The Battle of Fishkill
July 6, 2023 7:53 PM Subscribe
When Domenic Broccoli set out to expand his IHOP empire upstate, he didn’t expect to find a grave site — or start a war. By Reeves Wiedeman for Curbed. Archive link.
"Domenic Broccoli, the IHOP kingpin of the Bronx, lives a good life. He drives a nice car, spends time with his six grandkids, and golfs often enough to have a tan for most of the year. He owns a four-bedroom home in Pelham Manor, a house upstate, and IHOPs throughout the borough where he grew up, each of which runs smoothly enough to give Broccoli the time and resources to devote himself, at the age of 66, to the animating force in his life: destroying his enemies. This mission came as a surprise to Broccoli, who had little reason to expect that trying to expand his pancake empire into upstate New York — and to build his grandest IHOP yet — would lead to such conflict. But sometimes that’s what happens when you find a dead body."
"Domenic Broccoli, the IHOP kingpin of the Bronx, lives a good life. He drives a nice car, spends time with his six grandkids, and golfs often enough to have a tan for most of the year. He owns a four-bedroom home in Pelham Manor, a house upstate, and IHOPs throughout the borough where he grew up, each of which runs smoothly enough to give Broccoli the time and resources to devote himself, at the age of 66, to the animating force in his life: destroying his enemies. This mission came as a surprise to Broccoli, who had little reason to expect that trying to expand his pancake empire into upstate New York — and to build his grandest IHOP yet — would lead to such conflict. But sometimes that’s what happens when you find a dead body."
All I can think is, isn't there another less contentious place where you could build your IHOP? It's assholes all the way down.
posted by mollweide at 8:31 PM on July 6, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by mollweide at 8:31 PM on July 6, 2023 [2 favorites]
I would go to war to protect my pancakes. That is not a revolutionary idea. Besides the IHOP is the International House of Pancakes which sounds like it is bridging the gap between the British and the colonists that may or may not have died so we could one day have strip malls, Costco and, yes, pancakes.
I live relatively close to Fishkill. My kids have played in those early morning weekend soccer tournaments where the fall temperature is 39 degrees and misty rain in Fishkill. Also, the NYS troopers that lie in wait on the Taconic Parkway to trap the parents driving to get home from the miserable soccer tournament is a real issue. While I have nothing but bad connotations about the place, I hear it is a good place to live and raise a family.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 8:41 PM on July 6, 2023 [3 favorites]
I live relatively close to Fishkill. My kids have played in those early morning weekend soccer tournaments where the fall temperature is 39 degrees and misty rain in Fishkill. Also, the NYS troopers that lie in wait on the Taconic Parkway to trap the parents driving to get home from the miserable soccer tournament is a real issue. While I have nothing but bad connotations about the place, I hear it is a good place to live and raise a family.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 8:41 PM on July 6, 2023 [3 favorites]
"When Broccoli decided to dig again, hoping another part of the property was soldier free, his archaeologists turned up four more potential graves."
posted by clavdivs at 9:30 PM on July 6, 2023
posted by clavdivs at 9:30 PM on July 6, 2023
"Domenic Broccoli, the IHOP kingpin of the Bronx" has real "Abe Froman, sausage king of Chicago" energy.
Thought same!
his vision for the IHOP involves a wait staff in tricorne hats and bonnets.
LOLOLOLOL.
And, besides, if there really were hundreds of soldiers beneath the ground, Broccoli believed it to be self-evident that he was the one pursuing the vision of life, liberty, and happiness that George Washington’s troops had fought and died for: the right to sell pancakes where they were buried.
LOLOLOLOL.
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:42 PM on July 6, 2023 [1 favorite]
Thought same!
his vision for the IHOP involves a wait staff in tricorne hats and bonnets.
LOLOLOLOL.
And, besides, if there really were hundreds of soldiers beneath the ground, Broccoli believed it to be self-evident that he was the one pursuing the vision of life, liberty, and happiness that George Washington’s troops had fought and died for: the right to sell pancakes where they were buried.
LOLOLOLOL.
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:42 PM on July 6, 2023 [1 favorite]
Besides the IHOP is the International House of Pancakes which sounds like it is bridging the gap
[rocking chair creaks]
Oh, I remember the olden days, when they really played up the International part. Sure they had the American style fluffy pancakes, and buckwheat, and corn cakes, and silver dollar style for when you wanted ten tiny pancakes instead of three big ones.
But you could also get French (crepes) and Swedish (rolled up with lingonberry jam) and German (lemon and sugar) and Blini and all sorts. Sometimes if you were willing to wait they'd make a Dutch Baby for ya (like a single Yorkshire Pudding the size of a pizza). Calling the banana pancakes 'Brazilian' and the ones topped with pineapple chunks 'Tahitian' was a bit of a stretch, though.
posted by bartleby at 10:45 PM on July 6, 2023 [9 favorites]
[rocking chair creaks]
Oh, I remember the olden days, when they really played up the International part. Sure they had the American style fluffy pancakes, and buckwheat, and corn cakes, and silver dollar style for when you wanted ten tiny pancakes instead of three big ones.
But you could also get French (crepes) and Swedish (rolled up with lingonberry jam) and German (lemon and sugar) and Blini and all sorts. Sometimes if you were willing to wait they'd make a Dutch Baby for ya (like a single Yorkshire Pudding the size of a pizza). Calling the banana pancakes 'Brazilian' and the ones topped with pineapple chunks 'Tahitian' was a bit of a stretch, though.
posted by bartleby at 10:45 PM on July 6, 2023 [9 favorites]
Pretty funny tale of two parties I can't really support. The themed IHOP might be an interesting novelty, the vague historical park about some genocidal racist colonizers, who may or may not be buried there, not so much.
There's also something amusing about all this hullaballoo over land that shouldn't belong to any of the people involved, over a dispute that the place may or may not contain bones of people who had even less right to be there.
posted by GoblinHoney at 11:12 PM on July 6, 2023 [2 favorites]
There's also something amusing about all this hullaballoo over land that shouldn't belong to any of the people involved, over a dispute that the place may or may not contain bones of people who had even less right to be there.
posted by GoblinHoney at 11:12 PM on July 6, 2023 [2 favorites]
When Domenic Broccoli set out to expand his IHOP empire upstate, he didn’t expect to find a grave site — or start a war.
This whole article reads like a Bulwer Lytton contest entry.
posted by PlusDistance at 4:19 AM on July 7, 2023 [7 favorites]
This whole article reads like a Bulwer Lytton contest entry.
posted by PlusDistance at 4:19 AM on July 7, 2023 [7 favorites]
I love to walk for hours in the big beautiful cemetery near my home - it's so peaceful compared to the Brooklyn streets right outside its gates. The only thing that could make it better would be if I could get pancakes there.
posted by moonmilk at 6:06 AM on July 7, 2023 [5 favorites]
posted by moonmilk at 6:06 AM on July 7, 2023 [5 favorites]
That's a good Mexican restaurant, been there many times...never knew there was a park next door.
posted by numbskeleton at 7:36 AM on July 7, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by numbskeleton at 7:36 AM on July 7, 2023 [1 favorite]
There are a bunch of surreal passages, but this one stands out to me for some reason:
Schumer said he was going to chant “Fishkill, Fishkill, Fishkill” in the halls of Congress until they came up with the money.
posted by doctornemo at 8:45 AM on July 7, 2023 [1 favorite]
Schumer said he was going to chant “Fishkill, Fishkill, Fishkill” in the halls of Congress until they came up with the money.
posted by doctornemo at 8:45 AM on July 7, 2023 [1 favorite]
"Broccoli got so upset during one town meeting that he held up a kitchen towel he brought from home embroidered with the phrase MAYBE BROCCOLI DOESN’T LIKE YOU EITHER."
I can only imagine that reading this article is like drinking some mildly hallucinogenic tea.
posted by Augenblick at 11:26 AM on July 7, 2023 [6 favorites]
I can only imagine that reading this article is like drinking some mildly hallucinogenic tea.
posted by Augenblick at 11:26 AM on July 7, 2023 [6 favorites]
Is there something about IHOPs that brings out conflict? There is one near my house that has a plaque out front commemorating the brave owner/franchisee who stood up to the evil corporate landlords and got his IHOP built over the objections of the biggest tenant in the shopping center (presumably the Kroger grocery store that is there). I have no idea why the grocery store objected to the IHOP, and I don’t remember it being in the news at the time, but apparently the IHOP owner felt it was worth gloating over.
After all the animosity over the Fishkill IHOP, is anyone going to eat there?
posted by TedW at 11:44 AM on July 7, 2023 [1 favorite]
After all the animosity over the Fishkill IHOP, is anyone going to eat there?
posted by TedW at 11:44 AM on July 7, 2023 [1 favorite]
Wait, they're planning a tricorn-hat Ye Olde theme? That's dumb.
I'm with the online meme kids with this one. The future of fast-casual chain restaurants is in catering (heh) to the horny+hungry famished fetishist:
Goth IHOP
Drag Dairy Queen
Dommy Mommy Denny's
Femboy Hooters
Bear Applebee's
Tomboy Tim Horton's
Otter Outback Steakhouse
I can't think of anything for Cracker Barrel
Swish Chalet
Stone Butch Sizzler
Beefcake Charlie's
Baby Dyke Dave & Busters
Himbo Pizza Hut
S&M A&W
Power Bottom Panera Bakery
FemDomino's
TwinkBerry frozen yogurt
and of course
Waifu Waffle House
bring back the old color scheme for Trans Pride Taco Bell
or maybe you prefer the discount buffet chain model?
have your Master handcuff you naked to the salad bar at Golden Collar; or
enjoy all the pepperoni + mushroom + forced feminization you can eat, for one low price down at Sissy's Pizza
posted by bartleby at 4:21 PM on July 7, 2023 [3 favorites]
I'm with the online meme kids with this one. The future of fast-casual chain restaurants is in catering (heh) to the horny+hungry famished fetishist:
Goth IHOP
Drag Dairy Queen
Dommy Mommy Denny's
Femboy Hooters
Bear Applebee's
Tomboy Tim Horton's
Otter Outback Steakhouse
I can't think of anything for Cracker Barrel
Swish Chalet
Stone Butch Sizzler
Beefcake Charlie's
Baby Dyke Dave & Busters
Himbo Pizza Hut
S&M A&W
Power Bottom Panera Bakery
FemDomino's
TwinkBerry frozen yogurt
and of course
Waifu Waffle House
bring back the old color scheme for Trans Pride Taco Bell
or maybe you prefer the discount buffet chain model?
have your Master handcuff you naked to the salad bar at Golden Collar; or
enjoy all the pepperoni + mushroom + forced feminization you can eat, for one low price down at Sissy's Pizza
posted by bartleby at 4:21 PM on July 7, 2023 [3 favorites]
Old enough to remember Howard's Johnson, Grind Round, Arthur Treacher's Fish and Whips, and Raw Rodgers
at least Chuck-E-Sleaze is still in business
posted by phooky at 7:05 PM on July 7, 2023 [2 favorites]
at least Chuck-E-Sleaze is still in business
posted by phooky at 7:05 PM on July 7, 2023 [2 favorites]
Domenic Broccoli, Pancake Kingpin of the Bronx, vs. Jeremiah Buttermilk, Brassica Magnate of the Smoky Mountains.
posted by atoxyl at 7:29 PM on July 7, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by atoxyl at 7:29 PM on July 7, 2023 [1 favorite]
Cracker Barrel would unfortunately be catering to racists and right wingers.
posted by Jacen at 11:23 AM on July 8, 2023
posted by Jacen at 11:23 AM on July 8, 2023
Mr. Quick didn't last.
posted by Halloween Jack at 4:34 PM on July 8, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by Halloween Jack at 4:34 PM on July 8, 2023 [1 favorite]
(yeah, I now regret being greedy and possibly using up the joke. Its just that while looking up restaurants I encountered that woman who cosplays as Rhonda McDonald and I got all flustered and had to lay down for a bit. Hopefully there are a few "I say! this Nando's is quite cheeky indeed!" gags left.)
posted by bartleby at 6:24 PM on July 8, 2023
posted by bartleby at 6:24 PM on July 8, 2023
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I am somewhat disappointed that the Colonial theme IHOP doesn't seem to be happening. Surely the IHOP in Williamsburg or somewhere can repurpose that theme if Fishkill won't be needing it.
posted by the primroses were over at 8:03 PM on July 6, 2023 [5 favorites]