Five Facts About the Cassowary
January 6, 2024 10:14 PM Subscribe
Five Facts About the Cassowary.
#4. They don’t like you, either
"Left to themselves and treated with respect, cassowaries are shy, peaceable, and harmless," writes Olivia Judson for Natonal Geographic. "In Australia the last recorded instance of a cassowary killing a person was in 1926—and that was in self-defense." Cassowaries are best left to themselves. Like many other wild creatures who are ill-suited to keep company with humans, they just want to live out their lives eating plants and small animals, occasionally getting into kick fights with inanimate objects (according to Brogan) and mating with their weird, weird genitalia.
#2. They can jump five feet off the ground
"Attacking cassowaries charge and kick, sometimes jumping on top of the victim," Naish writes. But cassowaries don’t just do little hops: according to Mark Manicini writing for Mental Floss, they can jump up to five feet in the air. They can make the jumps as part of their attack. "They’re great sprinters to boot, with a top running speeds of 30 miles per hour," Mancini writes.
#4. They don’t like you, either
"Left to themselves and treated with respect, cassowaries are shy, peaceable, and harmless," writes Olivia Judson for Natonal Geographic. "In Australia the last recorded instance of a cassowary killing a person was in 1926—and that was in self-defense." Cassowaries are best left to themselves. Like many other wild creatures who are ill-suited to keep company with humans, they just want to live out their lives eating plants and small animals, occasionally getting into kick fights with inanimate objects (according to Brogan) and mating with their weird, weird genitalia.
#2. They can jump five feet off the ground
"Attacking cassowaries charge and kick, sometimes jumping on top of the victim," Naish writes. But cassowaries don’t just do little hops: according to Mark Manicini writing for Mental Floss, they can jump up to five feet in the air. They can make the jumps as part of their attack. "They’re great sprinters to boot, with a top running speeds of 30 miles per hour," Mancini writes.
I also thought it could be a Ze Frank True Facts-style thing.
posted by tclark at 10:53 PM on January 6 [7 favorites]
posted by tclark at 10:53 PM on January 6 [7 favorites]
Definitely one of my top five favorite extant ratites! (I don’t have a real ranking in my head; I love all permanently disheveled flightless birds)
posted by aubilenon at 10:59 PM on January 6 [5 favorites]
posted by aubilenon at 10:59 PM on January 6 [5 favorites]
If I may show off a little, here’s two more facts about cassowaries I happen to know off the top of my head (*blows on regular fingernails that are on my fingers*)
Cassowaries, like all ratites, lack preen glands which is why they’re permanently disheveled. (Most birds preen to smear preen oil on their feathers to keep them tidy, which is good for flight/insulation. Incidentally, alpacas also lack preen glands)
Cassowary eggs are crazy bright green and look kinda like big limes.
posted by aubilenon at 11:12 PM on January 6 [9 favorites]
Cassowaries, like all ratites, lack preen glands which is why they’re permanently disheveled. (Most birds preen to smear preen oil on their feathers to keep them tidy, which is good for flight/insulation. Incidentally, alpacas also lack preen glands)
Cassowary eggs are crazy bright green and look kinda like big limes.
posted by aubilenon at 11:12 PM on January 6 [9 favorites]
6. They can pull at least one chariot.
posted by flabdablet at 11:19 PM on January 6 [29 favorites]
posted by flabdablet at 11:19 PM on January 6 [29 favorites]
alpacas also lack preen glands
New to birds but there's something I'm missing here
posted by Audreynachrome at 11:20 PM on January 6 [18 favorites]
New to birds but there's something I'm missing here
posted by Audreynachrome at 11:20 PM on January 6 [18 favorites]
They are flightless, at least according to my own close observation.
posted by flabdablet at 11:47 PM on January 6 [8 favorites]
posted by flabdablet at 11:47 PM on January 6 [8 favorites]
I've seen neither cassowary nor alpaca on the roof of my barn, so qed
posted by Carillon at 12:06 AM on January 7 [6 favorites]
posted by Carillon at 12:06 AM on January 7 [6 favorites]
The rhinoceroses, though... christ those things are noisy.
Hell on paintwork, too.
posted by flabdablet at 12:26 AM on January 7 [1 favorite]
Hell on paintwork, too.
posted by flabdablet at 12:26 AM on January 7 [1 favorite]
All this propaganda from big bird.
posted by Literaryhero at 12:32 AM on January 7 [6 favorites]
posted by Literaryhero at 12:32 AM on January 7 [6 favorites]
How to defend yourself against Australia’s most dangerous bird? Be CASS-O-WARY!
posted by mbo at 1:40 AM on January 7 [7 favorites]
posted by mbo at 1:40 AM on January 7 [7 favorites]
"In Australia the last recorded instance of a cassowary killing a person was in 1926—and that was in self-defense."
Hmm. I don't like that "In Australia" qualification. Are they killing people in other places? And perhaps not in self-defense? Google google... Of course. Florida!
posted by pracowity at 2:25 AM on January 7 [13 favorites]
Hmm. I don't like that "In Australia" qualification. Are they killing people in other places? And perhaps not in self-defense? Google google... Of course. Florida!
posted by pracowity at 2:25 AM on January 7 [13 favorites]
We went looking for a Cassowary in Northern Oz - be wewwy quiet, etc - and failed, but saw one at the zoo in Malaysia and were not disappointed, stunning bird, and best seen with a barrier between you and it, once you clock the claws that can clearly slice you open like a bag of frozen peas.
posted by bookbook at 3:04 AM on January 7 [2 favorites]
posted by bookbook at 3:04 AM on January 7 [2 favorites]
I think the whole “murderbird” thing is kind of reasonable. If you don’t go around pestering cassowaries, it’s not like they will come into your house and stab you….
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:23 AM on January 7
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:23 AM on January 7
My uncle was a missionary,
On the plains of Timbuktu.
But he was eaten by a cassowary,
Yes him and his hymn-book too.
posted by vincebowdren at 3:44 AM on January 7 [9 favorites]
On the plains of Timbuktu.
But he was eaten by a cassowary,
Yes him and his hymn-book too.
posted by vincebowdren at 3:44 AM on January 7 [9 favorites]
Ok I read this post and my brain kept substituting "capybara" for "cassowary" so it kept getting more and more surprising
posted by Zumbador at 3:44 AM on January 7 [7 favorites]
posted by Zumbador at 3:44 AM on January 7 [7 favorites]
It should be noted that this excellent post is eponymous, if not actually eponysterical.
posted by cupcakeninja at 4:17 AM on January 7 [3 favorites]
posted by cupcakeninja at 4:17 AM on January 7 [3 favorites]
My uncle was a missionary...
Various versions of that rhyme are discussed here.
posted by pracowity at 4:34 AM on January 7 [4 favorites]
Various versions of that rhyme are discussed here.
posted by pracowity at 4:34 AM on January 7 [4 favorites]
I thought we might all need some visuals on those shiv feet.
posted by eirias at 5:09 AM on January 7 [5 favorites]
posted by eirias at 5:09 AM on January 7 [5 favorites]
I saw a double-wattled cassowary at the San Diego Zoo once a while ago and it remained my favorite bird that I never saw mention or images until recently on the blue. Thanks, coolest bird, fed my fantasies of having a remote estate guarded by Cassowaries just so I could have signs "Beware Deadly Bird".
posted by sammyo at 7:48 AM on January 7 [3 favorites]
posted by sammyo at 7:48 AM on January 7 [3 favorites]
Given that these deadly footed birds live in Queensland, has anyone tried to recruit them in a cane toad stamporee?
posted by njohnson23 at 11:02 AM on January 7
posted by njohnson23 at 11:02 AM on January 7
Cane toad murderIng? Different department, mate- try the crows down the road.
posted by zamboni at 12:00 PM on January 7 [2 favorites]
posted by zamboni at 12:00 PM on January 7 [2 favorites]
Not one of those five facts had anything to do with harnessing a big mean bird to a can on two wheels.
posted by BlueHorse at 12:36 PM on January 7
posted by BlueHorse at 12:36 PM on January 7
Metafilter: they just want to live out their lives eating plants and small animals, occasionally getting into kick fights with inanimate objects ... and mating with their weird, weird genitalia.
posted by genpfault at 12:44 PM on January 7 [4 favorites]
posted by genpfault at 12:44 PM on January 7 [4 favorites]
They need better fact checking about no human deaths since 1926. A man was killed by a cassowary he owned in the great state of Florida in 2019. Link
posted by Pembquist at 2:26 PM on January 7
posted by Pembquist at 2:26 PM on January 7
They need better fact checking about no human deaths since 1926.
"In Australia the last recorded instance of a cassowary killing a person was in 1926—and that was in self-defense."As pracowity points out, at press time, the
great state of Floridawas still in the United States.posted by zamboni at 2:31 PM on January 7 [3 favorites]
Ok I read this post and my brain kept substituting "capybara" for "cassowary" so it kept getting more and more surprising
If a capybara jumped five feet up in the air, it would probably be to serve you a nice cup of tea.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 2:55 PM on January 7 [4 favorites]
If a capybara jumped five feet up in the air, it would probably be to serve you a nice cup of tea.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 2:55 PM on January 7 [4 favorites]
These creatures are basically dinosaurs, aren't they? Not "a lot like" dinosaurs, but actual dinosaurs. I am rather taken with the idea of an actual dinosaur with scruffy feathers and bright colours, looking rather stylish as it attempts to kill you.
posted by Fuchsoid at 6:02 PM on January 7 [4 favorites]
posted by Fuchsoid at 6:02 PM on January 7 [4 favorites]
Pelicans too. I challenge anybody to see a pelican silhouetted against the sky and not think "pteranodon".
posted by flabdablet at 7:47 PM on January 7 [2 favorites]
posted by flabdablet at 7:47 PM on January 7 [2 favorites]
All birds are dinosaurs; cassowaries just make it more obvious than tufted titmice. (The pteranodon was an archosaur, like birds and crocodiles, but the pteranodon was not a dinosaur.)
Pelicans are pretty terrifying as predators, though.
posted by fantabulous timewaster at 10:00 PM on January 7 [1 favorite]
Pelicans are pretty terrifying as predators, though.
posted by fantabulous timewaster at 10:00 PM on January 7 [1 favorite]
If you haven't seen Jack Horner's TEDx talk comparing juvenile cassowaries to juvenile Cretaceous dinosaurs, you're in for an eighteen-minute treat. Spoiler alert: the delightful Dracorex hogwarstii was probably "just" a baby tyrannosaur.
posted by fantabulous timewaster at 10:08 PM on January 7 [1 favorite]
posted by fantabulous timewaster at 10:08 PM on January 7 [1 favorite]
Cassowaries are one of your actually genuinely dangerous Australian native animals. Nothing mythical there.
The only reason there has not been a death from one here for nearly a century is because we know to stay the fuck out of their way.
Emu eggs are also bright green.
posted by Pouteria at 3:22 PM on January 9
The only reason there has not been a death from one here for nearly a century is because we know to stay the fuck out of their way.
Emu eggs are also bright green.
posted by Pouteria at 3:22 PM on January 9
Eh, emu eggs are more of a dark green
posted by aubilenon at 5:31 PM on January 9 [1 favorite]
posted by aubilenon at 5:31 PM on January 9 [1 favorite]
with kind of a dusty fuzz to them? Or is that just the eggs in the back of my fridge?
posted by flabdablet at 7:02 AM on January 10
posted by flabdablet at 7:02 AM on January 10
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