This column has been depressing to write; it has depressed me.
February 16, 2023 6:03 PM   Subscribe

After seven years, Joel Golby's VICE column London Rental Opportunity of the Week reaches an end; half polemic, half retrospective: 'Landlords Are a Scum Class': Everything I've Learnt About London Renting
You have to understand that renting was already bad before COVID even started. You have to understand this column always focussed on the absolute worst properties in London – the unfit for habitation one-beds! The studios with showers in the kitchen! – because, aesthetically, photos of those places (with the absurd rents being charged for them!) were easy to goof on and made sense as a spectacle of illness.

But what those studios and stupidly laid out new-builds and refurbished HMOs were were a symptom of the wider disease, which is, like, the room you sleep in now. How many places have you rented in London where the bedroom you slept in was actually good? I’ll tell you my hit rate: I think I’ve had two good bedrooms out of ten (but one of those took up an absolutely wild amount of my income, so it wasn’t worth it). That sucks!

There shouldn’t be this much mould in this city, or windows that don’t open, or showers that don’t go high enough, or doors that don’t close or aren’t there, or bedrooms that you have to walk sideways around because the bed takes up almost all of the available space in. Paying rent to live in a house or flat shouldn’t be prestige! And it is insane that an already unworkable system, that punished the users who weren’t automatically rich enough to get out of it, again and again and again, didn’t get reformed over COVID, it got more lawless and even worse!
LROotW previously on Metafilter: "Microwave from the Comfort of Your Bed in Brent"

The images have sadly link-rotted out of the articles from 2017 and earlier, but some favorites from the ones that still survive:
posted by We had a deal, Kyle (35 comments total) 49 users marked this as a favorite
 
Can confirm that it was also depressing to read.
posted by clawsoon at 8:31 PM on February 16, 2023 [3 favorites]


Yes please thank you for this infuriating excellent post.
posted by capnsue at 8:43 PM on February 16, 2023 [1 favorite]


The weirdly uplifting chat is well worth a read.
posted by jjderooy at 9:53 PM on February 16, 2023 [6 favorites]


Behind the Bastards recently produced an excellent (depressing) 2-part podcast on the terrible conditions of the stateside rental market. We need regulation of the rental market here in the US as badly as the UK.
posted by tovarisch at 3:11 AM on February 17, 2023 [5 favorites]


I feel very seen and also very uncomfortable and fuck what is wrong with my life and this country
posted by Ned G at 3:37 AM on February 17, 2023 [2 favorites]


I liked the part about killing the landlords.
posted by Meatbomb at 4:03 AM on February 17, 2023 [8 favorites]


I’ve been reading this column on and off for years as someone lucky enough to live in Bumblefuck USA and thus able to purchase a nice house at a reasonable cost and I’ve watched the trajectory get more and more depressing and depressed and I am with him: fuck these fucking landlords!

Even here in my small town, the City Council has been trying to pass regulations on rental property maintenance and anti-retaliation and the constant whining and moaning from these fucking landlords is amazing. I’ve been in some of these rentals and they are horrible, criminal even, and again: fuck these people.
posted by dellsolace at 6:32 AM on February 17, 2023 [6 favorites]


Even here in my small town, the City Council has been trying to pass regulations on rental property maintenance and anti-retaliation and the constant whining and moaning from these fucking landlords is amazing. I’ve been in some of these rentals and they are horrible, criminal even, and again: fuck these people.

Where I was living last, the council was proposing a very benign, slightly pro-renter bill that basically reinforced that landlords needed to give back deposits and do a bit of maintenance. Nothing crazy like actual standards, rent control, anything like that.

Anyway, I decided to try out a bar I hadn't been to before and was chatting a bit with a (seemingly) nice middle aged lady down the bar. She passed me an informational flyer about the council's proposal, and I glanced at it and said something about improvements being a good idea. She lost her shit and wanted to fight me, for real. Turns out she was a small time landlord and was absolutely furious about the socialists who were imposing on her rentals. It's like, lady, all they are doing is saying you have to give deposits back in a reasonable timeframe. If that threatens your business model, that says a lot about you.

I figured that was not the bar for me and didn't go back.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:42 AM on February 17, 2023 [13 favorites]


There is something deeply, deeply wrong in the developed world and the rise of populism can be directly tied back to shit like this. Nothing works, nothing improves, and in fact some things continue a long slow slide into the sewer, and we're all just supposed to ignore it. (Spoiler: it's neoliberalism.)
posted by rhymedirective at 6:51 AM on February 17, 2023 [9 favorites]


The crypt link is amazing.
posted by SoberHighland at 6:52 AM on February 17, 2023 [2 favorites]


I've enjoyed this column for a while, and one of the things I've enjoyed most about it is watching Golby get more and more extravagantly, poetically, surreally furious as it went on. This seems like a fitting end to it.
posted by BlueNorther at 6:57 AM on February 17, 2023 [6 favorites]


Is there no rent control in the UK? If so, that's just a bit wacky. Wouldn't it lead to a death spiral of ever increasing property values and rent prices?
posted by sid at 7:24 AM on February 17, 2023 [1 favorite]


Very much yes it would and is doing so, sid.
posted by lokta at 7:26 AM on February 17, 2023 [7 favorites]


Is there no rent control in the UK? If so, that's just a bit wacky. Wouldn't it lead to a death spiral of ever increasing property values and rent prices?

There is no rent control in the UK, and we are in said death spiral. It's spiral all the way down. Whee.
posted by Optamystic at 7:27 AM on February 17, 2023 [3 favorites]


Is rent control the norm? I've never run into it, having always lived in one of the 37 US states that prohibit it or in Japan where for whatever reason rent doesn't rise much.
posted by The Monster at the End of this Thread at 7:47 AM on February 17, 2023 [3 favorites]


Is rent control the norm?
We've had it in Ontario forever, although our current Premier has significantly weakened it.

I don't think it's necessary in an area with a stagnant or declining population, but if you're in a desirable jurisdiction, IMO it's necessary to prevent an ever increasing share of the economy going towards real estate speculation and rent. Otherwise housing turns into a Ponzi scheme of sorts. Not that we've managed to avoid that entirely in Ontario.
posted by sid at 7:51 AM on February 17, 2023 [1 favorite]


One of the questionable joys of my life in recent years has been the realization that necessary things fail to happen every day. Ontario is lovely and I wish I could afford to live there myself, but I have been stuck in this Ponzi scheme all my life.

I actually liked some of the properties linked at the top. I am especially fond of the wall-less doom garage. It's cheaper than my apartment in small town North Carolina and more architecturally interesting.
posted by The Monster at the End of this Thread at 8:04 AM on February 17, 2023 [1 favorite]


I feel like this thread needs to have a meeting with the vacancy tax thread. (I understand that part of the problem in London is that there are a lot of people with real estate investments/fancy homes in the UK who are not UK residents; please correct me if I'm wrong!)
posted by gentlyepigrams at 8:31 AM on February 17, 2023 [4 favorites]


Nice post! Ages ago when I was looking for an apartment, the most memorable ones were a foyer and an unfinished basement that made me think of The Silence of the Lambs. Wild times.
posted by kat518 at 8:59 AM on February 17, 2023 [3 favorites]


Fun fact: this may have changed in the past five or so years, since I can no longer find the law on the provincial web site, but Nova Scotia had rent control for quite a while (prior to the recent pandemic-related emergency rent control legislation), via the NS Rent Review Act. It’s just that some secretive subcommittee amended the law without review in a manner that they argued didn’t have to go through the law amendments committee and a hearing process, to change one of the definitions so that it no longer applies to any rental units (only the section on rent control for land lease communities - aka plot rentals for trailer parks - was still in effect).
posted by eviemath at 9:13 AM on February 17, 2023


Meanwhile in Portugal, housing was declared a human right in 2019, and more recently has taken steps to limit short-term rentals and stopped issuing "golden visas" fast-tracking foreigners to residency permits.
posted by The Pluto Gangsta at 9:41 AM on February 17, 2023 [7 favorites]


Even here in my small town, the City Council has been trying to pass regulations on rental property maintenance and anti-retaliation and the constant whining and moaning from these fucking landlords is amazing. I’ve been in some of these rentals and they are horrible, criminal even, and again: fuck these people.

I recently relocated to a different section of my city so that I could afford any kind of space again, with any kind of amenities. But like, when I say "amenities," mostly what I mean is, it has a dishwasher, a bathroom where my 5'1" body doesn't touch the opposite wall when I sit on the toilet, and no active roach problem. (All things I could not say about my previous apartment!)

Look, I like my landlord as a person; I've met him many times, as his mother lives on the first floor of my building. And as such he does in fact try to take care of this building. But like...emphasis on try. There is absolutely no regulation on a landlord who does their own repairs, no matter how terribly they do them. No one will ever come to inspect his VERY questionable drywall skills or electrical work. I have window moldings that are basically held on with fun tak; there's a goddamn breeze in the house most days even with windows and storm windows shut. There is no climate control in either bathroom?!?! How is that OK? That's not okay.

And yet, it is still by far, by a country mile, the nicest apartment I've ever lived in and he is again, by far, the best landlord. (Worst landlord: actual mafia, who sent a guy to stand outside my door and stare at it for an entire day after I called 311 about a fire hazard.)

Seriously, I am sorry, very friendly landlord who brings me baklava, but also fuck every landlord.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 9:56 AM on February 17, 2023 [6 favorites]


I'm beginning to think that turning ourselves into a civilization of petty landlords may have been a mistake.
posted by clawsoon at 10:11 AM on February 17, 2023 [2 favorites]


Japan where for whatever reason rent doesn't rise much.

Japan just builds a ton more housing: Yes, Other Countries Do Housing Better, Case 1: Japan
Tokyo routinely builds more new homes not only than Cascadia but also than all of California (which has three times its population) or, in some years, all of England (which has four times).
This has a lot more impact than any partial measure like ADU permitting, loosening single-family-home restrictions, or rent control.
posted by meowzilla at 10:14 AM on February 17, 2023 [5 favorites]


(Honestly the apartment with the Horny Stairs is pretty great, would absolutely live there.)
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 10:58 AM on February 17, 2023


Rent control in England and Wales was abolished for private rented homes by the Housing Act of 1988. It's still in place for social housing (council and housing association) homes, rents increases are usually tied to inflation plus or minus a percentage.

In general, private rented homes are more likely to be in a poor condition, with a higher percentage (23%) not meeting the decent homes standard compared to 13% of owner occupied homes and 10% of social housing.

Also, the number of households that rent privately has increased substantially over the past 20 years. About 1 in 5 households live in private rented homes now, compared to about 1 in 10 at the start of the 21st century. Home ownership percentages have stayed fallen slightly over the same period, but the proportion of households living in council or housing association homes is substantially lower.

Source: The 2021-22 English Housing Survey
posted by plonkee at 11:35 AM on February 17, 2023 [3 favorites]


Ok, after looking at that list of apartments - let’s set aside rent control for a moment, does the UK/London not even have building codes and fire codes??!
posted by eviemath at 1:06 PM on February 17, 2023 [1 favorite]


They are somewhat poorly enforced.
posted by plonkee at 2:02 PM on February 17, 2023 [1 favorite]


There are apartments as bad as the ones highlighted basically everyone I’ve lived. But at least the landlords know not to advertise clearly illegal rentals with photos on the internet.
posted by eviemath at 2:07 PM on February 17, 2023 [1 favorite]


I have to say...the last one before the concluding column horrified me, and I'm a hardened NYer who's seen more than one apartment with the shower in the kitchen (it's a tenement thing). BUT NOT THE FUCKING TOILET!!!
posted by praemunire at 4:37 PM on February 17, 2023 [2 favorites]


eviemath: ...does the UK/London not even have building codes and fire codes??!

plonkee: They are somewhat poorly enforced.

Even in social housing up until the Grenfell Tower Fire (wikipedia), and following that tall buildings are being tested and remediated with little recourse from "we were sold a duff death-trap" where incendiary materials were used in cladding a steel-concrete skellingtoned building. And even previously-compliant buildings are being scrutinised to meet contemporary materials codes. Meanwhile councils have planning inspectors dealing with paperwork on improvements and alterations ... for the expensive things that need planning permission.

The market is expected to root out bad landlords and bad rental properties, but demand is so great and there are too few new properties being built that this situation persists.
posted by k3ninho at 4:23 AM on February 18, 2023 [2 favorites]


Where's Chairman Mao when we need him?
posted by nofundy at 4:42 AM on February 18, 2023


Yes, Other Countries Do Housing Better, Case 1: Japan

Really interesting to me that in Japan apparently housing depreciates with age. Things fall apart and the constant new influx means that people needing to live is not turned into deluxe investment scheme for rich landholders.
posted by Meatbomb at 5:56 AM on February 18, 2023 [1 favorite]


Really interesting to me that in Japan apparently housing depreciates with age.

Which means that buildings are commonly demolished and rebuilt within ~25-30 years. So I'm not sure how the building numbers are adjusted for that. If you were rebuilding every building in Manhattan when it reached thirty years of age, our numbers would look very different.
posted by praemunire at 12:02 PM on February 18, 2023


Idly you think about starting your entire life – your career, your social life, your place and feeling in a community – in another city. Other friends have done this already (your friendship circle is splintering out into the wind – the great gears of circumstance meaning connections that had the potential to be lifelong friendships are fading down to just liking each others’ stories on Instagram) but tell you it’s just as bad out there. Manchester is basically only £100 cheaper than London, they say.

Sigh. This observation rings like a bell. What's amazing about it is that it feels like it's the same everywhere that I've lived in the last 20+ years. I'm in London now. California for 15 years before that. Better part of a decade in DC just prior. A year in France. Even my home state—a part of the southern US that would be entirely overlooked in the popular consciousness if people didn't know it's where Bill Clinton came from, where there is no great attractor relevant to a modern economy outside of a very big and good teaching hospital—I am stunned when I look at home prices. I've recently been trying to buy a house there after 20 years away and, wow, how on earth are homes there seeming outlandishly expensive, too?

Reading stories like this tickles the itch for a revolution that's pent up inside my id. I wonder what would happen if tenants unions became statewide or nationwide and popular?
posted by late afternoon dreaming hotel at 4:47 AM on February 21, 2023


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