A tantalizing glimpse of a fully armed and operational weed scene

May 28, 2024 1:01 PM

We walk into the smoking area next door, which is as peaceful and quiet as a library, if it was a library where you can borrow bongs, which you actually can. Most of the tables are full. A lot of people are on laptops. A TV above plays YouTube cat videos on a loop. Sure. We grab a booth and spark up. Immediately, I’m both thirsty and hungry, which provides irrefutable evidence that weed cafes are a good idea. from I got high in an SF weed lounge and these should be everywhere mannnnn by Drew Magary
posted by chavenet (48 comments total)

Can't argue with anything said in here.

Have a pizza and a beer while smoking a joint seems like a pretty great deal, in some regards. We don't have consumption lounges here in Seattle. We just smoke out on the way into the bar and grill we are headed for...

EDIT: Fully armed and operational weed scene is a great turn of phrase
posted by Windopaene at 1:14 PM on May 28 [6 favorites]

The "d000d, where's my car?" tone, I didn't love. That said, I've always thought that Amsterdam-style hash bars were the way to go: chill places with good music, some light snacks, and, of course, a menu of weed. I assume that's what most entrepreneurs have in mind for the U.S., at least in some markets, if/when full legalization happens.

As I mentioned in an earlier thread, the timing couldn't be worse, given the recent articles and studies involving cannabis and cardiovascular health, such as this one and an earlier one in JAHA. This has turned me from a medical cannabis semi-regular user to a medical cannabis abstainer. The cost/benefit analysis doesn't work for me at this point, but I doubt it'll deter a lot of people who have been waiting years, if not decades, for weed to become legal. Which is problematic from a public health standpoint, particularly given the older GenX/Boomer demographic that has embraced it.
posted by the sobsister at 1:20 PM on May 28 [4 favorites]

This sounds pretty nice, apart from the part where it's fucking full of smelly weed smoke. I like getting high. I hate the smell of weed. I can't fathom how people can stand it, even the smell of a vape is too much some times (depending on the temperature it's used at). An enclosed space where a shitload of people straight up smoke weed in joints and bongs constantly sounds like hell. Otherwise, being high and being at a place where there's music and food and stuff sounds nice.
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 1:22 PM on May 28 [3 favorites]

For me, after a while the scent of weed went from "god that smells like a dead skunk" to ""man that's pretty skunky but now that scent means Good Times". It probably helped that I had some good times getting very high with my boyfriends for a while...
posted by egypturnash at 1:31 PM on May 28 [7 favorites]

I typically get blazed on the way home from work, and I’ve timed it so that my dry herb vaporizer hits the perfect temperature as soon as I step foot off company property and the bowl is finished about half a block from my door. It makes for a blissfully chill commute, and I’m so grateful for now living in a legal state.

A lounge would be nice, but unfortunate that hasn’t been legalized yet. I’ve been to cigar lounges that have amazing air filtration, and the same with casinos, so I’m assuming it’s possible to do the same thing with a cannabis lounge.
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 1:40 PM on May 28 [6 favorites]

Imagine a giant hash bar/food hall with stalls serving freshly made tacos, bao buns and ice cream! [...] As far as I’m concerned, that not only should happen, but will. If Newsom is too much of a tightass to make weed cafes fully legal, some other enterprising governor in the non-DeSantis bucket will.

As far as I can tell, it's unclear whether NY will have food and drink available at licensed consumption lounges, if they ever get their heads out of their asses and start licensing them. It would be foolish not to, but since basically everything about NY's cannabis rollout has been foolish already ...
posted by uncleozzy at 1:41 PM on May 28 [2 favorites]

We should lend bongs.

OK OK I'll rtfa.
posted by jessamyn at 1:58 PM on May 28 [5 favorites]

Libongry just sort of stumbles off the tongue.
posted by dr_dank at 2:00 PM on May 28 [6 favorites]

OK I rtfa. I also didn't love the DWMC vibe but I think it was just supposed to be jokey in a way that didn't resonate with me but ymmv. I think the weird place that cannabis legalization is in gives us weird spaces like this. I did lol at him being unable to open a can of weed soda. Every edible package I've tried to open has been a huge headache. I get it, but still a total headache. I wonder if he can write this visit off on his taxes?
posted by jessamyn at 2:08 PM on May 28 [9 favorites]

I just dropped by to write some taxes off...
posted by not_on_display at 2:16 PM on May 28 [3 favorites]

There was a neighborhood pub in Portland a few years ago selling a CBD beverage. Advertised as getting you about as buzzed as one beer, but marijuana instead of alcohol. Sit and sip and chill and mellow out. That seemed like a really good idea to me. I don't love how modern legal marijuana in the US is "get totally wasted as efficiently as possible".

This stoner article is funny to me for how self-aware the writing style is. I assume like most online writing these days it's an experiment in attracting ad revenue.
posted by Nelson at 2:27 PM on May 28 [3 favorites]

In addition to all his columns and stuff, Drew Margary wrote an absolutely bonkers book called The Hike which I like to encourage people to read.
posted by jeoc at 2:36 PM on May 28 [3 favorites]

I don't love how modern legal marijuana in the US is "get totally wasted as efficiently as possible".

Agreed. It's the same here in Canada too in terms of the preconceived but never dispelled cannabis vibe. Current cultivars have a lot in common with high gravity beers. The hardcore fans love a high THC/ABV count so therefore too many people continue to grow or brew the super strong without thinking about the rest of us. Within the past two years, seniors grew into a not-inconsderable cannabis purchasing demographic. And all too often I hear of green-outs due to flower, not so much edibles. At least 85% of the current flower on the legal market is clocking at 24%+ THC. I would love more 1:1 cultivars to be available instead of face-melting weed.

Back to the article, I too would love a consumption lounge where I could have a coffee with my Pax (I will save my love of joints for home) on a weekend wake and bake, or a place to get a mocktail or good non-alc beer with my Pax in the evening.
posted by Kitteh at 3:10 PM on May 28 [7 favorites]

There actually are (is?) cannabis bars in Maryland too. Maybe only one? I haven't been.
posted by atomicstone at 3:20 PM on May 28 [1 favorite]

The perfect weed bar would be alcohol free (that should be irrevocable law in fact) and offer freshly ground flower only (no sketchy compounds) of high THC, 1:1 and high CBD grades, with a no smoking policy, vapes only. An electric vape bong would be installed at each booth and single user vapes evenly spaced along the bar. Powerful air filtration is a must. Healthy snacks and a dance floor would be available, and but no excessively loud music or abruptly flashing lights- just gentle colour changing art objects as light sources.
posted by CynicalKnight at 3:37 PM on May 28 [5 favorites]

Lol. The "dude where's my car" vibe didn't appeal to the MeFi crowd. That's almost too on the nose. You guys are sincerely great.

Edit: Read more and.... omg, you guys are the rules police at the hash house. Hilarious. Ahaha, ahhh, I'm high.
posted by DeepSeaHaggis at 4:03 PM on May 28 [8 favorites]

Weed Cafe - Rules Police = Fentanyl Cafe

This Portlander says bring on the rules, starting with No Combustion Cuz It’s Gross As Hell. And ball vapes for everyone, especially the “vapes don’t get me high” meat heads.
posted by not just everyday big moggies at 4:16 PM on May 28 [3 favorites]

Joints are nasty, worst way to smoke weed, but yeah, they should definitely have businesses that sell food, drink, and weed. Silly we have that for booze but not weed.
posted by GoblinHoney at 4:25 PM on May 28 [4 favorites]

I generally got wound up smoking pot. Not every time I smoked but enough that I don't miss it at all -- panic attacks are No Fun.

But I am very interested as medicinal user. Arthritis in my low back and pretty much my whole neck. My understandng is that growers can grow strains to just address pain without getting high -- that sounds like magic.

EDIT: I *was* able to smoke and enjoy pot if I was also drinking. You can see where this goes...
posted by dancestoblue at 4:34 PM on May 28 [3 favorites]

You seriously think that public weed consumption minus rules restricting combustion would lead to public fentanyl consumption at the same premises? As a Portlander as well, I'd say you're striking the same cool and collected tone as the notifications I get from NextDoor.

As someone who works outside in the city center and who's seen and smelled enough fentanyl use, no way it would lead to discreet consumption at a cafe. If the smell of burning rubber didn't do it, the swaying zombie stance would give it away and they'd be 86'd.
posted by DeepSeaHaggis at 4:58 PM on May 28 [11 favorites]

Also, joints are delicious and the best weed cafe I've ever been to sold beer. Fantastic hang.
posted by DeepSeaHaggis at 5:00 PM on May 28 [4 favorites]

“We don’t need any Rules Police, just 86 the undesirables!”

😭
posted by not just everyday big moggies at 5:17 PM on May 28 [4 favorites]

legal cannabis is not a new thing

illegal cannabis is the new thing

trees aren't older than hills, but cannabis might be older than us & maybe even older than "law"
posted by Rev. Irreverent Revenant at 5:29 PM on May 28 [5 favorites]

I started using cannabis in the hopes it would make my depression go away. It didn't make my depression go away. Then some people suggested that the cannabis was exacerbating my depression, so I stopped using cannabis in the hopes it would make my depression go away. It didn't make my depression go away.
posted by Faint of Butt at 5:30 PM on May 28 [11 favorites]

There was a neighborhood pub in Portland a few years ago selling a CBD beverage. Advertised as getting you about as buzzed as one beer, but marijuana instead of alcohol. Sit and sip and chill and mellow out. That seemed like a really good idea to me.

Minnesota has legalized weed enough that you can buy THC drinks in bars and restaurants, which blew my mind.
posted by BungaDunga at 5:45 PM on May 28 [4 favorites]

The food rule is odd indeed. Could they order a pizza and have it delivered?
posted by JoeZydeco at 6:37 PM on May 28 [3 favorites]

Needs more Williams and Sonoma catalog.
posted by srboisvert at 6:41 PM on May 28 [7 favorites]

“We don’t need any Rules Police, just 86 the undesirables!”

"...for smoking fentanyl in the weed cafe."
posted by DeepSeaHaggis at 6:52 PM on May 28 [3 favorites]

I've to be all of one dispensary here in New Jersey now that cannabis is legal-ish. It was a weird combination of Apple Store and three foot long blazing joint balloons with associated wall art. There were a few TV screens, one showing anime, one sports, and one of unremembered content. There was no consumption allowed, of course, but I assume the staff was consuming and that's who the TVs were meant for. We get a locals' discount of 20% on Monday and free car wash coupons when we buy anything.

One of my spouse's friends works at one of the local dispensaries and said they were encouraged to be stoned at work. It is indeed a brave new world.
posted by mollweide at 6:57 PM on May 28 [5 favorites]

Needs more Williams and Sonoma catalog.

I’m just hoping he doesn’t get too mellow to hate on them once a year.
posted by TedW at 7:03 PM on May 28 [4 favorites]

"And ball vapes for everyone" hell yeah because I really want to try one but my current living situation doesn't really let me just rip indoors, and there doesn't seem to be a good portable one on the market. It's a Mighty while I walk home for me.
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 7:24 PM on May 28 [2 favorites]

I'm so old, I don't even know what a ball vape is...

And, in reference to a post I can't find above, and am too uncaring and surly, I can't even do a ctrl-F (F3). Probably can... Didn't work.

Someone was complaining about people who say, "vapes don't get me high..."

Biologically, probably wrong. But, not the same. Just like edibles. Not at all the same.

And none of the people I see smoking fentanyl on the sidewalks are going to be tolerated in any of the businesses near them. Most have private security, (with guns and shit!), and the encampment on their corners got turned into "Bus Parking", so they pretty much have been driven out of that area. Doubt many of them are in better situations now though.

Wish late-stage capitalism could come up with a solution for, well, late-stage capitalism...
posted by Windopaene at 7:46 PM on May 28 [4 favorites]

As to not abuse the edit window.

More weed may not entirely be the answer. But, with a pizza, couldn't hurt.
posted by Windopaene at 7:51 PM on May 28 [2 favorites]

I think anyone who can smoke and drink and dance the hootchy-koo without needing to be saved, absolutely should. I wish you all the best of times!

There’s so much fun to be had in the world.
posted by Ice Cream Socialist at 8:09 PM on May 28 [3 favorites]

I'm so old, I don't even know what a ball vape is...

Ball Vapes. It's the new hot trend in dry herb vaporizers (a device to bring flower to a specific temperature of your choosing where the material starts to vaporize but doesn't combust). You can then move that vapor path either directly into your lungs or through whatever water filtration setup your creativity and budget will allow.

And then there's the whole world of dabs.
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 8:21 PM on May 28 [5 favorites]

Haven't ever done dabs in the way they seem to be used. Was at a cabin weekend with some mates, and we were about to go out snowshoeing. Mate says, "let's smoke a bowl". Sure.

Broke out what I assume "dabs" are, put it on top of the weed in the bowl. We smoked it and had a great chat. Then the rest of the crew was ready to go to the woods. Wow. I was so completely wasted. Made it to the back of the car I was riding in, but, holy shit. Can't imagine doing that on the regular...

Was a great snowshoe though...
posted by Windopaene at 8:30 PM on May 28 [3 favorites]

I started using cannabis in the hopes it would make my depression go away. It didn't make my depression go away.

Speaking from a friend's experience: would you consider taking an absolute shitload of magic mushrooms
posted by ominous_paws at 3:29 AM on May 29 [6 favorites]

> I wonder if he can write this visit off on his taxes?

tangent: how the IRS handles taxes for businesses that sell marijuana is ...strange

marijuana is a schedule I substance and there are special tax rules that apply to businesses that "traffic" in a schedule i or ii controlled substance. a business that sells marijuana may tax deduct cost of goods sold, but cannot tax deduct other ordinary business expenses such as rent, utilities, advertising. this means that marijuana businesses suffer a much higher tax burden than other businesses.

that said, some folks who have invested in marijuana businesses may not necessarily be excited about the prospect of regulation being relaxed federally -- it might make it cheaper and more efficient to run their businesses, but could open the gate for large operations in states where marijuana can be grown cheaply to take over the whole national market and displace smaller operations that currently enjoy profitable niches due to the weird patchwork of federal and state regulation.
posted by are-coral-made at 4:50 AM on May 29 [4 favorites]

the history of how the tax law for businesses that sell schedule i and ii substances came about is mildly amusing:

principles:
* businesses pay tax on their profits. various business expenses are therefore tax deductible
* tax clearly must be paid on income generated by illegal activities. otherwise, legal businesses would be at a disadvantage to illegal businesses.

> Edmondson v. Commissioner, T.C. Memo 1981-623. Jeffrey Edmondson was a convicted drug dealer who was sentenced to four years in prison for possessing cocaine with an intent to distribute. The Tax Court allowed Mr. Edmonson to take deductions for his cocaine drug dealing business.

drug dealer is caught. as well as being caught, is taxed on their income. drug dealer argues that their tax bill should be reduced based on the other businesses expenses they incurred to generate the revenue, just like any other business. The Tax Court agrees with them!

Congress was not amused by this and enacts IRC § 280E
posted by are-coral-made at 5:05 AM on May 29 [5 favorites]

There was a neighborhood pub in Portland a few years ago selling a CBD beverage. Advertised as getting you about as buzzed as one beer, but marijuana instead of alcohol. Sit and sip and chill and mellow out. That seemed like a really good idea to me.

There's a chance these drinks will become illegal (again) as part of the next iteration of the Farm Bill, the current House version of which has an amendment that is ostensibly meant to curb unfettered access to alternative cannabinoids like d8-THC and HHC, but also explicitly excludes any hemp-derived products containing "quantifiable amounts" of regular old d9-THC.

As-written, it would probably kill (or at least severely maim) the US hemp industry, so who knows how it shakes out in the end.
posted by uncleozzy at 6:48 AM on May 29 [4 favorites]

It was a weird combination of Apple Store and three foot long blazing joint balloons with associated wall art

I've never been a weed person but my boss swears by this THC+CBD lotion/balm for muscle aches and recently I had a back ache that would just not go away, so I went to a dispensary in downtown Chicago on my lunch hour. For the most part it was what I expected - pretty much Apple Store vibes, down to the "you have to talk to a dude with an iPad first to purchase something."

What I did not expect were the lines, in the middle of the day on a Tuesday. Clearly pre-ordering online for pickup was the way to go, so you only had to wait in the one checkout line. I didn't do that, so I had to wait in the line to talk to iPad Guy first and then wait in the checkout line.

(BTW, the THC lotion smells really nice but didn't seem to do much. While I was there I asked iPad Guy for "beginner friendly gummies" and got 2.5mg gummies that were apparently developed by a James Beard award-winning chef which is pretty hilarious to me. As a non-user I'm not super stoked about gummies because once you get on that ride you can't get off, versus something that hits and fades faster which seems like would be easier to manage your high, the way you can with drinking alcohol. But I also am afraid of how strong weed supposedly is these days, so a gummy with a measured dose felt safer. IDK, I haven't tried them yet. )
posted by misskaz at 10:21 AM on May 29 [2 favorites]

As a non-user I'm not super stoked about gummies because once you get on that ride you can't get off, versus something that hits and fades faster which seems like would be easier to manage your high, the way you can with drinking alcohol.

You are 100% correct, although to assuage your anxiety somewhat, you're extremely unlikely to have adverse effects from 2.5mg. You may not even feel anything.
posted by uncleozzy at 10:50 AM on May 29 [6 favorites]

I'm definitely a lightweight when it comes to THC, and usually go with 2.5 mg gummies (well, 5 mg ones cut in half). There's still the delayed onset and longer lasting effects versus smoking or vaping, but I'd prefer not to have too much, and this is easiest way for me to ensure that. Gummies seem to hit reasonably quickly if you basically let them dissolve in your mouth. It seems much faster to me than edibles of yesteryear.

At my local dispensary, we have to order using the store's iPad displays. The staff can help us find a product on the iPad, but we have to push the order button ourselves and fill in some information to complete the order.
posted by mollweide at 12:18 PM on May 29 [2 favorites]

At my local dispensary, we have to order using the store's iPad displays. The staff can help us find a product on the iPad, but we have to push the order button ourselves and fill in some information to complete the order.

Interesting. Is the flower pre-packaged or can you get flower deli-style? Here in Portland we seem to have a lot of people who will cross the border from Washington because it’s required to be pre-packaged there (and also because we have no sales tax).

Most of the time I place my order online and pick it up as I walk home, because it’s right by my office and it’s so much faster to just tell them your name, show your ID, and hand over the cash.

Speaking of cash, I can’t wait for dispensaries to be able to accept cards without fear of their accounts being seized. I hate paying $3.50 at an ATM in the lobby.
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 2:19 PM on May 29 [1 favorite]

I like getting high. I hate the smell of weed.

That's what edibles are for.
posted by kirkaracha at 2:29 PM on May 29 [1 favorite]

Aw, it almost makes me sad that I can't get high off of pot, well, at least at any reasonable price, I gave up when I worked my way up to 40mg and it still didn't do a thing. Fortunately, a glass or two of wine will give a nice buzz.
posted by tavella at 3:34 PM on May 29 [1 favorite]

Is the flower pre-packaged or can you get flower deli-style?

It's prepackaged.
posted by mollweide at 3:52 PM on May 29 [1 favorite]

I wonder if he can write this visit off on his taxes?

In this case, it gets even better. He absolutely, positively filed an expense report for that weed, and the SF Chronicle absolutely paid for it.

Of course, they've been paying expenses for grass and booze for reporters and staff for 150ish years (seriously, how much vitamin V do you think Herb Caen paid for when he was at Moose's getting quotes from the society ladies for his next column), it's just that now they don't have to even put a thin veneer of accounting in front of it.
posted by toxic at 7:19 PM on May 29 [4 favorites]