“Subject: Cool pics!” is a perfect Dimension Apple subject line
October 6, 2023 5:51 PM Subscribe
The denizens of Dimension Apple love the following things: Punctuation, trips, sharing photographs, using emoji, taking photographs, surprise parties. You might be inclined to say that they hate roasts, bits, gossip, cynicism, text abbreviations like “LOL,” and other standard features of texting in our dimension--but it is not at all clear to me that any of these things even exist in Dimension Apple to be hated. Like Android users, irony simply does not occur in Dimension Apple. A literary history of fake texts in Apple's marketing materials
Related, via the Chicago Manual of Style: Formatting Text Messages in Fiction
Related, via the Chicago Manual of Style: Formatting Text Messages in Fiction
Not a single cat picture in any of these interactions? Surreal.
posted by phigmov at 6:23 PM on October 6, 2023 [4 favorites]
posted by phigmov at 6:23 PM on October 6, 2023 [4 favorites]
Cats are divisive, they anger Republicans (witchcraft potential! Satan! Women living alone!)
Safer to go with other, less controversial, animals.
(...not quite entirely joking, actually.)
posted by aramaic at 6:27 PM on October 6, 2023 [7 favorites]
Safer to go with other, less controversial, animals.
(...not quite entirely joking, actually.)
posted by aramaic at 6:27 PM on October 6, 2023 [7 favorites]
glonous keming, I can't find it for the life of me, but that reminds me of that parody series of lighthearted cooking and home ec videos that had some increasingly noticeable apocalypse vibes in the background. Maybe from The Onion? It's impossible to search for without pulling up tons of doomsday prepper stuff though.
posted by Rhaomi at 6:33 PM on October 6, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by Rhaomi at 6:33 PM on October 6, 2023 [1 favorite]
"Relentlessly chirpy" is the phrase that springs to my mind when confronted with this kind of marketing.
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:37 PM on October 6, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:37 PM on October 6, 2023 [1 favorite]
Found! Thanks to [drumroll] AskMe. (And it was an Adult Swim thing, should have known!)
posted by Rhaomi at 6:54 PM on October 6, 2023 [7 favorites]
posted by Rhaomi at 6:54 PM on October 6, 2023 [7 favorites]
As someone who spent like three weeks incorporating dozens of pieces of feedback into some feature announcement emails for stuff I was building for the Apple Music launch, this is almost giving me PTSD. The people responsible for writing and approving this kind of stuff are hardcore.
One fun fact: the article asks “who are these people?”, and the answer is that 100% without exception they are real Apple employees that do project management or hardware engineering or whatever. In fact. I checked a few of the names and they are still employees.
We couldn’t make up fake people. We had to find someone real who was willing to assign permission to use their name (and in these cases their Memoji likeness) in this kind of thing in perpetuity. That way, if someone else who happened to have that name wanted so litigate that we used their name for advertising, there was ironclad proof there was no reference possible to this other person, because we could point at the actual person.
Also, it cuts down on the chance you of people freeze framing your televised ad to see that almost all your customers seem to be named/titled John Cavil/Number One, not that I known anyone who accidentally allowed that to happen lol.
posted by Back At It Again At Krispy Kreme at 7:10 PM on October 6, 2023 [25 favorites]
One fun fact: the article asks “who are these people?”, and the answer is that 100% without exception they are real Apple employees that do project management or hardware engineering or whatever. In fact. I checked a few of the names and they are still employees.
We couldn’t make up fake people. We had to find someone real who was willing to assign permission to use their name (and in these cases their Memoji likeness) in this kind of thing in perpetuity. That way, if someone else who happened to have that name wanted so litigate that we used their name for advertising, there was ironclad proof there was no reference possible to this other person, because we could point at the actual person.
Also, it cuts down on the chance you of people freeze framing your televised ad to see that almost all your customers seem to be named/titled John Cavil/Number One, not that I known anyone who accidentally allowed that to happen lol.
posted by Back At It Again At Krispy Kreme at 7:10 PM on October 6, 2023 [25 favorites]
The comparison to group texts for young parents who don't really know one another and are desperate to appear #normalnormalnormal is the most depressing part of the piece.
posted by tigrrrlily at 7:42 PM on October 6, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by tigrrrlily at 7:42 PM on October 6, 2023 [2 favorites]
The people responsible for writing and approving this kind of stuff are hardcore.
I knew one of these 'hardcore' folks, a friend (and later, housemate) who worked for the fruit company in the 90s/00s. It took me a while but I learned it was best to not bother engaging them in discussion about anything related to their work. Initially their elliptical answers (and sly smiles) left me feeling like I was being teased. But I eventually sorted out they simply embodied Apple corporate ethos, deeply embracing it, actually. I could see them having been one of the folks who's persona would have provided perfect fodder for marketing copy.
posted by Insert Clever Name Here at 3:30 AM on October 7, 2023 [3 favorites]
I knew one of these 'hardcore' folks, a friend (and later, housemate) who worked for the fruit company in the 90s/00s. It took me a while but I learned it was best to not bother engaging them in discussion about anything related to their work. Initially their elliptical answers (and sly smiles) left me feeling like I was being teased. But I eventually sorted out they simply embodied Apple corporate ethos, deeply embracing it, actually. I could see them having been one of the folks who's persona would have provided perfect fodder for marketing copy.
posted by Insert Clever Name Here at 3:30 AM on October 7, 2023 [3 favorites]
Communicating on social media and sharing vacation photos isn't exactly what I'd call "off the grid", but hey.
posted by ovvl at 8:16 PM on October 7, 2023
posted by ovvl at 8:16 PM on October 7, 2023
"off the grid"
It's marketing. Things don't have to mean things as long as people don't have time/desire to think about them.
posted by tigrrrlily at 9:23 PM on October 7, 2023
It's marketing. Things don't have to mean things as long as people don't have time/desire to think about them.
posted by tigrrrlily at 9:23 PM on October 7, 2023
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posted by glonous keming at 6:18 PM on October 6, 2023 [2 favorites]