Hellman's Is Other People

August 16, 2024 1:02 PM

The brand describes this condiment collaboration as having notes of lemon, coffee, musk, vanilla, and of course "mayonnaise accord." These ingredients are sandwiched together in a way that is surprisingly pleasant. Though I do not wear cologne myself, this collaboration smells like something you could wrap up in a nice bow and gift to a regular cologne wearer. What's most surprising is that it does not give off an egg smell. Typically, stronger, thicker mayonnaise is made with lots of egg yolks, but this scent is heavier on the musk than the mayo. from Hellmann's Mayo Cologne Is Enjoyable For All The Wrong Reasons

Hellman’s Is Releasing a… Mayo-Inspired Fragrance? [Food and Wine]
Hellmann’s debuts mayonnaise fragrance with NFL star Will Levis [Brand Innovators]
Hellmann's Mayonnaise Partners with Condiment Icon and Star Quarterback Will Levis to Create Will Levis No. 8, the First-Ever Parfum de Mayonnaise [PR Newswire]

posted by chavenet (35 comments total)

I hope this works out for people. When I wanted to smell like mayo, I just coated myself with it and I never got the odor I wanted, especially at the end of the day.
posted by Dr. Twist at 1:10 PM on August 16 [8 favorites]

Damn, my old agency really is good at the clickbait!
posted by greta simone at 1:17 PM on August 16 [1 favorite]

But will it be called Best Foods west of the Mississippi?
posted by drewbage1847 at 1:22 PM on August 16 [10 favorites]

rough winds do shake the darling buds of may...
posted by HearHere at 1:26 PM on August 16 [2 favorites]

I prefer Duke’s.
posted by JustSayNoDawg at 1:43 PM on August 16 [12 favorites]

This is not the mayonnaise based innovation I was hoping for.
posted by Larry David Syndrome at 2:02 PM on August 16 [1 favorite]

•2 Large eggs, at room temperature

•2 teaspoons fresh squeezed lemon juice (or Old Spice™)

•1 cup of neutral-flavored oil (like light olive oil, grapeseed oil, walnut or sweet almond oil)
•One half gallon of Aqua Velva.
•A pinch of good quality fine grain sea salt
•2 oz. of drakkar noir and 3 drams of Karl lagerfeld.

mix all ingredients in a 5 gallon pot, bring to a rolling boil, stirring all the time, let slow cool 3 hours.
posted by clavdivs at 2:02 PM on August 16 [5 favorites]

And then what do I do with it??
posted by Greg_Ace at 2:21 PM on August 16 [2 favorites]

Why would anyone want to smell like a sandwich?
posted by mermayd at 2:24 PM on August 16 [2 favorites]

In other words, do I fancy being a sandwich model? Yes, I sub-pose I would.
posted by lalochezia at 3:02 PM on August 16 [3 favorites]

This is not the mayonnaise based innovation I was hoping for.

The technology just isn't there yet, we're still stuck with MayoMust.
posted by 1xdevnet at 3:03 PM on August 16 [1 favorite]

Why would anyone want to smell like a sandwich?

To make others hunger for them of course.
posted by The_Vegetables at 3:18 PM on August 16 [1 favorite]

And then what do I do with it??

You slather.
posted by phooky at 3:18 PM on August 16 [6 favorites]

Not all heroes wear capes, but a good hero should wear mayonnaise.
posted by xedrik at 3:31 PM on August 16 [3 favorites]

Brilliant post title.
posted by still_wears_a_hat at 3:35 PM on August 16 [4 favorites]

As a man who squeezed a dollop of mayonnaise into his coffee...

say what now?
posted by JoeZydeco at 3:41 PM on August 16 [3 favorites]

Earlier this week, I got an email from Auntie Anne's saying they're released a limited-edition fragrance (two bottle sizes) called Knead. It was already sold out, or I might have bought the smaller, $25 one as a luxury, as I wouldn't mind smelling like a hot pretzel (and I already own fragrances that smell like waffle cones, pink grapefruit, and a few other odd food items).

I read once that pumpkin pie scent is supposed to be appealing to men (though perhaps not the type of men to whom I'd want to appeal), and I suspect a mayo scent would work similarly. As I'm not ever going to respond to either a request, or even a wish, that I go make someone a sandwich, wearing it would be false advertising for me; but now that I see it's designed for men to wear, I'm wondering— might I find it appealing on a guy (who might be willing to make me a sandwich)?
posted by The Wrong Kind of Cheese at 3:54 PM on August 16 [3 favorites]

This is more like "make me a sandwich" as fulfilled by the worst genie ever.
posted by phooky at 4:04 PM on August 16 [18 favorites]

And then what do I do with it??

You slather.

I most emphatically do not.
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:18 PM on August 16 [3 favorites]

I wouldn't mind smelling like a hot pretzel (and I already own fragrances that smell like waffle cones, pink grapefruit, and a few other odd food items)
posted by The Wrong Kind of Cheese

not exactly eponysterical, but surely something-sterical...
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:23 PM on August 16 [8 favorites]

This is obviously viral marketing for Hellmann’s new musk flavored mayo, Muskonnaise.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 4:34 PM on August 16 [1 favorite]

This is the reverse Streisand effect. Talking about how silly a mayo cologne sounds is marketing gold. This is Jumbo Shrimp/Quiet Generator Ad Writer Hall of Fame stuff.
posted by pthomas745 at 5:28 PM on August 16 [1 favorite]

I woke up this morning in a diner next to a BLT, so this perfume is perfect for me.

Talk about your walks of shame. I'm never taking advice from Jason Alexander ever again.
posted by PlusDistance at 5:53 PM on August 16 [1 favorite]

Why would anyone want to smell like a sandwich?

To make others hunger for them of course.

Mayo pouvons faire ce que nous voulons
J'aurais toujours faim de toi
Mayo pouvons faire ce que nous voulons
J'aurais toujours faim de toi
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:05 PM on August 16 [2 favorites]

I will admit, however, that "slather" is an excellent word.
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:32 PM on August 16 [2 favorites]

Mayo Clinique.
posted by aws17576 at 11:20 PM on August 16 [5 favorites]

If it's not too much of a derail, I'd love to return to the earlier statements about putting mayonnaise in coffee. I have *questions*.
posted by jpziller at 3:59 AM on August 17 [3 favorites]

It's better in a coffee than ketchup, is all I'm saying about that.
posted by flabdablet at 6:09 AM on August 17 [3 favorites]

We know that in Tibet they put yak butter in tea, and I've heard that the Sami in Lapland put cheese in their coffee, so I suppose someone has probably (intentionally) put mayo in their coffee, even possibly while sober.
posted by 43rdAnd9th at 1:17 PM on August 17 [1 favorite]

I'd love to return to the earlier statements about putting mayonnaise in coffee. I have *questions*.

It's an offshoot of the short-lived bulletproof coffee fad, started by hucksters essentially who want to promote chucking a bunch of oil and ghee into coffee as the first step in a path that they hope will eventually end in you buying their supplements. After all, if you're dumb enough to spoil your coffee with all that crap you're probably dumb enough to think you can make your brain work good with unregulated hokum.
posted by axiom at 9:14 PM on August 17

unregulated hokum

The tastiest kind!
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:22 PM on August 17

Nah. You don't want to let your hokum get much over 65°C or it will just taste overblown.
posted by flabdablet at 3:01 AM on August 18

That's true; at that point it turns into total hogwash.
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:47 AM on August 18 [1 favorite]

And total hogwash is terrible in a coffee.
posted by flabdablet at 12:26 PM on August 18 [1 favorite]

or anywhere else, tbh
posted by Greg_Ace at 2:36 PM on August 18