It is almost 4; I hear the birds.

August 12, 2024 2:46 AM

Chronic insomnia since I was a child. A cyclonic brain that will not rest, that is always ready to run, to keep moving; a gift of epigenetics. On this night, I am kept awake by the emotionally violent work of long-term eldercare for a mentally ill mother, by the news of babies and more babies dying thousands of miles away, by the cortisol-drenched shame of relapse. An earworm, and I begin to hum that old Cat Stevens line where do the children play. from Forever Less of Beauty by Elissa Altman
posted by chavenet (6 comments total)

Hiraeth: An earnest longing for a place or a home that no longer exists or perhaps never did.

This longing sounds innocent enough but it is such a constant nagging feeling even when times are relatively good. In AA is called a geographic cure. I’m reminded that I need to explore my internal world for the cure, which is a relief even though I often have a knee- jerk response to fantasizing a new location. A bonus is it’s a lot less expensive.
posted by waving at 3:46 AM on August 12 [3 favorites]

gardening is a contract with hope, even when its riches are shared with another species

birds are singing in several trees i've sculpted over the years; gardening is many other species: morus, funaria...
posted by HearHere at 3:56 AM on August 12 [1 favorite]

Hiraeth: An earnest longing for a place or a home that no longer exists or perhaps never did.

Yeah, that last bit was added by the author and is kind of disrespectful.
I like that Welsh words are interesting to the author but it would be nice to not twist them to their needs for an audience who probably don't know the correct meaning.
posted by fullerine at 4:04 AM on August 12 [4 favorites]

Fullerine, I’d be interested to hear your thoughts on hiraeth further!

I’m a new transplant to South Wales (only one year now, planning to stay long term) and I thought I had heard people talk about hiraeth in the sense presented here, which also resonates for me and, I would go so far as to guess, the author, with Jewish diaspora feelings about exile — the longing for the historical-mythical home that cannot be regained and that we never personally experienced so there’s an imaginary element to it despite it also being real, if that makes sense? But!!! If I’m wrong I would love to find out in what way!
posted by cabbage raccoon at 4:26 AM on August 12 [2 favorites]

> Chronic insomnia since I was a child. A cyclonic brain that will not rest...

I was drawn in by that teaser, which brought the memory of so many thousands of hours lying sleepless in the dark with the mind running like an engine racing in neutral. Yet I found that TFA had nothing for me.
posted by Aardvark Cheeselog at 7:14 AM on August 12 [2 favorites]

I found it resonant
posted by latkes at 7:43 PM on August 12 [1 favorite]