at 4:11 PM on January 26, 2023 [3 favorites]

Jesus christ people it's just a rectum
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 4:46 PM on January 26, 2023 [1 favorite]

He doesn't want a rectum. He wants the rectum.
posted by delfin at 5:12 PM on January 26, 2023

I interpret the authorial inclusion of the "rectum" to the laundry list as a signal of "arse-hole".
posted by Barbara Spitzer at 5:41 PM on January 26, 2023 [1 favorite]

Yeah, this seemed more sad to me than anything else. I guess this is staving off the self-harm thoughts briefly alluded to, but on such a surface level.

I also thought it odd that he was doing all of... this... and then dyeing his hair. Is he using permanent dye? And bleach? Why isn't he looking into natural regeneration of hair follicle pigmentation?
posted by queensissy at 6:23 PM on January 26, 2023 [1 favorite]

Honestly, I've long wanted the litany of full-body tests this guy does. I've been a "diagnostic dilemma" for way too long, with inconclusive tests and weird side effects to medication and what not, and (if it weren't for the fact that I'm also a bit of a medical coward who freaked out at a prescribed gastroscopy/colonoscopy, though I did it eventually) I would be alllllllll over this.

I don't need to have the body of an 18 year old. I just want to function, or at the very least know what exactly is wrong with me so we can find treatment that actually works.
posted by creatrixtiara at 9:08 PM on January 26, 2023 [1 favorite]

If you want longevity intervention on the cheap, just regularly donate blood.
It's proven to reduce PFAS levels and is also believed to reduce other undesirables that can accumulate.
And it has the side effect of helping other people!
posted by neonamber at 9:41 PM on January 26, 2023 [2 favorites]

I'm a pretty fit and healthy 72 year old. Almost surprisingly content with my lot..... life springs eternal and all that, could start a new career tomorrow if the spirit moves me, still lots and lots of new as well as familiar, know what it is to love and be loved, comforted and reassured by the metaphor of handing on the baton relay style to the younger, fitter and hungrier, getting closer to a sense of job done now so chill, Dutch. I guess that's the context.

Last night in bed, while musing and reflecting on the day, I had a sense of the life force ebbing, an utterly untroubled sense of no longer knowing the manic energies and drive of before when life was great just as it is now. It was quite a pleasant feeling. New to me but somehow reassuring.

You will not be surprised that this gentleman's quest for whatever it is he's questing is a mystery to me. Good luck to him tho I suspect he's missing the point..... but there again I did back then.
posted by dutchrick at 4:12 AM on January 27, 2023 [6 favorites]

just regularly donate blood
Wish I would've known this before I leaned hard into doing Power Reds (i.e. you do a 'double' donation in one sitting but you walk out with all the plasma you walked in with. The other donation types take plasma, which is apparently where the PFASs are concentrated.)
posted by achrise at 7:55 AM on January 27, 2023

This is one more piece of clear evidence that unequal distribution of resources is horrible, evil, in fact.
posted by theora55 at 7:04 AM on January 30, 2023