This article comes from NPR Sports

December 29, 2023 2:06 PM

First edible mascot in sports history stars in the Pop-Tarts Bowl is an article in which it is revealed that a dancing Pop-Tart, after declaring it to be his dream, was lowered into a gigantic toaster and delivered fresh and hot for the winning team to eat. I love the 21st Century!
posted by hippybear (22 comments total)

Who are we to stand in the way of a pop-tarts dream? May you find the brand synergy you crave in the sweet release of death, little pop-tart.
posted by The River Ivel at 2:38 PM on December 29, 2023 [10 favorites]

Bread and circuses, 21st-century style.
posted by Halloween Jack at 2:52 PM on December 29, 2023 [1 favorite]

Frosted?? Really?
Lookin' for some Pop-Tarts, baby this evening...
posted by MtDewd at 2:56 PM on December 29, 2023 [2 favorites]

this is gruesome #nsfw
posted by user92371 at 3:06 PM on December 29, 2023

The video [xitter] is doing numbers in my Fannibal friend circles.
posted by fight or flight at 3:14 PM on December 29, 2023 [1 favorite]

I have never had one. Are they good and nutritious?
posted by Czjewel at 3:15 PM on December 29, 2023

Friend: Sits down at the table

Me: They're made of wheat.
posted by Slackermagee at 3:26 PM on December 29, 2023 [5 favorites]

I have seen porn of this before learning why there was porn of a pop-tart. It included the word "tartussy". I will say no more.
posted by egypturnash at 3:41 PM on December 29, 2023 [7 favorites]

The whole game was wild. The play-by-play guy, "He will be devoured. He will die, and he will be his own last meal." The color commentator claiming he likes his Pop Tarts "plain with some butter, and boiled eggs and bacon." Whoever was in the Pop Tart suit didn't get paid enough; they were amazing. At one point they were chasing after a missed field goal ball with a giant net.

Uh, the game was pretty good, too.
posted by dirigibleman at 4:22 PM on December 29, 2023 [7 favorites]

From one of the Twitter comments:

The Pop-Tart holding up a sign that says "Dreams really do come true" as it is lowered into a toaster to be cooked alive is the darkest thing I've ever seen
posted by doctornemo at 5:09 PM on December 29, 2023 [6 favorites]

I asked if it was offensive to eat a Pop-Tart in front of the @PopTartsBowl mascot and then its handler yelled out “ITS THEIR DREAM” and then the mascot grabbed a Pop-Tart out of my hand and started force-feeding it to me while making soft grunting noises

I don't know what's weirder, that whole thing or the fact the pop tart has a handler
posted by Brainstorming Time! at 6:18 PM on December 29, 2023 [8 favorites]

This is how religions start.
posted by MrVisible at 6:20 PM on December 29, 2023 [6 favorites]

The winning trophy included slots at the top of a silver football to hold two actual Pop-Tarts.

posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 7:19 PM on December 29, 2023 [1 favorite]

Mainly from the many many times I've encountered mascots (or yuru kyara in Japan) I've learned that many suits are hard to see out of so they usually need someone to guide them to their spot where they do their thing. I don't know if handler is the best word for it though.
posted by LostInUbe at 8:14 PM on December 29, 2023 [1 favorite]

Ok thank you! I was wondering why people on BlueSky were talking about pop tarts but it's even harder to figure out what is happening on that site than it was on peak Twitter. (Twitter was confusing because people would go through ten generations of riffing before I heard about something, so I had to try to reverse engineer the inspiration for the Main Topic; BlueSky is confusing because there aren't enough posts to notice that everyone is posting about the same thing until a day has passed and you're like... wait is there pop tarts discourse?)
posted by grandiloquiet at 8:20 PM on December 29, 2023 [1 favorite]

Wow, the Eucharist has really changed.
posted by jadepearl at 10:20 PM on December 29, 2023 [9 favorites]

The PopTart mascot also danced so hard behind one of the referees during the game that the poor guy couldn’t stop giggling. It was amazing.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 11:32 PM on December 29, 2023

> This is how religions start.

there is room in the world for exactly one mascot religion and that mascot is gritty and long story short die, heretic!!
posted by bombastic lowercase pronouncements at 7:51 AM on December 30, 2023 [2 favorites]

I’m a denizen of the college football fandom universe, and I tell you hwat, everyone was freaking LOVING this whole thing. Bowl season should be fun, and Kellogg’s hit this one out of the park. Is it all one big advertisement? Yes. Was a it a hell of a lot of fun? Oh you better believe it.
posted by azpenguin at 7:59 AM on December 30, 2023 [1 favorite]

After the battle, the losing clan's shaman falls into a dreamlike trance. He is possessed by the spirit of the Pastry God, and the victorious clan then consumes him in an ancient tradition that persists in some forms to this day.

posted by doctornemo at 11:15 AM on December 30, 2023

May I interest you in parts of my body?
posted by Ursula Hitler at 11:41 AM on December 30, 2023 [2 favorites]

Bread AND circuses!
posted by heyitsgogi at 12:05 PM on December 30, 2023 [1 favorite]