X-treme juggler!

September 26, 2002 9:01 AM

X-treme juggler! Jason Garfield is, apparently, one of the best jugglers in the world. (I'm not a fan, I happened across this link while perusing Todd Smith Juggling Equipment.) Jason is quite a juggler, judging from the video clips (Quicktime). He's also quite full of himself, judging from his bio and his Rules of Life. Just thought I'd share the weirdness.
posted by starvingartist (29 comments total)

17. Cough at home.

Well, excuuuuuuuse me!
*kof* *kof*
posted by jazon at 9:12 AM on September 26, 2002

19. Don’t touch anyone unless you’ve known them for a week and they touched you first.

If we all followed that rule, nobody would be gettin' any.
posted by madprops at 9:14 AM on September 26, 2002

He has a lot to compensate for. I mean, he's only an inch tall, judging from the vid clips I saw.
posted by crunchland at 9:15 AM on September 26, 2002

14. Sometimes the best thing you can do in a conversation that you initiate is shut up and go home.

15. You can make a lot of people happy by not talking to them.

The rules by which I live my Metafilter life.....
posted by Markb at 9:17 AM on September 26, 2002

His very last rule, he might try to live by.
posted by damehex at 9:18 AM on September 26, 2002

Amazing how ego can just negate talent.

Juggling, huh?

[moves on to the rest of his life]
posted by scarabic at 9:19 AM on September 26, 2002

oh, man. The triumphant throw-down at the end of this one. How ya like me NOW?
posted by damehex at 9:26 AM on September 26, 2002

"25. Macintosh computers are better than pc’s. And don’t give me that,"Uh huh, I can’t play all the games I want on a mac." Hey, get a life, and start doing something productive."

Like, uhhh.... juggling?
posted by Fabulon7 at 9:26 AM on September 26, 2002

25. Macintosh computers are better than pc’s[sic]. And don’t give me that,"Uh huh, I can’t play all the games I want on a mac." Hey, get a life, and start doing something productive.

Heh.
posted by ColdChef at 9:27 AM on September 26, 2002

What a douchebag. I wonder what his MeFi usernumber is.
posted by Skot at 9:29 AM on September 26, 2002

He's pretty good I suppose. The neatest juggler I ever saw though was from the Cirque Du Soleil... an episode I saw on the Discovery Channel or Bravo, TLC... SOMEthing. Amazing!
posted by Witty at 9:33 AM on September 26, 2002

I may be mad, but Jason Garfield is downright crazy...

*is jealous of 11 ball cascade*
posted by themadjuggler at 9:34 AM on September 26, 2002

15. You can make a lot of people happy by not talking to them.

18. If you bring your baby to a movie or theater production, first of all you’re already dillusional if you think the little noise maker isn’t going to start yelping. However, if you are forced at gunpoint, which is the only acceptable excuse for bringing the rugrat, don't sit in the front row. Stay in the back and leave as soon as the little flesh ball starts screaming it’s guts out.
19. Don’t touch anyone unless you’ve known them for a week and they touched you first.

Hmmm, from rule 15 we see that people hate listening to his blather. Rule 18 tells us that he has an extreme fear of small children. Rule 19 tells us that he has probably been slapped and/or charged with sexual misconduct on more than one occasion.

I think it's safe to assume that this man has not had a date (with a human being) in many a year.

Ok, starvingartist, how much did this dork pay you to post about his pathetic life?
posted by zekinskia at 9:40 AM on September 26, 2002

No, really, today was the first I've heard about this guy. He is quite an accomplished juggler. He just happens to be an asshole to boot.
posted by starvingartist at 9:44 AM on September 26, 2002

I read his bio--he would be world famous if all those contests hadn't been rigged to make him lose...
posted by Fabulon7 at 9:49 AM on September 26, 2002

Just to be fair, I've found the folks at Todd Smith Juggling to be really nice. They also seem to be the only distributors in America for the really really neat Globall LED juggling balls. Which I can't say enough about, so I won't try.
posted by freebird at 9:53 AM on September 26, 2002

According to the FAQ, he doesn't juggle people, which is quite a damned shame, considering I would pay hard-earned cash to see him juggle and ass-catch a band of oompa-loompas. Hell he could even get into the Cirque du Soleil with that act.
posted by freakystyley at 9:56 AM on September 26, 2002

C'mon, people, don't be so hard on the guy. He's a comedian, which is why his site is so full of pompous-sounding superlatives and general stone-faced weirdness. As freakystyley mentioned, his faq is pretty funny too.

And no, I'd never heard of him before either, but I don't think he's really an asshole. It sounds like that's part of the act.
posted by yhbc at 10:01 AM on September 26, 2002

For world class juggling, without the ego, check out Michael Moschen.
posted by gordian knot at 10:08 AM on September 26, 2002

I like the rules. Not the best piece of sarcasm I've ever read, but still amusing. Thanks starvingartist.
posted by drew_alley at 10:10 AM on September 26, 2002

He's quite good at handling 6 balls with one hand. I bet there is a nice male demographic following him around.
posted by Hankins at 10:28 AM on September 26, 2002

For some reason, his bio reminds me of the bio for that naked cowboy. You know, the whole "I decided to do this thing that it takes other people decades to accomplish but only took me three months to do" attitude like here.
posted by joshshmenge at 11:00 AM on September 26, 2002

I'd be more impressed if he actually kept those balls in the air instead of just throwing them and catching them once. Whoopty doo.
posted by MegoSteve at 11:15 AM on September 26, 2002

Actually, he can, MegoSteve. There's a clip showing 10 balls for 20 catches, 11 balls for 14 catches, and 9 balls for 33 catches. The one-time throw with 11 balls is called a flash, and it's a totally valid skill in juggling. Can you throw 11 balls up in the air one at a time and catch them all again?
posted by starvingartist at 11:23 AM on September 26, 2002

Rules 1-6 seem like common sense to me...
posted by internal at 11:56 AM on September 26, 2002

Rule number one violates one of the basic precepts of civilization: Incoming traffic to a public restroom always has the right of way.

I thought the bio and rules were meant to be a joke until I began reading comments and found that some people were taking it seriously. I reread them and they're still a joke, folks.

The juggling clips are impressive. I'm now too humbled to ever do my paltry 3-ball one-hand stuff ever again. Good post, starvingartist.
posted by joaquim at 12:05 PM on September 26, 2002

For world class juggling, without the ego, check out Michael Moschen.

Amen to that. There's a tape you can buy of his PBS performance which has some amazing sequences, like the routine where he's juggling a bunch of bouncy rubber balls on the rebounds from the interior of a just-big-enough-to-stand-in triangle construction. Jaw-dropping stuff.
posted by NortonDC at 1:01 PM on September 26, 2002

i thought the site was funny, and that the rules were right on the mark. if only people would follow them.
posted by dobbs at 7:19 PM on September 26, 2002

Gordian - I was going to state what you said - I have some old video of what I recall was a PBS special on Moschen ( friend of Penn and Teller as well! ) where he does some wonderful stuff with the rotating of those crystal balls in a pyramid form with one hand - 3 balls turning supporting a 4th on top.

Yes this guy Jason- he has what I would say is. He has some kind of Russian Isreali vibe going on - from what I feel he is the kinda guy you just cannot stand. Opinionated beyond belief and a pain in the ass overall.

Damehex - I know ( about the throwdown! ) what you mean! I had to watch it again. Actually it seemed as if that was the 2nd or 3rd time he did it. And you can tell he might be alone when he does this stuff.
posted by RubberHen at 8:06 AM on September 27, 2002