OnStar just stopped being special

July 15, 2024 1:10 AM

As consumers in general, we've gotten very good at completely disregarding things that don't offer us anything worthwhile, even when they want to be noticed. "Banner blindness" is a particularly acute form of this adaptation to capitalism. Our almost subconscious filtering of our perception to things that seem worth the intellectual effort allows a lot of ubiquitous features of products to fly under the radar. Buttons that we just never press, because sometime a decade ago we got the impression they were useless. from the contemporary carphone by j.b. crawford [computers are bad]
posted by chavenet (29 comments total)

Fascinating, thank you!
posted by darkstar at 2:09 AM on July 15, 2024 [1 favorite]

The OnStar tweets went on to say, "To provide some understanding about how OnStar services work today, once an OnStar plan expires or is cancelled, the OnStar system is deactivated and our connection to the vehicle is removed. Currently, the only way to activate the system and restore that connection is by pushing the blue OnStar button inside the vehicle. Our advisors cannot restore that connection solely from their end, and without that connection, our systems are unable to deliver OnStar services to the vehicle." [detroit free press]
posted by HearHere at 3:14 AM on July 15, 2024 [1 favorite]

Interesting read, I never had a car with an on-star button but had some rentals so was aware of it's existence. Also just have to say I loved the text format of the article, really brought me back to my early days on the web :)
posted by Captain_Science at 5:13 AM on July 15, 2024 [2 favorites]

My Honda Fit has an “eco” button which adjusts the transmission to be more economical, at the cost of power. I turned it off immediately, because it was just that little bit too sluggish to feel acceptable. I don’t feel too terrible about doing so. I do 90%+ of my daily commuting and errands on an e-bike. I only put about 2k miles a year on the car.

I just had to hit it again for the first time in years because they turned it on for some reason at Jiffy Lube when I got the oil changed. I had forgotten it existed, but the sluggishness was noticeable enough that I was wondering what had gone wrong.
posted by notoriety public at 5:41 AM on July 15, 2024 [4 favorites]

I've owned two Volkswagen cars with Sport Mode on the shifter. Aside from a "what does this do" test to see if was actually sporty (it wasn't that sporty), I never touched it again. My acceleration was sufficient in both cars to satisfy my non-stunt-driver driving needs.

I get it - sport mode is for those sad middle-aged guys who want to hide their feelings of emasculation by being able to out-accelerate the other guy who, unbeknownst to them (or maybe beknownst), feels exactly the same way about his perceived lack of nutsack. OK, so one car was the New New Beetle, which actually did look a bit sporty, but the other was a Jetta, which is only one step away from being a square-body Volvo, which is, charitably, a paint-shed with wheels.

Point being, sport mode is ... well, I'm not sure if there's any other reason for it to exist. But it is completely ignorable (unless you shift into it by accident, which I did one time, and let me tell you, the neck-snapping acceleration was not really that neck-snapping, but it was a bit unexpected and my aforementioned nutsack did briefly contract a measurable bit, in case you were wondering).
posted by JustSayNoDawg at 6:20 AM on July 15, 2024 [2 favorites]

Aw. RIP OnStar.
We tried so many times over the years to get my parents a cell phone, so we’d know they were safe on their road trips. But my dad (who worked at GM, incidentally) was so averse to any tech that he wouldn’t have it and any new phone we got them ended up at the bottom of my mom’s purse or forgotten in a drawer or just returned.
But they loved having the OnStar in their car. They were cheap and wouldn’t spring for a membership so they’d use these free trials or occasional free minutes, and periodically we’d get these weird phonecalls with both of them yelling into the dashboard of their car in a Walmart parking lot in North Carolina somewhere, letting us know they were ok.
It’s just my mom now and she’s on likely her last GM vehicle with the ever-present OnStar button in it. I guess I’ll let her know it won’t work anymore.
posted by chococat at 6:23 AM on July 15, 2024 [4 favorites]

My car loudly reminds me, every few weeks, that the vehicle is connected to OnStar with limited services. As in, I never once used or activated the service, but it exists, and please press the button?

The only feature I ever liked or wanted was remote start and remote unlock. Super handy to use while it lasted in my last car. The newer car, never even worked as a demo - GM decided the feature they offered for free for the first X years should now be something I had to pay for with my new car. I checked the cost, and that alone showed me why OnStar was now obsolete.

Remote start / unlock is a cheap add-on. But to use this feature, I first had to pay the base $80/month OnStar package fee. “But you’ll get turn by turn navigation, and phone service, and crash detection!” they promised. Yeah, all those things that I already get from my phone, so why do I need your service again?

“Oh,” said GM, “well in that case we’ll just make it impossible to connect your phone to the vehicle, now for sure you’ll pay for OnStar.” Joke’s on them, GM is now on my “never buy again” list. Anti-consumer bullshit from bumper to bumper.
posted by caution live frogs at 6:25 AM on July 15, 2024 [10 favorites]

"Like Cybernetics, but without a tantalizing but lost historical promise in Chile."

In case you were wondering, Crawford is referring to Project Cybersyn in Chile during the early 1970s:
posted by shipstone at 6:32 AM on July 15, 2024 [8 favorites]

It’s interesting that exactly the same button with exactly the same feature gets marketed in two diametrically opposed ways in different cars. The “eco” button in my car is exactly the same thing as the “sport” button in JustSayNoDawg’s car. All the button does is select some transmission parameters, the advertising is just regarding which parameter set is portrayed as the default.
posted by notoriety public at 6:39 AM on July 15, 2024 [4 favorites]

Both of my parents last 2 cars were GM, so they had OnStar at least for the trial period. They never used it. I remember reading that GM was doing some sort of thing where you had to subscribe to some service for 2 years when you bought a new GM car, so that automatically took them out of the running when we bought a new car this year.
posted by Spike Glee at 6:46 AM on July 15, 2024 [2 favorites]

My father was also adverse to new tech - if it worked, he’d use it until he got distracted by something else. Phones weren’t exciting enough to replace, and so his mobile phone was an old nokia with very little battery. On a drive up to meet me, he called me to say “engine exploded outside thirsk, I’ve got a repair and”, at which point his battery died. Since this exciting phone call he has upgraded his phone, and his car. In fact, on a recent visit I paired my phone with his car, and now I get updates about where the car is parked - despite me living in a different country.
posted by The River Ivel at 7:00 AM on July 15, 2024 [2 favorites]

It’s interesting that exactly the same button with exactly the same feature gets marketed in two diametrically opposed ways in different cars. The “eco” button in my car is exactly the same thing as the “sport” button in JustSayNoDawg’s car.

FWIW, my Honda Insight has both an Eco and a Sport button. I usually drive with both of them turned off. I'm given to understand that under certain driving conditions (particularly highway-speed driving), "eco mode" is actually less fuel-efficient than non-eco. I don't use the sport mode at all.
posted by jackbishop at 7:01 AM on July 15, 2024 [3 favorites]

On my 2023 VW GTI I can choose between Sport, Eco, and Comfort mode. If I had an automatic transmission or the top-end model with computer-controlled suspension those different modes are supposed to change shifting and handling. But I have a manual and the regular suspension, so all they do is change the volume of the fake engine noises piped into the cabin and the timing of the little shift reminder that pops up in the corner of the dashboard to nag me if the car thinks I should change gears. I think it is also supposed to tighten up steering response in Sport, not that I can notice a difference putzing around town. Whoop-de-doo.

This is also my first car with an SOS button and a help button on the roof, but I think I would have to sign up for the VW online service for them to actually do anything, so they get ignored.
posted by fimbulvetr at 7:24 AM on July 15, 2024 [2 favorites]

I get it - sport mode is for those sad middle-aged guys who want to hide their feelings of emasculation by being able to out-accelerate the other guy who, unbeknownst to them (or maybe beknownst), feels exactly the same way about his perceived lack of nutsack.

You might want to think about how some people who enjoy "sport mode" are present in this very thread with you before calling us all sad. GTI driver here, and it's fun. I know I'm destroying the planet but so is everyone else, my next car will be an EV (torque! And sustainability!).
posted by Alterscape at 7:34 AM on July 15, 2024 [11 favorites]

Echoing Alterscape. Driving can sometimes be fun, and worth doing for its own sake. Like, Saint-Tropez to Monaco. Or, more realistically, many beautiful 2-lane secondary highways through hilly country. For those too timid for manual (wink), "sport" mode can give you a bit more power and control. Or the illusion thereof, in some vehicles.

If you're freeway commuting or just hauling kids, groceries, and stuff, it's of no use.

I can remember the launch of OnStar, and haven't given it a second thought. We have a CAA (AAA) membership; the insurance savings means it's just about free now.
posted by Artful Codger at 7:45 AM on July 15, 2024 [3 favorites]

It’s interesting that exactly the same button with exactly the same feature gets marketed in two diametrically opposed ways in different cars.

See also the "Turbo" button on old PCs, which exists to slow the computer down to the same speed as older PCs so old games run properly.
posted by grahamparks at 8:14 AM on July 15, 2024 [3 favorites]

Surely the most pressed button in modern cars is the "Auto Stop/Start" button, to turn off the "feature" which kills your engine at every red light and presumably kills your starter over a few tens of thousands of miles.
posted by bgrebs at 8:28 AM on July 15, 2024 [2 favorites]

Surely the most pressed button in modern cars is the "Auto Stop/Start" button

Surely the least pressed button is the 'garage door' integration button. My Nissan from 2005 has one, my Honda has one, I'm pretty sure my inlaws's 2023 Subarbu has it. Does anyone actually program that thing, or does it just sit up there on the visor or top console being useless? And why pull out the manual to program that when garage doors come with an easy, portable button for mounting in the same place that is already programmed?

Also, the 'turn by turn' OnStar instructions worked just like your modern navigation ones do, just without the screen. "turn right at 1st Street in one hundred feet, etc. Turn right." My inlaws had it - even then it was...an odd purchase, given it's expense.
posted by The_Vegetables at 8:55 AM on July 15, 2024 [1 favorite]

BTW, even though my inlaws paid for it monthly, I recall them pressing it only twice, because every time they did, they would mention it and how great it was.
posted by The_Vegetables at 8:57 AM on July 15, 2024 [1 favorite]

My parents on both sides use the integrated garage button. It took like 2 minutes to set up.
posted by Mitheral at 9:20 AM on July 15, 2024 [5 favorites]

In the spirit of this sort of silliness, my wife got a Mach-E because she has a decently long commute (70ish miles round trip) and we run solar. I've managed to set up the FordPass app to let me use my phone as a key, but I need to get her sold on it.

Also, the thing has three "hidden" drive modes - Whisper, Engage and Unbridle. (aka "eco","normal" and "sport"). The thing has a kick in a pants feel to it to start with, but putting it in unbridle is silly and amusing periodically. (I'm sure the only thing it's really changing is pedal distance to requested engine power)
posted by drewbage1847 at 9:27 AM on July 15, 2024 [2 favorites]

Surely the least pressed button is the 'garage door' integration button. My Nissan from 2005 has one, my Honda has one, I'm pretty sure my inlaws's 2023 Subarbu has it. Does anyone actually program that thing, or does it just sit up there on the visor or top console being useless?

Ummm...The garage door button in my Subaru is a small button along the bottom edge of the rearview mirror. It was a snap to program, and is a helluva lot better than finding an unobtrusive place to keep the remote control that came with the opener.

........
Surely the most pressed button in modern cars is the "Auto Stop/Start" button, to turn off the "feature" which kills your engine at every red light and presumably kills your starter over a few tens of thousands of miles.

Yeah, I hit the disable button every time I drive our Subaru. I hate that thing. FWIW, there are 3rd-party devices you can relatively easily splice-in to the system to permanently disable the function.

........
Now, for me, the one new-fangled feature that I never thought I'd like, but have since absolutely fallen in-love with is the rear-view camera that comes on when you are reversing.
posted by Thorzdad at 9:44 AM on July 15, 2024 [2 favorites]

I keep my current car on Eco, mostly because my last car had a 0 to 60 of about five minutes and turning it off makes everything feel waaay too responsive.

Sometimes I toggle it and consider that this is probably what a new car feels like, and resign myself to the inevitable future. Then I turn it off.
posted by Anonymous Function at 10:05 AM on July 15, 2024 [1 favorite]

I have OnStar active on my cars for the following reasons:

1. I use the wifi frequently for work (and for long car trips with kids).
2. I get a discount on my car insurance that saves me more than the service costs; and that's even before I eliminated road side assistance.
3. OnStar does in fact give me a map on my screen, and it gives turn by turn directions on the menu directly behind my steering wheel. These can be updated while driving, and OnStar people can assist in telling you which directions are the best right at that moment.
4. When my check engine light comes on, I can press the button and they run the diagnostics remotely. (Actually I usually ask a friend who works in safety at GM to do it for me).
5. It means I can track the location of the cars in the app, which is nice because I have a teenage driver, and a husband who is late for everything all the time. He doesn't have a smart phone (so no location sharing) and she isn't always with the car. Also I don't lose the car when I park anymore!
6. The remote diagnostics (either on demand or in monthly emails) that tell me the tire pressure, oil life, and other things, is also helpful because I take care of the cars but don't always drive them, so it helps me know "okay time for the other one to get an oil change" and send the kid out to have that done.
7. The advisors can also do all the other types of things an assistant might, like book hotels or tickets, or find the nearest cheap gas station, or whatever. They also will find santa for you at christmas time :)

Anyway. I know it's on its last legs but I hope they keep it around.
posted by dpx.mfx at 10:24 AM on July 15, 2024 [2 favorites]

Does anyone have an example of this two power button laptop thing?
posted by lokta at 11:06 AM on July 15, 2024 [2 favorites]

My car has a "service" button. When I push it, it connects me to a US-based call center that tells me that they can't help me because my car was originally Canadian, and that the only way for the manufacturer to provide assistance is to transfer me to the Canadian call centre, which will then send a request right back to the USA call center for them to send help, which will consist solely of towing me to a dealership which isn't open until Monday morning.

I pushed that button once. No need to push it again.
posted by 1adam12 at 11:10 AM on July 15, 2024 [1 favorite]

I'd heard of but never run into OnStar before until last month, when my 17 year old Honda Fit manual got whomped by a tree limb and was declared totaled. I'd wanted to switch to an EV, and found an extremely good deal on a three-year-old Chevy Bolt. The salesperson took me to the car, sat me in the driver's seat, and pressed the OnStar button. The next thing I knew, I had an OnStar trial.

"Shit," I muttered to myself as I set a phone reminder to cancel it before they could start charging me $40/month. I drove home in my new-to-me car, opened the Chevy app I'd also been told to install, and was immediately presented with a list of terms and conditions for OnStar. I rejected them, because what did I care?

Ten minutes later, I had an email snippily telling me that, because I'd rejected the T&Cs, my OnStar trial had been cancelled.

For anyone else who, like me, was too dazed by car purchasing to prevent being cursed with an OnStar trial: there's your one weird trick to cancel it without having to withstand a salesperson's pressure.
posted by sgranade at 11:57 AM on July 15, 2024 [2 favorites]

Does anyone have an example of this two power button laptop thing?

Cathode Ray Dude has an entire series.

tl; dw: In the 2005-2010 era, PC manufacturers tried to solve the “Windows boots too slow” problem by adding a second OS that boots much quicker but does very little (usually Linux, but in one case, a second Windows). The second power buttons boots right into it. Some manufacturers even figured out horrific bodges to hot swap between the two OSes. Millions of laptops and desktops had this but almost no one ever used them and quickly became blind to the existence of the second button.
posted by grahamparks at 12:04 PM on July 15, 2024 [3 favorites]

I loved it and I'd like to integrate some of the tech into my conflict resolution AI.
posted by lextex at 7:08 PM on July 15, 2024