On emotional attachment to an item of clothing you've never worn

July 16, 2024 11:07 AM

Delving into the psychology of a closet from the #NEVERWORNS newsletter (Youtube too!): “Maybe I’m having trouble styling it. I bought it with white pants but I kind of felt like I was a finance bro”; and “The daughter is like the one stop before Goodwill” aka the Soft Trash Can Move, a guilt-free way to part with the item; "This scarf is not warm; it’s like wearing a demented Italian noodle on the shoulders"; research on how retail therapy can relieve residual sadness.

Bonus: What is everyday aspirational and an interview with the people behind @madonnabrunetteofficial Instagram, an incredible cornucopia of the singer’s moments with dark tresses.

posted by spamandkimchi (24 comments total)

glances sideways at my wall of nail polish
laughs nervously
begins to sweat
posted by phunniemee at 11:11 AM on July 16 [9 favorites]

I just put a cardigan in the donate pile that appears to be made out of Muppet fur. I don't know what I was thinking. Probably just that it was fun to hold and slinky and shiny. Maybe I wore it once to work, or maybe it was just to dinner, but I found out it shed little Muppet hairs everywhere.

More than once I have found that I kept makeup or accessories that went entirely out of style to the point of coming back around as nostalgia.
posted by Countess Elena at 11:12 AM on July 16 [2 favorites]

For sale: white pants, never worn.
posted by Kattullus at 11:15 AM on July 16 [8 favorites]

Everyday aspirational imagery is completely my kryptonite. I just want to inhabit a look, god damn it, but my stupid fleshsack is so ungainly and wrong for all clothing that I cannot ever seem to do it.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 11:35 AM on July 16 [9 favorites]

my wall of nail polish

Seems like a needlessly difficult form of house decor; no wonder you're sweating. Wouldn't latex paint be easier and cheaper?
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:36 AM on July 16 [4 favorites]

My late father's handkerchief
posted by samastur at 11:55 AM on July 16 [1 favorite]

Seems like a needlessly difficult form of house decor

my precious
posted by phunniemee at 12:06 PM on July 16 [17 favorites]

Curious if there is a subset for clothing pieces you've made yourself. I've knit a couple things that I envisioned as being something I'd love, but then when I was done and put the thing on...

And yet it took me so long to make the thing that I don't want to just, like, get rid of it.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:11 PM on July 16 [5 favorites]

my precious

I mean, there's worse hobbies.
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:05 PM on July 16

my precious

I mean, there's worse hobbies.

And hobbittses.
posted by howbigisthistextfield at 1:17 PM on July 16 [3 favorites]

Seems like a needlessly difficult form of house decor

I think it must be easy to collect things like nail polish, because each individual purchase is relatively affordable and they take up so little space until you have a lot of them. I like phunimee's display very much.

I have some things in my closet I'm trying to work up the energy to sell, because I bought them kind of aspirationally. I have two pairs of Hot Chocolate maryjanes, for instance, that I bought at the same time on a whim (I should never do anything on a whim, it rarely works out for me). I love cool shoes but I'm at an age and in such a state that I really need more support than these shoes can give me. I've worn each pair once.

I have a Versatta pride kilt that I finally bought after years of trying to get any of the masc people in my life to please, please get a kilt because I love the look of a masc person in a kilt.

I've only worn it twice, both times when I was really really out of laundry. It's a heavier fabric than I usually wear, but I find it very comfortable. I don't want to just get rid of it because when I do wear it I feel good and I get a lot of compliments. But it's never going to be a go-to item for me, because day to day I am very low maintenance.

I have a petticoat from Maya Kern, whose skirts I love. I pre-ordered it because I'd always wanted to have a petticoat and wear a big skirt over it, and the size I'm at, there's not a lot of that kind of thing available and never has been. This is still New With Tags because I tried it on and did not at all like the way it felt. I am not, it turns out, Grace Kelly in Rear Window.

I've been making this same kind of mistake since high school. I seem to like fashion; I admire people's clothes and outfits all the time. I've never been to a prom or had a wedding anyplace but a courthouse at lunch one Friday, but though I am and have always been a Low-Maintenance Boho Femme, I aspire to be a Slightly Higher Maintenance Glamour Femme for at least, like, an afternoon. I can remember in high school buying really neat clothes because I just loved them so much. I had a pair of knee breeches, for instance (this was the early 80s, we were just barely out of the Colonial Revival Era triggered by the Bicentennial in 2006), which looked amazing with tights, Mary Janes, and an oxford under a vest. But it was so much trouble to put on, that I ended up wearing that outfit only twice: once to school, and once on a date. I regretted very much wearing it on my date because it was very annoying to get out of and then back into for our hours-long backseat makeout session in the back seat of my boyfriend's enormous 70s-style road yacht.

I try to fight it, but every now and then I let my guard down and buy things I should know perfectly well I will not wear, or not wear often. And they end up languishing in my closet because I love them even though I don't wear them. And they do nobody any good in there.

I'm definitely going to sell the shoes and the petticoat. Or, if I can't get myself to deal with the effort of selling, I'll donate them, where they'll have a chance to be somebody's, "OMG, you would not believe what I lucked into at the thrift shop today!"

It doesn't help that I'm a Quaker. We no longer wear plain dress, but we also don't dress up, even for special events. That is, individual people certainly do, but it's not an expectation or a requirement. It's barely possible to be underdressed among Liberal Quakers. Show up at a wedding in cargo shorts and an old Greenpeace t-shirt with a small hole in it? Make thyself welcome, Friend. So I never have a need or an excuse to dress up.

I do own a really pretty cocktail dress that I bought for a non-Quaker friend's wedding like fifteen years ago, and I keep it around in case I need a cocktail dress sometime. I have no idea if it even still fits me. When I bought it, I'd just had breast reduction surgery; my breasts have grown back so abundantly than I'm thinking of having breast reduction surgery again, and I have no reason to think that dress has any hope of fitting my body as it is now. But it's so pretty.

My son who was maybe 4 at the time heard we were going to a wedding, and told me he needed a tuxedo because that's what one wears to a wedding, so we have a great picture of me in my cocktail dress, and him standing next to me in a tux, complete with a tailcoat and top hat. I'm emotionally attached to that stupid dress because it's all tied up with this very special wedding, and with my tiny, tiny son absolutely shining with joy in his dapper wedding outfit.

I have a box where I'm putting things for donating as I work on organizing my living space. It's time to put the dress in there so somebody can enjoy it. I don't need it as an aide memoire, and, though I don't own a lot of clothes in general, you never know when I'll need space in my closet for another aspirational item I'll buy on a whim.
posted by Well I never at 1:55 PM on July 16 [14 favorites]

Well, I'm heading into Old Lady Land, so I'm keeping my goofiest loudest weirdest stuff and I intend to wear all of it at once with tons of jewelry. When it's not so hot out, that is.
posted by winesong at 2:18 PM on July 16 [5 favorites]

My version of this is having very fancy items that I can only wear once a year, like to New Year's or the RenFaire.
posted by jenfullmoon at 2:45 PM on July 16

I did a closet clean out a few months ago and took 4 kitchen size bags of clothes to donate. Filled another bag on a round 2 pass earlier this month. That's 65 non fluid gallons (!!) of clothing.

Most of what I got rid of was work attire. Covid came, our offices closed, and I get to dress like however I want all the time now. Also, fashions changed (bye bye skinny cut pants) and I've got fatter.

Probably the funniest/most dated* article of clothing I got rid of was a skater skirt with a print of foxes dressed like hipsters. Like good god how obvious can it be that I had my first taste of disposable income in 2013, jesus.

*Important note that dated doesn't mean old. Much of what I held onto is my t-shirt collection, most of which is older than me. My parents never got rid of anything, either.

Now when I buy clothes it falls into two categories. (Three categories I guess because you always have to count staples like leggings and solid color tees that get worn out.) But 1) cheap clothes that are on a specific trend, like my cargo skirt and baggy jeans, and 2) very loud slow fashion items (like my stuff from nooworks, Zuri, or Yevu) that are "too nice" to wear just bumming around the house but I love them and they make me happy so I'm wearing them anyway. I decided I just need to wear the things I like on purpose, even for no good reason. It rules, actually. 10/10 recommend.
posted by phunniemee at 3:13 PM on July 16 [4 favorites]

You’ll have to pry all my Target Merona out of my cold, dead hangers
posted by sageleaf at 3:29 PM on July 16

it's me, I keep acquiring shoes that I can't actually walk in. Shoes That Are Going To Kill Me. So beautiful, so deadly...
posted by boomdelala at 3:39 PM on July 16 [2 favorites]

I wrote all that, and I went to put my cocktail dress in the donation box, but I had the idea to try it on first. It fits better than ever! Especially because at this time, I'm more comfortable wearing clothes that aren't a little baggy. It's an awesome dress, I'm keeping it, and I'm setting myself a goal of finding three excuses to wear it before the end of the year. Even if one of them means I have to wear a cocktail dress to my job tutoring math at a community college.

I got this job a couple of years ago, as I was coming out of a long, hard illness; we'd just started coming out of the Covid precautions era and people were starting to go back to in-person work, and I was leaving my relationship of 29 years after some years of medical neglect.

I apologized when I got to the interview because I was pretty casually dressed. I said, "I haven't bought any new clothes since before the pandemic, so it was this or a cocktail dress."
posted by Well I never at 5:19 PM on July 16 [9 favorites]

I'm fairly ruthless about not keeping pretty clothes that don't suit me, except for scarves.

I do not look good in scarves. They're hot, they bunch around, they make me look old, and I have so much bosom that piling a scarf on top of it means I can't see where I am going.

But I love them. They are so pretty. If I were talented at any craft (I am not!) I could make them into something, but alas.

See also: hats, on my tiny tiny head. They just don't work.
posted by emjaybee at 5:38 PM on July 16 [3 favorites]

My handmades are the hardest. Doesn’t matter if I don’t love it on me, I have a had time parting with clothing I’ve sewn. Not everything can be remade / repurposed.

EmpressCallipygos - for hand knits I don’t love I just unknit them. Then they are balls of yarn again waiting for a new project.
posted by hilaryjade at 5:42 PM on July 16 [2 favorites]

I keep acquiring shoes that I can't actually walk in. Shoes That Are Going To Kill Me. So beautiful, so deadly...

"I like them!"
posted by Greg_Ace at 5:46 PM on July 16 [2 favorites]

I do not look good in scarves. They're hot, they bunch around, they make me look old, and I have so much bosom that piling a scarf on top of it means I can't see where I am going.

I also have an anti-scarf bosom.

After I wrote that whole long thing up above, I decided to put my 15-year-old cocktail dress in the donation box. But I was seized with an urge to try it on one more time before doing that, so I did. It fits better than it ever did before, partly because I'm more comfortable wearing more fitted things than I was back then. And it was kind of cool with the petticoat under it, though the skirt is a couple of inches longer than the petticoat.

I have set a goal of finding three excuses to wear that dress before the end of the year, even if it means wearing it to my job tutoring math at a community college.
posted by Well I never at 5:58 PM on July 16 [2 favorites]

I have the opposite problem. Emotional attachment to items of clothing that are no longer wearable, but I can't art with.
posted by brookeb at 6:23 PM on July 16

Curious if there is a subset for clothing pieces you've made yourself.

Or, even worse, clothing that someone else has made for you, and you know how much time and love has gone into them, but you just can't *sneaks a guilty look at the hand-knitted beanie that's just not me*.
posted by penguin pie at 3:18 AM on July 17

I love that I have a contextual closet, having bits and bobs that I can use to infiltrate near anywhere, but what I hate is how much of it I don't currently fit for to medical weight. I have an entire terrific wardrobe sitting in bags, tucked into the ball of every closet. Maybe I'll lose it and get my clothes back and feel like myself again or maybe the cancer will win and all of it will be donated when I die. It puts a lot of emotional weight on the closet to have to deal with that every day, fishing through to see what fits today, which may be bigger or smaller than what fit yesterday. Until that coin is ultimately flipped, I'm going to keep trying to find things that I can love as much as what's in storage and give away everything that doesn't click on the meantime.
posted by foxtongue at 7:12 AM on July 17