The worst night of the year to go out to dinner
February 14, 2024 8:11 AM Subscribe
i fuckin *knew* it
posted by The Card Cheat at 8:26 AM on February 14 [2 favorites]
posted by The Card Cheat at 8:26 AM on February 14 [2 favorites]
I mean, yes, Chaucer probably was responsible for popularizing "Valentine's Day" per se as a romantic occasion, but the origins of the holiday clearly date back at least to the Roman festival of Lupercalia, which is where we get such traditional Valentine's Day activities as near-naked teenaged boys running through the streets to find their "Valentines" (as they are now called) in order to whap them with thongs made out of the flayed skin of freshly slaughtered sacrificial goats.
posted by kyrademon at 8:29 AM on February 14 [16 favorites]
posted by kyrademon at 8:29 AM on February 14 [16 favorites]
Lupercalia is a challenging safe word.
posted by MonsieurPEB at 8:48 AM on February 14 [12 favorites]
posted by MonsieurPEB at 8:48 AM on February 14 [12 favorites]
mrs. what does it eat light? first noticed me when I got up on stage at a poetry open mic and recited the first eleven lines of the General Prologue to The Canterbury Tales, so Chaucer's done pretty well by us--
and smale foweles maken melodye
that slepen al the nyght with open ye
so priketh hem nature in hir corages
posted by what does it eat, light? at 8:55 AM on February 14 [6 favorites]
and smale foweles maken melodye
that slepen al the nyght with open ye
so priketh hem nature in hir corages
posted by what does it eat, light? at 8:55 AM on February 14 [6 favorites]
Ah, another year to celebrate in the time-honored method started so humbly by our forebears long ago: Franzia and Spongebob episodes.
posted by BigHeartedGuy at 9:03 AM on February 14 [3 favorites]
posted by BigHeartedGuy at 9:03 AM on February 14 [3 favorites]
Oh c'mon, you can't stop there, the best line for over-emphasis was next!
than longen folk to goon on pilgrimages! (raised eyebrow, knowing nod/wink)
posted by aramaic at 9:12 AM on February 14 [10 favorites]
than longen folk to goon on pilgrimages! (raised eyebrow, knowing nod/wink)
posted by aramaic at 9:12 AM on February 14 [10 favorites]
traditional Valentine's Day activities as near-naked teenaged boys running through the streets to find their "Valentines" (as they are now called) in order to whap them with thongs made out of the flayed skin of freshly slaughtered sacrificial goats.
Make Valentine's Great Again
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 9:22 AM on February 14 [10 favorites]
Make Valentine's Great Again
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 9:22 AM on February 14 [10 favorites]
Grumpybearbride and I have had hits and misses on Valentine's Day. One of the most memorable was a trip to the Woodlands hotel in Wilkes-Barre, PA. The drive there was really long as a terrible accident involving a huge piece of rebar that fell off a truck and went straight through the car behind it snarled traffic on 476. We were horrified - we saw the car - but apparently everyone was OK. By the time we got there we were already late for the special v-day dinner, and the facility itself was enormous and nobody at the front desk knew where our event was or even that it was happening. Eventually we found it by just walking down every hallway, and what we found was a beige ballroom with a chocolate fountain and a guy in a red velour suit singing Lionel Ritchie tunes. Our hopes, at that point, were not high. But! The guy was really into his act and also a great singer, the food was terrific and the chocolate fountain was not gross. We had a great time! And the rest of that weekend was also tops. Attempts to recreate the magic by going back to the Woodlands have not been successful.
As a single person, way back when, my favorite Valentine's was the night I cooked myself a steak salad, popped open a bottle of Coppola Diamond Zinfandel and sat down to watch Shaun Of The Dead.
posted by grumpybear69 at 9:26 AM on February 14 [9 favorites]
As a single person, way back when, my favorite Valentine's was the night I cooked myself a steak salad, popped open a bottle of Coppola Diamond Zinfandel and sat down to watch Shaun Of The Dead.
posted by grumpybear69 at 9:26 AM on February 14 [9 favorites]
fuggin chaucer that sumbitch
posted by Kitteh at 9:27 AM on February 14 [12 favorites]
posted by Kitteh at 9:27 AM on February 14 [12 favorites]
I'm at work most of the day, and I've been single more often than not; in college when I was single I started really leaning into it, dressing as sloppily as possible and blasting the J. Geils band "Love Stinks" periodically.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:41 AM on February 14 [5 favorites]
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:41 AM on February 14 [5 favorites]
I (married for almost 10 years) maintain that New Year's Eve is a far worse holiday for singlehood. V-day is expected to be kinda shitty and thus the subject of mockery. NYE is supposed to be fun, but with the lingering expectation of smooching.
posted by HeroZero at 9:43 AM on February 14 [6 favorites]
posted by HeroZero at 9:43 AM on February 14 [6 favorites]
Costco has recognized the power of Valentine's Day by putting racks and racks of rose bouquets near the checkout. I swear every cishet dude in the place was buying one.
posted by seanmpuckett at 9:48 AM on February 14 [3 favorites]
posted by seanmpuckett at 9:48 AM on February 14 [3 favorites]
Oh c'mon, you can't stop there, the best line for over-emphasis was next!
I mean, the birds are already pricking/being pricked all night long, eyes wide open, all the cocks, hens, nuthatches, and various tits and boobies warbling, chanticleer crowing away as pertelote spurs him on
posted by what does it eat, light? at 9:48 AM on February 14 [3 favorites]
I mean, the birds are already pricking/being pricked all night long, eyes wide open, all the cocks, hens, nuthatches, and various tits and boobies warbling, chanticleer crowing away as pertelote spurs him on
posted by what does it eat, light? at 9:48 AM on February 14 [3 favorites]
Also, in related news, a couple of days ago spawn of what does it eat, light? (who, for previously mentioned reasons, is therefore also the spawn of the first eleven lines of the general prologue) informed me that when birds without penises (most, but not all, birds) copulate, they do so utilizing a method known in the scientific literature as the "cloacal kiss," which is very Wife of Bath. (cue rimshot)
posted by what does it eat, light? at 9:55 AM on February 14 [8 favorites]
posted by what does it eat, light? at 9:55 AM on February 14 [8 favorites]
mmmm nuthatches
posted by supermedusa at 10:02 AM on February 14 [2 favorites]
posted by supermedusa at 10:02 AM on February 14 [2 favorites]
It’s Valentine’s Day, otherwise known as the worst night of the year to go out to dinner
Cook your significant other dinner. And like a real dinner. Take a few days to plan it, buy the ingredients yourself, and make it something more complicated than burgers or chicken fingers. To cook for an individual or small group, most restaurant meals, even fancy ones, the difficult and time-consuming part is in the prep, not the execution. It's cooking hundreds of covers consistently for a never-ending, relentless wave of people that are constantly turning over tables where the technique, time management, and talent comes in.
So get an expensive cut of meat, sear it, finish it in the oven, and make a sauce or it that incorporates butter and/or heavy cream. Serve it avec pomme puree (sounds way cooler than 'with mashed potatoes'). Go to the liquor store and get a bottle of read that costs at least $12.
You'll still be way under what a restaurant's jacked up V-day prices will set you back, and they will love it way more than taking them out.
posted by prepmonkey at 10:26 AM on February 14 [8 favorites]
Cook your significant other dinner. And like a real dinner. Take a few days to plan it, buy the ingredients yourself, and make it something more complicated than burgers or chicken fingers. To cook for an individual or small group, most restaurant meals, even fancy ones, the difficult and time-consuming part is in the prep, not the execution. It's cooking hundreds of covers consistently for a never-ending, relentless wave of people that are constantly turning over tables where the technique, time management, and talent comes in.
So get an expensive cut of meat, sear it, finish it in the oven, and make a sauce or it that incorporates butter and/or heavy cream. Serve it avec pomme puree (sounds way cooler than 'with mashed potatoes'). Go to the liquor store and get a bottle of read that costs at least $12.
You'll still be way under what a restaurant's jacked up V-day prices will set you back, and they will love it way more than taking them out.
posted by prepmonkey at 10:26 AM on February 14 [8 favorites]
Made a deal during our engagement with my (ex)wife at her behest, no surprise parties and no Valentine's Day celebrations. If I wasn't in love before that, I certainly was then.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 10:55 AM on February 14 [1 favorite]
posted by JohnnyGunn at 10:55 AM on February 14 [1 favorite]
We're not having the most romantic Valentine's Day ever.
I'm working from home dealing with a sort-of-crisis at work, with rampant diarrhea, and am planning to chug Gatorade and go to bed as soon my shift is over.
She's got sinus-related aches, and is currently overseeing plumbers at my parents' house, finishing replacement of the waste stack and refilling the hole they dug in the basement floor.
Still, I ordered us some Valentine's Day themed cupcakes.
posted by Foosnark at 10:55 AM on February 14 [2 favorites]
I'm working from home dealing with a sort-of-crisis at work, with rampant diarrhea, and am planning to chug Gatorade and go to bed as soon my shift is over.
She's got sinus-related aches, and is currently overseeing plumbers at my parents' house, finishing replacement of the waste stack and refilling the hole they dug in the basement floor.
Still, I ordered us some Valentine's Day themed cupcakes.
posted by Foosnark at 10:55 AM on February 14 [2 favorites]
I'm working from home dealing with a sort-of-crisis at work, with rampant diarrhea, and am planning to chug Gatorade and go to bed as soon my shift is over.
I think there is an extra "f" in the word shift.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 10:57 AM on February 14 [5 favorites]
I think there is an extra "f" in the word shift.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 10:57 AM on February 14 [5 favorites]
Reminder that cut flowers are a horrible industry from an ethics perspective and we are killing our planet sending billions of roses on airplane rides every Feb.
Also, wasn't Chaucer going on and on about a couple of 15 year old kids? Kinda gross.
posted by SaltySalticid at 11:09 AM on February 14
Also, wasn't Chaucer going on and on about a couple of 15 year old kids? Kinda gross.
posted by SaltySalticid at 11:09 AM on February 14
Well, been married for 35 years or so...
Did something nice for Ms. Windo this morning, but don't have a card or anything yet. Probably should. But VD has never been a big thing for us. I think we are going to cook tonight.
posted by Windopaene at 11:13 AM on February 14 [2 favorites]
Did something nice for Ms. Windo this morning, but don't have a card or anything yet. Probably should. But VD has never been a big thing for us. I think we are going to cook tonight.
posted by Windopaene at 11:13 AM on February 14 [2 favorites]
It’s Valentine’s Day, otherwise known as the worst night of the year to go out to dinner
About 20 years ago or there about two friends and I went out to dinner. The restaurant was very busy and we soon noticed that almost everyone there was a couple of some sort. That's when it dawned on us that it was Valentine's Day and we, all being single, had simply been unaware of that.
I don't think that can happen now.
By the way, my two friends have long since gotten married while I am still single.
And, in honour of all the single people out there today how about a lonesome heart I made last year?
posted by Phlegmco(tm) at 11:27 AM on February 14 [8 favorites]
About 20 years ago or there about two friends and I went out to dinner. The restaurant was very busy and we soon noticed that almost everyone there was a couple of some sort. That's when it dawned on us that it was Valentine's Day and we, all being single, had simply been unaware of that.
I don't think that can happen now.
By the way, my two friends have long since gotten married while I am still single.
And, in honour of all the single people out there today how about a lonesome heart I made last year?
posted by Phlegmco(tm) at 11:27 AM on February 14 [8 favorites]
As I recall when I was single, Valentine's Day was an excellent time to meet other lonely people in bars. For at least one night.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 11:36 AM on February 14
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 11:36 AM on February 14
Bailed from ski cabin due to lack of snow, romantic burger & fries at Superburger, now time for a nap. Just like Chaucer.
posted by whatevernot at 11:37 AM on February 14 [3 favorites]
posted by whatevernot at 11:37 AM on February 14 [3 favorites]
Love that Phlegmco(tm)!
posted by terrapin at 11:37 AM on February 14 [1 favorite]
posted by terrapin at 11:37 AM on February 14 [1 favorite]
About 20 years ago or there about two friends and I went out to dinner. The restaurant was very busy and we soon noticed that almost everyone there was a couple of some sort. That's when it dawned on us that it was Valentine's Day and we, all being single, had simply been unaware of that.
I don't think that can happen now.
It can! It happened to me whenever the 13th last fell on a Friday. When we still worked from an office, my spouse and I would stop for a couple of drinks and, if we hadn't made plans, we would figure out what to do for the rest of "date night". Obviously, part of the plan would be to have dinner at some point. It was only once we got to the first restaurant who said it was a 90 minute wait did we realize.... "Oh, yeah. Tomorrow's Valentine's Day."
We both knew it was the next day (and gotten gifts or cards or whatever), but it just didn't dawn on us.
Neat heart. Thanks for sharing.
posted by a non mouse, a cow herd at 11:40 AM on February 14 [1 favorite]
I don't think that can happen now.
It can! It happened to me whenever the 13th last fell on a Friday. When we still worked from an office, my spouse and I would stop for a couple of drinks and, if we hadn't made plans, we would figure out what to do for the rest of "date night". Obviously, part of the plan would be to have dinner at some point. It was only once we got to the first restaurant who said it was a 90 minute wait did we realize.... "Oh, yeah. Tomorrow's Valentine's Day."
We both knew it was the next day (and gotten gifts or cards or whatever), but it just didn't dawn on us.
Neat heart. Thanks for sharing.
posted by a non mouse, a cow herd at 11:40 AM on February 14 [1 favorite]
TBBT, Sheldon: "Given that Saint Valentine was a third century Roman priest who was stoned and beheaded, wouldn't a more appropriate celebration of the evening be taking one's steady gal to witness a brutal murder?"
posted by indexy at 11:42 AM on February 14
posted by indexy at 11:42 AM on February 14
My birthday is on the 16th. Fuck Valentine's Day trying to steal my thunder.
Thankfully, my loving spouse cares as little about the capitalist holiday as I.
posted by terrapin at 11:46 AM on February 14
Thankfully, my loving spouse cares as little about the capitalist holiday as I.
posted by terrapin at 11:46 AM on February 14
Take a few days to plan it, buy the ingredients yourself, and make it something more complicated than burgers or chicken fingers.
I recommend lobster tails. Buy a steamer pot, some water in the bottom, like an inch, and throw the tails in the top steamer part when the water below boils. Around 7-8 minutes is all they take to cook, depending on the weight of course. To make it fancier, substitute the water for some broth or wine. Melt some butter in the microwave. Serve.
Side dish: Bake some potatoes in the slow cooker - An inch of water there too, a potato or two, let it cook all day on low or a couple of hours on high. Easy and feels really fancy! And you can get normal sized tails for like $15 for two, and potatoes are almost free.
posted by The_Vegetables at 12:02 PM on February 14 [2 favorites]
I recommend lobster tails. Buy a steamer pot, some water in the bottom, like an inch, and throw the tails in the top steamer part when the water below boils. Around 7-8 minutes is all they take to cook, depending on the weight of course. To make it fancier, substitute the water for some broth or wine. Melt some butter in the microwave. Serve.
Side dish: Bake some potatoes in the slow cooker - An inch of water there too, a potato or two, let it cook all day on low or a couple of hours on high. Easy and feels really fancy! And you can get normal sized tails for like $15 for two, and potatoes are almost free.
posted by The_Vegetables at 12:02 PM on February 14 [2 favorites]
Even fancier: throw some mussels in the same pot too, they have roughly the same cook time.
posted by The_Vegetables at 12:04 PM on February 14 [1 favorite]
posted by The_Vegetables at 12:04 PM on February 14 [1 favorite]
My birthday is on the 16th. Fuck Valentine's Day trying to steal my thunder.
Valentine's Day is ... my ... birthday.
So, I automagically ruin the plans of any romantics in my immediate environs because they have to focus on me and not their petty little affairs of the heart!
posted by chavenet at 12:25 PM on February 14 [8 favorites]
Valentine's Day is ... my ... birthday.
So, I automagically ruin the plans of any romantics in my immediate environs because they have to focus on me and not their petty little affairs of the heart!
posted by chavenet at 12:25 PM on February 14 [8 favorites]
Valentine's Day is ... my ... birthday.
Happy birthday! I was supposed to be born today, but I was 10lbs and eventually a Caesarian -- my poor mother.
posted by terrapin at 12:34 PM on February 14 [2 favorites]
Happy birthday! I was supposed to be born today, but I was 10lbs and eventually a Caesarian -- my poor mother.
posted by terrapin at 12:34 PM on February 14 [2 favorites]
It’s Lupercalia and my situationship still hasn’t even texted me. Dang.
Fortunately, my bestie is coming over for dinner. We’ll watch “Maestro” on Netflix, throw a frozen Gino’s East from Aldi’s in the oven, and call it good.
posted by edithkeeler at 1:04 PM on February 14
Fortunately, my bestie is coming over for dinner. We’ll watch “Maestro” on Netflix, throw a frozen Gino’s East from Aldi’s in the oven, and call it good.
posted by edithkeeler at 1:04 PM on February 14
Speaking of making dinner, I'm thinking about making risotto for myself this evening. And what the hell, I may pull a package of leftover smoked pork shoulder from the freezer to heat up and top it off. ...Or, I may just pop a few frozen fish sticks under the broiler for a bit and say fuck it. We'll see how the rest of the day goes.
Livin' large, woot.
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:38 PM on February 14
Livin' large, woot.
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:38 PM on February 14
No, I'm cooking alone, her tummy is bothering her.
But, cheese tortellini, with an arrabiata sauce, some leftover hamburger with onion and garlic, and a side of green beans. Yum.
posted by Windopaene at 2:18 PM on February 14
But, cheese tortellini, with an arrabiata sauce, some leftover hamburger with onion and garlic, and a side of green beans. Yum.
posted by Windopaene at 2:18 PM on February 14
Why You Shouldn’t Count on DoorDash, Lyft, or Uber This Valentine’s Day: Drivers for Lyft, Uber, and DoorDash are striking on Feb. 14.
posted by jenfullmoon at 2:30 PM on February 14
posted by jenfullmoon at 2:30 PM on February 14
Yesterday at the grocery I bought myself a dozen pretty orange roses. (I know, terrible industry, but live plants will die at my house and then I am sad.) My little kitty Ferra thinks he is my Valentine, thinks the flowers are for him. I trimmed off all the leaves, as he wanted to eat them. In the night he nipped through 2 stems, left the flower heads on the kitchen counter. This is why I can't have nice things. Except Ferra, he is a nice thing himself.
posted by dorey_oh at 6:45 PM on February 14 [5 favorites]
posted by dorey_oh at 6:45 PM on February 14 [5 favorites]
There I was with a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken and approaching hour sixteen of Lord of the Rings video commentaries, and I decided I needed to get a second cat. I needed consolation since Mr. Jadepearl had gone out of town during Valentine's Day. No flowers, gifts, or smoochies... okay, I am getting a cat.
The next day, after some time and a bit of crime, I got a lovely black and white cat from the pet rescue.
Mr. Jadepearl returns. I didn't inform him that we now have a second cat. He starts seeing Dori, the second cat, around the house. Occasionally asks if there is a new cat, and I reply, "Do you mean the black and white cat that we always have had?" or some variation of truth being we have the first cat, Strada, a cute tuxedo cat around the house.
One day, I heard yelling. And lo, it seems that BOTH cats were in the same room of the house as the future husband. Huh, I do the usual replies of we have a black and white cat and have always had a black and white cat. And you would think Dori would take the hint and amscray out of the room before I arrive upstairs, yelling about how we have always had a black and white cat to the future husband and what the hell is HIS problem? Well! The man starts yelling about how he KNEW that there must have been a second cat and that he was not going crazy and where the hell the second cat came from...blah, blah...J'accuse...blah, blah, blah. I replied that Dori had been around for a while, and it was not my fault he was not specific on WHICH black and white cat he was talking about. Really, how unobservant do you have to be not to notice two cats in the same house?
Anyway, the lesson from this story is that Valentine's Day is a trap.
posted by jadepearl at 7:42 PM on February 14 [8 favorites]
The next day, after some time and a bit of crime, I got a lovely black and white cat from the pet rescue.
Mr. Jadepearl returns. I didn't inform him that we now have a second cat. He starts seeing Dori, the second cat, around the house. Occasionally asks if there is a new cat, and I reply, "Do you mean the black and white cat that we always have had?" or some variation of truth being we have the first cat, Strada, a cute tuxedo cat around the house.
One day, I heard yelling. And lo, it seems that BOTH cats were in the same room of the house as the future husband. Huh, I do the usual replies of we have a black and white cat and have always had a black and white cat. And you would think Dori would take the hint and amscray out of the room before I arrive upstairs, yelling about how we have always had a black and white cat to the future husband and what the hell is HIS problem? Well! The man starts yelling about how he KNEW that there must have been a second cat and that he was not going crazy and where the hell the second cat came from...blah, blah...J'accuse...blah, blah, blah. I replied that Dori had been around for a while, and it was not my fault he was not specific on WHICH black and white cat he was talking about. Really, how unobservant do you have to be not to notice two cats in the same house?
Anyway, the lesson from this story is that Valentine's Day is a trap.
posted by jadepearl at 7:42 PM on February 14 [8 favorites]
sounds like catlighting
posted by chavenet at 3:45 AM on February 15 [5 favorites]
posted by chavenet at 3:45 AM on February 15 [5 favorites]
That darn cat! If not for Dori deciding go stay put next to Strada I would have had it going for weeks.
posted by jadepearl at 10:34 AM on February 18
posted by jadepearl at 10:34 AM on February 18
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Chaucer was basically the equivalent of a Kardashian in his day
consider umbrage taken!
posted by supermedusa at 8:25 AM on February 14 [3 favorites]